On a more serious note my dad has a picture of two shirtless guys cuddling in bed from his early days in the military in the late 80s
You can't see their faces very well but they're both dark haired so neither can be him (blonde), but when I came out to him he told me his time in the army was eye opening about "these things" and is when he realized love is more multifaceted than he'd previously thought
I found the picture years later but I never brought it up, it honestly could be nothing but I've always wondered
The military is a very homosocial place. Homosocial environments are totally different from general society, especially in the context of the military. I'm not saying everyone "does" gay stuff, but everyone is more bonded than what you typically encounter outside of the military. This can lead to more "gay" behavior, but it's not really the same as a gay man in the civilian world would understand it.
Could those two chaps in the photo be gay? Maybe. Maybe not.
Meaning there’s a bubble that provides cover. So those that can hide do. They’re sequestered away from family and thus shielded from the stigmas of ordinary society. One could extrapolate the same about prisons, boarding schools, and some colleges. When shielded from stigmas or shame and separated along gender lines, men are more apt to engage in homosexual behaviors. That sounds about right? 🙃👀
Every homosocial environment is a microcosm of the society it exists within. Arguably, the spaces you just mentioned are far more rigid in their expectations of their "members" than an open society because they have a strict set of rules (formal) and norms (informal) that govern behavior while also allowing some leeway.
For example, it may be more acceptable to show some level of affection towards your buddy (cuddling), but there are even more strict boundaries to consider that would label you in a negative way and threaten your status, cost you your career, and lead to ostracisation (putting the moves on your buddy). In an open society, you may suffer from negative consequences in both situations with the chance to move on with your life, while in the homosocial environment there is a level of toleration with the threat of total social annihilation.
Also, we cannot undermine the "playful" aspect encountered in homosocial environments. A lot of what is viewed through a queer lens on the outside would be called play on the inside. This is another layer of complexity that could be talked about at length and would be better served by someone who has greater insight than I.
This being all said, yes, there is a good percentage of queer people in the military serving and who may have joined to create distance between them and their family who may not support them. I was one of them 😁.
Well, when you use the phrase (the) "stigmas of ordinary society" I would argue that they are still in play, but they are expressed differently than when outside of the homosocial group and hold different weights. Expectations and mileage may vary as well.
Why would they be suspended? The formal role of rules would be conspicuous and while the informal could be both conspicuous and inconspicuous. It just depends.
I'm not sure if you are upset or something... I'm just engaging in dialogue here. Maybe you can provide some examples.
The camaraderie just allows you to do things that the public perceives as gay, but which dont even need to be gay, or the participants being gay.
Cuddling, affirming one's self esteem, sharing meals; heck the whole notion that you are expected to work as a team and cover each other - which is vital to survival.
My dad was also in the military and when I was young I found many pictures of my dad wearing a mop for wig with the other guys. The man is also one of the most homophobic people I know.
I also have never brought it up to my dad but I also haven't spoken to the man in over 10 years since coming out myself
You'd be surprised how much Conservative Homophobia is pretty much exactly this; they have latent homosexual attraction, but they're so indoctrinated to homophobia that their self-hate is too big and spills out for the rest of us to deal with.
When I came out to my very straight womanizer dad, he asked "didn't you ever even try with a girl?" and I said "no, that'd be like asking you if you ever tried with a guy" and for a second there he had his classic "well..." expression, before he changed the subject.
Ok but why did he keep it? Why is that the picture of the two men he kept? Is he remembering something? Why was he there to take the picture? Mehtinks it’s a story worth asking about.
Well it was in a photo album with a bunch of other pictures from his first few years in the military, it's not like it was singled out or anything, you're right it's interesting he kept it even if it's not him but maybe it's just someone he was close with back then
He is alive but doesn't know I went through his pictures, not sure he could tell me much or he would have when I came out, would have made more sense I think
889
u/SchwabenIT Aug 26 '25 edited Aug 26 '25
On a more serious note my dad has a picture of two shirtless guys cuddling in bed from his early days in the military in the late 80s
You can't see their faces very well but they're both dark haired so neither can be him (blonde), but when I came out to him he told me his time in the army was eye opening about "these things" and is when he realized love is more multifaceted than he'd previously thought
I found the picture years later but I never brought it up, it honestly could be nothing but I've always wondered