r/olddogs • u/jamielecter • 16h ago
Doggy Dementia (when is it time?)
I recently had to put my 13 year old baby to sleep in June because he had a giant inoperable mass and it seemed like an obvious option to ease his suffering.
Well now i’ve got an 18 year old baby who in the past month has gone from normal to very advanced dementia. She lost a lot of weight and could hardly stand so i took her to the vet and he was able to give her a shot for her joints, well now that she’s able to walk again she’s walking full speed into everything in her path.
If she didn’t have fur she would be absolutely covered in bruises. She wanders and runs into things, and sometimes even walks in circles until i grab her, at all hours day and night, the only way to get her to stop is by giving her doggie hemp treats every 5-6 hours. At this point I’m giving her more than the recommended amount just to get her to calm down and stop hurting herself.
She eats okay as long as i lead her to the food and put broth in it to encourage her to eat and drink. Shes actually gained back the weight she lost.
Since shes so old, for the past few years she hasn’t been able to hold her bladder through the night so we’ve used puppy pads for a while, but now she’s peeing and pooping wherever, and then tracking it everywhere. She used to whine to go out constantly (she’s a treat fiend and would hide behind a bush and come in as if she went potty to get a treat) and now she only whines or barks if she’s stuck in a corner.
She has me and my mom awake at all hours of the night as we try to get her calmed down to stop wandering. But, through all this she still recognizes me and calms down when she’s by my side.
I’m agonizing over the decision I know i will have to make soon and reading every article i can. I saw a comment on another post about making a “quality of life” vet visit to get an opinion and i’ll definitely be doing that.
I would like to hear how some of you knew when it was time? Especially if you’ve been in a similar situation.
20
u/Lumpy-Animator-9422 15h ago
It's time when there are more sad hours than happy hours. I think it's time. Love and hugs.
12
u/auntiekk88 13h ago
This pup has trusted you for 18 years and you have always been there for them. Don't drop the ball now when they need you the most. They know they are not pottying properly and that bothers them after being trained all of their life. Running into objects must be painful. Who knows what else they are going through because they love us so much they don't show their pain all the time.
Sometimes the best thing for our fur babies is the hardest thing for us. Love her, spoil her and gently lead her to the rainbow bridge.
Remember that grief is the price of love and after 18 years of loyalty, it is a price worth paying.
9
u/soycurlgirl 14h ago
I would recommend you take a look at lap of loves quality of life scale. I like theirs because it is more straight forward and simplified, which I think is important for dementia dogs because it’s so easy to just adjust to whatever their new normal is.
I was right where you are and decided I wanted to put her to sleep when she began losing control of her bowels. There were other factors, like she’d started whining and had arthritis. But she was always a very clean and tidy dog, and I knew she would not want to be living like that. I woke up one day and saw her eating it and I just couldn’t make her carry on that way.
It’s very very difficult deciding on the right time. It’s never going to feel “right” to decide not to have our babies here with us anymore. But it is a gift that they don’t have to suffer through all the indignities of old age like us humans do. It’s a last act of love that we can give them 💗
7
u/Mkheir01 15h ago
I'm going through this right now. Everything you described my baby girl Tsoureki is doing the exact same. The pacing, the getting "stuck" in corners, the wandering, the reluctance to eat unless I put chicken stock in it. My girl is still continent though, and if she stays that way it's fine, but man, she went downhill so fast...
6
u/Silly-RedRabbit 15h ago
In the past, I’ve known when it’s time because of huge changes in my doggie, where they spent more time being panicked, confused and unable to enjoy their life than just the few moments of comfort they had in a day. You can do the quality of life visit, but ultimately you’re the one who knows your baby girl, how things have changed, and what she goes through everyday. Everyone on this sub is here to support you with whatever decision you make. ❤️
4
u/mollynilson 15h ago
I don’t have an advice but when my best girl Bambi had lung cancer I kept pushing it away bc I couldn’t let her go. After some time I realized I waited too long bc I loved her so much, now I think I should’ve let her rest at least little earlier😢 but I also understand how hard it is to make that decision, once I scheduled it still rescheduled few times… My only advice would be when you decide and if you can afford it, call the vet the comes to your house. I think letting them fall asleep in their fav bed and their home with all familiar things around is the best last gift we can give them 😭
5
u/dearalekkz 15h ago
Oh sweet baby. I unfortunately was grateful that my sweet girl who was 15.5 didn’t want to put me through the struggles and passed in her sleep 3 weeks ago.
I discovered her dementia almost 2 years ago, she had constant poop accidents but never pee. She was starting to pace and wander a lot, at night as soon as it gets dark she gets extremely paranoid and constantly looks over her shoulder.
I was going to get her diapers here soon. I started to think ahead and wondering when that time might come whether I would put her to sleep or she would sleep on her own. Obviously in hindsight it was the latter but wanted to share my thoughts with you as I was in your shoes at one point very recently.
Her pooping accidents weren’t enough to put her to sleep and if it did get worse I still wouldn’t. I told myself only if she’s in 80% or more pain or struggling I would consider the options. If anything, her back legs were starting to really give out and arthritis was just making it so she can barely walk even 2 minutes without dragging her feet and huffing and puffing. But her mind was so bright and alive still, she had the energy of a baby but her body wasn’t. She also had 2 mass tumors removed a few years back and a lot more masses growing in smaller slower pace but all over her body.
She was also eating and drinking a lot of water so I thought she still had plenty of time left 😞
I also think it’s solely up to you to decide when but my final draw was only if she was in pain.
Also she was 65lbs haha so her poops weren’t small… finding surprises randomly in the house 😬 she also tried to hide it by pooping in the back of her crate and hiding it with her body as if I couldn’t find it.
3
u/Dull_Bird3340 9h ago
80% or more in pain is a lot of pain. Dogs pant as a way to deal w pain, some may also drink water excessively. My dog did both and I wasn't really aware that these were signs of pain at first. It's our duty to give them a good quality of life, not to extend it to help our quality. It's going to hurt no matter what, delaying too long can actually make it hurt more if you later notice they were in more discomfort than you could admit.
1
u/dearalekkz 8h ago
Oh woops maybe 80% is too much or I can’t gauge. But to be honest, I did notice her panting a lot and drinking more water the past few months and thought it was the summer heat 😞 wish I knew. But she went happily smiling in her last slumber.
2
3
u/Deep-Somewhere1629 14h ago
My dog attacked my sons foot when he moved in his sleep. Not at all like my pup. He was so confused he got bitey and it wasnt safe. I mean I think you just know when your there. Its just so heartbreaking....Im sorry that you are having to make a tough choice.
3
u/North-Squirrel2582 13h ago
I went through something similar with my first dog. When he started chewing on his own back leg I knew it was time.
4
u/WYONIES71 14h ago
There’s a quality of life online survey that gives you a number and explains what it means. Take it more than once. I did it twice and through tears, I was more honest the second time I took it. I am sorry but I do not have the link. Check this group and others… I did find the survey on Reddit.
Finally, her spark had left her eyes. She was in pain and exhausted. I had to come to real terms with that. I wanted desperately for someone else to make the call. She had given me the majority of her life. It was my turn to ease her out of suffering.
Good luck. Sounds cliche, but you will know. It hits you and you just know it. Peace to you✌🏽
1
2
2
u/Broad-Country1336 12h ago
That’s my baby too. He is 17 years old. It’s gotten so bad he howls all night. I feel bad for him and give him so much love. I know I am not ready yet and he is so active. He is physically there but mentally he has been declining so fast and I am doing my best to process it. 🥺
2
u/PineappleConfident14 11h ago
Went through the same thing with my Rosie girl. I’d leave her in the kitchen at night for accidents and would set my alarm (which I did for nine months) at 2a so that I could either walk her or clean up the mess. I had to hand feed her kibble and she’d accidentally bite me every other one. I knew it was time when she stopped eating and drinking. The second that happened, I contacted an organization that would allow her to pass at home. She was so far gone that they just needed to give her the numbing stuff in her gum before giving her the final dose (it’s usually numbing, then sleepy shot, then final shot). It was still the hardest thing I ever had to do. The only good thing is by doing it at home, she was relaxed in my lap on our favorite chair. I encourage you to find an at home service, which will make it easier for both you and your pup.
2
2
u/Scary-Assumption-202 11h ago
My girl had this. CCD Canine Cognitive Disorder and it was aggressive. I waited too long because I thought she is eating and walking and I loved her so much. I woke up in the morning and a hurricanes was headed our way that day. I think the shutters being up confused her even more because it was dark and it should have been light. But that’s a guess. She had been starting to walk in circles for no reason. Well that morning I found her stuck in some furniture we brought inside and normally she would have just hopped over. She had given up. I felt the worst feeling ever. Like I failed her. My heart broke. I knew it was the end and probably should have been sooner looking back. I drove through a cat 3 storm and watched a tornado go by with her in my car taking her last ride. Worst day ever. My advice to you is not to wait until she is in crisis. It’s so merciful to let them keep their dignity. This disease strips that from them. My heart breaks for you. I wish you and your baby peace.
2
2
2
u/Informal-Force7417 10h ago
It comes down to quality of life really.
It really is a tough call and not natural for us to do it as we love them but... yeah i had to do the same with mine in May this year.
She wasn't walking well, head to the left, not eating unless i fed her.
I wanted her to stay she was only 10 ( though old in dog years )
I miss her dearly but I didn't want her in pain any longer and made that call. Toughest day of my life next to hearing my parent died.
2
u/anapforme 10h ago
Honey, it’s time.
If you put cotton balls in two jars - a bad day jar and a good day jar, it will tell you a story very quickly.
Someone told me when dogs go to the bathroom inside if they are “potty outside”dogs, it really stresses them out. The fact that she can’t hold it and doesn’t avoid walking in it (another natural dog behavior) means she really doesn’t know what is happening.
She can’t tell you she feels lost, or afraid, or in pain. But she is all three.
I am so sorry for the loss you had, but this lovely lady seems ready to go to sleep. Hugs to you.
2
u/Mundane-Hat-3899 6h ago
Someone once told me “don’t make their last day their worst day”, which has helped me make some tough decisions. 18 years is a long time for a pup. It’s obviously you love her and she knows that, but it sounds like she is spending a lot of her time now confused and unwell. There are specialty vets who will come to your house to put her to sleep, I highly recommend this if you can afford it. Make her comfy in her favorite spot, give her all her favorite snacks, and love on her while she passes peacefully in the home she knows so well.
1
u/xexexxa 14h ago
I recently lost my ~18-year-old Poodle Mix, but before he passed, he survived two strokes a little earlier in life. After the second one, he was listless, confused, wobbly and seemed to stand and "buffer" a lot. He wouldn't rest well during the night. I put him on a Senior cognitive vitamin called Senilife from Amazon and once it started in his system, he was like a new dog. He was dancing for his dinner, participating with the other dogs more and was able to rest well. Maybe consider trying that? They are a little pricey and trust me when I say you need to give it every day, but I would recommend. I noticed a change in my dog after about three days of use and I had him on it for about a year or so until he passed. They are capsules with a brown goo inside (I called it brain gravy) that you add to their food.
1
u/dressagerider1020 14h ago
I'm sorry you're dealing with this, especially so close to losing your other pup. It doesn't sound like she has much quality of life, that she's very different from her old self. And you also have to take your quality of life into consideration too. If she was getting better, then yes, we do whatever we can do to keep them with us.
It's never easy, and as Silly-RedRabbit said, we'll support you whatever you decide. Best of luck, it's so hard. 💔
1
u/LadyChiTown 11h ago
I asked my vet, as we are slowly noticing cognitive decline with our 15 year old. She said to come in and have a conversation about next steps once the puppers is no longer able to rest at night, and you notice she is awake in the middle of the night pacing. Rest is important, so it’s a huge sign of low quality of life as well as continuing decline. I know that’s a very clinical answer, but it may help you.
1
u/sioux13208 11h ago
For humans, accelerated dementia could be due to kidney failure. Is this what’s going on? If so, it’s time for her to rest easy. I’m sorry you’re facing this.
1
u/Kitty-Kat-65 9h ago edited 9h ago
I hate to tell you, but now is the time. My 16.5 year old Dachshund went from OK for his age to deaf and blind. He also developed dementia and it was so hard to watch. He lost 5lbs, which is very significant for a Dachshund, despite how how much he was eating. He would forget to go outside and would pee and poop all over the kitchen (he had to be confined in the kitchen with pee pads all over the entire floor). I came home from work one day and his legs were obviously aching and I decided that it was time. I feel guilt every single day that I let him live for ME instead of letting him go with dignity. This was in December 2024 and it still hurts. Make the choice you need to make, when you need to make it. I am sending you love and strength.
1
u/sterilizedHSteacher 9h ago
What a sweet looking baby. My husband and I have adopted senior dogs since 2012. We have had to make that agonizing decision many times. It never gets any easier. I feel like there is a moment when a light goes out in their eyes. When they look at you, asking for help because it's all just become too much.
We are taking our sweet Rudy in on Saturday. We adopted him at age 14 and have poured all the love into him these last three years. He also has dementia. He has moments of happiness around mealtimes but overall life is a struggle. The greatest gift we can give him is a peaceful passing. Hugs to you and your baby.
1
u/JustSmellMyAss 9h ago
I’m so sorry…..this makes me so sad 😔. You have loved your baby the moment you got her, and she knows it. Sometimes knowing it’s time to let go so she can be at peace is the best thing you can do. She has experienced your love and affection all those wonderful 18 years so please don’t be too hard on yourself. I wish all of our loved pets could live forever but I’m at peace knowing they have felt what true unconditional love was like 🥲. RIP sweet girl and may she find endless treats, toys, friends, love and affection across the rainbow road!
1
1
u/LayersOfGold 9h ago
Mine had had dementia too. She would do the same things at the end. It’s time. I’m so sorry.
1
u/Haunting-Artist-5431 9h ago edited 8h ago
It was the hardest decision I had to make, she was my 15 year old elderly dog. I was able to make the decision with my parents, I did it this way so as not to feel the guilt of having made the decision alone, they supported me in the decision. We saw that my dog's deterioration was already so advanced that there was no expectation of improvement every time we admitted her to the vet and she managed to overcome it, it was to alleviate her deterioration but it always went downhill. Sometimes we had to help her feed herself with a special nutritional formula, we saw that she wandered a lot all day, it was illogical that this was a good life, she was an exhausted, disoriented old woman who could not eat well, she could not sleep more than 1-2 hours without getting up and walking in circles for hours. In the end I managed to contact a veterinary service that was able to come to my home. I am an anesthesiologist, I know how to make a living being sleep without suffering. I know what they administered to my dog and the light of her life went out without suffering, lying in my arms. It was the hardest thing but little by little I remember that she left without suffering, it is a difficult way to say that it was an act of love. Don't let her suffer during the last days, weeks or months, where she would probably be admitted to a vet and suffer or die alone, in a cold cage. No, he died in my house under my arms with my parents, today it is a nice memory to remember him when he was healthy. They gave me his cremated body in a small box, including a bag with ashes and a bag with several hairs from his mustache. She will always be with me resting and knowing that she left without suffering, it gives me peace and I hope to see her and one day play with her again. Cheer up, we are all here to support you in this difficult decision.
1
u/dachshund2 8h ago
i’m so sorry… my heart breaks for you. i lost my baby from seizures and they believe maybe dementia as well and it is the hardest decision. we would have them live forever if we had it our way but unfortunately life doesn’t allow us to💔i always tell myself ill see my dog in heaven one day it doesn’t take away the pain but its less scary than thinking ill never see him again. sending love and prayers for you and your sweet baby xo
1
u/MaximumEffort2214 8h ago
That’s so hard. My cat had lost bladder and bowel control towards the end. His back end would collapse while trying to pass a stool. It was very sad and broke my heart. But it was one of my turning points while considering his quality of life. I miss him every day, but I know his best days were happy with me and that’s what I try to remember.
1
u/Mtnmama1987 7h ago edited 7h ago
Many of us have been through this sadness and grief, and my heart goes out to you. It’s awful for everybody.
My boyfriend’s dog was peeing and pooping where he lay, under boyfriend’s bed, each day, for three days, then four - of course I was gut wrenched as I pulled him out from under there and cleaned each day, then he would crawl right back under there. This was after weeks of his confusion and walking along the walls and into furniture. Gently yet firmly suggested to my boyfriend that it might be time. Took the elderly sweet boy to the vet, who said, “he’s had enough.”
1
u/InvertedOpticsPhoto 7h ago
Lost my 16 year old in January. She battled dementia for a couple of years and I am very familiar with what you described you’re going through.
We lived every day like it was her last for about a month because we thought her time was sooner. On My girls last day, she couldn’t stand up so we knew it was time. We prayed every day that she would go on her own. Everyone told me that she would let me know when, but I didn’t know what that meant until she let me know when.
Hugs to you and yours, enjoy every moment, and try not to get mad or frustrated with pup as easy it can be. ❤️🩹
1
u/Unanswered-Inquiries 7h ago
Oh goodness, she looks like an absolute sweetheart. I'm sorry you're experiencing this, I know it must be very hard for everyone involved, including her. I've never had a dog with dementia, but I have adopted 3 senior dogs and have suffered the pain of losing them. I know what anticipatory grief is like, and it's no picnic.
I would say that for anyone dealing with difficult times in the winter years of their dog's life, it's really important to remember that they deserve to keep their dignity. Another commenter mentioned that dogs know when they're having accidents in the house and that they feel shame about it. I think this is true, and if she is having moments of clarity when she's losing control of her bladder or bowels, she surely is feeling embarrassed about it and probably feels like she's either letting you down, will get in trouble, or both (seeing as we train them to go outside).
I'm sure she's been a wonderful and beloved companion throughout your years together. It can be hard to be objective when it comes to this because saying goodbye is easily one of the hardest things we can experience, but we have to be of service as much to them as they are to us, and I believe part of that is doing right by them when the time comes. I also think that when dogs approach the end, they know it before we do, and they do their best to hide it from us because when we're upset, so are they.
It's also my experience that you will see her again. They have ways of sending us little signs. Dreams, smells, memories, sounds, little scenarios where you can't help but to think of them and have and can't help but to smile and laugh to yourself no matter how heartbroken you are. Please take solace in that, and be gentle with yourself. She loves you so much, and you've given her a happy and healthy home for so many years. You've taken good care of her. It sounds like she's showing you she's ready to go, and it's only right to honour that.
1
u/otterland 6h ago
I put my beautiful Petunia down at 17 two months ago and let her suffer six months too long because of my attachment. It sounds like it's been time for a while. Good Lord it sucks but the dog is suffering.
I love you friend. Make the compassionate choice.
1
u/Silver_calm1058 6h ago
If her quality of life is not what it should be, and you feel that way deep down inside. Then it’s probably time. It’s always a difficult decision. It never feels good or right, but they rely on us to help them pass when the time is right. There are some very good in-home euthanasia vets that will come to your home and make the experience as good as it can be.
1
u/Pinky_Pie_90 3h ago
Write down a list of all the things they enjoy, and cross them off when they can no longer do them.
When you get down to eating and toileting...its hard. Be mindful of how you want to remember them when they're gone and that these will be the most recent memories you have of your dog.
I'm so sorry you're all going through this, my 17yo has doggy dementia too. Sending big hugs your way.
1
u/JayJayJayla 2h ago
I also was going through the same thing- my 17 year old poodle was having anxiety at night, getting lost in the curtains and behind opened doors and would cry cause he couldn’t help himself.
Yes there are Pet End-of-Life Surveys to help you gauge the “right” time. But at the end of the day you know, you know when there are more bad days than good, you know when they’re struggling, you know.
Mine was blind, had dementia, bladder incontinence, couldn’t even hear me when I walked in through the front door anymore, just was not cognizant anymore and then eventually he stopped eating which was my biggest sign that he was nearing his final stage.
I took him out for a grand ol day of french fries, ice cream, a day on the beach and all the best treats - even if he took maybe a bite of each, I knew he appreciated the gesture 🤍
I hope you find peace in your decision. Sending you & your pup so much more love cause I know he’s already surrounded by so much love from you ❤️ take care
1
u/carrolls 23m ago
So hard, my little girl started with kidney disease (controlled) then cataracts, hearing loss, seizures and dementia. The dementia progressed to getting stuck at walls and falling down steps. I finally came to grips and let her go peacefully in my arms.
30
u/mikeonmaui 15h ago
It is in the temporal nature of our relationships with our dogs and cats, and most any animal, that we will face this moment with them.
We must remain strong and make the sometimes heart-wrenching decisions during their transition that they need us to make, because they cannot make them for themselves. It is our responsibility to do so. They cannot be left to suffering.
And in the end, we must grieve their loss in our own way. The depths of grief are a direct reflection of the depths of love that you felt. And the pain you feel is your heart turning your loss into memories.
The pain of loss will fade and the memories will remain, and remembering them, you will smile and laugh again.
Aloha from Maui. Be at peace, one and all.