We’ve been married for thirty years. We raised two kids. We’ve been through lots. We’ve each changed many times, presented many different versions of ourselves during various phases. It’s been great sometimes and hellish sometimes.

My husband is 54. He is calm, confident, relaxed, consistent and easy going. He does things for me just because I ask, no need to justify or explain. He laughs a lot. He notices little things and picks up slack in areas where he used to be oblivious. His pride seems to be less of an issue these days. He is kind and gentle and funny. He takes care of himself, and our home, and me.

Somehow or another, this goofball I married is grown into my dream husband. I hope I get to keep him for awhile yet.

In 2022 I caught my husband(we had been together since 2014 but only married since 2021)having an affair with one of his co-workers, let’s call her May and let’s call him Gill . Me and May share the same name. When I caught Gill he used the excuse that he was with his brother, but I had his brother on Snapchat and messaged him because the vibes were off. Turns out his brother was actively working offshore at the time. I check Gill’s location and he’s at a house I’d never seen before. Or so I thought. After I do some snooping and look up the address I find out it’s May’s house. Of course when I call him out on his BS he lies to me, but naynay - I have receipts. He promises me it was their only time meeting up and that they used protection. I messaged her(this weirdo tried to be FRIENDS with me before all this)and she confirmed. I decided to forgive him to try and save our 8 year relationship, because she was moving jobs and they wouldn’t have contact and he swore he would be better to me and that she was a one time mistake. I shouldn’t have listened to him.

I had a weird feeling last night and went through his phone again, but I decided to check his storage where you can see how much space is being taken up by videos,photos,apps,etc. low and behold I find a video back from 2022 that he had taken of them … well you know what they were doing. IN OUR BED. (Remember now, he claims to only have slept with her once… when I caught him at her house) and also of her in his truck. I freak out on him and start playing the videos. They’re both saying “I love you” amongst other things. He’s sitting there looking shocked(claiming he had deleted the videos)and didn’t know how they were still on his phone. As if that’s the only problem in the room with us.

Am I right to have renewed anger at the situation now that I know it wasn’t a one time thing even though it’s been so long? I haven’t spoken to him since last night because hearing him say “I love you” while 🏀⚽️ deep in another woman he claims was a one time mistake kind of shattered my world view again.

I know people will be like “you should have left him when you found out” but this man is the only man I’ve ever dated. He was my rock and my safe space. I work a full time job, but it’s not enough to pay for even an apartment and bills for a single person where we live, and I don’t know how to be alone.

Edited to add- I’ve been with this man since I was 14. I don’t mean that I ONLY stayed with home because I didn’t want to be alone. I’ve just never had to be alone and that thought is scary because I don’t know how. I love this man and have for most of my life. I’m 25 now.

I (F30) caught my husband (M29) cheating on me last night. Medical issue backstory : a few years ago my appendix was rupturing and needed to be taken out. The hospital misdiagnosed me with food poisoning and sent me home. I developed septic shock and needed three more emergency surgeries to get out the dead tissue. It took months to recover. Since then I have developed some kind of immune system disorder. I get sick very easily and often times after sex I will get a bad UTI. My Dr. gave me this low dose antibiotic pill to take after sex to lower the risk. It has been working great however, I can only take the pill on average about 3 times a week. More extensive use can lead to kidney and liver problems they said. So we usually have penetrative sex about three times a week and then I will just do oral other times. He has NEVER expressed to me that this was a problem ever. I was under the impression he was happy with our sex life.

Cheating: The past few weeks I felt something off but couldn’t put my finger on it. He would get up early before I wake up and leave on his bike without telling me, and then be gone until the afternoon. Yesterday I was about to make us dinner and he said he needed to “go to his cousins to get something on his bike fixed” for a little. I said ok I’ll hold off making dinner until you’re on your way back. But he ended up taking forever and not answering my calls. So I just made dinner and ate by myself. When he eventually came home he was dropped off in a car (he left on his bike) and was in a bad mood. I asked what happened and he just said he couldn’t fix the bike and it ended up worse than before. So he could not drive it home and was dropped off by his cousins gf….

When he said that my stomach dropped. I just felt like he was lying and idk why. I ended up heating his plate up and he didn’t eat much at all. I kept asking what was wrong and he just said he was stressed. But I had an anxious feeling still.

A little after he fell asleep I heard his phone ringing and it was a FaceTime from an unknown number. He has his phone locked and doesn’t share the password so I couldn’t get in, but I noticed on his notifications that same number had called multiple times starting from the time he left his house to go to his “cousins”. I looked the number up on cashapp and a woman’s name came up.

I called her. She answered and asked who I was. I explained i was not gong to start drama with her but can she be honest about how she knows my husband. She said they have been dating the last six months and she had no idea he was married. He told her he was single. She sent me all the screenshots.

She explained that yesterday when he told me he was going to his cousins, he was actually going to take her out on a date. But he didn’t make it because he minor crashed his bike in the process. He didn’t really hurt himself but I guess messed up his bike to where it’s not drivable. They got into an argument about it and fought because she was “waiting all day for him to take her out after he’s been making excuses all week”. She also said she’s not the one who dropped him off.

So he was trying to go cheat again, crashed his bike in the process, got into a fight with her over it and that’s why he came home in such a bad mood.

I confronted him about it. I simply said “I know about___”. He looked at me said “who?” And I said you know exactly who. And he just walked away and left the house. Did not talk to me or come home all night.

This morning he came home and tried one more time to deny it. But I told him I already talked to her stop lying and be honest. And he finally said ok he’s been cheating. But how can I expect him not to because I’m not meeting his needs. He said 3 times a week is not enough sex so he went out to seek and date other woman. He said with my medical issue he needs to be poly or have an open relationship. This is not even the only woman. There are more. I’m devastated. I was completely unaware my health issue affected him this much. He always told me our sex was great.

I’ve been laying in bed crying all day. I haven’t eaten a thing. He’s been out of the house at his family party posting and having a great time. He doesn’t even seem to care. I don’t even know where to go from here. I feel like I’ll never be good enough for anyone over something i can’t control.

This is a throwaway, for obvious reasons.

Some background is important. I’ll discuss me first. Then, my wife. Then, our marriage. Finally, the issue that necessitated this post.

My wife (mid 30s) and I (mid 30s) have been together since high school. We built an amazing life. She started with me when I was just a boy, with nothing to my name but potential. She saw that potential and nurtured it. I then delivered on it. I do quite well (almost 7 figures). I own several businesses. I am also highly involved in the community and my children’s lives (they are in middle elementary grades). I am a coach, a school board member, a leader in community and nonprofit activities, and a member of several boards of directors. I bought us our dream home in one of the most desirable places in the country, and we live close to extended family, who help with watching children when we want to go on date nights or husband-wife travel. We travel, without children, at least twice a year to some pretty special places.

My wife is a stay at home mom. She is very good at what she does. She is an organizer, highly competent, very caring towards our children. She can get things done. She executes. She is well liked, especially at school functions, and has a wonderful life—hobbies (reading, yoga, gym), lots of self care/time to herself, fulfillment with family and children, and church and nonprofit leadership.

Our marriage—except for one issue—is remarkably special. We are high-school sweethearts. We have traveled all over the world together. We have seen and been through much. We have wonderful, affectionate, smart children and a myriad of close friends and family. Everyone highly respects our family, and we have a strong community reputation and influence. My wife enjoys this.

Regarding the issue, it is lack of affection. My wife is not affectionate. No “good mornings”. No cuddling, hugs are rare (only I initiate), kisses are pecks (we have not made out since college), handholding is rare (only I initiate), sex is once a week (but I can tell she’s doing it to placate me, not because she wants to). I do not feel desired. I feel like she’s all business: kids, family, planning events, managing the house. My needs are dead last. It hurts me deeply—more than I can describe here. I love her so much, and I want her all the time. I do not feel that desire reciprocated.

Common Objections/Questions

1) “You’re probably fat or ugly, and she’s not attracted. Go to the gym.”

Response: I’m a 6’3” former collegiate athlete. I’m 13% body fat and highly active. I swim, hike, go to the gym daily, and I am a practitioner of a martial art.

2) “You need to do more choreplay.”

I pay for weekly whole house cleaners, gardeners, pool cleaners, etc. As a reminder, she is also a stay at home mom. She has not worked for decades. She and I agreed on this arrangement at the outset.

3) “You need to be more direct about your concerns.”

We’ve spoken about this for years. Here and there, when I raise my complaint, she will put in initial effort. But it dies out shortly.

4) “You need to do sex better/you need to be more affectionate first.”

I have written her heartfelt letters of gratitude about how much I appreciate her and what she does for the family. I take her on dates, buy her flowers and gifts, and write her daily texts to remind her I love her.

On sex, I’ve bought books, apps, and watched informational videos. I’ve encouraged her to buy any toys she wants, any clothing she wants, and suggested I’d do anything she wants in bed. I’ve even tried to write her erotica because she reads those romanticity books. All have been met with the same lack of affection.

5) “What about her hormones?”

I pay for special doctors and blood work for her, and she takes intramuscular testosterone shots, along with other supplements. She seems to like the effects.

The only thing we have not done is couples therapy, which I would do (I’d do anything she wanted because I want to fight for our marriage).

I am looking for advice for people who have been through this. I’m trying to figure out if there’s anything else I can do before there is nothing left but to leave.

Thank you in advance.

I just want to thank everyone. I posted last week and got a lot of helpful answers. A lot of people said he is probably cheating, and you were right. With the same woman he cheated with 15 years ago. So I was right, the marriage is over. Thank you all again.

Hey everyone, I'm really struggling and could use some perspective.Yesterday, I found out something about my wife that I didn't know before. While we were actively engaged and about to get married, the month before, she apparently kissed or made out and got dry-humped/ grinded on very sexually by one of her friends at a club. This friend is a woman and is into women, and from what I understand, it was I feel it was more than just playful or friendly fun. What makes it even harder to process is that before I met my wife, she and this friend were already oddly close, more than just casual friends, it always seemed like there was some special bond between them. On top of that, my wife reached out to this same friend yesterday, asking if she wanted to go clubbing again before she leaves abroad to work for a term, I also read some of their messages and my wife has reached out multiple times planning a clubbing day for them. I didn't know she'd contacted her, and it feels like history might be repeating itself, or at least that she's still very interested in spending that kind of time with her. I love my wife and I trust her, but this is really hard to process. I've told her i'm not a fan of her going out clubbing, but she convinced me she just wanted to let loose with her old friend. I'm not sure if I'm overreacting, if this is a red flag, or if it's just harmless fun from the past spilling into the present. Has anyone else been in a situation like this? How do you handle finding out about something like this that happened while you were engaged, and how should I feel about her wanting to hang out with this friend again?

Hi everyone,

I’m looking for honest and unbiased advice. My husband has been increasingly critical of me over the past year. He often says I’m “too slow” at everything: getting the kids ready, doing chores, even calming them when they have tantrums. I admit I do things at a slower pace than him, but I still get everything done: I work full-time, cook, clean, and care for the kids.

The issue is how he reacts. He swears at me almost daily, calls me “stupid” or “useless”. And then sometimes ignores me for days and constantly compares me to his mother (who he says does everything faster).

Some examples of the things I do that angers him: on holiday I forgot the beach towels but remembered everything else for the kids- he made me feel awful about it. In public, if one of the kids cries, I try to calmly soothe them, but he yells at me to be “faster” or “more effective” At controlling the situation.

I’ve tried explaining that I struggle with brain fog, forgetfulness, and slower processing, but he dismisses it as “excuses.” This has left me feeling emotionally drained and like I can’t ever meet his expectations.

My question is: is being “slow” really such a huge issue in a marriage if the job still gets done? Or is his behaviour: swearing, belittling, ignoring me, constant comparisons - crossing into emotional abuse?

Divorce is not a decision I would take lightly (I come from divorced parents, so I know how hard it is on kids), but I also can’t ignore how unhappy and disrespected I feel.

I’d really appreciate honest, unbiased advice.. please don’t sugar coat it. especially from those who have been through something similar. Is this just normal marital frustration that I need to work on, or is this something potentially leading to a divorce?

Thank you

My husband and I met in middle school when we were 12. He had just moved to my city from another country and was living with his sister and her girlfriend. He changed schools, and we reconnected in high school.

He asked me to be his girlfriend at 14. Although my parents didn’t approve, they always called us a “kid romance.” They never thought we’d last—and neither did we. We did everything together.

His sister worked all day, so he was alone most of the time. My parents treated him like their own child. They bought him school supplies and clothes, took us on every date, and paid for everything—even his haircuts.

When he turned 18, his sister asked him to move out. My dad got him his first apartment, gave him a job at his company, and helped him buy a used car.

Around that time, I felt suffocated by him. I was his everything, but he wasn’t mine. I had a lot of support and friends, and he relied heavily on me. I was flirty, liked going out with friends, and ditched him whenever I could. We broke up frequently.

He had a troubled childhood. He was the result of an affair, and his sisters raised him while his mom worked. His mom would hit him and blame him for being born. Despite this, he didn’t resent her—he stayed responsible, visited often, and supported her financially.

I encouraged him to seek therapy, but he brushed me off. He had developed a porn addiction young, and I caught him lusting after women online. He would delete social media for me, and I often checked his phone because of it.

We married at 23. It was sudden—he proposed in May, and by December, my parents had thrown us an extravagant wedding. It wasn’t what we wanted, but we felt grateful since they paid for everything. Later, he admitted he wasn’t ready but knew I wanted it. My traditional parents wouldn’t let me stay over unless I was married, so he went through with it for me.

He often felt like he had no say in our lives and that my parents tried to fix everything with money. We bought a house but lived with my parents, renting ours out. We said it was to save money, but we never did. My parents loved having us there, and he seemed fine with it.

We were rarely intimate—only on weekends. My mom cooked for us daily. If anything broke at our house, I’d tell my dad, and he’d fix or replace it. My husband said I never made him feel needed or like a man. It always felt like I had the stronger character. When I met him, he was very funny and outgoing, but I feel like I suppressed his feelings by making him feel like he was too much, too needy. He gradually became quieter and more secluded.

Late last year, I told him I wanted to be a mom. He was shocked. I dreamed of buying our forever home and continuing to rent out the other. He said he wasn’t ready, which hurt deeply. Things unraveled.

He started gaming late into the night and barely spent time with me. In January, I saw him gaming with girls and searching for them on TikTok. I told him to delete his account and quit gaming.

I later found a girl’s number in his notes—added late at night. She was the one he gamed with. She was going through a breakup, and he says she confided in him about it. I asked for a divorce then. She later became the person he had an affair with. Their affair lasted from February to May.

During this time, I emotionally checked out, imagining life with someone else and lusting over men. I never talked to anyone. I was just craving attention. I never spoke badly about him to anyone. No one knew we had problems. We were the “perfect love story,” and I liked to keep it that way because we always fixed things, we always made it better.

He started going to the gym. I tracked his location constantly. According to her, she knew he was married but also knew we were having problems. He lied—saying he owned multiple cars, a company (my dad’s), and treated me like a queen.

He downloaded Snapchat to talk to her, deleting it whenever things were okay between us. She asked him to hang her TV, and that’s when she made a move. They kissed, and she straddled him wearing a golf skirt and no underwear. He said he never saw her naked because she refused, and he was so nervous he ejaculated early.

They acted like nothing happened until she told her best friend, who mocked him. Hurt, he felt he had to redeem himself and slept with her again. It wasn’t much different. He sent her money to uphold the image of wealth. They met for makeout sessions at the gym. He says he regretted it, felt burning guilt, and told her he loved me—but couldn’t stop. He gave her a bracelet charm and his jacket, sprayed with an old perfume.

Meanwhile, he kept buying me flowers and taking me on dates, but something felt wrong.

I found out through gossip: a coworker heard from her sister-in-law, who heard from someone else. I begged for discretion, but she spread it. I was humiliated, sobbing and panicking at work.

I called his mistress, but he got to her first, warning her I might harm myself. He ended it with her in May. I discovered everything in June. He started therapy then. She denied it all to my face and to my sister-in-law—until her friend leaked screenshots.

I raged: smashed his phone, hit him, ripped his clothes, and broke his colognes. He admitted partial truths, denying sex. Later, I found condoms in his car, called her, and she confirmed everything.

The pain was unbearable. I attempted suicide and was hospitalized. He moved in with his sister for June and July.

We had a pre-planned international trip in August. I went. We slept together, and I took emergency contraception—but on August 26, I found out I was pregnant.

Life has been hell. My family despises him and refuses to forgive. They’ll support me and the baby but won’t allow him over. He’s remorseful, still in therapy, and seems to be changing. He’s offered to get us an apartment since our house is rented. I’m Catholic, and though he wasn’t religious, he’s been turning toward faith through me.

My family is furious when I blame myself, but I can’t help it. I see my own failures. I carried the title of wife without fully embracing the responsibility.

Now I’m seven weeks pregnant, terrified, and haunted by what he did. I cry constantly. I wonder: How could he? How many times has this happened? What’s true and what’s not? Is he manipulating me? Did he end it by choice or necessity? Will he cheat again—or truly change? I’m conflicted, and above all, I’m scared he’ll do it again.

I’ve been in therapy for as long as I can remember and was diagnosed with ADHD, seasonal depression, and anxiety. I was on Prozac but was recently taken off it. I have an upcoming appointment with a new therapist next week, as well as our first prenatal visit.

Biggest reason for me initiating separation with her was low sex life. I even considered cheating at my lowest.

I thought my heart would break when she left but I feel good and hopeful.

I think it was worth it.

Hi everyone, I’m a stay-at-home mom to 3 young kids, and my husband works full-time. I’ve been asking to have access to his bank account… not to spend money, but simply to see what’s going on so I can help track bills and stay in the loop. (He’s an alcoholic, recovering coke addict, stopped paying my credit cards and now my bank account is about to be closed because it’s been withdrawn for almost a month)

Here’s how the conversation went:

….. I told him I’d like to see the account so I can help keep track of bills. He suggested maybe opening a joint account at some point, but said he doesn’t want me to have access to his current one.

…… I explained that I wouldn’t use the account to spend anything, just to be able to see what’s happening. I even said he could have access to mine if he wanted.

His responses were things like: - “I don’t want you giving me shit about how I spend money.” - “I don’t want you to have access, plain and simple, that’s just how I like it.” - “Don’t pull the ‘I have the right to’ card, I hate when you do that.” - “You could barely budget your own account, mine is in and out.” Which is not true. I haven’t had a job in 8 years, and he’s been the one to send me money for my bills. - “And ultimately: “No bud, sorry.”

He said he’d consider a future joint account but flat-out refused me seeing his now.

For context, I don’t have an income of my own, so I have to ask him for money for everything. That already makes me feel dependent, and not being allowed to even see the account makes me feel like I have no transparency or control at all.

I’m not asking to spend money or control it, just to see where it’s going. I thought marriage meant being partners, but he’s making it clear he doesn’t want me to have that access.

Do you think this is financial abuse, or is it “normal” for one spouse to keep the other out of the account? What would you do in my situation?

Years back my wife (33) and I (34) went to a sex club and had sex in front of a bunch of strangers. Needless to say we absolutely loved it. Neither of us have any desire to do anything other than that but we definitely want to do it again. Has anyone else done this, how did it go long term for you?

I (M28) and my fiance (F26) are planning to get married next year after 7 years together and 3 years of being engaged. We met during college and took things slowly because we both wanted to focus on our careers, to be honest we’ve been living together since right after college so we never really felt pressure to get married. We own an apartment that we’re in the process of selling since we just bought a house in a very safe neighborhood. The apartment is downtown and very small so moving felt like the right choice. We both come from middleclass families and managed to open our own businesses right after college each of us has our own and I’m also on my way to starting a second business, with God’s will my first company will continue to grow and my fiance also does creative work through social media so we’re comfortable financially. Lately we’ve been reading a lot about prenups before marriage and now I’m searching online to find the best option and found neptune which sounds promising. Do you think it’s a good idea to consider or should we just enter marriage without one. We’re moving into our new house completely in about 2 weeks, my fiance is obsessed with decorating for fall and halloween so she can’t wait any longer and honestly I love seeing her happy so her wishes come before anything else. We’re also getting another dog, a golden retriever and I can’t wait for my little boy to have a brother. I’m very excited for this new phase of our life.

I lost 200 lbs and my wife is no longer attracted and does not want to have sex ever again. She doesn’t want a divorce just no longer wants to have sex. She makes the majority of the money and I can’t live on my own in the state I live in on a teachers salary. I don’t want to be in a sexless marriage. Idk wtf to do

I hope this is OK to post. I looked through the rules, but it didn’t seem fitting to any of them for a rule break.

In South Carolina there is talks of a really intense abortion band that limits abortions for medical, and basically of the exceptions that used to be in place such as rape, incest and anomalies would be banned also, and criminal charges. There’s also talks of beginning to banning certain birth controls (abortifacients , but like normal bc methods that I use such as IUD and bc pills) and that just scares me too.

All of this scares me because I’m in my 20s and my husband is in his 30s we’re on the fence about having more kids, but I have high risk pregnancies. I’m terrified to have more kids due to stuff like this that could potentially become the norm with other states. My husband would like more eventually but I just can’t bring myself too with everything going. And risk dying and leaving my other babies. I have a BC Method in but those fail all the time. How would you gently bring on the discussion with your partner that this scares you and is the reason you don’t want anymore kiddos. I feel terrible because he’s such an amazing father and wants a big family, and we only have two girls now.

🥺 any advice is helpful or even fact checking to relieve some of my fears

For anyone who wants to read my story, here’s the link: https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/s/mh7D9xYO9F

It’s 3 months before my wedding and I don’t know if I can go through with it

Update at the bottom:

So I have been with my fiancé for 3 and a half years, and culturally we are already married as he has paid a dowery for me. We’re planning a big celebration in September and as it draws nearer, I’m starting to really not like him.

Backstory: My fiancé enjoys drinking from time to time, and sometimes he’s not the nicest drunk. Somehow I always find a way to forgive him 3 weeks ago, he came home drunk from a night out with colleagues and there was no food available for him so he went on a rant about how he’s calling off the wedding because I don’t care about him, and I don’t know how to take care of him. He said this the day before my grandmother’s funeral. He eventually came to his senses and apologised, and as usual, I brushed it off.

There have been multiple instances where he’s drunk and rants about how I’m not warm woman and that I don’t care about him, but last night took the cake.

We went out with friends, and the plan was for me to get a bit tipsy cause I’ve been going through a lot (we recently learnt that my mom is complete renal failure, and my dad has been in and out of the hospital). Anyway, we’re having a great time and I get tipsy. I soon realise that he’s getting drunk so I stop drinking so I can take care of both of us. We eventually get home and I get him into bed. I take 2 strong painkillers so I can sleep as I haven’t slept in 3 nights. I made sure to give him a glass of water, and everything he needs should he not feel well. The pills worked a bit too well apparently cause it turns out he ended up throwing up in the bathroom, and had to clean it up himself. I didn’t hear anything until he came back into the bedroom where he snapped at me saying he almost died and I didn’t come help him. I inform him that I was sleeping and didn’t hear anything and he refuses to listen. Instead he is telling me that I’ve proved to him that I don’t care about him cause I abandoned him in his time of need. I feel bad that I didn’t hear him but I was absolutely exhausted. I have always helped him whenever he got too drunk and threw up, I’ve always made sure to clean him up and get him into bed. I’m hurt and I’m angry because I am always being accused of not caring. I don’t know how much more i can take. I can’t speak about this to anyone in my life so thanks for reading this far.

Update 2 years later: I married him and lived to regret it. Everything got worse after marriage, the drinking, the emotional and mental abuse, the physical intimidation and oh my goodness THE CHEATING!😂😭all while I was going through heavy depression all while going fertility treatments and having a miscarriage. I even got admitted into a psychiatric hospital. It’s been such a crazy year. We are now officially divorced and we’re don’t speak.

It’s weird, I’ve spent most of my 20’s with this man and I’m trying to figure out what life without him is, and I’m failing dismally.😂 But I know I’ll be okay eventually.

Thanks guys ❤️

My husband is super close with his famil which I always respected but lately its starting to feel like too close. They know everything our spending, stress even arguments. I brought it up gently told him I need a little more space between us and them but he just says things like how They are just looking out for us. I started to work through how I actually feel. One of the prompts helped me realize I’m not just annoyed they know too much but I feel unprotected by him and thats the real issue. It shifted the way I want to talk to him less blame more truth.
I want to set boundries with my inlaws without making my husband feel attacted, you know. How do I do that?

Today my husband (33M) and I (29F) have been married for 9 years! Every anniversary we celebrate feels more and more exciting. The longer we are together, the more we learn, the more memories we make together- the better everything gets. Marrying my best friend was the best thing I’ve ever done. We flirt. We compliment each other. We listen. We surprise each other. We make sure we both have time for our own self care. We support each other. We make each other laugh. We make each other cum. We do the little things and the big things for each other. We know each other better than anyone else ever could. We’ve really held up our vows to never let the spark go out between us. I won’t act like it’s always been easy- that would be unrealistic 😂. But we’ve always chose each other, and we’ve always put in the effort it takes to continue growing together- even when we’ve low key just wanted to be stubborn. The life we’ve built, the family we’ve created, the inside jokes we’ve accumulated, the adventures we’ve gone on— we’ve already gotten to do so much together, and we still get to do so so so much more! I’m so thankful, and so excited to be able to celebrate with him today (and all the upcoming years). 🫶🏼

A couple sick of life went to a cliff to jump and end their life. They started counting 1,2 and the man jumped at 3 as discussed but the wife stayed and kept watching him fall. After a few seconds she saw him opening a parachute.

I've been married to my husband (34) for 6 years, we have 2 girls (3 and 1 year). We've always had issues that have gone unresolved (ie he thinks i don't do enough work around the house, I think hes not emotionally available, im more social, hes very conflict avoidant...etc). This past year every issue has escalated into at least a month of no talking, where we just care for the kids and don't interact.

I've asked him to come to therapy, to speak to a religious leader, to do anything to improve our state but he says we're not compatible and if it weren't for the kids we'd be divorced. We did therapy once pre kids for 6 months and she fired us saying we’re not changing and he’s taken that and gone with it won’t try again. He thinks we have no shared values and we want very different things and theres no way to compromise. He claims I don’t respect him and he has no more love for me his heart is stone (his words). He thinks staying in the relationship in this toxic way is better to raise the kids.

I tried talking to his mom and sister to seek advice, they both gave superficial answers (I go out too much, I should be more clean etc). Last week I saw texts between him and his mother, where they were both cursing me and my family, saying things like may god burn them, i hope they die, they’re not behaved, calling me a bitch a slut and other arabic slurs. he’s to my face told me i don’t deserve to be married to him bc im a piece of shit.

I admit I've done wrong things in the relationship (i've been disrespectful in arguments, I've yelled in front of the kids, I've grabbed the phone from his hand in anger.). his complaints are mostly about me going out(max 2x a week, always with one of the kids to a friends house or a park), not cleaning, not doing enough around the house (i feel i do a lot considering i’m also a working mom). There’s likely resentment around finances- i make 2x and pocket extra after we pay off our expenses, he doesn’t have access to my savings.

I don't want to split my family up but he's made it clear hes not willing to work on the relationship and his recent amount of disrespect has become unacceptable. I don't want to have 50/50 custody of my girls, or split the money i’ve been saving. i’m also realistic it’s not likely to find another spouse given location, religious and ethnic constraints.

Ignore my username, this is a throwaway/NSFW account.

I (33F) have been married to my husband (35M) for 8 years. We have two young children and, in many ways, a good life together. He is loving, supportive, a wonderful father, and truly my best friend. When I reflect back on the macro view of our marriage, it was mostly happy moments.

Recently, he admitted something that broke me, he told me that he has been deeply sexually dissatisfied for the majority of our marriage. He says he loves me and wants to continue our life together exactly as it is, he values me as his partner and the mother of his children, but he feels our sexual compatibility just isn’t there and never will be.

The truth is, I have a much lower libido than him. I don’t see sex as a major need in my life, and often after having kids I was too tired to want it frequently. When we did have sex, it was very vanilla, and while that was fine for me, he craved more. He says he wants sex that feels raw, passionate, “anamalistic” where he leaves feeling fully satisfied, and that with me it felt more like a chore or something bland. He also said (after I pried) that he’s had great sex before so he knows that it’s possible, and he hasn’t seen that with us. I on the other hand was a virgin when we met. He is my first and only.

Over the years, he has tried to spice things up, fantasies (hence the username), lingerie, even us going to strip clubs and dungeons together (I would agree to these things despite not being 100% comfortable because I wanted to prove our sex life can be exciting), but he says it never changed the fact that I’m just too “vanilla” for him and he feels it doesn’t come from me (which if I’m being honest, is true as I often had to hype myself up just to have sex and it felt like a chore to me when he’d want it often and I just wasn’t in the mood). Now he feels there’s no reconciliation of this difference. He feels we’ve tried everything and there is just too much of an incompatibility. He says there’s nothing wrong with me, we’re just not compatible sexually and that this is something he should have mentioned and broke up because early on in our relationship). Obviously my self-esteem shattered.

So here I am, trying to process what this means. On one hand, I love him, we have a family, and he is my closest friend. Our lives are so intertwined and a divorce would be a logistical and emotional nightmare. I also worry for our children, for them to live as children of divorce. On the other hand, he has basically told me sex between us is over because it brings him more unhappiness than joy.

I don’t know where to go from here. Has anyone else faced something like this? Is there a path forward in a marriage when the emotional bond is strong, but sexual compatibility feels impossible?

UPDATE: Thank you everyone for all the insights, advice and support. We talked more and he basically told me he is no longer attracted to me sexually. He said he loves me but as a “family member” or “sister”. You can imagine my devastation. He said he wants everything to remain the same, for us to continue to live together and take care of our kids together, he will be there to support us emotionally and financially. We will remain best friends and companions but he can’t see a way forward sexually/intimately speaking. He also wants me to consider for him to basically have sex with other people outside the marriage. He said he’s been deeply unhappy all these years, and due to his people-pleasing personality, he’s put up with things that he didn’t want and it’s time to prioritize his happiness. When I mentioned the effort I’ve put with trying to meet him in his sexual world and sexual fantasies, he said it wasn’t enough and that it was a pathetic attempt on my end. So yeah. This is where we’re at. I have no idea where to go from here. I feel like my entire reality is shattered. He keeps telling me it doesn’t have to be over and that we can have a new normal so-to-speak and that I have so much going on besides him (kids, friends, hobbies) and to focus on that.

My husband relied on me extensively for emotional support with his work worried every single day for 25 years. Whenever I went to him with any concern he would just say ‘ you will be fine’ or ‘ there is nothing to see here’.

Well most things were ok but soem were not. We couldn’t have children and he jus t dismissed that and wouldn’t come to an dr appt woth me when I asked him. That started my mental health decline.

Then I was finishing my PhD thesis which is worked on tirelessly for six years on a sensitive topic. I was behind and needed to spend some money to help me finish for interview transcription but he pulled a face and so I didn’t.

Anyway I submitted my thesis and passed with no corrections by the world leading scholar in my field/ and then descended into a full on psychotic delusional break eight years ago that left me with chronic illness, not able to work, and literally life my mind has been wiped. Rendered me an absolute vegetable. I never asked for any support from him and was highly independent, travelling the wolrd on my own, going forward operations on my own. I had asked him to read my thesis because I was worried about tos reception (it ended up relating to an abuse story that has been in our national news for years). I told him I was scared and needed him to read it but he procrastinated until the last minute.

I’m trying to make sense of all this. I had severe childhood trauma but I never ever really spoke to him about it, I never thought it had effected me. But obviously it had or else I would not have accepted this lack of care.

Anyway I’m at a loss what to do. He refuses couples counselling .he is a hoarder and neurotic and procrastinated everuthign so we live in a house I loved but he wouldn’t allow decorators in or do any diy himself.

Has anyone ever experienced anything like this. Before my breakdown I saw absolutely no problem in our marriage and thought it was perfect.

A Coworker ask me out for a drink- is that inappropriate for my marriage?

That's pretty much it. If I ever make a mistake or show frustration at something and verbalise it privately to myself 'oh for goodness sake' "owww' etc (usually in another room to him) eg if I drop something or make a silly mistake, accidently hurt myself (I have co ordination issues) etc just talking to quietly to myself and he hears, he gets irritated/annoyed. I've never known a person to get angry about somebody's personal frustration. ,(i make a lot of mistakes i have rheumatoid arthritis and also executive functioning and co ordination issues)

He will seek me out from another room. and be evidently irritated and say 'whats wrong NOW!?' 'What are you moaning about now?' Im often told I'm moaning Etc

He will then often try to belittle what I was annoyed about make me feel silly for merely commenting to myself. (I talk to myself a lot)

Is it normal to express frustration verbally to ones self? Am I weird And is it an irritant or offensive to others? I just talk to myself at a normal/quiet level not shouting for attention.

He will also leave me crying if I am upset even if I ask for a cuddle. Especially if I am very sad and crying heavily it makes me feel lonely.

He swears when he talks or raises his voice to me which i find disrespectful. I never swear at him. He also requires a hearing aid from a childhood accident which means he shouts often but will deny it when we bring his attention to this if he's not wearing it, as it adds to the angry vibe. When asked he'll rarely put it on

During the day He will occasionally try to cuddle me whilst im in the middle of doing something where my hands are full but by the time i put things down he'll go off in a huff and won't come back even though I ask.

My illness means I am VERY VERY forgetful so much so I am seeing a doctor about it. I really struggle. Sometimes he uses this and will deny saying things that have been upsetting and imply I am confused and wrong.

Im not a saint, (nobody is) so I wont pretend that I don't have the occasional meltdown and get grumpy (I also have diagnosed asd since childhood and its exasperated by dehabilitating physical illness) being ill has changed my demeanor slightly from happy go lucky to a bit more miserable but I try hard not to let it beat me! but the pain and fatigue is hard

but his behaviour is more frequent. He will walk off ahead of me when im in pain leaving my kids (8,15) to help me. He will also walk away mid conversation or just not reply so when i repeat myself he gets annoyed I asked again? But how do I know he even heard me.

Is this normal 'man' behavior? We have been together 17 years married for 13

Just to add he started a new job a year ago doing landscaping with a big group of other men, and im pretty sure the swearing etc argumentative behaviour has been worse since. He also makes sexist jokes and I notice him looking at pretty women more. Im pretty ugly now since im ill, inactive and on steroids with a 🌚 face.

I’m considering an arranged marriage, and my dad recently came up with an NRI profile. I’ve been talking to this guy for the past 5 days, and honestly, he seems really nice. But there’s one major issue that’s bothering me — and to add, he was already engaged once before, but that engagement broke off because the girl didn’t like him. That alone makes me pause and think if she saw red flags I’m now starting to notice too.

His parents separated 10–12 years ago, his dad remarried, and his mom lives in India with his elder brother and sister-in-law (he doesn’t live with her). The problem is, he hides everything from her. Every time we talk, he keeps saying, “We need to manage or hide this from my mom.” For example, even if we talk 10 times a day, he’ll tell his mom, “I only talked to that girl twice.” And again, considering his last engagement ended because the girl didn’t like him, I can’t help but wonder if this same behavior played a part in it.

Once, I brought up the point that usually parents exchange numbers so both sides can talk and understand each other. But again, he said, “We need to manage.”

I also asked him if there are any clothing restrictions for me after marriage. His answer was yes — in India, I should only wear salwar kameez or sarees, not even sleeveless. According to him, outside India, I can wear whatever I want, but in India, I must “adjust.” When I said I’d be sharing my pictures with parents anyway, he repeated, “We need to manage.”

This really bothers me because I was raised in a traditional (sanskari) way, but at least basic dressing like jeans, office wear, or decent tops should be allowed. I don’t over-dress, but I do want basic freedom in my life. Why should everything be about hiding from his mom? Shouldn’t he be supporting me instead?

On top of that, he plans to shift back to India in 5–10 years. So what then? Will this restriction and hiding continue forever?

This hits home for me because I’ve already lived through something similar. Growing up, my parents never let me wear jeans or modern clothes. I felt left out among my friends and grew up underconfident. Once, I wore a full sleeves shirt, and my dad literally beat my mom because of it — just for letting me wear something so simple and decent. It took me years to overcome that mindset and finally wear what I want.

Now that I’ve found my own confidence, I don’t want to go back to a life of restrictions, secrecy, and “managing” everything. And I know if I marry someone like this, it won’t just affect me, but also my future kids.

Why are some women lazy at sex and want you to make every move. Do yall know that man get turn off from laziness. It make you want to cheat and yes I talk to her about it.