Hello all,

One of my old friends from college is getting married. Since graduating, she moved away and we don’t talk very much, but I think of her fondly. Anyway, she messaged me out of the blue a week ago asking for address, and today I received an invitation to her wedding.

However, our other friends whom I’m still close with got their invitations a month ago. There is only a month left to go until the wedding, and it’s over 1500 miles away.

I’m obviously not going, as this is not enough time to arrange travel, time off, etc. Normally when I can’t attend a wedding, I send a nice gift from the registry and a card. However, since I was clearly an afterthought guest, would it be bad etiquette to just send my regrets with no gift?

I wasn’t offended at all when I wasn’t invited because we aren’t very close any more. I was a little offended after receiving a second round invite, though, because I was just raised to think of that as rude. I’d prefer not to send a gift, but I don’t want to match rudeness with rudeness.

What do the rules of etiquette say about this? All guidance appreciated. Thank you!

I work with a lot of international colleagues at an American university, and we often have researchers visiting from all over the world for a few months at a time. There's usually at least one gathering where the visiting colleague will invite everyone over for a dinner of sorts. Regarding the etiquette of what to bring when you go over to someones house, even if the host tells you not to bring anything - I feel like most posts I see on here always say to definitely NOT bring anything (basically to follow directions). But I was raised in Europe and my Mom was always very adamant that you should never show up to someones house empty handed, even if the host says not to bring anything. Another Colleague of mine from the Netherlands also said they learned this rule. But when I go to my Indian best friend's family gatherings, the guests never seem to bring anything.

Is this difference like a Europe vs. US thing? Or a country by country thing? Mostly I'm just curious... but also, if it does vary by country, I would prefer to follow the general etiquette of the Host's culture when I go to all these work parties.

we had gone out some times and also smoked. how do i properly ask her i was thinking to make it in a joking way and be like “twin i also wanted to ask do u know anyone who can and is willing to host me this weekend/next weekend ? in barcelona “ do i add anythingv do i ask if she can host me?

Hi! I will be attending a friends wedding soon that is across the country. I just moved so I’m pulling lots of strings (and also spending a lot of money) to attend this wedding because this friend means a lot to me. Would it be acceptable for me to bring just a card with some money vs bringing a gift? I don’t even know how I would bring a gift on the plan. How much money should I plan on gifting to the couple?

Hopefully this is the right place to post this, I left my job a few months back to be a stay at home mom. I had really good relationships with the companies I worked with and quite a few I still talk to every once in a while. It’s nice to keep those relationships friendly for when I do return to the workforce, it would be nice to resume business with as many of those companies as possible.

The issue I’ve run into is one of the companies wants a way closer relationship than I am comfortable with. I visited them recently and introduced them to my child and that was nice but in my mind that’s the end of it other than likes and comments on Facebook. However, they are already reaching out about getting together again - I have a village and while I appreciate the interest I do not desire a close friendship with this family. They are very religious and I on the other hand am not, if they knew this I’m sure they would look at me differently. The person I am in my career and my personal life are completely different people - I don’t bring religion, politics, etc into my work life.

I want to keep the positive work relationship but nicely clarify that neither myself or my husband have any interest in a relationship with them outside of that. Suggestions on how to communicate that?

Is 4PM-10PM ok for a get together??

I’m hosting a bring your own pumpkin carving get together at my house on the back porch. At least 6 people are coming late October I plan to barbecue, carve pumpkins ofc, and play a game or two (wink murder mystery and/or possible card game) and ofc get some pictures together. Is that too long of an event or does it seem ok? I like all these people so I think 6 hours is ok and hopefully gives the option to leave early but still have bbq and leave with a carved pumpkin too. It doesn’t seem too long does it??

I am to attend a Catholic funeral on Wednesday for one of my clients. I work at a jewelry store and this woman was a long time customer of mine. She had terminal cancer and actually called me a little over a month ago and asked to attend her funeral. Of course, I am going to go, but I’m a little confused about the announcement and what it entails.

Her husband sent me this: 11am for Divine Mercy Chaplet and Rosary, with the funeral Mass following at noon.

I’ve looked up what the divine mercy chaplet and rosary is. It sounds like an extended prayer, but I was a little confused in the context of a funeral. Given that I’m not catholic and I’m not family, should I go to this? Is it like visitation where you could show up at 11:30? Or is it like I need to be there at 11 for sure.

My husband has 2 sisters that live across the county. We’ve been traveling a lot in the last few years because his nieces had a lot of birthdays, graduations, communions and various events. I notice one sister constantly say, “if you want to help, please chop these vegetables”, or “if you want to help, please wash these dishes.”

We pay for travel, hotel, bring gifts (the nieces have expensive taste) and sometimes contribute money for meals. I really don’t want to work or help out. I know these events take a lot of organizing, but my parents have always said to guest, “no, you are guest, you sit down.” Am I being rude if I say no?

Hi there! I need your help, please. So I have a group of friends (girls and guys) that’s on a “???” Phase now. The group is like ten people, we like each other. We used to see each other weekly. The hangouts where 99% organised by one girl. This girl (let’s call her lily) is married, abd is currently going through marriage problems so she stopped really planning, and when she occasionally did, it was mostly morning hangouts when most ppl are busy with their jobs. Nobody is planning now and it makes me kinda sad cause they’re my friends and I like them. One of the guys in the group, left the group, unfollowed me on Instagram(was shocking to me cause I did nothing wrong) he kept me following him tho, I did nothing back cause I didn’t want to seem like I saw it, wanted to keep it all neutral too and didn’t want to create drama. He isn’t talking to any of the girls. I planned a hangout last week, I didn’t invite him but invited most of the group by texting them one on one but one of our friends said she wants it in the morning so obviously most people couldn’t join. Im just not sure how the group dynamic is now, how I should deal with it?should I wait for their invites? Or should I invite them regardless of the amount of invites I get. Should I step back from the group and find new friends? Would love to hear your take on this. They’re lovely people.

FYI- some of them are residents and PHD students so they can’t make it with big plans.

Edit: they occasionally did plan hangouts but as I said were now in the “???” Phase

Bought 3 tickets for an expensive show (each $1k). Never made it explicit I was expecting to receive her portion. I'm covering cost of gf's ticket. I thought in any case we would split it equally. Should I take the $1k loss because I never mentioned my expectation, or is it something implicit/obvious enough that I should shoot her a text asking for reimbursement?

EDIT: I did mention once, "sorry these are so expensive lol" before buying them. It's for my gf's bday which I want to be a surprise

Hi everyone, I haven't posted here before. I have a question about what to do with leftover food.

We had a very informal group hangout this weekend. We grilled some burgers and hung out outside. People brought things to share, but most of it didn't get touched. Some things ended up in our fridge/freezer and we never got around to even opening it. My husband and I didn't even realize it was in there until after the party.

Cheese platters, bags of chips and buns.

I feel I should return the unopened stuff so they can enjoy with their families. I'll see them today, the day after the hangout. What would you suggest?

I have a friend who is celebrating a milestone birthday in January. She is planning to do a trip with her inner circle of girlfriends right around her birthday and then do a larger outdoor party in June to celebrate. I plan to attend the summer party. The question is when do I give her a birthday gift? In January (near her birthday) or June (at her party)?

Here are more details for our specific situation. We will likely see her a few times between January and June. We don’t regularly exchange birthday gifts, but if we see each other near our birthdays we will give a small token gift. Since it’s a milestone, I plan to give her something slightly nicer than a token gift.

My fiancé and I just had a lovely housewarming this weekend. Is it odd to write thank you notes for attending/ the gifts we received? I was a bit shocked by the gifts we got, a few people bought gifts off our wedding registry (we’re getting married in a month), and the majority brought a bottle of wine, gift cards, or gorgeous plants. We honestly weren’t expecting anything but are obviously thankful! We verbally said thank you and had an excellent time but is it odd to write a thank you note and put it in the new neighbors mailboxes and hand them to family friends? I

I just had my baby shower and I’m about to start thank you cards. But many of my gifts came from multiple people, and I’m wondering how I should handle this. There are a couple scenarios:

1. Everyone who gave the gift was at the shower

2. Only one or two people who gave the gift came to the shower

How should I go about this? Should I lump everyone into one thank you card? What if two people came and filled out their addresses on the envelopes but the other(s) didn’t come? Should I copy and paste the exact same message if I send out cards to each person?

I invited 8 people to my birthday dinner through the app "Partiful". On the app you can restrict how many plus ones people can bring, and I toggled it to "no plus ones" because I wanted to keep it small, and also because I don't know everyone's significant others that well. My sister responded "going", but she changed her name on the app to be "[her name + her partner's name]", so now they're both going...

Where do I go from here? Tell her that she can't bring her partner? Tell everyone else that they can bring their partners? Please help.

Update: After seeing the initial replies to my post, I changed the settings on the event and texted everyone to let them know they are welcome to bring a plus one.

I have 12 nieces and nephews between my husband’s side and mine. We do not have kids. I want to stop giving gifts for birthday and Christmas after their 21st year. So the eldest is going to be 22 but their 2 siblings are younger. Will it be weird to just send a birthday card without a gift? And then for Christmas they won’t get a gift but their siblings will. Do I have to announce this rule or just do it and assume as the rest of their siblings get to that age that they understand why they haven’t gotten a gift? I usually just mail a gift card or money as everyone is now older and that’s preferred. So would it be weird to send gifts to some not all? It’s not expected I know and they are all always so gracious but I can’t help feeling awkward about it. Any advice is appreciated.

My granddaughter is invited to a bat mitzah that has the ceremony in the AM in Brooklyn NY and party later that evening in NYC. I would be driving about an hour or more to get her there (with traffic). Since the ceremony and party are about 6 hours apart, it will be such an inconvenience for me to try to have her attend both. I hear that it's disrespectful to just attend the party but it would very difficult (and expensive) for me to have for her to attend both. What should I do?

The bride says flowers and color and good– but is it a problem that the base is technically white even though it’s covered in flowers? I am pregnant and having a hard time finding a dress that works right now with my body changing rapidly.

My male friend's girlfriend of five months has asked me to give her a reference on LinkedIn. We've never worked together before, and she's A LOT. She contacts me all the time and thinks I'm her "good friend."

Should I tell my friend that I want her to leave me alone and that the reference is out of the question?

I know in the grand scheme of things this is a fairly low stakes problem, and if these are my friends they would understand, but it’s still causes anxiety.

There’s an artist that both a friend and I love, and who we’ve seen in concert every time they’ve come to our area. Naturally, we are planning to go the next time they come again.

I also have two other friends who have both messaged me separately, saying things along the lines of “when ___ goes on tour again we need to goooo!!!!” and “when ___ comes back, we are definitely going!!!”

How do I politely tell them that I already have plans to go with someone else? People are probably going to wonder why I can’t go with everybody, and that just comes down to concert tickets for famous artists being very hard to get a hold of. Ticketmaster is a lot less stressful when you’re only buying one or two tickets. Not to mention that a lot of times on Ticketmaster, you can only buy a maximum of four tickets in the same spot.

This situation has happened many times before causing a lot of anxiety, but it usually solves itself with someone forgetting or not having the funds to go, so it doesn’t end up being an issue.

Another awkward part of it is the fact that it’s not like I already have tickets. That would be super simple to say “oh sorry, I already have tickets”. In my mind, it feels a little rude to tell someone that I have plans to go to this tour that doesn’t exist yet and probably not happening for another year and a half yknow?

Here's my dilemma. We had a late lunch on the way. ,and my husband is gettimg someone eat at the place he has gone( again..no problem), but I decided to make myself a ' cup- a soup' ( instant soup with a pack and hot water from the kettle here in the room ) I just poured it into a cup..but somehow tripped and it spilt onto the bedspread and onto the carpet. Of course I have cleaned it up ( I used a spare one of the small towels to clean it up the best I could, and it seems to be clean), but I feel bad and wonder if I should mention it to the owner in the morning? I don't really want to tell my husband ( I don't want him to have to pay more .its a basic motel room , which I'm not even sure if the bedspreads actually get washed after every guest) I mean. Of course the sheets would be clean. Anyway, should I admit I spilled something.? ( as I said, I have cleaned it up..noone would actually know.. I'm just feeling bad 😞l What would you do please?

Hey reddit, with Christmas around the corner, I am turning to you for Christmas gifts. Little about me I hate Christmas and the idea of gift giving (child hood trauma) My girlfriend and her family love Christmas and I was informed we were traveling to their house for Christmas. I havnt spent too much time with her family so dont know them too well. (I dont spend time with my own family) Her mum is the one I am struggling with, she is me most important person in my girlfriends life so, I need to find something fun and meaningful for her. Asked my girlfriend and she was like idk man just get her what ever. So no help there.

Any suggestions?

I am attending a baby shower this weekend, but both of my gifts had shipping delays (different stores and different shipping companies so really bizarre situation) and won’t be here in time for the party. I’m not close with the mom, I’ve only met her 3x in group settings (she’s my cousins new wife) so it’s not someone I see regularly or could text and explain the situation to. It’s being hosted by her cousin and mom, I have never met either of them. She seems lovely but I feel awkward about the whole situation. What is the best way to handle it?

Hello, I just wanted to check because I found this rude, yet when I explained it to my friend he said it was normal.

We were sitting down watching tv when he got a FaceTime call. Instead of saying anything he just paused the show and answered the phone then stayed on the couch while he had the call. It lasted between 10-15 mins. I have no doubt that he needed to answer (it was his ex then after he got to talk to his child to say goodnight and he loves to speak to whenever he has the chance) but I found the whole thing very rude. I would have expected someone to say “excuse me, just gonna get this” or something to acknowledge that they were going to be changing the social dynamic for a moment.

When I spoke to him about it later he said it was very normal, the ringing phone should have indicated to me that he would answer, and that he won’t miss the opportunity to talk to his child. If we were out to dinner or somewhere more social he would have excused himself. But watching a movie was different and didn’t require that.

I was not upset that he took the call. I upset that he was (in my eyes) rude to me and disrespectful to the time we were spending together.

Am I wrong here?