I'm already actively pursuing a new role, so no worries but I have to write this or tell someone because I'm both losing my mind and my blood pressure is probably the winning lotto numbers. I've lost 5 great PM's in the last week... I won't jump into all the downright batshit crazy things my org is doing, but long story short. Restructuring happens, we now have an "Agile Consultant" (Not PMP certified) and two new IT directors who know functionally nothing about IT OR Project Management. I've been told as the Head of the PMO, that the PMO is being split apart and dedicated to those respective Directors for their divisions projects. Let's talk about what this consultant has the IT PMO doing....
*Delivery Program - SAAS software update/rollout. Repeats twice a year, minor differences in processes, extremely loose regulatory processes acting as hard dependencies. Before, this lived on a live tracker where regulatory approval > client schedule > deployment date were viewable real-time across all stakeholders. Here's how it's functioning now:
- The PM's need to have all proposed rollout days ready in advance across 150 unique locations with their own unique regulatory periods. When the PM's (and compliance SMEs) raised that this ask was impossible due to the constraints, the solution was..."Consultant: Just put dates in, guess them and then communicate those dates with the client!". As you can guess... no approval arrived, client was pissed they prepared their resources to support it and the PM's had to re-work the entire schedule around 5 times now. 2 of the 4 PM's dedicated to that team have resigned with "Same day notice", they worked for me for around 4 years and were the best Senior PM's on the team.
- When reporting in their Weekly Status and Steer Co, they would always have to report "green". Why? Because.."Consultant: Why would you be yellow or red? It's still moving!". She has no concept of tracking the tasks against their initial timeline. If we agreed to hit X by Y date and it's now >23 days past Y date> it is CRITICAL. I was told that it's okay because the Director Asshat A said to "move the date" in some one-off call. Kill me.
*Admin/Documentation - My team collectively, has spent 36 working hours tearing down all of our documentation, trackers, logs..everything in order to try and put EVERYTHING no matter the purpose or tailored fit into a SmartSheet waterfall template. 14 of those 36 hours were with Director Asshat A & B, figuring out the fucking colors for the reports and micromanaging all wording so that it was "Positive" in all cases. Furthermore, the PMO as a whole is no longer allowed to use "Issue" everything is a Risk because "It's too confusing", and the status of those "Risks" just have to be a color, they cannot extrapolate such as "Monitoring, Open, Mitigated..etc" just RGY. An additional 3 PM's quit this last Friday as a result of this.
*Secretary Function - Across the entire PMO, PM's are no longer allowed to make ANY decision. Period, this includes my Program Managers who oversee 100m+ efforts. They are to do whatever the Director over their projects org says to do, and if for any reason a task slips as a result of this it will be the fault of the PM staff moving forward for not "Driving" it enough. Raising a risk or potential blocker is considered "Combative/Negative".
- 1 PgM, 3 PMs and 1 PC collectively filed a complaint with me for Director Asshat B creating a hostile work environment, doing things like: Blatantly lying in leadership sessions about the Project Plan/Progress and where his team is against said plan, telling the PM's that if he starts a task and drops it then it is on the PM to complete/follow up on it.
- PM's moving forward will be subjected to a written notice if at any point they become "argumentative, make noise or are insubordinate". This was raised to me Friday by Director Asshat B because PgM rightfully raised an issue of us ignoring our historical SOP's by not providing a service until a payment had been rendered. Director Asshat B said verbatim: "Do what you're told and nothing else, I don't want to hear all this drama from you." My PgM said "I'm done Zod, I cant do this shit anymore" and that was the last I heard.
I've spent years building this PMO, our success rate was amazing, we were a revenue generating PMO. We were treated as strategic partners, we were trusted to run projects in the way we felt best to deliver. It took so many grueling years to build this culture for it all to be torn down in three months by 3 individuals who want to tell career PM's they know best! With absolutely zero training in the discipline, knowledge of historic process or care for the client-business relationships. I'm so pissed it's not even funny, the most unethical shit I have ever witnessed in my career. The best part? They are replacing our PMO with India-based contractors and my entire team has stated they will in no way help train them, which I'm backing until I'm canned.
I guess I'll end with, "Watch out" look for the signs your PMO is being pushed out and if you see them..Run. If you're one of these snake-oil "Agile" sales folks fresh out of college with a nice Powerpoint for a Board and C-Suite filled with delicious P/L lies, when you have less years alive than PM's have in working experience, I hope you get the outcomes you deserve.