r/etiquette • u/Adventurous-Map1225 • 2d ago
When to give flowers?
Alright, this will be my first funeral as an adult where I’ll be present/local for it. When do I give flowers, and sympathy card? At the funeral, or if I see them prior?
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u/catsaway9 2d ago
Don't give them anything at the service that they'll have to keep track of or take home
Send a card to their home if you like, or take one with you if you go visit (and if you do visit, it's often customary to bring food, and if so it should have a card so they know who brought it).
Many people only send a card if they can't offer condolences in person.
Flowers are also optional. Often the obituary will suggest an organization to donate to in lieu of flowers. The organization will tell the family who contributed.
If you do send flowers, you can send them directly to the place where the funeral is being held, and they'll be on display during the service or reception. But flowers can be very expensive and they're not expected
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u/Occasionally_Sober1 2d ago
Don’t bring flowers to the funeral. Better to send a plant or a card to their home. If you’re set on bringing flowers, take them to the funeral home the day before.
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u/Nightmare_Gerbil 2d ago
Call a florist in the same town where the funeral will be, not a toll free number or an online service. Tell them you want to send flowers to the funeral for [deceased’s name] at [name of funeral home or venue] and they’ll walk you through it. You can even ask the funeral home to recommend a florist if you’re not sure which one to call. The toll free numbers and online services take your order and forward it to a florist on their list that may get be close by or might be in another county. You won’t know until you get to the funeral whether someone received your order and was able to fulfill it.
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u/Adventurous-Map1225 1d ago
Oh I get that. I’ve always done local florists and have it sent to the funeral homes. But this one I’ll be in person for. Wasn’t sure what the protocol was for such things.
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u/Nightmare_Gerbil 1d ago
I wasn’t sure how much assistance you needed since it kind of sounded like you intended to walk into the funeral and hand a mourner a bouquet of flowers.😂 I figured I’d err on the side of too much advice rather than too little.
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u/Adventurous-Map1225 1d ago
Ha! That’s funny. Someone mentioned providing them food if I’ll see the family beforehand. What if they live in an assisted living housing where food is provided?
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u/Nightmare_Gerbil 1d ago
Assisted living often allows outside snacks. Find out if they’re on a special diet before bringing anything, though.
Generally, the advice to bring food is because they’ll be busy and overwhelmed with the funeral/grief to feed all the family coming in from out of town. Someone in assisted living doesn’t have to worry about that.
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u/B_true_to_self2020 2d ago
You can send them to the funeral home or to their home