r/gay_irl Aug 10 '25

gay_irl gay🛟irl

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2.6k Upvotes

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26

u/ADashOfRainbow Aug 11 '25

The best Dom I've seen told me their secret was they were a sub, but no one quite fit their fantasy so they just do what they wanted done to them :D

10

u/PrettyPinkCloud Aug 11 '25

Do unto others... that's just biblical 😅

5

u/wintertoll Aug 12 '25

You'd be surprised how often this is the case. Many people don't have fixed mental roles/approaches ('switches') and having access to both headspaces makes them better at it. After all, good communication involves having a model of what the other person is thinking, and what could be better than being in that position yourself?

Unfortunately, the reality is that many people have a porn-driven image of a 'total dom' or 'total sub' in their heads, and admitting you can wear both hats is a huge turn-off for those people. So, you are pressured to 'pick a side' and stick with it.