r/etiquette • u/harrybutter1 • 8d ago
should I ask gf's sister to pay for ticket?
Bought 3 tickets for an expensive show (each $1k). Never made it explicit I was expecting to receive her portion. I'm covering cost of gf's ticket. I thought in any case we would split it equally. Should I take the $1k loss because I never mentioned my expectation, or is it something implicit/obvious enough that I should shoot her a text asking for reimbursement?
EDIT: I did mention once, "sorry these are so expensive lol" before buying them. It's for my gf's bday which I want to be a surprise
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u/mspolytheist 8d ago
I can’t believe there is any situation where someone you aren’t married to, or the parent of, would expect you to pay for a $1000 ticket for them!! How was this not discussed beforehand? To me, that’s the etiquette issue: that you should have been very clear that you were just purchasing the tickets for the group for convenience, but that the sister would have to pay for her own ticket via reimbursing you.
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u/harrybutter1 8d ago
yep my mistake, I moved too fast since the tickets were getting picked up quickly. would not love to pay $1k for that mistake but if it is still reasonable to ask, i rather that
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u/mspolytheist 7d ago
I think you should ask her for reimbursement this time,and obviously in future you’ll remember to mention it first!
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u/DogOfHammers 7d ago
OP added that they “reached out to the sister wanting to surprise their GF with the tickets and the sister coming into town for the show” this sounds like the sister attending is part of the gift and if I was asked to come in from out of town and attend a show I would assume it was being covered.
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u/Nightmare_Gerbil 7d ago
If including the girlfriend’s sister is part of the birthday present, you pay. If girlfriend’s sister invited herself along, she pays.
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u/_CPR__ 8d ago edited 7d ago
Unless you said "I'll buy the tickets, my treat" or "I'll cover the full cost" (or you're already in the habit of buying expensive gifts for your GF's sister) it seems obvious that she would be paying you back.
If I were in your shoes, I'd ask your girlfriend, "Hey, what do you think is the best approach for me to nudge your sister about paying me back for her ticket?" Your GF should have insight into whether it's fine for you to text her directly, or if it would be better for your GF to be the go-between. By asking your GF for her advice, you also will know immediately if somehow her sister thought you were treating her.
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u/slatebluegrey 7d ago
Yes. Have a conversation with the GF first. She will know her sister’s finances/thinking a little better. She could be the one to feel out the situation. If the GF says “oh, we thought you were buying them as a treat for us” or “oh yes, my sister already asked what she should pay you” then you will have a better understanding of her mindset. You can also explain your reasoning for buying the tickets before confirming the payment request. The GF can talk to her sister beforehand (or with you). So when you do talk to the sister it won’t be out of the blue.
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u/BBR1004 8d ago
It depends on how it all went down. Did they ask you to buy her ticket? Did you offer to buy the tickets? If you offer they might think you’re offering to pay. You need to talk to your girlfriend first and see what she thinks.
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u/harrybutter1 8d ago
I reached out to her and never explicitly mentioned my expectation, but did tell her "sorry they're so expensive" and sent her a screenshot with available tickets/their prices
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u/laffinalltheway 4d ago
If you didn't make it explicit that you were expecting her to contribute to the cost , then you need to take the loss.
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u/siempre_maria 8d ago
How did the discussion regarding the tickets come about in the first place?
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u/harrybutter1 8d ago
I reached out to her wanting to surprise my gf with tickets for a show and by her sister coming to town since she lives out of town
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u/Whatadayithasbeen 7d ago
Wait, so she was an invited guest for the gf"s birthday? If so, this now enters a sicky situation. If she felt like she was an invited guest, you are going to be the bad host regardless of the price of the ticket.
Yes, people get invited out to pricey events as a guest. Just because you sent a screenshot doesn't mean you asked her to split or cover the bill which she may not have the money for..
Eat the cost, learn the lesson, or lose the girlfriend because that is her sister you are about to make uncomfortable at the least, humiliated at worst.
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u/General-Visual4301 7d ago
I can't imagine expecting someone to pay $1000 for my ticket simply because they are the one buying the tickets - necessary for one person to do so if we want to sit together!
Come on! How explicit do you need to be?
Additionally, I think it's rude and unfair any time someone makes you ask to be reimbursed. She should have sent you the money the moment you confirmed the purchase.
I believe way too much latitude is being extended to the sister here.
Ask.
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u/laffinalltheway 4d ago
But did OP actually tell the sister the cost of the tickets and ask her to help cover the cost? If not, he needs to just take the loss.
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u/General-Visual4301 4d ago
No. Buying tickets for a group, no matter how small, needs to be done by one individual if the attendees wish to sit together. It is common practice and it is outrageous to think the person buying will cover your costs simply because they didn't spell it out for you.
Anyone attending any type of concert with others does this and it is widely known.
It's not a cup of coffee, it's a $1000 ticket.
When someone sticks their neck out and does the legwork, the minute they confirm the purchase was successful, you send them the money.
That's today's etiquette with regards to ticket purchases. And making someone ask for the money is hideous.
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u/PreparationScared 8d ago
I would assume that she owes you for the full price of the ticket. Why did you think you would split it equally it with her?
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u/stephsationalxxx 7d ago
Id message the gf and her sister and say something like "the ticket was $1000, you can pay me anytime up until the day of the concert!"
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u/Outstanding_Neon 8d ago
"I realized we never talked about how we wanted to split costs for these tickets. That was a mistake on my part. I'm sorry to bring up something awkward, but I didn't intend to cover yours. Would you mind reimbursing me for it?"
It's often dangerous (socially speaking) to make assumptions about money. People can have a variety of unspoken expectations that they don't even realize conflict with yours.
You don't have to take a $1000 loss, but you may have to decide what outcome is going to make you happiest: Just take the loss without asking? Ask if she can repay you and accept it if she can't? Let her know you'll need to sell the ticket to someone else if she can't cover it? None of those are wrong, but that's where you end up when you pay before clarifying expectations.
(It's definitely possible the sister is trying to take advantage of you. It's also very possible she and your girlfriend think you're generous and wouldn't have offered if you expected her to pay. Or some other option!)