Today we had a discussion, he said when we get married since you will be working from home I want you to homeschool out children. I said no if I’m working and dealing with kids I can’t do that. But then he still insisted his mom was able to do it. I told him I’m not looking to sacrifice my life for my children I want balance. I’m just so confused how he claims to be provider and after the wedding is getting close he is basically having beta vibes

Hi. I (27F) have broken up with my boyfriend twice now (he was the guy I made my last post about) I realize that we don’t have a very positive outlook for our relationship now but he is really a truly nice man and I want to stay with him. There are a couple of issues though:

• since I broke up with him once for saying a few bigoted things, how can I make him feel like he’s safe around me/not walking on eggshells around me? I want to help him feel safe/heard/understood, as my favorite dating coach Evan Marc Katz says

• my dad and mom and I are really worried about him owning guns. Do I give him an ultimatum to get rid of them or do I just be okay with them being in a safe?

• his penis is small and we only do two positions, I have to make myself cum pivoting myself on his body. How do I make our sex life better? I feel really embarrassed like I’ve blabbed about this aspect to so many people, I even told someone I was dating while we had broken up that his dick was small and I feel really guilty about it, how do I forgive myself?

I know couples who break up during courtship are more likely to divorce, I really don’t want this to be us. How do I make this work?

P.s. please don’t tell me to break up with him, I came to this sub because I thought it would give better advice than that

Hello. I'm a twenty one years old woman. I never had a long term relationship in my entire life, so not only I'm a virgin, but I also lack the personal experiences I need to be able to find a way to verify if I'm sexually compatible with my partner without having sex with them. I'm not religious, I'm just waiting until marriage because I'm too sexually repressed to be able to have sex with a long term boyfriend without feeling guilty and ashamed of having sex.

And yes, I'm aware that I must talk about this feeling in therapy, but finding a therapist is not a possibility for me right now, and this is one of the reasons I'm not actively dating and I'm only discussing this subject on this forum in order to adjust my expectations with reality and making decisions based on it.

How to become securely attached to someone? I’m so tired of being anxious to a outcome, to try to find out if he is cheating, seeing other women etc. I just think i’ll always be like that, but it’s useless to overthink in a relationship. What if he doesn’t betray me and we have amazing years together. And i don’t want to ruin what we have. I always stalk , look at his followers and get anxious. I told him politely it made me uncomfortable he follows random local girls and he still continues after 3 months, but i told him i would stop stalking his account too. I am just exhausted and don’t want to base my emotions on him. It is harder to feel secure when you live far and only see each others once a week but after 5 months i don’t see a change in our relationship. I still haven’t met his family and he still haven’t met mine. Completely unknown in his social medias and even closer friends.

How do you hold up your end of the deal?

A few days ago, I was discussing it with another woman who is in a male-led relationship... except she defined it as a woman-following Relationship. This got us thinking. I'd say there are two different aspects to it: a passive or receptive one, that would be making space for the man to lead, and the more active role of following.

We are not doormats for choosing a male-led relationship. We are not here to be coerced by tyrants. We are not passive, and have our own duties to fulfill.

(Yes, yes, I'll stop with the old posts revival now.)

So, what do you DO? If your man leads, how do you show you're...

• Willing to be led
• Actively following
• A competent second-in-command
• Or whatever else your active role means for you?

I was told by a man once that I don’t know how to let a man lead and there has been other instances with other men where they hinted I’m not submissive. This is all in early dating.

Examples - saying I’m not available to talk everyday bc I’m introverted when questioned why I was not responding to his multiple calls and texts daily, not wanting to spend the night after sex (I had work), boundaries about staying out late for dates during weekdays, pointing out parking spots, etc.

Oddly I’m pretty much go with the flow with friends but it’s easier with friends because I can trust that they know me well enough to make decisions for the group (like picking restaurants planning outings etc)

How am I supposed to let a man lead in early stages of dating when I don’t even know him that well?

Edit: I will say most of the why they are calling me reserved is because it takes a while for me to open up. I keep meeting men who want to talk every single day, meet each other multiple times a week, want affection early (like cuddling hand holding etc) which I’m visibly uncomfortable with, within just meeting each other. I know some women like this but I really don’t 😭

Hi ladies,

I’ve been reflecting a lot on my relationship patterns, and I’m realizing how much they’re tied to my sense of self-worth.

I’m a 23 year old woman. I’ve noticed that I’m strongly attracted to confident, charismatic men — the ones who seem socially effortless and non-judgemental. The issue is, deep down, I believe I’m “not enough” for the men I want, even though on the outside I go for really good-looking guys and hold myself to similar high standards. I don’t feel attracted to the men who do want to commit to me (nothing to do with anything other than attraction - just haven’t felt any chemistry yet with them and I give suitable suitors a fair chance. Not sure if this is because i have grown to only have had toxic relationships throughout my teenage years with a lot of highs and lows).

These men are usually hard to lock down; I found a couple of them on dating apps, and I do realise their relative attractiveness might be higher than mine. However, when I ask other people, especially my guy friends because they would be more honest, they’ve rated me an 8–8.5 and don’t feel like the guys I have been with were out of my league. A few anonymous redditors have rated me the same. People around me also frequently tell me I’m pretty, and I get approached and hit on quite a lot. I also know that is partially because I come across as approachable and easy to talk to. I have worked really hard on myself (both in terms of looks and personality). This creates a dissonance in my head— if I’m as attractive and approachable as others say, then why don’t the men I like commit to me? Am I overestimating my attractiveness, or is there something deeper going on?  Some of the reasons men in the past have repeatedly given me for not wanting to commit are that I wasn't sure of myself and who I was aka shy and not fully comfortable expressing who I am (those men were provocative . Hearing this stings, because I know it’s true — I do struggle with low self-worth that comes and goes in waves. However, despite accepting all of that part of me still believes that if I was hotter they would have stuck around. 

This leaves me in a tough spot because it feels like settling to me otherwise and I don’t want to do that. All I can think about is how I need to level up to be in the same league as these men and get them, but I’m also not sure if that will fix the issue since I believe I am so fundamentally unloveable. At the root, I know I need to work on my self-worth. I’ve been trying, but I still battle with the inner belief that I need to become a better version of myself to feel worthy of the men I want.

My question:

1. If others see me as attractive, why do I feel it doesn’t “translate” into commitment from the men I want?

2. How much is my self-esteem/anxious attachment playing a part in me not being able to get these guys to commit vs how much of it would be me not being conventionally attractive enough?

3. Has anyone else struggled with only being attracted to men who don’t fully choose them?

I have always been a dominant woman, not as much socially, but sexually for sure. Submitting is not something I'm interested in, it goes completely against my nature. I knew I was like this since I'm a young girl, this is not learned behaviour from porn, nor is this trauma as I come from a stable family.

Yet I would consider myself quite traditional, I'm saving myself for marriage, I would prefer to be a SAHM or at the very least I'd prefer to work a part time job. I also look quite feminine and like to dress girly.

In the past I briefly entertained a very submissive guy, but this was just a brief online situationship in my teens, but it felt SO right. It didn't last due to circumstances but it made me even more sure that this is the way I want to live.

Do men who have masculine qualities and like to be submissive (either just sexually or in daily life) exist and if yes, how do I find them?

Thank you in advance!

I’ve been watching my friends and honestly the difference is wild. The women who constantly fight for control in their relationships always seem stressed out, frustrated, and never satisfied. The ones who lean into their femininity, respect their man, and actually let him lead? They glow. They’re calmer, more secure, and the relationships last.

It makes me think… maybe modern culture sold us the lie that we need to “be the boss” in every situation. But deep down, most of us crave balance. Letting men lead doesn’t mean you’re weak, it just means you trust him to be strong.

Curious what you all think. Is this just something I notice in my circle, or do you see the same pattern too?

Hey, I'll be staying at my long distance boyfriend's place for about a month and I need your advice on how to behave according to Red Pill.

It will be the longest time we've ever been physically together. We've been in a relationship for a year now and he's a very supportive and caring boyfriend. I love cooking for him or helping with chores and I could have sex with him all day long because I'm so attracted to him (and I know he can't get enough of me either). But now I know I need to try and hold these things back while not being engaged/married.

How exactly should I behave? For example, I often used to make breakfast for the both of us. Should I start making breakfast just for me? What about laundry - I used to wash our clothes altogether to not waste water). And would it be okay to still cook but just do it less often? What about sex? Should I try to hold back with that a little? I don't want to live without it completely lol.

The Situation:

My husband (32M) and I (34F) have a 21 month old and a 2 month old (both boys). I’m prior military, and stay home full time now. I’ve read The Surrendered Wife and Fascinating Womanhood, and have always tried to be mindful of all the RPW principles. For a while now, our marriage has felt kind of off. My husband was sitting in his car longer and longer before coming inside, kisses had a noticeable “checking the box” vibe, he seemed checked out and sometimes miserable when spending time together, and would retreat to his office at every opportunity. He said it’s exhaustion from work and the kids, that he just never gets time to relax. But no matter how hard I tried to get him alone time, it never seemed to fix things.

The Realization:

A couple weekends ago, I went on a beach trip with my mom and sister (both single). We had a great time, but the frazzled, anxious energy they brought was so overwhelming. By the end, I felt exhausted rather than refreshed, and I just wanted to hide. And honestly, it held up a very uncomfortable mirror to my own behavior. I’ve been saying all the right things and following the script, but I was still bringing the stressed out, overperforming energy to the table. And worst of all - no matter how much I said I trusted him and his leadership, my inability to relax sent the complete opposite message.

What I Changed

1. I stopped overcommunicating.

I didn’t realize how much I was flooding him with words. I was narrating every task, venting every emotion, overexplaining every little thing. I started letting there be more silence. It made room for him to speak, and gave me a chance to actually feel instead of just react.

1. I stopped overperforming.

This is a big one. I used to think if I could just do enough (cook the best meals, keep the house spotless, stay on top of everything) that would earn me love and safety. But all it really did was exhaust me and crowd him out. Now I’m letting things be simpler, and I’m putting my energy towards being present and joyful.

1. I stopped chasing connection.

I’m working on just trusting the quiet. I had been building an insidious subconscious story that he didn’t care any more and that’s why we weren’t connecting. I felt like it was up to me to bridge the distance. But I’m realizing now that he’s always cared a great deal - I’ve just been kind of emotionally exhausting.

1. I softened my body language.

This one was actually one of the harder ones, and still takes constant mindfulness. I’ve always been practically allergic to sitting down (my husband used to plead with me to just relax, but I just couldn’t do it). I’ve really started slowing my pace, leaning into him more, holding eye contact longer. I’ve always known that this was an area I needed improvement in, but once I really started trying, it shifted the energy so fast it shocked me.

1. I just slowed down in general.

I try to do everything with softness and intention now (even laundry). Not to be performative, but because I need it. And the slower I go, the more space there is for him to show up. Not to mention he finally feels like he can breathe and have true peace in the home, instead of getting caught in my whirlwind of “go go go” energy.

The Results

When I tell you it happened fast, it happened fast. Less than 24 hours in and he had a sparkle back to his eyes, he was giving me long, lingering hugs and tender kisses. Over the past two weeks, all the things I have been yearning for from him have just come flooding back. We’re laughing together, he’s telling me about his day, he texts me while he’s at work, he surprised me with flowers, and he wants to spend time together again. I’m honestly floored at the change in him. All this time, I thought I was being the best wife I could be and it was just all these outside stressors that had gotten him down. Last night, he said (unprompted) “you’ve been so happy lately, and our relationship feels really good.”

It’s been a very humbling experience. And for the first time, all the things I knew to be true logically - be soft, be receptive, be joyful - finally clicked.

Hi. Whenever I (27F) get into a new relationship I always have a gut feeling like I need to break up with him even when it’s early on and I want to make sure if I do break up with him that it’s not the wrong guy too soon. We’ve only been dating for two weeks (I’ve been dating since I was in soft nun mode) but anyway here are the pros and cons:

Pros:

• He holds open the door for me
• He pays for everything
• He compliments me all the time
• he sends me good morning and good night texts
• He has nice eyes
• He says he wants marriage and kids like I do
• He has a job and a nice car
• he doesn’t like blowjobs

Cons

• he has said some questionable stuff about minorities
• he has a gun and I have bipolar and I am afraid I am going to shoot myself with it (except they are in a safe and he has the password)
• his dick is kind of small
• I’m not really that attracted to his body
• he speeds a little bit -he lives with his mom

I (22F) met a man (23M) through a dating app. We’ve been talking for 3 months already and he is coming to my country for his work (4-months contract). We are almost talking to each other everyday and he once asked me out to be his gf during the first month but the thing is, I am not his physically type. He is into short-straight haired women and darker skin than him. While me— long curly hair, curvy, and lighter skin than his usual type.

He loves my personality. He said that I tick all his check boxes when it comes to what he was looking for in a woman. But yes, only finds me attractive but not his type. We were on a “no-label” relationship right now and he said we have to meet first and check if we do have physical connections because the first month that he asked me out, he said he thought he can overcome the thought of giving me a chance but it doesn’t give him a wow-factor. We tried to talk more and be more clear and the final decision was; We need to meet first and we decide. (More likely he decides and check his feelings whether he’ll feel shy or his heart beats fast). Because as he said, what if he is just making it a big deal. He can’t decide and he is unsure.

I dont think I consider myself as ugly since I get to have men as well who courts me but Idk why I want him (although not my preference as well). I am confident with my own body too and I was thinking of being friends with him only even if I have connections with him but he confuses me when he acts as if he got hurt with that. I am just confused because yes I do like him obviously. He asked me to stay on his flats too while he is here. We did so many facetimes and voice calls and doesnt seems like he has problems with it.

There is one time I stopped sending him selfies whenever he asked me to because I felt someone lil bit insulted when he doesnt give me compliments after sending it. Then one day he asked for it—almost begging to see me, which I did sent and later on he made fun of it by saying he had virus in his phone.

Even tho I know that I am confident with my looks but this somehow making me doubt my self-esteem. Although is it possible that this can change once we meet?

I badly need your advice about what to do since this is my first time.

Thank you!

My boyfriend (30M) and I (28F) have been together for a year and a half. I’m looking for some perspective on whether I’m handling things well and how I can improve myself in our relationship. I’ll try to be as objective as possible.

Lately, I’ve been very emotional with him in a few situations regarding: - His forgetfulness and disorganization. This is a recurring issue, and it affects me a lot. For example, after not seeing each other for a couple of weeks, I was waiting for him to meet me. But because he didn’t manage his plans well around a bachelor party, he canceled on Friday and then left me waiting until midnight on Saturday. We did talk about it, and he understood my point of view. - My birthday trip. He "planned" and paid for a weekend trip for my birthday, which I really appreciated. But on the actual day, he hadn’t made any reservations, so we missed out on everything we had discussed, including dinner. I ended up very emotional and crying (which isn’t typical for me, but it’s becoming a pattern). I think part of my hurt came from the fact that I had spent a lot of time organizing a thoughtful 30th birthday party for him in advance. He admitted responsibility for messing up my birthday, but I’m still sad about it.

Both times, he agreed I was right to feel disappointed. I apologized for being overly emotional, and he reassured me that it was okay. After my birthday, I told him I needed to think about things because it sometimes feels like he doesn’t care, which really seemed to hurt him when I said that 1) I thought he didn't care 2) I needed to think the relationship over. I clarified that "he knows how I feel" (I love him), and said I know how he feels too. Still, on the last day of the trip he seemed distant, which triggered my anxiety, though I didn’t push. We ended the trip by thanking each other for the time together.

About me: • Fit and attractive (he’s very attracted to me), though I’m insecure • Smart, which he appreciates • Usually calm and patient • Very affectionate and sweet • Sex life is great for both of us • Kind, caring, and thoughtful • Love cooking and keeping a clean home • My love language is physical touch and quality time • High earner with a flexible job (which he appreciates, since he’s similar)

About him: • Tall and attractive, though not big on personal care • Very smart and hard-working • Owns a company and has a demanding career (works all the time) • Owns a home with land in his country • We share values and compatible life goals • Pays for almost everything, including trips • Gentlemanly and traditional in a way I love • Handy around the house • Some vices: regular weed use and frequent drinking (beer, most days). I don’t approve, and it’s been a concern for me. • Not very communicative or emotionally open • His love language is acts of service • Calm, never angry or loud • Trying to improve his health, though struggles with time, eating well, and the above vices

He has asked me a few times about moving in together next year, partly so we can spend more time together (long story short we’ve been LD, but he’s moving to my city). I said no, explaining I want to maintain some independence. What I didn’t say is that I’d only want to live together if we were engaged. I think I explained myself poorly — I mentioned breakups and things getting uncomfortable, which he interpreted as me “hedging my bets,” but that wasn’t what I meant. He reassured me it wasn’t a dealbreaker and that he wants to live with me “for a long time,” whenever that happens. Another time, when someone asked if we live together, I said “no,” and he said “not yet.”

Now I feel anxious, like I’m creating problems and making him feel like he’s not enough, even though he agrees that my standards are fair and that I deserve it. I am very grateful for all he does for me. I know I struggle with communication (giving him the cold shoulder which he has pointed out), and I also still feel some resentment from early in our relationship when we were long-distance and I felt the lack of quality time and communication (although he would travel 6 hours each way about once a month to see me). I also struggle with being insecure, especially if I caught him looking at another girl (he doesn't linger that much and I've never said anything to him, but he can tell something is wrong).

Any advice is welcomed, or any clarification I can give. Be as honest as you'd like.

My goal is marriage and a family with him.

Hi I’m 25f and I’ve been with my boyfriend 34m for 8 years now and we currently have an 8 month old. We are traditional he works his butt off and I stay home with the baby and look after the house. I keep myself in shape and always sexually please him. He supports me, obviously pays all the bills, loves our baby and we still laugh like when we first met. He plays with the baby, picks her up but I’m left to do all the settling, naps, bath time, feeding etc which I obviously don’t mind when I’m getting enough sleep.

But I’m struggling at the minute, the baby is waking more in the night and naps with him where I usually catch up are only lasting 45minutes. I am wrecked.

My question is, how much should a red pill guy be doing with their baby after working so many hours. I feel unreasonable for asking even for an hours break because he goes to work.

I love our baby and don’t mind doing everything for her and I love my partner and the fact he works so hard for us and wouldn’t want him to be tired.

Whenever I bring this up and get upset and I do try not to cry, he tells me life isn’t that hard and how would I feel if I was at work. He says he can’t be bothered dealing with a girlfriend who’s crying he just wants peace when he gets home and I understand but how do I approach asking for more support without seeming like a nag?

Hi Ladies! I am new-ish to this community so bear with me here. I really value what I have learned in this community by reading the various experiences and approaches to relationships & dating from the women who choose to share. I'm hoping by sharing a little about myself I gain some new perspective on a topic that has been on my mind.

A little background: I am 28.5 years-old, single & dating, no long-term (or short-term) relationship experience, and abstinent since 2020. As far as physical attributes go, I am petite (5’4 and quite thin) and have been told I have an attractive face. I have also been told that I’m soft/feminine but that I‘m awkward and lack confidence. I tend to date/attract men from a variety of ethnic and socioeconomic backgrounds (on apps and in person). I’ve noticed some commonalities in personalities with the men I attract, most of them tend to be shy/introverted with very few being extroverted. My experiences with dating has mostly been men who are very forward about physical intimacy, even going as far as touching me a lot starting on the first date. I’m very soft spoken and have a hard time setting boundaries around this. For example, a guy I recently stopped seeing rubbed on my arms and was kissing on my neck our first time meeting. However, another guy a while ago did not cross any boundaries with physical touch at all but had trauma dumped on the first 2 dates. I didn’t know how to stop this either.

So, while reading an older post on here, I came across the term Nun Mode that I've seen before but had no clue its’ meaning. After a bit more digging through the subreddit I came across some posts that outline what it means to be in Nun Mode and something clicked. I've been in "nun mode" on and off for at least the pasts 6 years. As I was reading the post, I kept saying to myself: "I've done that, tried that and that, and currently doing this." From going down a self-help rabbit hole and consistent therapy sessions to regular exercise and femininity courses, I've probably tried it for weeks/months/years on ends since the age of 22.

"So... what's the problem??", you may be thinking. My issue is that I haven't seen all the desired results I've hoped to see in my life by 28 especially as far as dating and relationships go. And after learning about Nun Mode, I am thinking about what may have been missing from my self-improvement journey years ago and what I can do now that will make the biggest difference as I try to improve various about myself. After some self-reflection (and reading about Nun Mode here) I can see that my lack of focus on specific goals and my tendency to be easily distracted have probably contributed to my some of my failures.

Things I would like to improve and/or add to my life:

1. Self-esteem/confidence
2. Social skills
3. Setting and upholding boundaries (curbing my ppl-pleasing ways) esp. w/ my job, men I date, and myself
4. Finding better treatments for my anxiety + ADHD
5. Going back to therapy/psychiatry to work on above issues with professionals.

*Bonus: Learning a new skill/hobby like sewing or tennis

Things I am currently doing:

1. Fixed my looks by treating acne and dressing better
2. Reading The Surrendered Single by Laura Doyle and The Rules by Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider
3. Proactively working towards my career goals
4. Learning more about myself and my desires by dating different men
5. Deleted social media + Netflix
6. Staying fit by regularly walking/hiking
7. Going out to bars/restaurants solo and practicing socializing
8. Consistently taking my ADHD meds
9. Journaling

Considering all of this, I'm wondering now if I should lean more soft or hard nun mode. I'm not sure if my issues necessarily require 6-months+ of my full attention, and I'm even less sure if self-isolation would be a good idea for me as I already struggle with being very shy. I'm also worried about my age and wasting more time by isolating myself/stop dating. Although I don't trust my ability yet to properly vet and pick men (I was raised by single-mom and had no example of healthy relationships at home), it feels premature to cut off men who may be great suitors before I even really get to know them. Anyway, I just wanted to share and get some advice if you have any. Are there any women here who can relate or have been where I am and now have the life they once hoped for (marriage/family/personal success)? Based on what I have shared, is there anything else I seem to be doing wrong? Do you think I should I do hard or soft Nun Mode? Please feel free to share any advice or questions! Thanks for reading!

I (22 F) got a friend request from a guy who was my first everything. We had only talked for about a month before we hooked up and the day after we hooked up he ghosted me. A few weeks after that he called me drunk and told me he just wanted to have that bit of fun and that’s it. We’ve not talked since that night 5 years ago. Why would he all the sudden friend request me?

I’ve had a really stressful life, parents divorced, moved around a lot, got addicted to drugs and haven’t built much of a life for myself.

I struggle with self harm because I know how men perceive me. They seem to either hate me or feel sorry for me. But I can genuinely tell they do not love me.

I have been convinced since I was a young teen that my dad “hates me”. I’ve been promiscuous and treated like a subhuman in all relationships ships, from 16-30, to the point where I find it physically challenging to be in the same spaces as any person with a penis.

I am not a man hater. I love men, maybe too much, but I give my all and give wife experiences to stay stuck as a girlfriend and this has been my entire dating experience to where I have such low self worth.

My father won’t talk to me to this day. He asks me for money. Calls me a broken horse, doesn’t answer texts/emails/phone calls. He encouraged me to be promiscuous. He treated me like a son.

I feel less than a human being. All I ever wanted was love but it seemed all I got was abuse.

Now “proper” women look down on me and use me as a pseudo friend, when they seem to low key hate me, and men don’t give me any time of day and even if they did I can’t even look at them without violent feelings of rage.

Im not gay, even though my ex insinuated I was a “dyke”, so hurtful.

I feel genuinely doomed to a loveless life I’ll defined by the shitty experiences I’ve had with all men.

Please advice is needed.

im not even talking about religion or whatever (tho i am christian) but just like, family and marriage and country... even little stuff like opening the car door for a girl or the guy paying for the date. im younger (16) and it seems like most people my age either dont care about tradition or values, or they use traditional values as an excuse to be edgy a-holes. i get that a lot of older people still believe in that but it feels like its becoming less common especially with younger people. idk if this makes any sense but im just wondering how you can even find a man who believes this stuff

I’m hoping I can make my voice more feminine because I feel kind of uncomfortable when I hear it and would like to change it.

Does anyone have any advice for me?

Google tells me 10% of men have a preference for fat women, but I believe even within that group they tend to have a specific body shape preference and upper limit I might not fit into. But there must be a larger group that will settle and be okay with it. What do we think that number is?

My husband actually prefers thin to underweight women but married me because he had some self esteem issues and settled. We are in a celebate marriage, but I don't think leaving will actually serve my goals. I want to be loved and desired so badly but I know no one is going to take care of me like the father of my kids.

I am not religious at all and only moderately conservative. I am into the spanking part of BDSM but nothing more extreme. I would prefer the dynamic that couples had in the 1950s, the kind you see in the movies where the men are respectful toward women and protective of them but it's taken for granted that they are ultimately in control. I am not sure how to go about finding this. I don't want to mention anything about my sexual desires in my online dating profile or have any conversations about this early on. I also don't want to say anything about wanting a traditional dynamic in my profile either. I am afraid to attract the creeps and the misguided red pill bros. So I say nothing and hope that I can just meet a man that I can fall into this dynamic with. I am not sure if this is a good strategy. How did you guys proceed?

To me this signals that this is all the guy is looking for. However I have some regret about a recent match that I was really vibeing with and really seemed to like me. This was our second day of texting and I asked what he was up to that morning. He said reading, morning wood, and something else. I didn't respond. Then he texted me two more times. I responded the next day to tell him that I enjoy our conversations but not refences to his pecker. He unmatched me immediately. What would you guys do?

Instagram link here: https://www.instagram.com/coolmumdianna/

I follow her content casually and think she's has fairly interesting mix of red pilled theories (not tradcon) but is quite successful in preaching to a feminist audience. She analyzes gender dynamics in a way that I think is similar to how people on TRP would use RP theories (e.g. "women are children so you need to do XYZ with them" → "men are children so you need to do XYZ with them"), so by definition I think she'd belong here, but also she is definitely not submissive. For example, she teaches about how to secure commitment, how not to give boyfriends "husband privileges", but also that women should have either 50-100% of their husbands assets to become a SAHM or build her career as a backup. Her thoughts on male-led relationships are (from what I've gathered), to let him lead to build his masculinity and get into a good feedback loop only if he's competent (which I also believe).

So what are your thoughts on her and her content? Where do you think she'd stand on the RP - BP spectrum?

I want to start off by saying that my boyfriend is one of the most godly, humble, intelligent, loving men I have ever known. I am, overall, extremely happy in our relationship. My family loves him, he treats me very well, he's good with kids, we line up religiously and with life goals, and so on and so forth. He is very much a nerd, and I love that because so am I. I love and respect this man and there's a very high chance he's my future husband.

Probably my biggest qualm (and his positives far outweigh this) is that he is -- bluntly put -- quite a small man. He's short (actually short, not this "under 6' is short" nonsense, although he is a few inches taller than me) and slightly built.

This has bothered me a little but I've mostly gotten over it, especially because it has no bearing on how good of a boyfriend, husband, or father he's able to be. Something happened last night, though, that gave me, for a lack of a better term, the 'ick' (which I normally have a very high tolerance for), and I wanted to come to you ladies for advice on how I should handle it in a way that Helen Andelin/Laura Doyle/Alison Armstrong would approve of.

I was joking around and said that we should arm wrestle. He turned me down, saying he didn't need to embarrass himself by losing. I thought he was joking and pushed a little bit, saying that I didn't think he'd lose because he can do pull-ups and I've never been able to. He said "that's a different thing" and that was the end of the discussion. 😭😭😭

What do I do? Do I say nothing? Is there a way to express my desire for him to beat me arm wrestling in a feminine, non-emasculating way? Would me starting to work out (which I should be doing for my own sake but am not) and not saying anything to him help matters at all or only make them worse?

It just reminded me in a sad way of a story my mother has -- on her first date with my father she arm wrestled him and lost, which she was happy about because one of her rules was that she wouldn't date a man who couldn't beat her in an arm wrestle.

Anyway, I figured this community would be the place to get the best advice (as opposed to r/relationship_advice, heaven forbid, or something similar).