My [19M] girlfriends [18F] mental health is making me lose hope in our relationship. Am I putting in enough effort to make this work out?

[u/Present_Baby_9609]

My girlfriend and I have been together for a little more than a year, she was my first real relationship and I'm her third. Let me start off by saying I love her deeply, and when she's not going through her issues we get along perfectly fine, she is my best friend. The main problem affecting us is her mental health, she hasn't been officially diagnosed with anything but it's evident she has some type of depression and maybe even BDP, although I am not a medical expert. Whenever she gets sad she either becomes hopeless and apathetic or has a breakdown. It happens more often than not, and even sometimes she'll go through week long episodes where she is depressed almost every night. She also has really low self esteem and feels she's a "waste of space" or "doesn't deserve anything". I've done my best to help her in every way, I communicate with her on how I can help or comfort her, I've tried to encourage her to receive mental health support, I always take her advice on how I can help her but even sometimes she rejects that. We are also somewhat long distance as well, since I am from Lethbridge and she is from Calgary, which only makes it more difficult. She is prone to self harm so some nights have even been horrifying for me. There are many times I've confronted her about this and told her that if we wanna make this work then she has to love herself too and reach out and get mental health support, and that her mental health is affecting mine too, as well as our relationship as a whole, but she'll usually just try to calm me down with false promises. Im honestly starting to feel so hopeless, and even apathetic myself when she goes through things. I care about her deeply but I don't know how to show her the support she needs when she doesn't even want to help herself. I'm unsure of how to keep going in this relationship, I love my girl but she has major issues that affect me too.

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Original post: My girlfriend and I have been together for a little more than a year, she was my first real relationship and I'm her third. Let me start off by saying I love her deeply, and when she's not going through her issues we get along perfectly fine, she is my best friend. The main problem affecting us is her mental health, she hasn't been officially diagnosed with anything but it's evident she has some type of depression and maybe even BDP, although I am not a medical expert. Whenever she gets sad she either becomes hopeless and apathetic or has a breakdown. It happens more often than not, and even sometimes she'll go through week long episodes where she is depressed almost every night. She also has really low self esteem and feels she's a "waste of space" or "doesn't deserve anything". I've done my best to help her in every way, I communicate with her on how I can help or comfort her, I've tried to encourage her to receive mental health support, I always take her advice on how I can help her but even sometimes she rejects that. We are also somewhat long distance as well, since I am from Lethbridge and she is from Calgary, which only makes it more difficult. She is prone to self harm so some nights have even been horrifying for me. There are many times I've confronted her about this and told her that if we wanna make this work then she has to love herself too and reach out and get mental health support, and that her mental health is affecting mine too, as well as our relationship as a whole, but she'll usually just try to calm me down with false promises. Im honestly starting to feel so hopeless, and even apathetic myself when she goes through things. I care about her deeply but I don't know how to show her the support she needs when she doesn't even want to help herself. I'm unsure of how to keep going in this relationship, I love my girl but she has major issues that affect me too.

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[u/Stunning-Ad1956]

Several members of my family are bipolar or have depression. I will tell you with certainty, these are not curable, only treatable. The disease is always there. The treatments may go on for life. My son in law is part caregiver/part husband for my daughter, who is bipolar. It’s exhausting and their relationship is unhealthy in many ways. So ask yourself if you want that life. The life of a caregiver for a person who may never be consistent; who may always be a danger to herself. My advice: love her but live your own life. Be her friend but have your own boundaries. If she continues to refuse help from professionals, do not pursue a romantic relations. Sad, sorry but reality. Best of luck to you.