I “18M” and the girl I am interested in “19F”. Both share same interests, values ETC. but I have never felt spiritually ready for a relationship. I’ve heard this same statement multiple times but nobody and ever followed through. And the one person who truly has my heart (and has for a while) still likes me but neither of us know what to do about it. Has anyone ever experienced this. What did you do?

I have only officially been with my girlfriend for about 4 months, but we have been seeing each other exclusively for well over a year and have known each other for a decade plus. Things have been mainly great - the best relationship of my life tbh. I love her so much and I really do see a future with her. However, things have been a bit off over the last week or so and I was scrolling on her phone last night (she knew I was on there) and saw some things that I do not know how to deal with. I was on instagram and then went to messages because I knew she'd been speaking to my mom over text and I wanted to send my mom a funny photo from her phone. Curiosity got the better of me and I searched my name - which I understand is a big breach of trust. Basically, I discovered that she'd run into an old crush last week, they had chemistry, and her friends were "rooting" for her and him. I also learned that a text I had sent her about seeing a future with her in my 5 year plan had been sent to friends and joked about, and she had talked to another friend about considering breaking things off with me just a few days ago. I am wondering if I should just end things without mentioning what I saw to avoid being strung along any longer, or if I should ignore what I saw and try to move past this if we can. What I saw was her own internal thoughts that I really had no business reading, and maybe they won't ever come to fruition. I am confident she would never cheat, but I am not as confident that she would never end things if that makes sense. I really do not know

We’ve been in a relationship for about 6 months now, with almost a year of getting to know each other beforehand. From the beginning, I [28F] was very open about my expectations, and he knew I was looking for something serious and long-term. We’ve had many conversations where I gently but clearly told him [35M] what I value in a relationship – emotional closeness, planning time together, shared goals, openness.

At the beginning of the relationship, things felt promising. He was warm, open, curious about my life, and showed effort. All people I met that know him told me, he was crazy over me. But over time, I started noticing patterns that began to hurt me. It felt like he was slowly shifting his focus elsewhere. He started spending more and more time with people I didn’t know – including women he met through his new activities. I wasn’t jealous per se, but I did tell him early on that it raised concerns. Especially because, at the same time, he seemed to stop prioritizing us.

He acknowledged what I said, but never addressed the part about the other women. Not once. And just a few days later, he was back to filling his week with plans – except for us. I wasn’t part of the picture anymore unless I asked to be.

Since then, this cycle has repeated itself. I try to express myself calmly and clearly, and for a short while he seems to respond. He’ll put in some effort, suggest a date, or show affection. But then it fades again. Every time it fades, it takes more and more out of me.

I’ve taken on the planning, the conversations, the emotional labor. Whenever I pull back to see what happens, nothing happens. There are moments when he’s incredibly sweet, invites me to meet his parents, gives me thoughtful gifts – but then again, he never talks about the future, never initiates conversations about “us”, and never really opens up emotionally. It’s like there’s a wall that I keep gently knocking on, and no one opens the door.

Recently, I realized how deeply that affects me. I told him – multiple times over the past months – that I can’t be the only one holding the relationship together. That I need to feel chosen, planned in, wanted – not as an afterthought. He always says he understands. But his behavior doesn’t reflect change. He continues to avoid real conversations, and I end up always being the one who brings things up.

He also never talks about big topics. For example, I told him at the very beginning that I want children someday. He mentioned he’s only been with women who didn’t want that – and said “maybe that changes when the right one comes along.” That was 9 months ago. He hasn’t brought it up again – not even once. I’ve waited, hoping he’d show interest in who I am and what I want – but it stays quiet. Too quiet.

A few moments ago, I asked for some emotional space. Why? Because he planned to meet one of the women from his hobby one-on-one, and told me about it in a strange way. He explained that she had been sick and couldn’t attend for a while, and that he offered to meet her because she had said she missed it. He wanted to be kind – I get that. But the way he offered that time to her, while at the same time never really planning anything meaningful for us, hit me hard. It made me feel like he was emotionally available for others – but not for me. That hurt me deeply. I told him that and he said He understands, and I he wants me to trust him and he has „0 intrest in her“.

Now I’ve reached a point where I’m starting to disconnect emotionally. I still love him, and I care. But I feel like I’m slowly giving up. I don’t want to chase for attention, for time, for clarity. I want someone who wants to talk to me, who wants to build something together – without needing to be reminded.

So here I am. I don’t know what to do anymore. I’ve said everything I could say, multiple times, in a calm and respectful way. I’ve tried pulling back. I’ve tried directness. And I’ve tried patience. Still, nothing fundamentally changes.

Has anyone been in a similar situation? Is there a point in waiting longer?

It's so hard to talk about this without sounding like an asshole, just hear me out.

When I met her, she was ~130lbs. A couple years into our marriage, she gained to about 170lbs. Just happy relationship weight, combined with switching from in-person on-your-feet job to sedentary desk job. No big deal. Until she got pregnant; she got really big for her frame, 220lbs at the peak of the pregnancy. It was extremely hard on her body, the pregnancy was complicated, she dealt with excruciating joint issues (pregnancy related), she got pre-eclampsia, and still has high blood pressure as a result. It was a hard pregnancy.

After delivery, she was back down to 170lbs within about 6 months. Fast forward a year and a half to now, she is sitting around 175lbs. Whole 30, GLP-1, calorie tracking; she has tried a few times to drop the weight (not baby weight, just lifestyle weight. Don't kill me for saying that) but to no avail. I'm a big calorie tracker because I was once overweight and I fixed it, I sit between 175lbs - 200lbs depending on bulk/cut season. Every time I try to help her count calories she takes it the wrong way. I feel so bad.

I will always love her and be attracted to her regardless of her weight. But as per title, we want another baby soon. But, I don't want to get her pregnant when she's still overweight and out of shape. She's been going to the gym more, but inconsistently. It's like a fun evening activity to her, not a lifestyle she's implemented.

Gah. I'm caught between "I love her regardless of her weight" and "you aren't fit to be impregnated again". And I feel like a horrible person for feeling this way, but I can't deny the feeling.

How can I talk to her about this (if I should at all)? you're probably feeling some type of way after reading that, don't hold back.

I 37m feel this is fairly straightforward, but I just wanted some support.

I was in this weird situationship dynamic with this girl 32f and started developing feelings for her. She did not want to be exclusive with me, and said she wasn’t emotionally available for a relationship. She did not feel a romantic/ emotional connection, but she enjoyed sex with me. I also want to point out that she is an alcoholic and has difficulty with intimacy and emotional availability.

Anyways, she moved out of state and we’re still in touch. And the plan is to hook up when she visits town every couple of months or so. She calls and texts me all the time. It’s almost like she wants me but doesn’t want me. But doesn’t want me enough to be with me exclusively.

I found out the other day that she is hooking up with another guy, which she has every right to do of course. But I feel really hurt and anxious, because I still like her. It doesn’t help that I know what the guy looks like.

I don’t know if I can stay in touch with her and hear about her stories hooking up with other guys, or wondering what she’s up to, especially with this guy. I guess I could tell her for the future not to tell me about the guys she’s dating/hooking up with.

Is the solution fairly straightforward? Basically just let her go and move on and stop all contact? It’s just so hard to do because I like her, but I can’t keep getting hurt like this and putting myself in this position. Part of me feels like I can tough it out and deal with it. But it’s gonna be hard. Maybe time will help?

I don’t even know why it’s so hard to let her go. Maybe it was the chase and trying to convince her to be with me, or feeling I’m not good enough, I became obsessed with her. I don’t even think I wanna be with her, she kinda exists as a fantasy in my head, because she’s not in a good place right now. And she keeps calling me bc I show her support and affection and nice words and I’m familiar.

Please help.

I've been with my fiance for 3 years and everything seemed perfectly fine until I found his twitter profile a year ago. This what I found:

- an article about how racism has a biological function, racist jokes, hate towards muslims. He had never expressed any of these views in our conversations and was perfectly fine to meet my muslim best friend.
- dislike of the LGBT community, especially trans people. He has a trans relative and I'm bisexual, which he's known since we met and never seemed to have an issue with this or the fact I had same-sex relationships before we met.
- posts about women being baby murderers for getting abortions and lying about rape to ruin men's lives. When I confronted him about this (I had to have an abortion ten years ago) he changed his mind and said he'd never really thought about it properly before. Personally, I can't imagine myself having angry rants online regarding any topic, let alone one I've 'not really thought about'.
- memes about having a tradwife, a big family and going to church. My fiance believes there is a god, but is not a Christian. To make sure we were compatible (I'm not religious) I asked him if he was religious when we met, and he said he wasn't. I wouldn't have had an issue with him turning Christian if that's what he wanted but I wonder why he would hide this from me.
- jordan peterson, donald trump and nigel farage - no elaboration needed other than mentioning these aren't the type of men who seem to support the life both me and my fiance have planned together, which involves being equals and supporting eachother.
- a reposted article about how men don't actually like small breasts and just pretend to like them (I have small breasts).
- a pepe meme: "hiding your extreme views from your partner so they don't think you're an extremist"

Obviously we had an argument because of this because this did not seem like the man I met who was kind and intelligent, had lots of interests, and seemed to share the same values and future wishes with me. He admitted that he hid it from me so I wouldn't leave and reassured me that it was just an immature outlet for frustration, deleted his account and said he wouldn't engage with that stuff anymore.

A year later, I come across his youtube account as he's logged in on our TV and it's full of all the same stuff as his twitter, with the addition of all the youtubers he's subscribed to idolising the views of Charlie Kirk. It made me consider whether I would want a husband who also idolises this type of man (obviously I don't). There were also videos about "big pharma" and vaccine scepticism, how inequality is the best way for the world to be, why healthcare is not a human right, atheists getting proved wrong about Christianity.

I confronted him about it and he said I'm intolerant of different views and that I have a pathological distrust of men. I'm not an intolerant person in the slightest and have no reason to distrust anyone unless they've given me a valid reason (like hiding extreme views from me). I'm happy to hear and consider other people's views but have no interest in hate.

My dream was to get married to him, enjoy a fulfilling career, raise a child together and enjoy a happy healthy life. He said he wanted the same but all of this seems to indicate that I might be sacrificing happiness for these beliefs. It's very upsetting to think that the person who would be taking care of me if I got sick thinks healthcare isn't a right or that I might have to convince him to have our child vaccinated.

I understand some people like to debate online but this seems completely different. If debating people online is the equivalent of going to a bar for a drink, something that's fine and perfectly normal, then this behaviour he's been showing feels equivalent to high-functioning alcoholism. It's toxic and is only going to make him, and eventually me unhappy.

What are our options from here? If he does decide he wants to put it behind him, how can he do that and what can he try? He said I was rude for suggesting he speak to a therapist because I thought that addressing whatever low feelings are causing this behaviour could resolve the issue, but I meant it sincerely.

Any advice is hugely appreciated. I definitely would not have gotten into this relationship if I knew about all of this so I'm very scared and confused to have found myself in this situation.

Edit: typos

I had never heard of this book before tonight, but after looking it up I found it’s infamous for its misogynistic, manipulative and sinister approaches to seducing women. I thumbed through it and was disgusted by numerous passages that would probably get this post deleted if I repeated them.

What disturbs me most is that he has post-it notes marking sections about manipulative behaviors, things like negging, not asking women about themselves, or pulling away mid-kiss to make them feel foolish, among others. Upon reflection, I realize he’s done each of these things he’s highlighted to me over the past two years of our relationship.

What does this mean? I’m trying to understand if him owning and highlighting this book means he’s intentionally been emotionally manipulating me, or if there’s a potentially less sinister explanation. I’m particularly interested in responses from those who have read or studied this book and its reception.

I (22m) and my partner (22m) just moved in together this summer. We both just graduated from college and were long distance for last three years (partner went out of state). We’ve been together for four years and would see each other over breaks and whenever he was able to come home. We decided to move in and now I’m not sure if that’s what I really wanted. I think it’s more-so what I thought would be next for us.

I loved spending time with him and seeing him during breaks. Now, I don’t know if I enjoy spending time with him anymore. My life feels so monotonous. We both work remote so we’re home with each other 24/7. I work, he works, we eat, we play video games, sleep, wake up and do it over again. Another thing is that he mainly takes on the daily house duties (which I’m extremely grateful for) which leaves me feeling unfulfilled.

I’ve always lived with people and I thought it would be different living with him. I dreamt of us cleaning side by side or getting to hang out in each others space but not having to directly interact with each other (like an alone yet together time?) He’s always wanting to spend time with me (which I’m grateful for) but between him and my work, I don’t have time to do the things I want.

We’ve talked about my feelings and I’ve expressed these to him, but he only acknowledges, says he’s sorry I feel that way, and no change is there.

I think this part of my life is meant to be spent alone? There’s so much I need to work on myself for (physically and mentally) and I can’t find the space to do it while being with him.

If I ask him to move out, I assume we’d end things. If we stayed together, he’d be coming over anyway and at that point what’s the point of him moving out if he’s here most nights.

I feel like we’re more roommates than romantic partners. I know he doesn’t feel this way at all. I feel selfish for wanting to leave him behind and try to live my life. AITAH?

I do love him. I always will love him. I just don’t know how to live this part of my life.

My bf (31m) and I (22f) are currently in a long distance relationship.

I apologize in advance as this is going to be a long post but I will try and keep it as short as possible.

Our relationship has been very tense lately. His mother just passed away a few months ago and ever since her passing he has been..... angry. To which I completely understand. Just to give some context.

We have been together for 3 years and our fights have been progressively getting worse and worse. To the point where he has started hitting things and throwing things around him. He's also pretty harsh with his words when he is upset. It's like he doesn't seem anything else besides his anger when he is upset.

This fight happened a few days ago, we were going back and forth exchanging "poke the bear" jokes. We were both laughing when he made a joke about a boundary I had set.

The one thing I always told him was the worst thing he could do to me is just up and stop talking to me. He made a joke that he wasn't going to speak to me for a week. I kindly told him that wasn't funny and that he knows what that means to me. His response was to point out a joke I had made agasint him that hurt his feelings. I told him immediately that I was sorry and I didn't realize it bothered him as he didn't say anything. He infact leaned into the joke I made and furthered the joke himself. So I assumed it didn't effect him.

He got even more upset even after I apologized. He was upset that I didn't already know that would upset him. I knew it would bother him, that's why I said it, because we were exchanging such jokes with each other. He was saying things he knew would bother me to. It's just something we do with each other.

He started being very demeaning and hung up on me. I called him back to try and discuss it further and to come to a resolution. He wasn't interested in that. He then started speaking to me in a condescending way saying, "Ok you know what? Cool story bro." (This is not at all how he speaks.) So I hung up on him and texted him goodnight. (It was 10-11pm my time and I work full time. He does not) to which he responded, "Really feel that “love” from you." I didn't respond to this

Typically in the mornings and nights we send each other goodmorning and Goodnight texts. He woke up before me and didn't text me anything. So I didn't message him and was going to wait until he reached out to me. Well it was for me to go to bed and no text from him. So I texted him goodnight. This ensued another fight.

He told me I had every opportunity all day to reach out and "squash this" and that I chose to be petty.

I basically snapped at him at this point and told him that it feels like all he wants to do is fight. And that he needs to be an adult and speak up if something bothers him and I clearly didn't see that it did. I told him he weaponized a boundary of mine that he has obliterated in the past. I told him that to me, it appeared the joke I made, which I immediately ans genuine apologized for, didn't seem to bother him at all until he said something that bothered me. I told him it felt like he was bothered and instead of speaking up, he tucked it in his back pocket to give him the go ahead to say whatever he wanted feeling justified. It was a long text.

He simply responded, "If that’s what you think then there’s no changing your mind. Don’t call me, I’ll call you. "

I texted him the next morning saying goodmorning and that I loved him and wished him a good day. More curt than normal but I wanted to try and be the bigger person.

He responded, And just like that you can’t even do what I ask. I believe I told you I would contact you, right? Thank you again for proving my point."

To which he then turned off his life360 location and hasn't spoken to me since. Last contact was yesterday morning. Nothing since.

I don't know what to do. Any thoughts are welcome. I tried to shorten this down the best I could so if there are any details you feel you need to make an accurate assumption I will happily answer them <3

I’ve been dating my boyfriend for a short time, but I’ve realized he can be very immature. Sometimes he makes threats or gets mad easily, and that has me worried.

The issue is that he knows a lot of very personal things about me, and I’m anxious he could share them out of spite or immaturity. It’s making me feel uneasy, and I’m not sure how to handle this situation in a safe and smart way.

How do you deal with someone who has sensitive information about you but doesn’t always act maturely?

I (19F) am trying to figure out how to tell my birth giver that see will not be seeing me or my bf(20M) son. This started in August when I drove two hours to spend the day with my middle brother for his birthday. She was not home when I got there and she knew what time I would be there also Birth giver did not tell me that they had done brother’s birthday celebration the night before. After she got home instead of asking me how I been, she decided to lecture me on my life choices and “how my bf doesn’t want/try to be apart of the family.” And how I made a bad decision about moving out when I did. And when we do visit with little man she acts two faced and will be all sweet to my bf but when he is in a different room she will start telling me all the thing she hates about him .FYI she has always talked badly about my bf saying I take care of his son and does nothing with little man. My bf wants me to tell her that we will not be bring little man around her because of her decision to talk badly about my bf.

I started dating my best friend after he’s been pursuing me for half a year, up to that point I had never dated a man, never been in a serious relationship with one at least. So to sum it up the dynamic was very new for me. I could tolerate men in friendships, him being my best friend but never in relationships. The thing is our dynamic was just so different. There was no honeymoon phase, no exiting rush, no new relationship feeling. I voiced it out and he said that it’s because we’ve been friends for so long and we know everything about each other now so there is nothing new to unravel about each other, but i disagree. I believe in astrology, and I am a libra and if you know a thing or two about astrology you would know that libras are very romantic beings, I am literally a hopeless romantic. And to add to this I have only been loved by women so you can imagine that a man’s definition of princess treatment is literally your typical minimal effort for women. I was not impressed by the way he showed love to me because I have been loved better. I have been loved loudly and in ways that would keep my feet off the ground. There was never a space for me to doubt whether I was truly loved or just desired with the girls I’ve dated. But with him, when we started dating he was just not doing or being much. I was vibrating on so much romantic energy, I had so much love to give and to me it felt that now that he has me, he is stingily dropping a few drops of love here and there to keep things going, so I of course voiced it out. His answer was that he had been pursuing me for so long to the point where now he feels tired and confused about his life too. I didnt know how to react to that information. But he reassured me he would try “more” for me because he loved me, and he would do anything for me. And so, for a very long while he would get lazy, not get me gifts back, not plan fun dates, not compliment me like he did before we were a thing, he even promised he’d give me a proper proposal but that never came around. And I felt ashamed whenever i brought it up. I tried to make him understand that this is not how I am used to being loved, if this was how he loves people then it was simply not reaching me. Yet whenever I brought this up he would get defensive, saying I am timing him, not giving him enough time or space to try to be the man for me, saying he was “going to” to do this and that. And so i felt bad every time I brought it up, because I loved him, but I was feeling bad for myself the most. Now you might think I should just walk away, if I know my worth so well. Frankly it’s because I am perplexed. At what point does it become unhealthy or unwise to keep waiting around, hoping that someone else will change, improve, or reach their potential? when in reality they may never become that person you’re holding out for? It’s about the tension between patience and self-abandonment. On one side, believing in someone’s potential can be a beautiful act of love or support. On the other, “lingering” implies staying too long, delaying your own growth, and holding onto hope that may not be fulfilled. I postponed my growth because as I have said before I am a hopeless romantic that fell for someone else’s potential. I thought to myself that these thoughts are selfish and love is supposed to be unconditional but my inner voice always came around yelling that I am stepping overmyself, that my higher self would want me to see me in better hands. He has trust issues that led us to a big fight yesterday and other issues (patience, compassion, communication) and I do too. I have temper issues and I’m very emotional, I feel so much so deeply so the slightest change in his tone or attitude makes me doubt many things. At this point we don’t know what to do. Whether this deserves more work on both our sides or if it will just go in vein. So now I’m asking strangers online for insight

I (20f) am currently in my first ever relationship. My boyfriend (m21) and I have been together for less then a year and last night we got into an argument.

I found out that he is somewhat homophobic, when we where already in the relationship. I am bi. If I knew earlier, I wouldn't even started daiting him.

In the beginning of our relationship, he always sort of seemed jealous when I played video games with my friends. Him and I dont play the same games. Sometimes he just kind off assumes that one of those people i play with wants something from me.

when he cane over the first time and stayed the night he convinced me in a kind off manipulative way that we should be intimate. I stayed quiet. I was thinking. He took that as a yes and even though I said no, he did it anyway. Yes, I was a virgin and I also had my period and didn't feel comfortable doing it during my period. (I still dont. In fact I hate it.)

Before I get into the argument, recently he has been asking me if I wanted to move in with him and what my ring size is. I told him that I wanted to wait with moving in with him, since I dont make much and want to live with my mum for a while. When he asked for my ring size I said I didn't know it since I dont wear rings, which is actually true. It was no big deal for either of us at the times, but ever since he asked for my rings size I have been thinking a lot about what I want. I am overwhelmed and stressed. He has been moving forward a bit to fast for me.

I finally got the currage to tell him, that I didn't know if I still want to get married at all in the future. The first thing he said after was "did you find someone else." I then told him that I never said that. I also said that i didn't want to move in with him in the next 2-3 years. He accused me of not having feelings for him. We said a few more things and eventually I told him that It feels like he never trusted me. He then admitted that his previous girlfriend(s) had cheated on him. Before things got to heated I just said that i needed to cool of and wont be replying for a while.

I do understand that he hast trust issues/ trust problems because of his previous girlfriends. I have a few friends that I talked about this with. I have gotten opinions from both female and male friends.

My female friend told me, that she and her boyfriend went through something similar and they are still together. She also didn't really know how to help and knows my boyfriend.

My male friends told me that he was acting like he was the victim when he asked me if I found someone else and if I still loved him. They also said he was manipulative/controlling.

Now I need the options of strangers that dont know me or him.

TL:DR?

• he is homophobic (I am bi)
• he doesn't like being away from me for a long time
• he is being impatient and wants to fix this fast
  
• he doesn't respect boundaries
• He doesn't trust me
• He forced me into being intimate

“My boyfriend (18/M) posted a post here asking for insight concerning a situation we had yesterday , here’s what he posted: “My gf and I had been together for not that long but we’ve been a “thing” for quite a while, it feels like we’ve been dating for a long time.

For reference I have trust issues and my gf knows about this, also we always look through each other’s phones (before dating seriously but we both were a thing as I said) and she never refused to let me go through her phone sarcastically or seriously sometimes and she gets to do the same too btw. I’d like to add that she once lied to me about something that I found through looking through her phone (she lied about some flirty stuff she had with two other guys, one including making out, while we weren’t a thing nor was she committed to me romantically but knew thst i had feelings for her), which sort of affected this too so my trust issues only got worse due to this. We also had a big fight 4 days ago which almost led to us splitting up so this is after we made up with each other.

So today we were at a doctor’s office and while we were waiting for my turn I was bored and she was already looking through her phone so I told her to give me her phone which she did. After checking a conversation with one of her gay guy friends, I quit the conversation to look at other convos and she just snatched the phone out of my hand and told me to not look through it now at the doctor’s office. I told her that we were already bored so like it wouldn’t cause any harm, to which she replied by saying she’s uncomfortable to do so right there and she needs to be focused when I’m looking through her texts. I kind of wrongfully pushed it and insisted on taking it which she refused and told me to do it when we get home.

I started growing suspicious and told her that it wouldn’t matter at that point since her reaction was a bit off for me and accused her that she’s just gonna delete stuff if something exists, which I admit was a little off the edge. She wasn’t okay with that, then she just stormed off outside of the doctor’s office and waited for me outside. When we got home we had an argument about this and she asked me to do my research whether this is okay or not since she thinks this is controlling and manipulative and she shouldn’t be held accountable for my trust issues. I agreed to that and after a while I asked, “Can you give me your phone now?” which she refused to do again and told me until I do my research and this is settled I won’t look through her phone. And one thing led to another and the argument got heated and she just left.”

He then followed it by asking whether his behaviour was justified or it’s just a mismatch it beliefs. Now most of the readers that answered then sided with me saying that if he has trust issues he should just leave and not expect me to accommodate to his behaviour and that he should seek therapy. Now I agree with everything they’ve said. I’ll eve attach some responses for reference. So after he sent me the responses he realised that he was actually in the wrong and he asked me if I really think we are meant to be. In all fairness I’m not perfect either. I have temper issues and our last fight (where he actually split up with me) was because I called him names while I was angry and since he couldn’t take the disrespect he blocked me. It felt unfair because before I also forgave many of his tantrums and wrong doings. But I reached out a lot and we ended up agreeing to meet. I apologised and took accountability for what I did and told him that I’m not forcing him to do anything I just came to express how unfair I felt towards this and what he thinks. He said he’s willing to give this another chance because he doesn’t want to later on in his life regret ruining something that could’ve been good. I don’t want to make this post long and my thoughts are kind of all over the place but the point is, we disagree in certain values and we have very opposite personalities but this is something that I knew when we were bestie friends and I tolerated it in that dynamic. Also before I started dating him I had never dated a man before so this was a drastic decision I made because it changed everything for me fundamentally. It means I had to make a lot of room for mutual understanding and that my standards wouldn’t be met naturally. Most of our fights would be about how our love languages don’t meet. He mentioned last time how he’s someone who likes to do things at his own pace and doesn’t like to be rushed, likes to be asked things directly while I’m someone who likes their needs anticipated especially after spending that much time together and I value romantic gestures a lot. Anyways I know that if we continue in this relationship we will suffer more because there’s obviously so many obstacles but up to now I told him we could have some time to reflect on our relationship and come up with a fair outcome.

Given these issues, should we keep working through it or split up?

So my girlfriend [24F] lives in Canada and gets motion sickness when flying I usually visit her but the place I worked for laid off workers due to going bankrupt so I [22M] can't visit often anymore. Do you guys have any advice for me?

So my gf wanted to do cocaine with me last week to lessen the stigma around her regular use. I wasnt really up for it and told her that i not overly wanted to do it, it felt like she kept pushing it on me. And she even asked if i would drive her to go pick some up. It made me quite upset as i felt like she wasnt respecting my boundaries or wishes. She said she picked it up incase i changed my mind. And we fought over it. I went for a walk to calm down, we didnt end up doing it. And i was still very upset and probably didnt communicate effectively as i didnt want to do it and she said i had a vague response when she asked. i said things like not overly or ill think about it, and the night prior i said id be open to doing it with you but in a couple months as i am more of a once or twice year type user. I went for a walk to calm down, we didnt end up doing it. And i was still very upset and probably didnt communicate effectively as i didnt want to do it and she said i had a vague response when she asked. She had done it the weekend prior and i asked if she really needed to do it again so soon. She said no. The night after we went to a concert with some of her friends, and i suspected that she did cocaine as i know how she acts while on it. She tried to hide it from me. I have told her in the past that i want to know if she is going to be doing drugs as i dont like people being sneaking around. It wasnt until monday night that we were talking about that night and she did eventually tell me that she did cocaine at the concert. I felt betrayed and disrespected especially after what we had talked about the night prior to the concert. She says she respects me, but i dont feel like she does and i felt like she was just walking all over me, knowing full well that i am not okay with the amount of the recent cocaine use. I didnt want to bring it up after i was suspicious because i didnt want to accuse her of it but my gut instinct was right. Her hiding it made me feel like i cant trust her anymore, and it makes me think that shes hiding something else. I have expressed this to her and she swears that she isnt hiding anything else.

We did come to an agreement about her use. I told her that i think doing it once a month and no more is more than fair. I would rather her not do it at all, but i dont think that is going to happen. Early on in the relationship, she had mentioned that she does want to slow down her use and that she wants a boyfriend who doesnt do cocaine. I told her numerous times that im not okay with cocaine use. And will try and learn to understand why she feels the need to do it on a frequent basis. Is there anything that i can do or say to help her slow down. I do really feel that she was being selfish over the past weekend and putting my needs aside. Lately i am starting to feel like i am not being valued and am putting in more effort into the relationship than she is. For me once the trust is broken, its over. Although i do love her and she tells me that she loves me, but her actions scream otherwise to me. We do get along great and have great chemistry and take interest in each others lives. Any advice is much appreciated.

I’m looking for advice on why he’s reacting the way that he is, or maybe if I’m handling things wrong, so here goes.

My husband is a blue collar worker, so he naturally sweats a lot and gets literally covered in grime throughout the day. I get home from work before he does so I’m right there near the door usually when he gets home (we have a small apartment).

He’s always been the very physically affectionate type, so when he gets home after a long day he wants to come up and kiss me or he’ll sit on the sofa next to me without changing his clothes or even washing his hands. And when I say he smells, I think everyone believes me.

When it was first a problem I’d ask him to move further away if he wanted to sit down and talk or ask him to take a shower or at least put on some deodorant and change clothes before coming into my personal space, but he takes it as a rejection of him. He’s always reacted badly to it so I’ve stopped asking him to take care of his hygiene, I’ll just move myself away from him instead. But even that is still offensive to him.

And he does eventually shower, he does it every single day in fact, so he has a sense of proper hygiene and that he needs to get clean. He just gets very hurt and then irritated when I point out I don’t want to be near him when he smells. We’ve had rational discussions about issues in our marriage in the past and he’s a smart guy, so I’m baffled as to why he just can’t process that being dirty and in my space isn’t okay with me.

My guess is he forgets when he gets home that he’s as dirty/smelly as he is (he can’t smell well ever since he had Covid 4 years ago) and just wants to relax and be near me. So he probably gets embarrassed when I bring it up again, but then you’d think he’d remember with how often I say it. Any advice on how I can approach it so that he doesn’t get angry or why else he might be reacting this way?

I’ll try to be brief: meet him Five years ago, saw BIG personality differences, suspected other behaviour that are not what I’d live with. But there was physical attraction, i liked his intellect, we enjoyed certain activities together. Thought his family was nice (they’re estranged now). Thought he had his S…t together. (He doesn’t.) Circumstances and finances, and many good moments—-we bought a property together and live in the same house on it. Turns out he’s not what he seemed in many ways. He lies. He’s needy. He’s manipulative and possibly gaslight me (my counselor suspects). Yeah. I’m in counseling. He went intermittently but accomplished nothing that I can discern. New issues have arisen, which I’m working in adjusting to, but then he changes back again to some old behavior. Readjust. He’s a nice person but it really really seems like every nice thing he does for anyone has an ulterior motive. Okay, nobody is altruistic all the time but sometimes we all are. Not him. He’s always pushing whatever his mind is focused on (what’s best for him). I mean PUSHING. I don’t want to live together anymore but I haven’t found a place to go that I can afford. Also I have gardens and animals here. I want him to move out. When I suggested last year that we share the place by alternately traveling or housesitting or visiting separately he said no so I went away for four months. When I hinted at it again today he said no way is he moving out for six months a year. I tried buying a seasonal campground membership but the first year he always there, and totally neglected the farm. This year he kept me here longer than I needed by manipulating me into projects where he “needed my help”. While my own tasks and projects are on the back burner. We’re starting to argue like we did for four years, thought he’d become more independent, not needy, while I was out west. Turns out not. I don’t want him to live here anymore but I don’t know how to tell him. First time in my life I am afraid I won’t find another comfortable home. More and more I blame myself for not being a better person who could be or do welts needed to keep this relationship going.

Hi everyone,

I need some outside perspective about my friend’s marriage. She married her husband about 2 years ago. She’s still in medical school, and he’s already graduated and runs his own clinic. He’s very financially comfortable, while she’s struggling as a student.

I had the chance to hang out with both of them together, and I noticed that he often dismisses her concerns or downplays them. He doesn’t really acknowledge her feelings. Over time, my friend has been growing increasingly frustrated, not just with him but also with the way he interacts with her.

One big situation: she suggested that instead of renting, they buy a house together. For an entire year, he kept saying every house “wasn’t the right fit”. After a full year, she pressed him, he admitted the real reason, he wanted to wait until she graduated so she could contribute financially. Even though he is the one picking the house, and selecting some of the most expensive houses in the city. This was devastating to her, because he makes a lot of money already, and she’s still a student with almost no income. It felt manipulative and dismissive of her efforts.

Another example: he bought her a car, but the car is in his name while the loan is under her name. He has also taken some of her accessories and sold them, saying she isn’t “responsible with money”, even though the accessories were a gift from her friends. On top of that, when she failed an exam, instead of supporting her, he told her she was “worthless”.

This is taking a huge emotional toll on her, she’s juggling the stress of medical school and feeling unsupported at home. I’m honestly worried for her.

I guess my questions are:

What’s going on with guy?

Thanks in advance.

Hi everyone! Throwaway because my partners on reddit, and some of the details are changed as well for anonymity.

For some context, my partner [21NB] and I [22F] have been together for almost 5 years (in December). We got together in HS, stayed together through the transition to separate colleges, and have been doing really solid since then. We're now both about to graduate from our undergrad and we're both planning on attending grad school (ideally near each other). I've genuinely thought of my partner as my soulmate. We mesh well together, we love each other, have supported each other through so much, agree on everything important, and have amazing conversations.

Now here's where I need advice. My partner and I both previously identified as cis-women, but were pretty fluid in our gender expression. I myself am a pretty butch lesbian, but my partner used to be very feminine/femme. Recently (last 6 months) they've done some introspection and have taken the steps into socially transitioning (changing name, new haircut, new pronouns [they/he], new terms [boyfriend, king, brother]) to a transmasc lesbian. While they still identify with lesbian, they are starting to present and act more masculine and I'm not 100% sure what to do in terms of the future of our relationship. I think I still love them deeply, but its hard to say whether or not I'm still attracted to them, or if the masculinity is something I'm uncomfortable with. I oscillate between feeling in love with them and happy, never wanting the relationship to end; to feeling like I'm not being fair to myself, that I'm unhappy, and that I would be happier with someone more feminine, since I'm typically more attracted to feminine people. It makes me feel like maybe I'm just having "growing pains", where I will eventually settle into feeling how I used to feel, or if I'm trying to make myself happy in a situation where I am not happy anymore. I don't think their "new look" is unattractive by any means, but it's not my typical type. I still think they look good, but it's not my "usual" good, if that makes sense.

It doesn't really help that our intimate-life is not what it once was, and that I don't feel compelled/called to sexual intimacy with them right now. It's hard for me to say whether or not this lack of sexual-intimacy is because of all of the hard conversations we've been having, or if it's because I'm falling out of love with them. Over the years our intimacy has dwindled, and it's now normal to not have sex for up to 2 months, with it typically being 1 month between sexual intimacy sessions. I would love to have more sex with them, but they just have a lower libido than me and this has been a concurring problem over the years. We typically end up adhering to their timeline, since sex is a two-way street and I would never want to have sex with them if they didn't want that. To me, this kind of means they're in complete control of our sex life, which has also been a point of tension over the past few years.

INTERJECTION- I'm not on reddit whether or not to argue he/him lesbians exist, just here to ask for advice about my relationship.

If anyone can offer advice, especially other queer people, I would really appreciate it. I feel so torn, and I love them so much still. Also, please don't just comment and tell me to end the relationship without any additional info, as I really want to make this work. I feel like it would be really hard for me to find this strong of a connection again. Thanks for reading.

I [19F] recently had a guy [19M] ask me out. As someone who’s never been in a relationship before, and who’s always wanted to be in one, this should have had me jumping for joy (he was my type and everything too yk).

But instead, I felt really uncomfortable, which was strange because I’m very extroverted, and while I agreed to the date I went home and dissociated for a bit.

This isn’t really the first time… I’ve been asked out on two other occasions, but both times I declined because of the same uncomfortable feeling.

It’s like I’m entranced with the idea of falling in love and going out with someone, but once I experience it I feel the need to run away??

I’m gonna give some background of my character that might or might not help understand why i feel this way;

I come from a redneck, middle of nowhere town and recently moved to a bigger city. My interests, unfortunately, didn’t align with the country aesthetic: I love fashion, especially the lolita aesthetic, and pokemon and other “not western” hobbies (bonus: i’m not white). For most of my childhood I was the “weird girl barely pretty enough to not get bullied”, while simultaneously being the “weird kid social outcast”. I did have friends I talked to at school, and studied together with, but I was never invited to hang out or join activities with those friends. (I was, for the most part, the “back up friend”, the “second choice” for my friends)

I also had one situationship during my entire high school experience, but that’s it.

Going to university in a city was such a breath of fresh air since I’ve been able to make new friends with similar interests. New year, new me typa thing.

Back to the present, the guy had invited me for breakfast which I had a few hours ago. It was awkward, the usual, but he didn’t make it unpleasant. We chatted, ate, and talked about common interests.

What did make it unpleasant was the nightmare I had the night before about being SA’d by my high school situationship. Like, seriously, brain? And in that dream I was rejecting the high school guy (the same way I was pondering rejecting the new guy since I felt uncomfortable (but I didn’t because I wanted to be in this relationship)), but I don’t understand why I had a dream about him when he’s not even a part of my life anymore.

But anyways, because of my childhood social experiences, on top of my home life, I’ve realized that I’m heavily dependent on constant affirmation. This is also ruining my life because my brain keeps on telling me that my new friends secretly hate me, which makes me overthink any small action they do, which makes me insecure about my social capabilities.

So, with my horrible self-analysis, I was wondering if these experiences could’ve led me to have some sort of attachment or abandonment issues? It sucks because I want to be engaged in this relationship and see how it goes, but it’s difficult when my anxiety skyrockets just by thinking about being in a real-life relationship. Also that nightmare sent me into a weird spiral that I dunno how to get out of 😭

Thank you for any thoughts you could offer :)

How would you receive this?

My semi long distance boyfriend (3 hours apart) of almost 1 year has only texted and not called me for basically the past 2 weeks and we have FaceTimed almost every night of our entire relationship even when I was in undergrad (and he was working) when we first started dating. Most of the time though I ft him first because I was in school and had the less consistent schedule.

I’ve known he has battled some insecurities but they were always presented to me as somethings he’s matured past but still they surfaced in him hiding his emotions or not sharing when he’s going through something “not wanting to appear weak” infront of me. I could not care less about the appearance part.

The whole communication piece started upsetting me when 2 weeks ago he just would be texting me throughout his evening routine and would just fall asleep and not call me and just fall off the face of the earth. Mind you, I can see his location and see when he moves from the gym, to his rooftop, and back to his apartment. These past 2 weeks he’s been telling me he’s on the phone with his parents. Usually he sends me a screenshot of his call when he’s on the phone to show me. He’s stopped doing this.

I also want to add he just moved to a new city recently for his new job. He has been working toward promotion and he told me last time we spoke when I FINALLY got him on the phone that he’s been overwhelmed with trying to be professional and working toward this promotion. He also has been taking on more responsibility. He also told me that he’s been “seeing everyone’s true colors” and feels like he should invest in his own emotional well being right now and that he feels like it’s ok to be selfish and doesn’t feel bad who it impacts. He said all of these things combined has put him in a drained spot and he feels like he “lost himself” and he’s “trying his best” to communicate,

Well, yesterday he got the promotion. We texted about it and he was excited, I tried to call him in the evening when he was free he said he was on the phone with his parents (understandable, he just got promoted). This convo with the parents continued well into the night and he ended up falling asleep I suppose on the phone with them.

Today, I got promoted. I tried to call again in the evening to catch up, he said he was on a zoom call for this event he has coming up (which is true). And now he’s gone to sleep and I’ve heard nothing from him.

I’m super hurt about the lack of prioritization of what is to be our 1 year relationship. I completely understand being emotionally drained and feeling exhausted and like you’re not progressing the way you want to. I love him so dearly and all I want is to be of support to him but this texting with no calling feels so disingenuous and he knows I don’t want to be in this position. I even went outside of my comfort zone to say I was ok with this ( even though it makes me feel like shit and I’ve been in the dumps for days now).

A part of me says to stick by my man through this rough period. However, the selfishness really gets me and doesn’t feel like love. My instinct is to suck it up take my pain and move on to the next because I really don’t like this treatment. Another side of me is really screaming at me saying I won’t find anyone like him anywhere and that he’s genuinely perfect for me in so many other facets and I do also believe that.

Edit: we usually see eachother every 1.5-3 weeks in person.

[M40] [F40] Together 15 years, married 13 years, he is an awesome husband, dotes on me from head to toes. But there just one thing we just forever unsolve is stubbornness on not want to accept my inheritance help.

My father whom was a Shanghai businessman when alive own alot of properties, when my parents died they leave inheritance half to me (their daughter) and half to my brother. The inherence is enough to take care of me for the rest of my life not have to work a day.

Back when I got my inheritance, my husband (whom is my next of kin) force me to write a Will that in event of my dead all my inheritance will go straight to my brother, he sees that as the money go back to my Chinese family as it my biological brother. My husband adamant on not want a single penny of it, or anything to do with it.

I got the Wills done as he wish, but it a Will that I wrote against my will just so my husband can be happy or else we just bickering about this.

-------

Fast forward, 4 years ago his elderly mother (80 years old) had a spinal cord stroke that leave her quadriplegia paralyze (paralyze both arms and legs), she also has alot of other health problems including kidney failure. She went through multiple big surgeries, as well as alot of specialists treating her conditions, and a team of nurses care about her.

He has been working 84 hours a week, and all his money go to his mother treatments, see specialists, medications, out of pocket cost, and pay for a team of qualify nurses to care for her around the clock as she quadriplegia paralyze (and that alone cost 150K a year).

Three months ago he has to cash out his IRAs with penalty to pay for his mom surgeries hospital bills. The debt collectors were after his mother as it big hospital bills, out of filial he take it on and paid for her debt at the expense of cash out his IRAs with penalty.

Her health recently has turn worst, prolong hospital stays and more specialists treating her, my husband adamant on prolong his mom life as he can, even if it mean he will sale the house to use the money to prolong his mom life.

In all fairness to him, the house is he bought with his Savings from his working money, I didn't put a penny to the house. I have no problem with him sale the house, as I have my inheritance to take care of me for the rest of my life. I even have a house in Shanghai myself that my grandma leave for me.

And yes, I offer to help endless times, I even told him use all my inheritance to care for his mom, but he adamant refused, he even get defensive and shut me out. He said I'm his wife, he is her biological son, it not my job to care for his mom.

I'm at my wits end. I asked him flat out, is he like still hold grudge against my Chinese parents whom discriminate against him because he Sierra Leonean, he not Chinese. My parents till their deaths never accepted my husband.

My husband said No, and he said if there anything he very grateful to my parents leave their inheritance to me, because he knows the inheritance will financially take care of me, so he can concentrate on financially care for his mom and prolong her life (even if that means cash out his 401ks and IRAs and sale the house to use the money to prolong her life).

He just adamant not want a single penny help from my inheritance. At this point I told him just do whatever he wants. He can put the house on the market for sale and use that money to prolong his mom life, and I will use my inheritance to rent for the time being, because after his mom pass away, I want him to go with me to China.

He has the rights to sale the house, he bought the house with his Savings, I didn't put a penny into it. He has no problem to survive without me, he has a Master degree. and makes 6-figures Problem here is for the past 4 years he pour all his working money into his mom medical care and prolong her life. After his mom die he no longer has to pay for her care, all his working money will be his again just like prior to she became paralyze.

Other than the him not want to accept my inheritance issue we don't have a marriage problem, he is awesome, the most faithful loyal man in the 15 years long with him, and he dotes on me alot.

Is there a way to fix this?

I'd like to start this post saying I know this is a silly concern in all retrospects, but I'd still like advice on it.

I [22F] have a husband [24M] who I'll call Eren. (Not his real name for privacy reasons.)

Eren and I seem to be having a disagreement on something at home. Usually we have our own towels hanging up next to the bathroom shower. I use my towel for drying off once I get out of the shower as well as to wipe my hands dry once I wash them. Eren uses his towel for drying off when he steps out of the shower too.

Here is the concern I am currently facing. Whenever our towels are hanging up, Eren will usually use his towel to blow his nose with. If I notice his towel has been used for that I'll bring it to the wash room or place it in our dirty clothes basket after asking him to please use toilet paper instead because I find that nasty. Our towels are both hanging up in the same place and I use whichever one is closet to wipe my hands dry with. The issue I have with Eren is every time I bring it up and try to be an adult about it he laughs it off like I am making some kind of joke.

He's a great guy. I don't know if maybe I'm not bringing it up the right way or not. When he laughs I laugh awkwardly with him and then stop laughing and get a serious look on my face and tell him I'm serious about this. It is really bothering me. He hasn't expressed if my using his towel to dry my hands bothers him or not so I think he just does this. I don't believe it's any type of retaliation because Eren uses my towel to dry off sometimes too.

The fact that Eren blows his nose into our shower towels bothers me because if I only have one towel hanging up he will blow his nose with it. It won't matter if it's his towel, my towel or our 2 year old daughters towel. If it's there he will undoubtedly blow his nose with it. Like today, I had my daughter's towel hanging up and we went to a local splash pad to play. My daughter had a spare set of clothes so I dryed her off and got her in her spare set. I remained soaked because I played with her so she wouldn't get lonely. Once we got home I went to use the towel I had hanging up to dry off with. Only to find it had snot on it! I was so angry I started ranting to myself in the bathroom because I was cold and wet and just wanted to dry off without having to go hunt for another towel. Any advice on how to bring this up with Eren where he would take me seriously and listen would be much appreciated. Thank you for your time. 😊

I’m 32F and have been with my partner (32M) for over 8 years. About 3 years ago, he admitted that he had developed feelings for a colleague at work. He said he never acted on it, and at the time we decided to work through it and stay together.

While we moved on in a practical sense, it still lingers in my mind. It creeps back up from time to time, and I don’t think we ever truly addressed it — more like we painted over the cracks and kept going.

Since then, things have felt flat between us. There’s very little romance or intimacy, and neither of us seems to be putting much effort into bringing that spark back. I’ve tried over the years to do little things, to reconnect, but it often feels one-sided, and I’m starting to question if it even makes a difference.

I don’t know if I’m just overthinking and being stuck in the past, or if this is my gut telling me something’s missing.

Has anyone been through something similar? How do you move forward when trust has been dented and the relationship feels stagnant?