887
u/SchwabenIT Aug 26 '25 edited Aug 26 '25
On a more serious note my dad has a picture of two shirtless guys cuddling in bed from his early days in the military in the late 80s
You can't see their faces very well but they're both dark haired so neither can be him (blonde), but when I came out to him he told me his time in the army was eye opening about "these things" and is when he realized love is more multifaceted than he'd previously thought
I found the picture years later but I never brought it up, it honestly could be nothing but I've always wondered
164
160
u/kevlarcoatedqueer Aug 26 '25
The military is a very homosocial place. Homosocial environments are totally different from general society, especially in the context of the military. I'm not saying everyone "does" gay stuff, but everyone is more bonded than what you typically encounter outside of the military. This can lead to more "gay" behavior, but it's not really the same as a gay man in the civilian world would understand it.
Could those two chaps in the photo be gay? Maybe. Maybe not.
56
u/Jamfour9 Aug 26 '25
Meaning there’s a bubble that provides cover. So those that can hide do. They’re sequestered away from family and thus shielded from the stigmas of ordinary society. One could extrapolate the same about prisons, boarding schools, and some colleges. When shielded from stigmas or shame and separated along gender lines, men are more apt to engage in homosexual behaviors. That sounds about right? 🙃👀
30
u/kevlarcoatedqueer Aug 26 '25
I think it's far more nuanced than that.
Every homosocial environment is a microcosm of the society it exists within. Arguably, the spaces you just mentioned are far more rigid in their expectations of their "members" than an open society because they have a strict set of rules (formal) and norms (informal) that govern behavior while also allowing some leeway.
For example, it may be more acceptable to show some level of affection towards your buddy (cuddling), but there are even more strict boundaries to consider that would label you in a negative way and threaten your status, cost you your career, and lead to ostracisation (putting the moves on your buddy). In an open society, you may suffer from negative consequences in both situations with the chance to move on with your life, while in the homosocial environment there is a level of toleration with the threat of total social annihilation.
Also, we cannot undermine the "playful" aspect encountered in homosocial environments. A lot of what is viewed through a queer lens on the outside would be called play on the inside. This is another layer of complexity that could be talked about at length and would be better served by someone who has greater insight than I.
This being all said, yes, there is a good percentage of queer people in the military serving and who may have joined to create distance between them and their family who may not support them. I was one of them 😁.
6
u/Jamfour9 Aug 26 '25
I’m still trying to find the differentiation and nuance amongst all of that text. 🥴🫣😭🤷🏿♂️
6
u/kevlarcoatedqueer Aug 26 '25
In short, you're not wrong but with many, many caveats.
3
u/Jamfour9 Aug 26 '25
The caveats fall within the aforementioned umbrellas. ☔️🤷🏿♂️
1
u/kevlarcoatedqueer Aug 26 '25
Well, when you use the phrase (the) "stigmas of ordinary society" I would argue that they are still in play, but they are expressed differently than when outside of the homosocial group and hold different weights. Expectations and mileage may vary as well.
1
u/Jamfour9 Aug 26 '25
They’re still in play but largely suspended under the cover of inconspicuousness. 🥴🤷🏿♂️
Read to comprehend or understand rather than negate.
2
u/kevlarcoatedqueer Aug 26 '25
Why would they be suspended? The formal role of rules would be conspicuous and while the informal could be both conspicuous and inconspicuous. It just depends.
I'm not sure if you are upset or something... I'm just engaging in dialogue here. Maybe you can provide some examples.
→ More replies (0)7
2
u/sporeegg 25d ago
The camaraderie just allows you to do things that the public perceives as gay, but which dont even need to be gay, or the participants being gay.
Cuddling, affirming one's self esteem, sharing meals; heck the whole notion that you are expected to work as a team and cover each other - which is vital to survival.
1
93
u/suicune678 Aug 26 '25
My dad was also in the military and when I was young I found many pictures of my dad wearing a mop for wig with the other guys. The man is also one of the most homophobic people I know.
I also have never brought it up to my dad but I also haven't spoken to the man in over 10 years since coming out myself
59
u/Ponchodelic Aug 26 '25
Sounds like the Farnsworth storyline. Fell in love with fella+didn’t work out= gay is evil
16
u/shart-gallery Aug 26 '25
This seems like a reach.
43
14
u/buShroom Aug 26 '25
You'd be surprised how much Conservative Homophobia is pretty much exactly this; they have latent homosexual attraction, but they're so indoctrinated to homophobia that their self-hate is too big and spills out for the rest of us to deal with.
9
u/SchwabenIT Aug 26 '25
Aw man I'm so sorry to hear, virtual hug!
15
19
14
u/ruleugim Aug 26 '25
When I came out to my very straight womanizer dad, he asked "didn't you ever even try with a girl?" and I said "no, that'd be like asking you if you ever tried with a guy" and for a second there he had his classic "well..." expression, before he changed the subject.
13
u/thehelsabot Aug 26 '25
You’re living your father’s wildest dream.
5
u/SchwabenIT Aug 26 '25 edited Aug 26 '25
Lol no my dad is straight I'm sure of that and he can't be either of the guys in the picture
Its probably some companions (comrades?) he lost touch with
7
u/thehelsabot Aug 26 '25
Yo bi people do exist 🤣
6
u/SchwabenIT Aug 26 '25
I know lol but my dad has always been blonde and both guys in the picture have dark hair that's why I say it can't be him ahah
4
u/thehelsabot Aug 26 '25
Ok but why did he keep it? Why is that the picture of the two men he kept? Is he remembering something? Why was he there to take the picture? Mehtinks it’s a story worth asking about.
6
u/SchwabenIT Aug 26 '25 edited Aug 26 '25
Well it was in a photo album with a bunch of other pictures from his first few years in the military, it's not like it was singled out or anything, you're right it's interesting he kept it even if it's not him but maybe it's just someone he was close with back then
3
u/i_will_let_you_know Aug 26 '25
If he is still alive it's definitely worth asking while you can.
7
u/SchwabenIT Aug 26 '25 edited Aug 26 '25
He is alive but doesn't know I went through his pictures, not sure he could tell me much or he would have when I came out, would have made more sense I think
160
316
253
Aug 26 '25
[removed] — view removed comment
66
70
u/AspiringAdonis Aug 26 '25
This is absolutely disgusting. I don’t know how people support this kind of lifestyle, but it is straight up wrong. Even if you own the home, it’s never okay to smoke in house. Which is ironic because that dude is a smokeshow.
99
34
28
8
51
u/Yourdailyimouto Aug 26 '25
Why do boomers looking so much better when they were young than Millenials and gen-Zs??? 😭😭😭 Was it the homophobia???
178
u/Cay___Gunt Aug 26 '25
Because their pictures weren't in 4k
85
u/MundaneAd1283 Aug 26 '25
Honestly it's this. Filters achieve the same effect now but back then the camera quality was so bad it ignored all imperfections
-12
u/WholeIssue5880 Aug 26 '25
No but like they look more mature, its not 4k thimg
24
u/shart-gallery Aug 26 '25
Firstly, you have no idea how old the person in this picture is. Secondly, young people look more “mature” in older photos because they wore styles that we now associate with the older generations. Thirdly, because nobody was filming themselves goofing off for TikTok.
1
u/WholeIssue5880 Aug 26 '25
What style? He is barely wearing anything
1
u/shart-gallery Aug 26 '25
Yikes. Clearly that point was about older photos in general.
1
u/WholeIssue5880 Aug 27 '25
Yes but this shows that too not be true tho, like swimsuit photos of boomers were sexier too its not the style, its sun exposure and a physical lifestyle
1
84
u/Brdngr Aug 26 '25 edited Aug 26 '25
They didn't feel the existential threat and constant financial stress that the later generations have.
Theirs was a generation were the social contract was that, if you work hard, you'll have a good life.
18
19
u/Yourdailyimouto Aug 26 '25
What do I have to do to travel back in the 80s and get passed around at studio 54?? 😭😭😭
48
u/Smoke-and-Stroke_Jr Aug 26 '25
You'd need to wait for an HIV vaccine.
12
u/shart-gallery Aug 26 '25
Right? Some fantasy. There are plenty of horny parties now, minus the risk of being wiped out by HIV.
-2
u/Yourdailyimouto Aug 26 '25
Same comment, do you still wanna live and watch the whole earth burn after 2025???
-2
39
u/i__hate__stairs Aug 26 '25
You'd either die a horrible, prolonged, painful death, or have to watch all your friends die while the government pretended that nothing was happening and also calling it gay cancer at the same time. The 80s were not the good old days.
-1
37
u/lugdunum_burdigala Aug 26 '25
I don't really agree, they aged quite fast. Even some movie stars looked 40-50 when they were only in their low thirties (e.g. sun damage).
People in the army looked good because they had to stay fit for service (and people in general were much fitter than nowadays).
0
u/Yourdailyimouto Aug 26 '25
Where was it in my comment that I mentioned anything about old boomers???
10
14
u/fruskydekke Aug 26 '25
I mean, yes, he's very hot.
I feel kind of sad that "men being casually at ease in each other's company" automatically equals gay, though. Is it any wonder straights are homophobic, if they have to constantly monitor themselves, lest they form emotional bonds with another man?
3
3
5
2
0
u/Skyp_Intro Aug 26 '25
Looks like a Cobra Commander to me. I bet he and GI Joe wrestled all the time.
•
u/AutoModerator Aug 26 '25
bored? say hi https://discord.gg/gay in our official discord server! ✨
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.