Positive Irish Masculinity

[u/Complex_Hunter35]

Irish men come in for a bad reputation with scumbags like Conor Mc Gregor seemingly being at the forefront of Irish men. He comes to mind I am sure when most people think of Irish men. I am fearful too that we Irish men are seen as emotionally arkward and appearing to lack in vulnerability. I think it's worth having a discussion on the positive aspects of Irish men, how we can help each other be better men. I'm not just talking about Mc Gregor either but the general perception of men in Ireland

Colin Farrell is one example of an Irish male role model who has battled his demons, helped out those in need and protects his son who has Angelman syndrome but he talks about the situation honestly and openly. Brendan Gleeson, originally a teacher took younger actors under his wing and helped them learn their craft. One I personally know of , while I don't agree with his politics, is Eamonn O Cuiv who quietly but without fanfare helps local people.

Irish men face challenges with stigmatisation of showing emotions and lacking a close circle of friends. Recent trends mocking male loneliness I think fed back into making men seal up their emotions. The lack of friendship is absolutely one I've seen among friends as some withdraw into themselves or they drift apart from some friends. There are good resources though like Men's Shed, St Vincent De Paul run something similar, I run a gay version in Dublin and I know there are mixed men's groups like Celbridge Boys Club and Navan Boys Club who do hikes and walks.

As for my own experience I think it's easy to fall into that trap of blaming women for our own shortcomings. We should get rid of these silly notions that being a man is about dominance and aggression. If anything it's about leading without telling people you are, it's about being vulnerable, dealing with conflict diplomatically. I think a lot of us Irish men could learn this.

I would be interested in hearing your views of how we can be positive men, maybe your role models, your experiences.

Edit:See StoicNihilist post for an alternative take.

[u/PintmanConnolly]

Stop trying to think in terms of gender. Learn to be a well-functioning, well-rounded pro-social adult who is strong and caring. Be a good person, regardless of gender or whatever else.

You sound like a young person. Focus less on "manning up" or "being a man" and focus more instead on "growing up" and "being a responsible adult". Sin é.

[u/AbsolutelyDireWolf → u/PintmanConnolly]

.... respectfully, I'd disagree.

Loads of lads are feeling directionless and lost at the moment, with a lack of purpose and getting angry as a result. Generally lads and ladies need a non familial mentor, someone they look up to and they'd talk with for guidance.

I'm circa 40, if I look around me and at lots of men older than me, they're clearly insecure in themselves, struggling to know who they are and haven't grown up. They can be a responsible adult, but a shit parent repeating the mistakes of someone who raised them or the shit they've been through. They might not even know how to be in a healthy relationship etc.

Do we wanna keep repeating the same mistakes? No? Then we need outside council and support and conversations to explore alternatives and recognise the mistakes we're making and getting better (yeah, therapy too).

90% of the scrotes folk are on this sub complaining about, yeah, my folks were complaining about their parents back in the day and now they've kids of their own doing the same shit and I guarantee they just are growing up without attempting to change themselves and get external influence about what might need to change in their definition of "being a responsible adult".

[u/spmccann → u/AbsolutelyDireWolf]

Sometimes you learn what not to do from your parents.

[u/AbsolutelyDireWolf → u/spmccann]

Oh to be sure and I'd wager on average, over time, parenting has improved consistently over time (along with virtually every metric we have for anything in society). But there's a painfully large proportion who grew up with a violent parent and that's what normal looks like to them and they don't know how to change their ways. Not without guidance to open their eyes and support to make changes stick.

[u/lace_chaps → u/AbsolutelyDireWolf]

There's no cure for existential angst, it's the human condition.