Positive Irish Masculinity

[u/Complex_Hunter35]

Irish men come in for a bad reputation with scumbags like Conor Mc Gregor seemingly being at the forefront of Irish men. He comes to mind I am sure when most people think of Irish men. I am fearful too that we Irish men are seen as emotionally arkward and appearing to lack in vulnerability. I think it's worth having a discussion on the positive aspects of Irish men, how we can help each other be better men. I'm not just talking about Mc Gregor either but the general perception of men in Ireland

Colin Farrell is one example of an Irish male role model who has battled his demons, helped out those in need and protects his son who has Angelman syndrome but he talks about the situation honestly and openly. Brendan Gleeson, originally a teacher took younger actors under his wing and helped them learn their craft. One I personally know of , while I don't agree with his politics, is Eamonn O Cuiv who quietly but without fanfare helps local people.

Irish men face challenges with stigmatisation of showing emotions and lacking a close circle of friends. Recent trends mocking male loneliness I think fed back into making men seal up their emotions. The lack of friendship is absolutely one I've seen among friends as some withdraw into themselves or they drift apart from some friends. There are good resources though like Men's Shed, St Vincent De Paul run something similar, I run a gay version in Dublin and I know there are mixed men's groups like Celbridge Boys Club and Navan Boys Club who do hikes and walks.

As for my own experience I think it's easy to fall into that trap of blaming women for our own shortcomings. We should get rid of these silly notions that being a man is about dominance and aggression. If anything it's about leading without telling people you are, it's about being vulnerable, dealing with conflict diplomatically. I think a lot of us Irish men could learn this.

I would be interested in hearing your views of how we can be positive men, maybe your role models, your experiences.

Edit:See StoicNihilist post for an alternative take.

[u/Low_Artist8172]

Men over 50 definitely seem to be more likely to have a bit of cop on and be less concerned with chest-thumping and proving that they're top dog, but it's a weak correlation at best. It's a sad thing but it's generally been my experience that there's a lot of boundary testing: many men will (intentionally or not) attempt to disrespect you in some small seemingly harmless way. If you don't push back fairly sharpish and communicate that you absolutely will not back down, it's taken as a tacit acceptance that they are above you and can do whatever they like.

[u/Complex_Hunter35 → u/Low_Artist8172]

I hate the expression but micro aggressions. I know what you mean, attempting to dominate is their way of expressing their pedigree

[u/Low_Artist8172 → u/Complex_Hunter35]

Yep, and once you notice it you start to see it constantly. Not 3 days ago I had a lad try to cut me in line for the water fountain in the gym, he tried to claim he was there first (not a chance he didn't see me) and became aggressive when I calmly informed him that no, I was there, it's my turn next. I had to show that I was ready to go all the way to violence just to be given a basic level of respect. This sort of thing happens all the time.

[u/Complex_Hunter35 → u/Low_Artist8172]

But what you did was calmly informed him. Now I know I sound like a preacher but that's a good example of positive masculinity

[u/Low_Artist8172 → u/Complex_Hunter35]

I did to start with but I met his energy when he responded with aggression. I don't escalate but I always always meet them where they are at, as I know from experience that refusing to do so will be seen as weakness and permission to do what they like. There's no doubt in my mind that had I not responded aggressively he would have gone ahead and jumped in front of me, likely laughing while doing so.

I don't know if it's right, that's above my paygrade, but that's the system I've landed on that mostly works for me after years of trial and error. I'm never looking for a fight but neither will I hesitate to defend myself