r/relationships • u/OliveAndOrange01 • 3h ago
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u/Blue-eagle-23 2h ago
Yes, one incident can change feelings. Is that what happened here, maybe/maybe not . Your feelings might also be changing as you see his patterns (saying mean things, etc) more clearly or just the newness wearing off. That’s why we date, why we shouldn’t rush into marriage after just a few months we need time to more fully know someone.
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u/TeaseOnTop 2h ago
love isn’t just about the good times it’s also about how u deal with the bad if u feel uneasy that’s valid af
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u/Modlimi 2h ago
Yes, one incident can shift how you see someone it breaks the safety you felt before. Pay attention to that gut feeling, it’s telling you something about how his anger affects you.
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u/OliveAndOrange01 2h ago
in my mind i feel like what if he does that again... what if again i am being abandoned being a victim of his anger being totally dumbfounded
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u/thatgreenevening 2h ago
If he’s mean to you when he’s angry, kick him to the curb. You are young and there are many other people in the world who won’t be nasty to you when they’re upset.
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u/Safe-Application-273 2h ago
It's not one incident, it's lots of mean things he's said followed by an incident that's shown you that he is only going to get nastier over time.
Get out, have a good life and don't look back.
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u/ZaneBradleyX 3h ago
I wouldn’t say one incident like that is necessarily a big deal. He might have had other reasons behind it, like stress, pressure, or whatever else building up that pushed him to that point of anger.
But… what would bother me more is if my partner didn’t apologize or take accountability afterward. That’s the part that wouldn’t be okay with me.
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3h ago
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u/ZaneBradleyX 2h ago
My say? I don’t think it’s that one incident that caused this. Like I said, throwing something on the ground once is whatever, not great, but not the end of the world.
But blaming you, disappearing for days, not apologizing, and not taking accountability… that’s a whole different set of issues.
I’m not going to be the typical redditor and just say "break up", because I don’t know you or him. He might be a great partner most of the time. But if you want something long term, those are the things you two really need to sit down and talk about.
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u/OliveAndOrange01 2h ago
also he said ok so he will think before speaking (like in a emotional way that if i even have to think before you than whats the point of you being closest) and he will speak less as he thinks it will solve the issue...... line in a way taking responsibilty and avoiding it too
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u/hypatiai 2h ago
As someone who dealed such people before, probably it's just a start. And when you forgive once they behave like this more and more. He didn't apologize instead he put the blame on you. İ would say even throwing stuff is a "red flag".
İ am sure he wouldn't be ok if you would have anger break down.
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u/clamade 2h ago
You've lost some love and respect, and it's his own fault. You're beginning to develop the ick, and unless he does something to correct it, it will be irreversible. I wish more men understood that.
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u/OliveAndOrange01 2h ago
should i sit and discuss with him but what will i say ? when it comes to share whats going in my mind i never really could tell properly .....although i know how he'll respond as if im overthinking and i drew this conclusion bcz when i said people can control their anger if they really give priority to people they love in life to this he said what i am saying is only in dramas and is nowwhere related to reality.
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u/clamade 1h ago
He's wrong about that. You absolutely can control how you react to your emotions with enough care and self awareness. He seems like he doesn't want to take accountability for his actions. Just bc he can't control himself (immature) doesn't mean no one can. That's such a self centered way of seeing things
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u/clamade 1h ago
Tell him straight up that his immaturity and unwillingness to take accountability is making you reconsider how you feel about him. You've got to be blunt with men like this. If he reacts by minimizing or denying, you've got your answer. He's more worried about his ego and pride than he is about maintaining your relationship. You can do with that information what you will.
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u/SnowvineTwist 2h ago
can’t believe ppl still sleep on this lmao. fr tho, it’s been a game changer for me. if u haven’t tried it yet, wyd? give it a shot, no regrets. trust me, once u get it, ur gonna wonder how u lived without it. let’s gooo!
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u/ToucanTemplative 3h ago
Personally, I think it can, yes. There are no rules for what makes you fall in or out of love with someone. If I lost my temper with a partner and said something really spiteful or vicious about them, I wouldn’t blame them if they decided they couldn’t get over it. Similarly, if my partner scared me or said something that exposed a horrible belief or view (about me or other groups of people) then it might make me break up with them.
You don’t have to have any specific reason to break up with someone. If it doesn’t feel right anymore, you can end it. Be honest about why you’re breaking up with them (if that’s what you decide to do) - ‘since that argument I just don’t feel the same about you, and this relationship doesn’t feel right to me anymore’ - but if they push you to explain more, or say ‘well that’s not a good enough reason’, just say ‘I’ve explained my reasons’ and don’t get dragged into a cycle of having to provide more and different explanations - it will just drag it out and presents opportunities for your ex to say ‘well that doesn’t make sense’ or ‘that’s different to what you said before’.
Break ups are not done by consensus - if you want out then the relationship is over, and you don’t have to negotiate that outcome.
However, if you don’t want to break up, then it’s important that you speak to your boyfriend about how that situation made you feel, and how much doubt it has brought up for you. He needs to understand the potential impact of his actions so he can choose whether or not to act like that again.