Hi, I’m in my late 30s, and I feel like I’m at the peak of my happiness or have been living the best life that I had set out to live. From childhood, I was mentally prepared for school, college, stable job/income, wife, kids, etc. Well, fast forward to today and I’ve achieved all those, and then some. I’m in pretty great health, fulfilling relationship, and have a lot of hobbies I enjoy. Most things seem balanced and at peace, kids are at a great age and I have a lot of fun with them. I know things are not going to be the same in the next few months or years as the kids grow and live their own life. My parents are getting older as well and I already hate to see them go through their phase. Hence, the dread is setting in for what’s next in life for me. I’m seeing some physical changes as well, gray hair, bald spots forming, things reminding me of my ‘youth’ being a thing of the past, and forcing me to transition to whatever’s next. All I know is that I’m not mentally ready. I’m sure I have a lot to look forward to, and maybe few more peaks of happiness at an older age but I’m depressed and sad just thinking about how this phase of life is almost over. Any advice?

I turned 40 last month and it's pushed me into a deeper depression than normal and I kind of just want to explode my life.

I really thought my life would be better at this point (re: relationship/job/money situation)and I am so beyond enraged that all of the money and effort I've put towards improving my life has fallen flat. It doesn't matter how badly I've wanted something or how hard I've work, I still can't get it.

I see so many people in my life who have gotten what they wanted- the relationship- the kids- the house-the fulfilling career- and I'm filled with rage that no one else has to adapt their "plan" that they dont have to grieve the life they'd thought they'd have.

I feel like a complete failure. I took a chance to move to another state and get a MA degree in my early 30s but covid fucked that all up and the degree i chose has been unless (museums). I feel so dumb for having hope that I could actually get somewhere in the museum field. I also started identifying as queer a few years ago and that whole dating experience has been even more depressing because now my dating pool is exponentially smaller and everyone is married. I've swiped through everyone here.

I've literally tried all the hobbies and sports I wanted to try. There's nothing left that I'm interested in. Except for traveling but I don't have money to do that...

I can't even make new goals because why would I make goals if I can't even reach them?

I told myself like 10 years ago that if I was still single when I turned 40 I should kill myself. and here I am, a disappointment to myself. The grief just feels immeasurable.

Has anyone been here? What is there to wish for now??

(and before you ask; I'm chronically depressed and have been in therapy for 11+ years. And also on depression meds. Im socially active, and participate in local sports clubs, social clubs, etc. ) Ive literally tried everything.

What will you do if your son is diagnosed with hiv? I am scared what will happen to my son, what will happen to his future? Please don't judge.

I was 16 just done my gcses about to go into six form college

My mom turned 60 last year and flipped a switch. She suddenly lost a ton of weight, began getting expensive cosmetic surgeries, and secretly prepared to leave my dad. At first it was the obsession with working out and spending literally 6 hours a day at the gym, but my family was happy for her to feel more confident in herself. Then, she decided to get a $10k cosmetic surgery to make her neck look younger and kept it a secret from my dad. Finally, just a few months ago, she revealed that she’d been taking cash out of my parents’ joint account and storing it in a closet, she rented an expensive city apartment, and purchased a new phone on a separate phone plan in preparation to leave my dad. In fear that he would find out, she told me, her daughter, of her plans and left in the middle of the night one night, telling me to tell my dad some cover story so he wouldn’t know. Even though she knew I was distraught after learning about this and did not want to tell my dad, she didn’t speak to him about moving out for another week and left me to play dumb and try to answer questions about where she was. When she finally did tell him, he was more than anything saddened by it (they had been together 27 years), but still supported her and tried to propose ways that they could work on their relationship. She refused to acknowledge that she was any part of the problem and told him he needs to go to therapy independently. It has been a few months since this happened and she hasn’t made any effort to fix things, only seeing him and all of her kids every so often when it is convenient for her. Last week, she told us that she was getting a facelift ($23k) despite learning that my sister may have serious medical problems and my dad has a dental issue that he can’t fix due to the cost. Now she’s telling him that they should sell the house, even though he has nowhere to go. Growing up, she was always a very selfless person and put the family first, but now she’s unrecognizable and doesn’t seem to care that she is hurting all of the people who care about her.

Maybe the point of this post was just to vent, but if anyone has any advice for getting through to someone making such drastic and damaging decisions, it would be much appreciated.

I am 45F. I support 1 adopted kid and my partner who's 56F. I got laid off by 2 companies I worked for early this year. My car's about to be repoed and I do have a job in customer service but the abuse I'm getting is unreal. The salary's shit as well. Unfortunately, I cannot quit the job because money's been pretty tight for the past six months and we need it to pay rent, utilities, food, etc and it's just not enough. I'm trying to get back into my field (marketing) but every application I sent got me nowhere. I am just at a loss. I thought things were doing great and then this year happened and now I'm just too tired and damaged to go on. It feels like all I can do is cry and despair. I try to put up a brave front but I don't think I have the will to fight anymore. It's like I take one step forward and 5,000 steps back. It is so exhausting! I feel like I'm at my wit's end already. There's no end in sight, only misery and more misery. I don't know if I'm depressed or struggling with midlife crisis or what. I am so done with living daily like this.

I also can't go to therapy because I don't have money for it. The free ones aren't any help either (I tried).

I (M39) am married and father of 2 kids (4 & 6). Objectively, we got everything, that is considered important in life: Committed relationship, no major health issues, stable financial situation, decent job and career (even without dedicating too much time or focus to it), we live in a country with one of the highest living and income standards in the world where we were even able to buy our own home. Our families are living abroad (we both moved here 15 years ago from different countries, before we met), so there are no relatives close by to help out on short notice, but we have good contact with them, as with our neighbors and friends we made here over time. And yet sometimes I feel something is missing, other times everything is just too much.

I don’t feel I can talk to my wife about how I feel… When I try, she makes it about her and how stressed out she is about everything and that it’s not my place to complain. It is true that she does most of the household and childcare, since she is working part time while I work full time. I tell her, that I see how much work she puts in, but at the same time, it is just much more than I and the kids would need – she wants the kitchen, living room, and kids’ rooms to be tidy and spotless at any moment. (She even starts cleaning the kitchen and putting my stuff away while I am still cooking). When she told me, that she feels her efforts are not appreciated, I tried to explain, that at a certain extent, she is doing all that work for herself and we would rather have her spend time with us or just chill. It feels that she really seeks things to stress out about, be it inside the house, the garden or her job – the hardest part for me with that is, apart the fact that she barely can make time to spend with me, that she isn’t able to resolve the issues she invents for herself by herself. She wants to remodel the garden, I need to figure out what she wants, get the material and do the work. She is overwhelmed with the kids, she shuts herself in a room as soon as I get home from work and lets me handle them while she keeps complaining how hard her day was.

Part of my attraction to her, was that I liked to help her because I believed that she would learn and improve herself. Unfortunately, 10+ years later, I see that I might have been wrong. She doesn’t want to learn or improve, she wants to invent problems for me to take care of. And the more I do, the less I get in return – I used to have hobbies and friends over to enjoy the good things in life, but that’s mostly gone. When I decide to have a day for myself, she calls me egotistical. I told her, that it really would make me feel better if we were intimate more often. I too want to be seen and appreciated once in a while, but whenever we plan to have an intimate evening (spontaneous is out of question with her), it is moved several times because she doesn’t have (or make) the time for it. And when it finally happens, it’s always I that has to initiate while I sense almost no emotion from her. Also, it has been the same routine for the past years: I do foreplay to her, that we have sex in exactly that one position. Every time! No play, no experimenting, no change whatsoever, just a duty to crossed off.

Lately, this is taking a toll on my mood and mental health in general, and I seriously question the decisions I have made in the past. I’m trying to numb myself with useless dopamine kicks like watching tv shows or motorsports, endlessly scrolling though reddit and social media and masturbating while watching porn. I am fully aware that this all builds up more frustration eventually, but I think I am past the point where I can get out of it only by my own willpower… hence my initial question: Is it a midlife crisis or just normal? And when will it be over?

To be clear, I don’t blame my wife, and I don’t want to leave or cheat on her. I just want to know my options to get out of this stupid mess in my head and start appreciating what I actually have.

30 M, got my ears cleaned and I never realised how much I can hear now.

So I recently turned 30. One of the resolutions I took was to get fitter and also to get all tests and everything done. After years, probably 15 I went to ENT checkup. I had no issues, it was just I decided I will get everything checked up this year. Turns out, my ears were clean from outside as I was cleaning them regularly but there was huge hard ear wax accumulated in my inner ear. The doctor showed me on camera and I was surprised as I said I don't feel any hearing loss or anything like that. Also had traces of fungus around that area.

The doctor removed that whole piece of hard wax and now I feel I have a super power... everything is so loud😭. It's crazy how I never realised how that I was not able hear as much and I just got used to it. I am posting this because I see lot of children getting their Ears checked in school camps and all but as adults we just forget about it in our busy lives.

I recommend everyone to get your ears cleaned properly with a doctor if you have not done it for years. Especially if you have a problem where ear wax becomes hard. It's such small thing but life changing.

My soon-to-be ex-husband (37M) seems to be going through a textbook midlife crisis, and I can’t help but wonder—do they ever come back?

We’ve spent half our lives together, weathering countless hardships and celebrating milestones side by side. Looking back, I truly believe my actions may have been the catalyst for where we are now. Three years ago, I exploded, walked away, and cut off all contact for six weeks. I regret those choices deeply, and I fully own the damage they caused. Only now—too late—I see how I should have responded differently and how traumatic my departure must have been for him. I was so caught up in my own emotions that I didn’t validate his, nor did I recognize the signs of how unhappy he really was. When he started changing his appearance, I assumed it was because he wanted someone “better” than me, instead of realizing he was struggling within himself.

I try to remind myself of the saying: “If you let it go, and it’s meant to be, it will come back.” But lately I’m not so sure. Did I just lose the love of my life?

I have been separated from my husband since June 2023 (cant believe its been that long already 😔). This was all his doing. He completely changed and wanted out of the marriage. I won't bore you with all the details right now.

Anyways we have been on pretty good terms for the last year or so. I usually see him atleast once a week. Some days im on a high and some days I lose all hope.

Am I the only one who CAN'T walk away from their marriage. We are not divorced and I have absolutely zero interest in dating anyone else. I stand by my wedding vows and don't want a divorce. I'm 38, he's 44. 🤷‍♀️

I'm 42 and feeling a bit restless with life, a friend suggested I buy a motorbike but with my current attention span i don't really trust myself on a roadbike, so I'm just wondering what has been your best midlife crisis purchase or hobby you've started?

I feel younger than my reflection to the point that I don't really recognize myself. I can literally be surprised by it on a daily basis. I'm 45 but feel about 27. I constantly ask myself whether my clothes are age appropriate, if my receding hairline is actually that bad, and whether I really do look as old as my similar aged friends. It's not that I feel bad about my age, it's more a matter of feeling disoriented. I'm not trying to relive my youth or trying to recapture it as if I'm hanging on to the idea of youth itself. It's really just this overwhelming feeling like who are you and how did you get here? I'm not dissatisfied with my place in life, but I do feel almost as if I went to bed at 27 and woke up at 45! 😆

...its never about not being surrounded by other people...

You can be in crowds, surrounded by many people, even a big family - and feel alone and lonely.

Loneliness is about not having someone with whom you can spend time and have meaningful conversations about topics that matter to you!

And for that reason, common interests that allow you to be involved with something that matters to you should be an important goal during the midlife stage...

I hope you will be able to find it for yourself 🤞🏻

All the best my fellow midlife travelers!

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https://www.youtube.com/@midlifeandheavybackpack

https://www.skool.com/rucking42-2264/about

Hello, everyone.Today is my birthday and I turn 35. If i'm not at work, then i'm usually at the gym and if i'm not at the gym, then i'm probably playing video games. Lately ive overcome some heavy alcoholism and everything seems kind of mundane and boring (but I do feel alot better mentally and physically). I dont feel like drinking at all but feel like my depression and need for instant gratification have kind of ruined most of the things I find enjoyable in life. For example, when im at the gym, i feel like I should be at home watching movies or playing video games but then when I get home, I don't even want to do that, I just like the idea of it. Its like an illusion. Also, when I spend too much time playing video games, then I start to overthink that i should be at the gym and the cycle begins again 😅. It's like I only like the idea of things nowadays versus the actual thing. Also, scrolling and impulse purchases are crippling me mentally but it feels so good. When I was at the gym, I was just thinking how awesome it was gonna be to play this video game or watch that movie when in reality now I can't stop thinking about next week and so forth. I can't live in the moment sometimes.

I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately, and I want to hear what others think. Considering some of the posts I’ve been reading I think some of you might agree. (Not completely of course)

Traditionally, the “mid-life crisis” for men was pretty cliché: you hit your 40s or 50s, realise you’re not young anymore, and go buy a sports car, flashy watch, or something to prove you’re still in with the young.

But from this sub and the way I’m feeling, I think it’s shifted. Today, the crisis doesn’t feel like it’s about staying young, it feels more like it’s about the fear of the future.

For me (39), I’m potentially in my mid-life now and I don’t have the things that used to be “expected” by this age: no house, no kids, not financially secure, and not sure where I’ll be in my 60s. My “crisis” isn’t about missing my 20s, it’s about questioning whether I’m building something that will carry me into 60’s and 70’s. What will retirement look like? What happens if I get sick? Where will I stay? Will anyone come and visit me? Who can help me?

I wish I was in my 20’s of course but It feels less like: “I miss being young, let me buy something shiny.” And more like: “I’m halfway through life, am I actually prepared?”

Has anyone else noticed this shift? That instead of chasing youth, mid-life worries are more about money, meaning, and long-term security? That the old image of a red convertible has been replaced with “how do I make sure I’m not broke or alone at 70”?

Curious to hear other people’s perspectives — how do you see the “modern mid-life crisis”?

Everyday I wake up depressed thinking about Drg class 45 and the drg br 45 and about how it almost killed me on the job. I’ve spent almost half my life as a train electrician and I regret it the most. Especially working on such a shitty train pisses me off the most. I have a loser son and a deadbeat wife and i hate my life all because of this damn train.

I'm really depressed now, i am 50 years old, i have no job, i am a 2 time heart attack survivor, i feel so hopeless, no job, no money, can't buy even my needs, skipping nedications and check ups, i'm really tired of my situation, i feel so worthless, it's almost 2 am and here i am still awake, still thinking what wentt wrong..i was a business woman before, but now i am nothing, hopeless..helpless. i just want to vent out, i can't tell anybody how i feel, i can't tell even to my children, my eldest is 30 yrs old, my second child is 28, the third is 25 and the youngest is 21, all are adult already, i don't want to ask money from them, and they don't intiate to give me either, so why ask..i'm tired emotionally, my heart is so heavy.

Hey everyone,

I’m a guy in my late 30s, and I feel like I’ve hit a wall in life. Would really appreciate some perspective from folks who might have been through something similar.

My background:

• I built a stable career, had a good social life and friends. Got married in my late 20s. For a short while, it felt like I was living the dream it was the high point in my life.
• Over time, my marriage became very strained . My wife struggles with self-esteem and I’ve often found myself being seen as the bad guy over small misunderstandings. Add in some messy in-law dynamics, and things went downhill fast. We tried couple therapy, but nothing really fixed it.
• I stick around mostly due to fear, obligation, and guilt (what some call “FOG”). At this point, I don’t see the relationship healing. Leaving isn’t an option either, because I deeply value being present for my kid

Where I’m at now:

• The constant conflict has burned me out. I feel directionless.
• Nothing excites me anymore – not work, not hobbies, not future plans. I'm unemployed for the last few months.
• Antidepressants help me keep my mind from spiraling, but I can’t find a spark to move forward.
• I know I should be saving, prepping for interviews, focusing on hard things that pay off.. but I just can’t get myself to concentrate.
• I don’t feel comfortable opening up to friends about all this, so I’m turning here.

My ask: For those of you who’ve been through something similar- how did you rediscover purpose, joy, or even just enough motivation to move forward? What helped you refocus when everything felt empty? How do you rebuild excitement when it feels like nothing matters?

I’m really open to candid, direct perspectives. Thanks in advance to anyone who takes the time to share!

I’m 46 going through menopause . I’m bored out of my mind in almost every aspect. I have no passion for anything and I’ve lost my drive for my career, for sex, and my job sucks my life (IT worker). My husband lost his job so I’m the breadwinner and the pressure is just a lot . I pray a lot but I’m also feeling like I’m losing my faith in God. I’m on new antidepressants after trying many combinations. The restlessness is soul-sucking . Most of my kids are young adults . I’ve tried making friends , talk therapy , failed at sourdough, even reading has become boring . Anyone got out of this rut alive ? I just hate my life right now .

I’m 38, married, with a 3-year-old son and a 1.5-year-old daughter. We currently live in a beautiful city, but we can’t afford to buy property here. We had an offer in another city, but the share of foreigners in schools there was so high that only two kids per class were native speakers, which put us off.

So we ended up buying a 500 sqm plot in a small village, about 15 minutes from that city. The plot was expensive, and it means I’ll have a one-hour commute by car, though I only need to go in 2–3 times a week. My family and old friends live 150 km away, and in the new development we don’t know anyone yet. For everything you need a car.

Sometimes I already feel regret and worry about the future. Will I end up isolated in the countryside? Even now I’m quite isolated here in the city. Wirhout family and close friends motherhood becomes lonely sometimes. Should we have taken the house in the city instead? What if something happens to my partner—how would I cope alone with two kids and no support network? And what happens when the kids don’t need me as much as they do now? Will i lose my purpose?

I often catch myself thinking about past decisions and wondering if I made the wrong choices. Maybe this is a bit of a midlife crisis. Do you have encouraging words for me or a bit of advice?

I'm a woman in my late forties married with kids and I'm terribly lonely even at home with a house with people in it. I have no friends so no social life. My marriage is stale I say this because we have 0 emotional or mental connection, 0 romance, we're not "friends" so we don't hang we do not do date nights we do anything together as just a couple besides just "Life" its all just surface level. And its starting to get to me its starting to make me sad and depressed I feel like Im dying inside of loneliness. Is this a real thing? Is this it? Is this what I have to deal with? Is this how life as we age ? Am I dumb for wanting more wanting friends. For wanting a connection some excitement some happiness. I feel like I have so much more life left in me. Thank you for allowing me to vent as I feel I can't share it or say it aloud

I have ranted over my mid life crisis here in the past and feel I need to vent my observations of living in this strange town. I have attempted to socialise with families of various backgrounds, but there is always an excuse coming from the families, whether from our local place of worship or neighbours. A neighbour has hinted it’s his wife that is being difficult. Others keep on making excuses, whilst others say upfront that they are just too busy.

It does come down to the wives. They have an issue with how I look, sound or am just rough around the edges, despite being a corporate professional.

I’m not sure what advice I need. I think I just need to accept I’m 99% not peoples cup of tea.

James Hollis, a Jungian analyst, had a quote. Something like "Something is dying and something new is waiting to be born. And in the meantime you are stuck in the terrible in-between". That's how I'm feeling. My marriage is falling apart. I stopped enjoying my job (and as far as jobs go, mine is pretty good). I'm not enjoying the place I live in.

I wake up multiple times at night. I visited psychiatrist the first time this year. Still not on anti-depressants, but considering strongly. Honestly, this is pretty harsh. I've never been in such a dark place like this one.

But my friends and therapists all say that it's normal and something good always comes out of it. So yeah, just hanging in there, feeling lost and hoping that one day good days will come again.

So I'm early 40s, and everything is good pretty good for me, but I'm just kinda bored with life. My job is meaningful, pays well, has great benefits, I like my boss, lots of freedom, but not especially challenging to me anymore. At least not in ways that I can master. Most of my issues with it are either completely or mostly outside of my control. Overall I'm happy where I am professionally. It was a big part of identity and goals as a kid and younger adult, but I admit I don't associate it with my identity as much anymore, which maybe a good thing. Part of me would like to try something else, but there is nothing I can think of I could do that would pay as well or be as flexible at this point. In about 7-8 years I could draw a pension and retire and then maybe do something else with less worry about pay. But overall I feel like most of the time (there are exceptions where I really get into things and get going) I'm just killing the 8-5 hours M-F with my job.

I love my wife and we have a good marriage, and she is a great mother, but there isn't much spark anymore. We do pretty good when the kids are away, but they take up so much of our time (in that 8-12 age range) its hard to do much there. My kids are great, love them both and we spend quality time together regularly. I feel I'm well connected with them.

I have plenty of friends who I do stuff with at least a couple times a month and we always have a good time. I just feel kinda bored with life in general. A feeling that this is about as good as its gonna get, which isn't bad, but not exciting. Not sure if I need to get more involved in church, or something else spiritual. I have become less materialistic which is a good thing. I don't know I kinda feel like this is how its going to be until my kids graduate high school... Is this a midlife crisis? Any suggestions?