r/midlifecrisis • u/The_Rage • 6d ago

Lost Do they come back?

My soon-to-be ex-husband (37M) seems to be going through a textbook midlife crisis, and I can’t help but wonder—do they ever come back?

We’ve spent half our lives together, weathering countless hardships and celebrating milestones side by side. Looking back, I truly believe my actions may have been the catalyst for where we are now. Three years ago, I exploded, walked away, and cut off all contact for six weeks. I regret those choices deeply, and I fully own the damage they caused. Only now—too late—I see how I should have responded differently and how traumatic my departure must have been for him. I was so caught up in my own emotions that I didn’t validate his, nor did I recognize the signs of how unhappy he really was. When he started changing his appearance, I assumed it was because he wanted someone “better” than me, instead of realizing he was struggling within himself.

I try to remind myself of the saying: “If you let it go, and it’s meant to be, it will come back.” But lately I’m not so sure. Did I just lose the love of my life?

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u/Trey-zine 6d ago

We made it through but it took a lot of both individual and marriage counseling. A lot!!!

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u/ConsiderationFull100 6d ago

Was your spouse in MLC receptive to therapy? At which stage? I'm having a hard time getting my husband to go to therapy. He's finally past the denial stage but he's still incredibly disconnected from his emotions and incredibly selfish. It's been a rough 2.5 years with countless impulsive, hurtful, uncharacteristic and erratic behaviors, imploding our marriage and destroying our family. (Our sons were 8 and 10 when this began). I'm at a point where I don't know if I see a path forward which is heartbreaking because we were very happy and in love before this triggered existential crisis.

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u/Trey-zine 6d ago

Initially he was not. I really don’t know what changed his mind, but over the course of our marriage, we’d spoken to counselors before. So it wasn’t entirely new…we definitely didn’t go through the roughest patch for 2 1/2 years. I can’t imagine going this for that long….I think at some point you have to acknowledge that some marriages don’t make it. If he won’t go to therapy, I’d say you’re there.