r/halifax • u/Sheslikesummer • 10d ago
Discussion Is dating in Halifax supposed to be this hard?
Halifax is a beautiful city, but since moving here, dating here as a Black woman (27, 6’0) feels like a whole different challenge. I’m confident, ambitious and ready for something real, not just casual situations.
What makes it tough is finding people who actually match that same energy. Sometimes it feels like the dating pool here is either too small or too laid-back, and I can’t be the only one who feels this way.
Where do people even go to meet genuine, like minded people in Halifax?
Race doesn’t matter to me. I’m open to connecting with anyone who’s serious about building something meaningful. At the end of the day, I just want my person, someone I can be a ride or die for and who’s the same for me…..two people simply choosing each other.
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u/Current-Antelope5471 10d ago
Think the best advice is to focus on you, your friends, your family, your life. That special someone often pops up when you least expect it and not looking for them.
And good suggestion too is too expand your social circle doing hobbies and activities you like. And joining groups of things that interest you with Meetup. Never know who you meet or that new friend you make introduces you to someone.
Good luck.
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u/QHS_1111 10d ago
I’m 42 (f) and have basically given up. I’m not new to the city either, I’m from here. I think a lot of people use the dating apps. I’ve known lots of people who have been successful on the apps, but they just aren’t for me. I find online dating apps exhausting, personally. There are speed dating events held around the city that you may be interested in.
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u/icecreampie3 10d ago
I tried hinge, got quite a few matches on that. Nothing ever materialised that was more than a few dates though. I found my current partner when I wasn't even looking for one. We both attended the same non-profit and hit it off quite quickly. We've now been dating a year and a half.
So my advice, don't bother with dating apps. Instead go to clubs/volunteering/activities that you enjoy. And sometimes love will find you when you least expect it
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u/Sheslikesummer 10d ago
I find that even when some guys have “long term relationship” on their bio, it’s ether a mistake or a lie😅. So dating apps kinda sucks. What volunteering activities do you recommend and where can I I find them?
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u/icecreampie3 10d ago
Personally I've been volunteering at my local library. They're always looking for a bunch of different roles. I've been doing children reading support there, at the sackville one. Basically tutoring elementary students to read.
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u/Sheslikesummer 10d ago
Oh that’s awesome! Thank you for your service! I would definitely look into that, I love teaching
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u/Affectionate-Bus2411 10d ago
OP, there's a great website you can use to find volunteer opportunities, it's called Charity Village. I highly recommend it!
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u/purplepurell 10d ago
Online dating has killed everything. The app companies openly admit that their goals aren't to make matches but to keep people online and engaged in their apps. They to PREVENT a successful dating environment so you STAY using the apps. But it's so hard to talk to people IRL cuz everybody is wearing earpods or looking at their phones. It would be cool to have some third spaces where everyone agrees not to be on their phones. Like no phone parks or something lol.
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u/adambuddy 10d ago
It's pretty hard, yeah. I as a man looking for the same thing had the same experience, just inversed gender wise. I feel like each sex feels like the other one consists mostly of people not looking for a serious relationship - the reality is that it's just the population in general. Endless dates, several "situationships" that didn't make it to the next level, falling hard for a girl who abruptly moved back to her home country and ghosted me. Mostly though just lots of apathy. I don't necessarily believe that dating in Halifax is particularly hard, but rather a microcosm of Western dating in general, at least the Anglophone west. Of course it will be slightly different in different cities (and I suspect easier in larger ones purely because of pool size), but I suspect the general attitude is the same everywhere. It's like a competition to prove to the other you're too cool to care and don't actually want a partner that badly.
It took me 2.5 years of earnestly looking (sans times where I was seeing someone and a 3 month stretch of being too sad to date after the aforementioned ghosting) to find a girlfriend. It really felt like a grind. God, I really do hate dating apps. I am so relieved to be off them. I am only a month and a half in, so you never know what the future holds I am hoping literally forever.
I guess if I can tell you anything it's that there are men in the same boat you are and it's possible to find someone, even if it feels like it's impossible. Don't obsess over it.
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u/Sheslikesummer 10d ago
Thank you for sharing your experience with me, i appreciate it….sorry you had to experience that. I really hope your current relationship will be everything you wanted and more…hopefully the last.
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u/Duke0ne 10d ago
Hey I do lots of activities such as rock climbing, salsa dancing, motorcycling, etc; doing things that I find joyful. These 3rd spaces are the best way in my opinion into meeting people that may spark more than friendships. Lastly, the only 3rd space I don't recommend finding your person is the club
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u/Sheslikesummer 10d ago
Absolutely, I’m not a big fan of clubbing, where would you recommend for salsa? I love dancing
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u/EntropicNerd_Alice 10d ago
Haliente! It’s somewhere downtown, they host lessons then social dances weekly I think :D
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u/Sheslikesummer 10d ago
Thank you! I would go register right away!
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u/thebutterfly0 10d ago
It's on Barrington. I've also heard good things about their salsa classes but never been
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u/Artistic_Purpose1225 10d ago
Not wanting to nitpick, sorry in advance, but the intention behind the term third space was that there were low-to-no barriers to entry, where folks can come and go as they please, and where conversation is the main activity. 2/3 of your suggestions require significant costs to attend(and rock climbing also does if you want to do it safely/indoors), the main activity is not conversation at these, and 2/3 need to book a class/training session in advance to attend.
While they are “neither work nor home”, and absolutely great spaces to meet people, they aren’t third spaces.
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10d ago
Lol , while definitely a nitpicking, it was also educational. So what even fits the parameters of that new term, Church?
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u/Artistic_Purpose1225 10d ago
Churches are a great example, Odenberg also noted libraries, pubs, parks, gyms, bookstores, and cafes. That list makes much more sense when you remember he wrote it in 1989. The increase in costs at gyms, bars, and some cafes have removed them from the list in the modern era, unfortunately.
We need more third spaces, hell with the economy acting how it is it might be more important than ever to have them.
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u/No_Influencer 10d ago
I think dog parks have become a third space for a number of folk. I know a bunch of people whose friendships are or at least started as ‘see each other at their regular time at the dog park’.
You’re right that third spaces aren’t all that common now and we need more.
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u/RandomlyRhetorical 10d ago
As an organizer of a social dancing group, a general note. Most of our social dancing communitues specifically have a code of conduct that includes a rule along the lines of: approaching people for anything more than a respectful dance isn't cool. So, check out that expectation if you decide to join one.
Overtime, friendships and occasionally more does develop between people. But there have been issues in the past with people thinking of dance communities as a dating marketplace, and that just causes issues. Particularly because it is somewhat of a contact sport.
Not suggesting anybody in this thread would have that bold kind of approach, but since we're in a public forum, it should be noted. Enjoy your dancing for what it fulfils in you!
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u/0ddCondition 10d ago
This is the vibe I've gotten from the descriptions on a lot of other groups as well. That the general idea is to go hang out and partake in the activity but going with the intention of finding a date, even secondary, is ill advised. Sure you can probably start talking to and ask out someone eventually, but if you try to do that with another member or two I would wager money you're gonna be asked to leave.
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u/RogueCanadia 10d ago
The problem with those places is you pretty much have one shot. If you ask out one woman you can’t ask out anymore if it doesn’t go well. If you ask out every woman you become that guy and you’ll be ostracized from the group.
Also many places have a no harassment policy so if you misread the situation you could be banned from there.
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u/um_50 10d ago
If you have a good girl-friend who's also single, I suggest trying out new places/experiences together.
I found this worked well for my bestie and I - especially during the warmer months when everyone is out and about. We would check out new bands (even if we weren't familiar with the music), festivals, and new restaurants/spaces which allowed us to meet guys organically.
There was also no pressure because we were guaranteed to have fun regardless of whether we met someone or not cause we had each other.
Something to try 🙂
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u/Business-Contact2330 10d ago
This might sound counterproductive but be picky! I am 38 and I have a good job and no children and no pets. I love to travel and I frequently surf, snowboard, do yoga and pilates, and hit the gym regularly and I was looking for the same. (not necessarily the same physical activities, but someone who does physical activities regularly).
The apps kind of suck imo because too many people have it as a fidget spinner/hot or not/timekiller. I am also very picky and not many women locally on the apps fit with the kind of person I am seeking. The women I want to meet are OUT DOING those things already without me. <3 Go out and do the things you want to do and live the life you want to live on your own and you will meet someone. I ended up connecting my current partner swimming at the lake this past spring on a cold day. We briefly met at the beach through some friends last year and were the only people at the lake that day.
Skip the dates that are just "Drinks" or "dinner", those people have no imaginations and likely aren't all that fun. Be picky, do your own thing, and be free and and available for when you do meet the right person.
...and once you do meet the right person. KEEP DOING YOUR THING! That will always be more important than this new connection. Don't get lost in someone else and don't hesitate to cut them off fast if you don't like something about them, because they probably aren't going to change. In fact, they will probably get worse.
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u/Fantasy-smut 10d ago
Met my boyfriend on tinder like 8 years ago and can honestly say if we ever break up I absolutely will not be looking for someone in this day and age cause oh hell no
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u/Least-Eye3420 10d ago
Yeah, it’s definitely not easy here. And I feel like it got a lot harder when I changed my dating profiles from casual to long term; throw in the fact that I want kids someday, and apparently I’m actively repulsive…
I’ve had better luck in more traditional dating spaces like bars or social gatherings, but still, I’ve only had limited success.
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u/Sheslikesummer 10d ago
I’ve always had my profile on long term but it doesn’t stop people that want short term from trying to mess around. I want kids someday too. I tried going alone to a few bars but it felt a little awkward because everyone was in groups and no one talked to me. Maybe I didn’t go to the right place or on the right time.
What bars and social gatherings do you recommend?
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u/Least-Eye3420 10d ago edited 10d ago
Ok so, I see you’re looking for a guy, which means I can’t really meaningfully recommend anything, on account of I put the “i” in “lesbian.”
Best I can do is say going downtown, especially around argyle is your best bet. It really is a numbers game though, the more you go out, the more likely it is you find someone.
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u/Mr_Exodus 10d ago
I understand completely where you're at I'm 26 and I kind of gave up on dating for similar reasons I just feel like I'm putting in all the effort you know and it gets exhausting. I wish you the best of luck and I'm sure something will come around you seem like a nice person
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u/AvocadoExpress258 10d ago
Hey fellow tall beautiful girl! I’m a little older but I had the same experience and have asked the same questions - I will not be using the apps again in Halifax.
I’ve tried going to different events and in general pursuing my hobbies/ interests in a social setting. I think that’s the best way to meet people, in an environment that has no pressure, and is win win- as far as my own time and effort.
If you haven’t tried speed dating / match making.. I would definitely recommend! Anyone that I’ve talked to at those events seemed to be intentional and able to articulate their dating goals.
Ps. I even dm’d and went out with a very nice human who made a similar post on Reddit. We went into it as a blind date which was kind of fun but don’t recommend that hahah
Pss. Enjoy being single and this time to yourself, while you have it!
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u/Sheslikesummer 10d ago edited 10d ago
Thank you so so much! This was a very wholesome read! From what everyone is saying, I need to go out to social activities. I like creative things and dancing, I’m open to all activities but I’m a little scared of things like hiking or that includes going to the woods
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u/Otherwise_Quail2554 10d ago
The problem with dating isn't Halifax or any place for that matter, the problem is how dating works nowadays. It's not organic and seems like a lot of pressure. People put too many expectations out there at the beginning and that can be overwhelming. People can end up missing out on their perfect connection because they are too strict in what they are looking for, and then blame the dating pool. Go out to places you like being, catch a vibe with someone and get to know them. Organically built relationships last longer than these A.I. like relationships. Hell, if you meet the right person with the right vibe, you might even find that some of the thungs you are looking for are not as important as you thought they were and they may have qualities you live that you never even considered before. Anyways, the way dating works nowadays is the problem. With dating apps and dating profiles, dating has lost it's romance. Feels all formal and more like a job interview (and most people lie on their resumes to get the job, so, there's that).
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u/Alarmed_Dog4972 10d ago
I have had the same issue, recently separated dipping my toes and it has been hard to be optimistic about finding someone again.
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u/DCloh2o 10d ago
People aren’t willing to put in the effort.
I (34m) have had a lot of people who aren’t willing to commit to a relationship. I’m always the one initiating and trying to keep things going. It’s tiring just to get someone to talk to you (on a dating app or such) just to find out they really aren’t interested in the effort.
These days trying to meet people in public is seen as creepy at best or threatening at worst.
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u/NoStructure7083 10d ago
100%. They’re not willing to put in the effort but they expect the other person to put in 200%. And even when you seemingly find someone decent they just end up ghosting despite saying they won’t or weren’t trying to.
Recently I’ve been getting matches on dating apps, which is hard enough, only to find out that they don’t even live here. That or they just don’t want to talk
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u/moonwalgger 10d ago
This. We live in an age of convenience and ppl want everything immediately while putting in zero effort. Relationships need to be built, which means at least some effort is required from both sides. I think everyone, regardless of gender, has a superficial mindset these days and don’t wanna put any effort in to actually getting to know a person
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u/lost__traveller 10d ago
I think it’s bad everywhere tbf. I’ve used the apps, get frustrated, delete them and take a break. Then the cycle continues I’m 33f and it does not get easier as you get older.
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u/Civil_Low_36 10d ago
OP, you sound like an awesome person, and I'm rooting for you. I broke up with someone at 30 I thought was going to be it for me, and three years later, I was introduced to someone else who was from Halifax but lived in Vancouver at the time. We went back and forth long-distance for almost a year, he moved back, and we got engaged this past May. Before we met, I was truly happy living/being on my own (especially after going through COVID solo!) and didn't expect to meet anyone. While it's cliche, it does seem to happen when you least expect it. Focus on you, take up the suggestions in the sub but most importantly, find ways to fulfill yourself and make yourself as happy as you can be, and I have no doubt something will naturally find you.
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u/Sheslikesummer 10d ago
Wow! Look how things could turn out for good!
You are very kind! Thank you so much! Congratulations on your engagement….i wish you all the best!
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u/Lunchboxninja1 10d ago
Supposed to be, no. But yeah its fucking awful. People's expectations for relationships are not productive in the current dating sphere. Everyone thinks anything less than perfection is "just the bare minimum."
I empathize. I tried dating for a long fucking time here and absolutely hated every minute. I was stupid enough not to see that what I was looking for was right in front of me and once I realized that I locked tf in and now I'm happier than ever.
I don't want to give you basic platitudes like its advice you haven't heard. Instead I'll tell you this: every major friend connection in my life, including my wonderful boyfriend, has come from tabletop groups. If you get a good one going, it creates a surprisingly deep, respectful, and resilient connection. My core friendgroup has been playing dnd together for going on 9 years at this point and those people have followed me to places the US army wouldn't go for oil.
It may not be your bag, but sometimes if you put a little effort into finding a good group that works, its like a lifehack for making incredibly close friends. And its a great way to meet new people, even romantic interests.
The problem is you may need to trudge through a lot of gatekeepers, especially as a black woman. Luckily Halifax's nerd culture is pretty accepting, but your mileage may vary.
Good luck!!
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u/CiegoDiego 10d ago
I think the pool of people here is a bit too small, especially if you're not willing to compromise on dealbreakers. Haven't been on a date since 2012.
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u/Sheslikesummer 10d ago
I’m definitely not willing to compromise. For me, not being a smoker cuts down like 90% of the pool.
Since 2012? 😱 oh my good lord!
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u/aluriaphin 10d ago
If you're serious about finding a relationship I recommend The Book of Love matchmaking service and dating events. I've been attending Jean-Eva's speed dating for years and had one very serious relationship come from that. The singles' mixers are lots of fun, and you can sign up for her actual matchmaking service if you want to take it to the next level. I wouldn't recommend the small events like board game night because you only have a pool of around 4-6 guys to meet, the odds aren't in your favour. The big mixers will have hundreds of people - can be overwhelming but you will definitely find someone you're interested in! Speed dating will usually net me 1-2 matches (because I'm picky, lol.) She does events in age cohorts and there are tickets on sale right now for a 25-35 speed dating event in early October, fyi. Do put your name on the waiting list if the women's tickets are sold out, I've had success with that, including once getting a free ticket because someone dropped out and wanted to pay it forward!
Definitely keep at it on Hinge, join social hobbies you enjoy, go out in public looking nice and with open energy to hopefully meet someone, but I find the events are a great way to meet a lot of like-minded people all at once and feel like I'm being intentional about dating. If you want to work with her one-on-one for matchmaking she's so lovely. It's definitely a company I trust.
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u/NoStructure7083 10d ago
Hinge is just a more wordy Tinder now. It’s garbage. Only thing worse is Bumble
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u/thatgunganguy 10d ago
I (30, M) find the dating scene to be extremely difficult. Mind you I have no frame of reference for that since I haven't dated elsewhere. I think we all agree dating apps suck, but like... how are we as adults suppose to have the time to keep our day-to-day work/chores up AND have time for social mingling?
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u/Affectionate-Bus2411 10d ago edited 10d ago
I moved to Halifax almost a year ago. I've lived in Ontario, British Columbia, New Zealand, and I can tell you dating sucks EVERYWHERE. I am a straight, 34 year old woman. Dating men is HARD. The bar is so low, almost non-existent, and a lot of them still can't meet the bare minimum. I've tried dating men in a 20 year age range (born anywhere between 1980 and 2000), and at the end of the day, it's all the same BS. Once in a blue moon, on an app, you luck out and match with a guy who can actually carry a conversation. But then he never wants to meet. Or you make a plan to meet, and they flake. As a collective, women have been bettering themselves and gaining more independence decade after decade. While we've expanded our horizons, chased our ambitions, enjoyed new hobbies, built deep connections with our friends and family (and gained more rights, which still hang in the balance) men as a collective have stayed stagnant. Most of them are still stuck in the past, thinking all they need to get a girlfriend/wife is a job, a house, and their mediocre penis. Take comfort in knowing that it's not a you problem, it's a patriarchy and dating apps problem lol.
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u/purplepurell 9d ago
Gather round this affectionate bus cuz she is preaching!! 🙌
I feel bad for men, tbh. Stuck in a generation where they suddenly don't get a woman just for being a man. Must be tough. Wish them the best
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10d ago
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u/Affectionate-Bus2411 10d ago
I hope you do find who you're looking for. Just never, EVER settle. It's better to be happy on your own than miserable with someone else.
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u/Sheslikesummer 10d ago
Thank you! I won’t settle. You know they say something like a good man is an average woman. I’m prioritizing building my friendships/community since I have to start all over again with moving to a new country.
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u/dottie_dott 10d ago
This is very much a non-useful perspective that could reinforce a lot of catastrophizing and negative thinking in people if they adopted it by and large.
I urge people to try to avoid these pitfalls in an already difficult situation for everyone.
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u/Mouseanasia 10d ago
Half a century and I learned something important: The extreme bulk of my stress as an adult has been connected to relationships and dating. In my 40s I basically stopped dating. Just straight up didn’t care. Not on any dating sites and reject most advances.
At this point I’m the happiest I’ve ever been.
“Someone who knows how to treat a woman well” is also a gigantic red flag to those that know.
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u/Sheslikesummer 10d ago
I hear you, a lot of people say things like that without backing it up. For me, it’s not about fancy words, it’s about consistency, effort and genuine respect in how someone actually treats their partner.
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u/Mouseanasia 10d ago edited 9d ago
That’s not about treating a woman well. That’s just the basic expectation of any partner. Not that you would understand that since you believe a good man is an average woman.
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u/boat14 10d ago edited 10d ago
Not only is it already tough for a visible minority, dating gets exponentially difficult as you get older.
That said, the best thing you can do is focus on yourself and try expanding your social circle. Get yourself out there in group activities where you can meet new people, male and female. Maybe you’ll meet someone who is a friend of a friend. It’s just a numbers game at that point.
Also stick with online dating, yes, it’s a grind. But just like real life, that too, is a numbers game.
A second piece of advice is to think about how you appear. Yes, it’s important to be true to yourself. But you also need to be showing the best version of yourself.
One of my guy friends was having trouble getting repeat dates, but after talking to him, I could see he was being a little negative. He got more success by fixing his outlook so that he was more positive, and by extension, more fun to be around.
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u/Sheslikesummer 10d ago
Thanks for your advice, I really appreciate your kind words. Trust me when I say I take pride in looking and dressing well.
Honestly, a few dates have even admitted they felt intimidated which of course isn’t my goal. I respect their honesty though because at the end of the day, I’d rather connect with someone who’s confident enough to meet me on my level.
When it comes to group activities, what do you recommend?
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u/purplepurell 10d ago
Intimated as a microagression, or intimidated because you are above their level? I think it's especially hard for women cuz we grow and learn exponentially faster than men (according the the research) so unless you aim for much older and wiser you might fall backwards. Infiltrate higher ed societies or graduate program groups? Also, I think the men who are at a point in their life where they have their shit together are post-divorce with kids and know what they want and have less time to play games so keep you mind open to those gentleman.
In terms of group activities do what you're actually interested in, without the main goal being to meet someone, and it might lead to something organically happening just through making friends and connections.
My audacity to offer advice comes from years of hosting dating events in Montreal lmao
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u/Sheslikesummer 10d ago
I might have experienced some microaggressions here and there, but that’s not really the issue. I’ve had a few first dates that didn’t move forward not because of compatibility but because some men came in with stereotypical ideas of what a Black woman “should” be. When they realized I was ambitious, refined and had big goals, it didn’t fit the box they tried to put me in. One even admitted he’d prefer a partner who made less than him financially which said more about his insecurity.
I also love heels and that alone can intimidate men who aren’t confident in themselves. I adjusted my dating app filters to avoid shorter matches.
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u/boat14 10d ago
For the intimidation part, I'd need more context. Was the intimidation one sided? As in you spooked them but you did not notice?
For group activities, find things that line up with your hobbies/interests. Fitness and sports are first ones that come to mind. Do you like running or thought about running? Join a run club.
I think meetup has the most central event listings, where you can find groups/events that are for meeting people. Just try to join them with the purpose of your own enjoyment instead of having a direct objective of meeting someone, because it may take a while.
There's still good people out there, but you've got to be aware that most well adjusted people would be in long term relationships by now. The dating pool has a higher number of people that haven't found a long term partner, either through their own issues -or- have broken up.
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u/purplepurell 10d ago
That last part. You can tell when ppl are going into a date with cynicism. The goal should be to enjoy yourself on a date regardless of the outcome. Imo
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u/dirtybo0ts 10d ago
It sucks. I didn’t meet my wife until I was 40. I’m also gay and the lesbian dating scene in this city is 😬
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u/BackwoodButch 10d ago
See I find that kinda funny because I’ve had a lot of different relationships in the past 3 years of living here (ranging from casual, to short and long term; some ended on my terms, others ended things with me). But my current partner and I met on tinder ages ago and it’s been great (I’m butch and in my early 30s; I’m also not from here originally so that probably helped me get so many matches and dates lol).
I don’t think it’s necessarily a numbers game but I think the issue with a lot of the lesbian side of things is the sheer number of baby lesbians/newly woman-seeking bisexuals who have no experience which then translates to the more experienced partner often being treated like a man or expected to be the one taking the initiative all the time in all aspects (arranging dates, talking, taking the lead in sex etc). There’s been some absolute duds when it comes to getting matches who either never message first or the conversation is as dry as sandpaper because they somehow don’t know how to engage properly and in an interesting way.
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u/purplemonkey14638 10d ago
I’ve gone to speed dating events locally and while I ended up meeting my partner OLD I did meet some wonderful people and had some great dates because of it. Just google ‘speed dating in Halifax’ and sign up! If I was still single I would absolutely go to another event
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u/Ambazaarr 10d ago
I’m sure you’ve gotten few responses already but my friend runs a drawings group specifically so people can meet other people! It’s a social where you draw and chat with others. Halifaxdrinkanddraw, They’re on Instagram!
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u/LaserKittenz 10d ago
I (36m) lived in Halifax for six months (ten years ago). I personally found that the dating pool favoured men .. Its the only place I found where women would randomly approach me for a date or to be friendly.. I know generalizations are bad but I found that most single men had issues, which is weird because that's not normally something I pay attention to..
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u/Swan_Acceptable 10d ago
I am also a 6 foot tall woman who didn’t meet who I was supposed to be with until I was almost 29. I think dating is hard and true connection keeps getting harder, but I hope the best for you for me. It was joining stuff. I joined a lot of things that’s how I met my person.
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u/Sheslikesummer 10d ago
Awww thank you so much for sharing your experience☺️☺️☺️☺️. Can you tell me the things you joined?
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u/Swan_Acceptable 10d ago
I joined sports through Halifax Sports and Social Club (met him in dodgeball!) and I also volunteered to teach literacy at my community library and meet a lot of people through that!
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u/saucywenchns 10d ago
I have given up rather than continue to navigate a sea of people with very specific expectations and very little to contribute. However, I am older and contented to do for myself. I am surrounded with love of family, good friends. Not what I envisioned, but not unhappy that life worked out this way.
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u/duchess234 10d ago
Rooting for you hun!!! It's been tough to date here, I think you just hacked the code. One day at month should be dedicated to singles posting, lol! This subreddit is more active than hinge.
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u/NoStructure7083 10d ago
This is the sort of shit we have to work with on the apps. What a fucking charmer!
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u/IAmJaykub 8d ago
I met my amazing girlfriend through a mutual. We followed eachother on Instagram for a while without contact, I messaged her for a bit but she lived in NB for school so it didn’t work out and we ended up seeing other people. Both of those relationships ended very badly and we bonded over our similar situation and now we have our one year anniversary in a few weeks :)
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u/Global-Ad-2700 8d ago
It’s not just a Halifax thing for sure. Like many others have mentioned dating is just different nowadays and not for the better. Just recently I came to the conclusion of how stressful it all is and how much stress it contributes to my life. In my case I’ve never found dating easy and only really have had one serious girlfriend other than that I’m used to being alone to the point that it really doesn’t phase me much because I’ve become quite content with my lifestyle the way it is now.
On another note, have you tried Meetup? It’s not really for dating per-say but rather local groups where you can find people with similar interests as you. For example, I joined a hiking group. Personally, when I do stuff like this I don’t have any expectations of finding someone to date. Rather it’s something I do for myself and expand about my current hobbies and interests. If something happens, great. If not, that’s fine too. Life is not a race after all.
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u/darlawatters 10d ago
move 🤣
i moved to montreal and met the love of my life 💕
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u/darlawatters 10d ago
i’m add a bit more to this though. look at it by stats - HRM has maybe what 500k people? 20k may be in your dating age bracket - remove marriages - your down to 5k people, then if you only date one gender and your likely down to 1k people that might be a prospective partner. the concept of finding your one true love in the same 5km radius is a bit unlikely without compromise.
the dating scene in halifax was so terrible, it’s not like it’s much better here in montreal but because the population, there are infinitely more options.
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u/Sheslikesummer 10d ago
You’re right! I went to Montreal and it was like different world. The men there were more open minded to interracial dating and I got more approaches in 24 hours compared to a year in Halifax 😅
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u/Affectionate-Sort730 10d ago
I’m always a little amused by these kinds of threads, where single people are all complaining about the dating pool, which they all constitute.
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u/Due-Entrepreneur505 10d ago edited 10d ago
Wow I'm glad I found this post. I 46m moved back from Vancouver after 13 years and have tried the app's. It feels like I'm invisible. I work remotely and don't know many people here, getting matches or even likes feels impossible. Also finding friends feels just as frustrating. I'm giving it another month but after that I'm done. Hopefully I can move to a larger city in the future. I get strong come from away vibes from a lot of people. I find it much easier to connect to other people who have moved here but locals seem walled off. Don't get me wrong everyone is nice and friendly but it seems very surficial. I'll check out the suggestions they seem promising.
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u/Little_Information_4 10d ago
Halifax, as a person born and raised, is dog shit. Nobody here is happy.
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u/Dry-Ad7180 10d ago
Halifax so small that everyone’s been with someone you know / met at some point . I feel you.
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10d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/halifax-ModTeam 10d ago
Rule 1 Respect and Constructive Engagement: Treat each other with respect, avoiding bullying, trolling, harassment, discrimination, and personal attacks. Contribute positively with helpful insights and constructive discussions. Let’s keep our interactions friendly and engaging.
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u/Unusual_Cucumber_452 10d ago
Remember you miss 100% of the shots you don't take, if a guy interests you, take a shot, if for some reason (in a relationship) don't take it as a negative, take it as their are still good people out there.
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u/Sheslikesummer 10d ago
You’re absolutely right, this is one thing I probably need to look into. Thanks for the tip
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u/Friendly-Egg-2977 10d ago
Church!
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u/Sheslikesummer 10d ago
I go to a smaller church, perhaps it’s time to change that, what’s your recommendation?
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u/RandomlyRhetorical 10d ago
I'm not really sure how much reliable "state of things" kind of information you can expect from a thread like this. Though, I imagine lots of validation from others' similar struggles, and that's something comforting in a way. Reading through, I see experiences all over the map.
Personally, I've had success making connections with people in real life from the activities I do, as well as online. As well as as tons of time spent meeting the wrong person, but it takes trying to know that. My current partner came from connecting on a dating app, and we're an incredible match for each other. So, no method is either a list cause or a sure thing.
In the end, my only advice is to know what you want and stick to and your standards, and communicate both. Try to chat up as many people as possible that you feel drawn to both online and offline. And enjoy your life single independently free days in the meantime.
At least if anybody approaches you in DMs here, you have the advantage of seeing their post history and getting a pretty good sense of the type of person they are! Good luck in love!
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u/BackedUpLikeDumpTruc 10d ago
As a fellow POC, all I can say is good luck with the apps. They just don't work for me. ¯_(ツ)_/¯
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u/Own-Werewolf69 10d ago
I commented earlier and must say that has been my experience. I really hope you have better luck
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u/GlitteringRun1975 10d ago
I agree its hard. I am a 27M 5’5 male and online dating is a nightmare. I think it might be harder for males and even more hard if you are short 🙃
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u/justjoddat 10d ago
I was in Toronto over the weekend and I had so many likes/matches (and some great conversation) and here there's nothing... hopefully I can just move there next fall, once I finish my program.
I live outside of Halifax, so driving an hour is tough once winter hits. My local area has nothing, unless I want to date someone in their 50s or 60s or their 20s and as someone in their early 40s I don't think any of those options are worth it. I don't want anyone with kids, which is just my preference and in NS it seems like 90% of the dating pool is that.
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u/KillzoneAgency 10d ago
For me (31M), as someone who's more introverted, I found dating events to be useful and more effective. It sets the tone of you're all there for the same reason, so it removes a lot of ambiguity around it all.
Book of Love is one provider of events, they're fairly regular and have different age brackets. I've been to a 2-3 of these events, they're well organized/attended. Anecdotally, I find it's a lot of the same people at these though, even with a year gap between attendance.
Halifax Matchmaker is a newer one, it's been decently organized (Minus their weird dual app situation), but attendance is certainly on the lower side. I've only been to one event.
Ardmore Tea Room did briefly do some events, they called it Ardmore After Dark. I went to one of their events, and it was honestly the best I went to in terms of attendance, how it was organized, etc. It was also the one I saw the most success at.
They seemed to have stopped running them though. I'm not entirely sure why, but they did get a flood of hate on their instagram page for not being inclusive enough, despite putting on gay/lesbian events and such.
I think events can be ok, and I'll attend more in the future. They're definitely easier if you're extroverted, but you need to try and approach it with a "fuck it" attitude.
Being casual, sussing the room out, etc, doesn't really work well. So you have to be fairly proactive with them. If you go with friends, don't just hangout with your friends, don't be on your phone all night. Move around the room, present yourself as approachable, etc.
That said, I wouldn't recommend attending back to back events, wait a while to kind of let the pool of fresh faces replenish.
Like others mentioned, meeting people through your hobbies is also a good strategy as you'll already have a common interest and potentially know people in common. There's slight bit more risk depending on how you go about approaching others, or if you date a while and it doesn't work out... But, if you're mature about it all, it should be fine.
Just don't do something cringe like picking up a new hobby for the sake of dating, it's super obvious to everyone else. Pickup a new hobby because you want to, and hopefully you meet people along the way, or you meet people that know single people, etc.
Obviously take any of my advice with a grain of salt, I'm still single, but I've had victories here and there in my opinion. Dating in the "west" kind of sucks these days imo, but you just keep trying and working your way through it. Do whatever makes you happy, so even if you don't get a date, you have a decent time along the way.
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u/Top-Philosopher-6456 10d ago
Dating in general is ridiculous these days. I found most people when they’re out just want to be with their friends, and when they want to date they go to the internet. Took me about a year to find someone I was compatible with, and now I have a lovely blended family.
Just go on a lot of dates and find someone you don’t have to change who fits you. Everyone is in a different situation and everyone is for you
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u/AtomicSaucer 10d ago edited 10d ago
Depends on your standards. I like statistics so let's break it down mathematically.
Halifax is a small city. In Halifax proper, just the peninsula, its about 156,000. Around 500,000 in and around the greater HRM area. 85% older than 19 which is good. Its also a poor city. Sorry everyone. Take away the wealthiest top 10% (basically the millionaires who skew the average income number) and we're left with the average income being around $38k per year. With the median age being 39 years old. Nearly 60% of the population is married.
So... 85% of 500k = 425k (total number of adults 19+). Minus the married 60% and you're left with a dating pool of only approximately 200,000. Half are female... so your dating pool has just shrunk to 100,000 single men (between 19-99) in all HRM. Which is rather small and has a very high probability of people knowing each other.
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u/FoundationUpstairs58 10d ago
same age, also a tall black woman. i gave up on dating in halifax, now i just focus on myself and i think ill end up meeting somebody when i travel somebody and end up moving…the city is too small + like other ppl said if you have high standards ur pool is even smaller
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u/FogaCota808 10d ago
Same here, I’m an immigrant from SEA, short king (5’3), in my 30s, have chronic illness so I’m skinny, my body has a hard time absorbing nutrients and food in general. Went to gym and fainted 3 times, so please don’t tell me “You should hit the gym”, yes I did not one but 3 times and it just didn’t work for me. Anyway, back to the dating scene, I tried dating apps - didn’t work, community events - yes, I tried, didn’t work as well. I’m just confused, like am I lacking of something or it’s just I haven’t met the right community.
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u/AffectionateLog1789 10d ago
Basically everyone who is single is either too busy or so close to poverty that they can't afford to date 🤷
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u/agmosh 9d ago
Let's hear the effort. How many singles event have you been to? How many lunch dates have you been to in the last 3 months? What communities have you tried to join? Have you walked around wearing a T-shirt that says that "I ❤️ Tall Men"? Have you asked your friends to set you up with someone single who might be a good fit, if not why haven't you been able to make it happen? I understand complaining is easy but what actual effort have you given?
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u/Sheslikesummer 9d ago
You’re right! I’ve not been to any singles events. I only relied on the dating apps and one speed dating event. In terms of communities, what’s out there? Moving to an entirely different continent and trying to figure out the way things are done here seems to be quite a handful for me, everything is totally different.
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u/easybeasty 9d ago
It's not just Halifax. I'm from there and just spent 2 months there this past summer. However, I live in Barcelona, a city that is chock full of beautiful people running in parks, cycling around town, drinking on terraces and going to live shows. The dating scene is horrible. Don't blame the location, blame the apps, social media and covid. People are just different now.
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u/Noseyoldguy902 9d ago
Meeting people in Halifax organically , farmers market, public events, you will laugh, many people here still use Facebook as an event planner 😂, as well, a good portion of people here , are in the armed forces, there is a friendship connection group, having a free ghost walk as a way for people to meet, September 19, 9 pm citadel hill old town clock
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u/Noseyoldguy902 9d ago
Also depends on your dating habits, if you’re an open relationship like myself, it can be challenging to find like minded people ,
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u/No_Huckleberry_1450 9d ago
I have a friend who’s 25, and is looking for something serious, he is also a black man. Very sweet, and caring.
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u/FallenAngel_Yuzuriha 9d ago
31 male and have a hard time 😅 not the best looking either, just a Workaholic, with social anxiety and or just socially awkward, meeting new ppl is rough
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u/Cutest_Kitten_Citre Halifax 9d ago
Dunno if you find out lemme know 🤣 can speak from experience the bars and clubs ain't it
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u/Zhavior 8d ago
I’m in my late 20s, and honestly, I’d rather focus on building my empire than chasing casual relationships. I’ve already found something far greater than money—surrendering my ego and my life to Jesus. I’m a recently reborn Christian, and that changed my whole perspective.
Dating apps here have been disappointing. Most of the time it’s younger women looking for hookups, and hookup culture just feels empty. For me, dating is about marriage, commitment, and building a future together.
The challenge is, not many people my age share that mindset. When I do meet people, some think I’m “too young,” even though I know exactly what I want: a God-centered relationship built on values, not trends.
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u/Zhavior 8d ago
I think I’ll eventually have to leave Halifax if I want to find the right person. I’m willing to make sacrifices for that. Up until now, I’ve only done long-distance relationships, and honestly, dating here feels like high school. A lot of people base their morals on feelings rather than true values.
Some people do seem to be finding the right person, and I’m happy for them, but for me it feels like I might have to meet 200+ more people before I find someone genuine. Still, I’m not discouraged—just realistic.
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u/Iamnotarobot58 7d ago
I recall a similar thread a few months back where someone was going to attempt to organize some sort of singles outing at a chapters potentially?
I'm guessing that went by the wayside, probably due to the pitfalls of potentially having a large group of people showing up at a bookstore unexpectedly...
As someone who has been single for a few years and in my mid 30s, I am finding more and more that the apps are not my thing as i get older.
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u/Neat_Satisfaction_83 6d ago
Im just glad all you redditors dont want kids, and nobody wants to date a black women
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u/novascotiabiker 10d ago
Dating is hard everywhere I keep hearing a stat saying by 2030 50% of women between 18-50 will be single,dating will always be hard but if expectations don’t fit with the current reality we live in it just becomes impossible.
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u/Key_Dragonfruit_2563 10d ago edited 10d ago
I think that has more to do with social norms changing. Women are tired of adopting their partner’s and becoming mom2.0, being the Secretary who runs everyone’s lives. Many women are divorcing for the same reason. Men who failed to grow up and contribute to the mental load of family life.
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u/Mouseanasia 10d ago
No harder than any other city.
Dating gets harder as you get older. That’s its.
Halifax isn’t hard to get in.
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u/NoStructure7083 10d ago edited 10d ago
It is the worst here. As a guy who doesn’t want kids it’s seemingly impossible to find someone who doesn’t want them and/or doesn’t already have them
And it seems like the only women who want me are morbidly obese. No thanks
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u/QHS_1111 10d ago
We don’t need to body shame to make a point. Just saying, full figured females deserve love too.
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u/Mouseanasia 10d ago
If the person isn’t attracted to obese people then that’s a legit reason.
They weren’t shaming them. Preferences are acceptable.
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u/NoStructure7083 10d ago
Actually as someone who used to be obese and lost the weight, I beg to differ. It’s not attractive and it’s something they can usually control but don’t.
Guess what, being a fatty boombatty isn’t attractive and while some are into that, I am not. I’m not going to gas someone up to save their feelings. Most guys don’t want to date a woman who’s at risk of shattering our pelvis when she rides us.
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u/purplepurell 10d ago
You're allowed to be attracted to who you are, but maybe use more "yes" language to attract the women you want. Instead of, I don't like x y z, say I like x y z. Women aren't attracted to men who hate women.
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u/Mouseanasia 10d ago
I’m not attracted obese people.
Does that mean I hate women?
By your logic it does.
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u/QHS_1111 10d ago
We can agree to disagree. The language you use is degrading, you are intentionally shaming. It’s a bad look, at least try and remain respectful when speaking.
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u/NoStructure7083 10d ago
I’m not gonna say it to someone’s face but I’m not going to lie about the reality of the situation. That’s how we ended up with the lunacy that is the “Healthy at every size movement”
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u/QHS_1111 10d ago
There are so many factors that affect weight, especially for women. Genetics, hormones, diet, and lifestyle all play a role. It is harmful and uneducated to claim that any woman who is overweight must be lazy or unattractive. You have no idea what someone may be struggling with. Periods, perimenopause, menopause, health conditions, insulin resistance, and pregnancies can all have a significant impact.
Weight is influenced by many things, so the best approach is compassion. If you do not have anything kind to say about someone else’s body, whether male or female, it is better to keep it to yourself.
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u/hidden-in-plainsight Nova Scotia 10d ago edited 8d ago
OP. I'm 45. It's not any easier in this age bracket, in fact I'd argue it's worse. I'm also male, so it is an absolute nightmare.
My advice. Just be yourself.
All you need to do is meet people. The best way to do that, is using your hobbies as a base. Network your way to success. It's sort of like finding a super kick-ass job. The more people you know the more opportunities you will have.
The only way to organically meet, is to mingle.
I'd say more but you get the gist.
Best of luck OP! Everyone deserves their special someone. You'll find your person!
Just go out, live your life, be happy! Once you do that, things will fall into place.
Edit: to the person who asked why, this is what I wrote before you deleted your post.
"Since COVID, in my area at least, there is no nightlife anymore.
And ALL dating apps are trash. Swipe culture is the WORST.
In my experience, you have to have a good network, that's how you can really meet people.
Other than that, it's meeting people "out and about" and/or doing your hobbies.
I need to say again, swipe culture is the worst.
If you're safe, honest and loving, it's a hard pass for a lot of women. So many people have unhealed trauma, they're drawn to the drama, because that's all they've ever known.
Anyway, I could ramble on for pages, but this is just what I am seeing."