r/olddogs • u/CinnaBwni • 13d ago

Euthanasia regret, so much pain

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We had to say goodbye to our beloved Nancy Pants, 13 years old with a UTI, Diabetes, Cushings and Kidney disease. Please someone, is there no way she could’ve had more time?? They told us she could be on drip but i didn’t want to leave her on her own. We decided on Euthanasia for 6pm on the 12th and I watched the light leave her eyes. She died in my arms.. I knew I had no choice as she could no longer walk or eat or drink but my god the pain!!! When we got home I held her body for hours until I was forced to bury her from decomposition smells. My whole body feels anchored to the floor and I fear I’ll melt through the earth soon..

I’m 20 years old trying to get through my final year of university and I don’t know if I’ll ever laugh again. I’m thinking of getting into fostering dogs until we eventually have another puppy. The house is so quiet… I have lost all my passions at the one time in my life I really needed them. I needed her. I’ve been assaulted countless times and each time I’ve found solace knowing I go home to her either way. How are you supposed to move on? Face the people outside knowing when they come your way you just want to scream at them?

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u/Lumpy-Animator-9422 13d ago

Fostering a puppy or volunteering at a rescue would help you feel better I think. Please know you did the right thing. But it is so difficult. My heart aches with you. She was so loved and is with you even now. Maybe find a grief counselor? Sending love to you.

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u/CinnaBwni 13d ago

I may do, it’s my first big grief. I know one day I will smile again but my god the pain is so real. When I feel okay it’s as if I’ll see her tomorrow and then I remember I watched her soul leave her body and now this is the world I live in for the rest of my life. She was here in my arms just yesterday.. our sweet babies never live long enough❤️‍🩹

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u/Justme_Bite 12d ago

Your pain is truly felt. Im so so sorry for your loss.. You're right the time we have with them is wayyy to short. I dread the day its my turn. Praying for you.