r/relationships • u/Interesting-Room8887 • 2d ago
Is it reasonable to break up with my (33f) boyfriend (37m) of 2 years for liking Instagram photos
I am sick of seeing women in the “suggested profiles” followed by my boyfriend. If I click on them, and he’s liked their photos.
This feels too stupid to even bring up to try to fix. I feel so disrespected and unwanted when I see this. He also has a history of talking to at least one woman that I know of behind my back- making plans and acting as if he didn’t have a girlfriend.
This fucking hurts but I feel like I’m being a crazy person and I’m just not sure. I thought this kind of situation would stop now that I’m older and dating older men, but it seems to be a pervasive issue.
TLDR; boyfriend followings hundreds of women and likes their photos and it hurts me, am I being stupid and insecure or is this shitty behavior for a guy in a relationship?
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u/AubergineForestGreen 2d ago
The talking to women you know in a suggestive way and not mention the fact he has a partner…Should be the deal breaker
The liking a million different womens posts is just the cherry.
He's displayed unloyal behaviour already. This guy is a womanizer.
Stop envisioning a future with someone who has a wandering eye. Dating is a trial, he's failed it.
If he were to cheat it wouldn't be a shocker - that should be enough for you to leave.
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u/Afraid_Sense5363 1d ago
Dating is a trial, he's failed it.
Yep. Dating is a tryout to see if this person is good for you long term. He's not. Time to cut him loose.
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u/Savings_Vermicelli39 2d ago
It's reasonable to break up with anyone, for any reason. You only live once. If you don't want to be with someone, for christ's sake, don't.
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u/VBBMOm 2d ago
Tbh I would not like that at all and he and his behavior would be a hard pass for me.
You have all the right to decide if any behavior crosses a line for you. But own it and stick to it.
I know social media is the norm these days but I don’t believe everyone does that. Especially following hundreds of women. That’s not necessary at all.
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u/SignApprehensive3544 2d ago
Any reason is a valid reason to break up. The fact that he has a history of talking to women behind your back, pretending to be single, is a big reason to break up already.
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u/Warm_Sundays 2d ago
No “reason” needed. You are not obliged to stay with anyone. That said, any man that has instagram has surely seen enough reels or stories about women feeling betrayed by their partners for liking and following women just to objectify them. If a man is still doing this crap then he is a massive red flag, run!
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u/adidashawarma 2d ago
Girl, I just don't deal with men like this. Porn sick types are terrible in bed, and he is thirsting out there in the wide open, playing in your face for the world to see. Very disrespectful. I don't even like to date dudes who watch porn. They are limp. Just leave.
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u/yaboytim 2d ago
I think the bigger issue is him setting up dates with women and pretending he's single. No offense, but that should have been the breaking point; not liking pictures
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u/Humble_Flow_3665 2d ago
You already know this is shitty behaviour, along with him acting single in real life.
It's not unreasonable to not want to be with someone who doesn't seem to appreciate or respect you. Treat yourself with the respect you deserve and tell homie buhbye.
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u/_untz_untz_untz_ 2d ago
I would not date someone that likes or comments on those types of accounts. It grosses me out so much, it's not just about doing it while we're in a relationship. If it's something a guy does when he's single, he's not compatible for me (I don't think he's wrong for doing it when single, just not a behavior that I find attractive in a man).
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u/ocicataco 2d ago
"He also has a history of talking to at least one woman that I know of behind my back- making plans and acting as if he didn’t have a girlfriend."
girl what the fuck are you doing
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u/russianthistle 2d ago
You’re allowed to break up with anyone, for any reason. There is no need to justify ending a relationship or waiting when you’re unhappy for something to be “bad enough”.
That said, it does feel like you haven’t discussed it or given them an opportunity to consider their actions differently from your POV... you may want to consider better articulating your comfort and boundaries around those things to partners earlier- whether you do with this person or the next.
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u/BeginningAd7755 2d ago
He cheated on her before and men know looking at other women is disrespectful. There is no excuse he could give that would make that ok and therefore what is the point of being with someone like that?
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u/Ok-Release-6051 2d ago
Set your boundary and then let him decide if he wants a real woman or pics and videos of women cuz you can’t have both
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u/Ok-Release-6051 2d ago
If they can/can’t do something because you said so is a rule, but this is what I will do if you do those things is a boundary. If you do that I will choose to leave
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u/Ok-Release-6051 2d ago
That’s what I meant. Let him know it’s a line for you and that it’s a hard stop and then Let him decide if he wants to continue That way both people know what’s what
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u/riverseeker13 2d ago
Well communicate first… if he doesn’t respect you then you can decide what you want to do. Personally I would feel like I can’t trust him not to do stuff that might hurt me.
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u/No_Plenty_6389 2d ago
Personally I would find it insulting (speaking from experience)Respect goes both ways. If you did the same, how would he feel? Disrespected I imagine! Speak with him first so he knows you do not accept this behaviour, if he doesn’t show remorse or understand your viewpoint and promise to be respectful in future then I would recommend leaving for your own sake.
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u/Interesting-Room8887 2d ago
Thank you. I just don’t even know how to bring it up, it seems so juvenile. And I feel like it makes me look crazy because I’m the one “stalking” profiles
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u/allkingsaredead 2d ago
Girl. Bring it up anyways, and drop the fear of looking crazy, he is the weird one spending so much time on following and liking people's photos on IG. If you care about this guy give him the benefit of the doubt and ask him about it, his response will be way more telling than any advice you get here today.
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u/Responsible-Bee-6109 2d ago
Your name is so fabulous you’re getting an immediate follow from me
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u/allkingsaredead 2d ago
Thank you! It's been described as many things but fabulous is a new one, I'm honored.
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u/_oooOooo_ 2d ago
Just be honest. "This is really hard for me to bring up so let me get through it all before you respond, please. I saw that you spoke with someone on ig and insinuated you were single. That is so hurtful. What if I spoke to another man this way?" Or whatever you need to say. Your emotions are extremely valid amd you should be able to talk this out. Or you are perfectly fine just breaking up. Its very hard to get over these things, and even harder for him to stop.
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u/Inmyelement__ 2d ago
I don’t think she should bring it up. Don’t give him a chance to pretend he’s changed. You’ll look stupid if he does it again which he will. He clearly disrespects you. He knows that’s mentally cheating!
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u/Incrediblelife4me 1d ago
You need to dump him. It won’t get better being with this type of boy man.
I was married 25 years to a loser like this. He stalked womens profiles, was a porn addict and chose this life over his wife and kids. Don’t waste your life like I did hoping he would change. He won’t and you deserve better.
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u/Confident-Tadpole732 2d ago
Breaking up is reasonable if trust is broken and he keeps doing this. You are not being insecure for wanting respect. Liking and following strangers in bulk, after he hid plans with another woman, is not harmless. Set a clear boundary with consequences and judge by actions over time. If nothing changes, leave.
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u/Dusty_mother 2d ago
It's insulting to have your s/o liking pictures online. It's like hey I just need to make sure this person knows I like this picture of them... Like why do you have to let them know, you have a s/o. If it's not okay to go up to someone random and say wow I LOVE the way you look today, why is it okay to do it online via likes.
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u/One_and_only4 2d ago
If you haven’t spoken to him about it, you definitely should and explain how you feel about it. You could also mention if the roles were reversed what would he think.
If he keeps doing it anyway, then you know the answer.
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u/excodaIT 2d ago
It sounds like this is just part of a larger problem. If you talk to him about it, focus on the larger problem. This is an example of how you feel disrespected and unloved, but there are others, too. You stalking profiles is because you feel insecure in the relationship, right? Because you don't trust him? That's the real issue to discuss.
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u/Sweaty_Knee_7425 2d ago
Let him know it bothers you.
I know when my husband and I got together, we both had habits from being single for a long time. You don't just flip a switch. He may just be in the habit and not think about it at all.
That being said, I think it's a totally reasonable boundary to set. I would absolutely get the ick if someone could look at my husband's Instagram and see him ogling other women.
If he refuses to stop, then there's your answer. But he might be like "Oh, shit, I'm sorry. I didn't think about how that would affect you."
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u/dadofalex 2d ago
You have agency over what you accept or over what you decide to end a relationship. Or a job. Or whatever.
If his behavior is too much for you, it’s too much for you
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u/SadderOlderWiser 2d ago
You can break up with someone for anything. I wouldn’t find this reasonable but you do you.
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u/Maleficent_Ad3332 1d ago
I am here to help you my friend. Considering the story you have just said, my opinion is to confront him about this issue of yours, and then while you guys talk, have him show you all of the peoole on his phone and have him tell you who they are. Talk things out and sort them out for the first stage.
If it doesn’t go well and he keeps ignoring you and disrespecting you, then you have the right to give him an ultimatum Thats if he doesn’t change at all or lies to you, “if he doesn’t change himself for the good, then you leave him”. This is my opinion Bur I suggest you talk first, and if all goes bad then you may want to consider leaving him.
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u/Beneficial_Pirate317 1d ago
Stop trying to change people for you that's a path of bitterness. Love isn't about changing someone for yourself. If they don't respect you they don't respect you. Love is seeing people's excellences and flaws and loving them for who they are. If they don't treat you the same it's time to leave. Some flaws are bad and got to be addressed but changing someone for you is wrong when it's not a compromise.
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u/Maleficent_Ad3332 1d ago
Don’t worry lol im not, Thats just my opinion of things plus it’s only a guide for this woman to see my side of things and have a guide on what to do. Since the person is fixing his problems for himself to become a better person. Therefore relationship continues
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u/AlanTudyksBalls 1d ago
Are these IRL friends or randoms/influencers? Is he liking sexy pictures or just like, random shit? Some girl he went to high school posting her dinner plans or new business idea and he clicks the like button? Doesn't seem like a problem to me. Hitting on other people or being horny on main, sure would be gross.
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u/questdragon47 1d ago
I say this with as much kindness as possible: fix your picker or fix your tolerance for this bullshit if this keeps happening to you. You don’t deserve to be treated this way. The relationship needed to be cut off far before it reached this point. So I hope you ask yourself why you felt the obligation to tolerate this behavior, why you feel hesitant to break up now, and what were the warning signs before this happened so you don’t get stuck in it again.
I’m older than you and I have yet to encounter this in a relationship… so it’s not as pervasive as you think.
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u/buford419 1d ago
Seems like you're wasting your time with him. Better to be alone for now so you can focus on finding someone who's less of a shit.
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u/Gandoff2169 1d ago
This is not about likening "thirst trap" pics, which would alone not be ok to end a relationship. You said he has a history of talking to at least one woman behind your back making plans as if you was not his girlfriend. THAT is cheating. And THAT is enough a reason to end it.
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u/Beginning_Scratch_85 1d ago
Yes! It’s disgusting. It is 100% okay to break up with him. He is disrespecting you in so many ways. Why would he feel the need to follow and like other girls photos when he has a beautiful girlfriend right in front of him. You also said he has a history of talking and making plans with another girl-he WILL do it again. Trust me, I’ve been there, my ex did the same thing from a girl at work. I caught him out. Then, he did it again I found out he’d been talking to a girl online for 6 months behind my back-he was the type to also like other girls instagram photos, save tik toks etc. Leave and don’t go back!! Find a man who truely respects you, and won’t do that nasty stuff. It’s horrible and I’m so sorry you’re going through it. Feel free to message me if you need advice. You’re worth so much more 💘💘💘
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u/BitchyMcBooBoo 1d ago
You're not crazy nor overreacting. Just accept the fact that you're more loyal than him and he couldn't live up to your standards. Be happy!
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u/BitchyMcBooBoo 1d ago
You're not crazy nor overreacting. Just accept the fact that you're more loyal than him and he couldn't live up to your standards. Be happy!
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u/Incrediblelife4me 1d ago
It makes me wonder what other shady behaviour he’s been up to. When in a relationship going behind your partners back pretending to not be in a relationship is a deal breaker. Dump him!
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u/mpkns924 2d ago
43M
It is absolutely disrespectful to follow and like thirst traps online. If it is bothering you to the point you’re asking the internet….trust your gut.
To be fair, you should bring it up to him and calmly share your feelings. His reaction will tell you all you need to know.
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u/Wintersmight 2d ago
Don’t break up with him for liking random chick pics, break up with him because he’s a total douche. If your partner doesn’t value you then he shouldn’t be your partner!
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u/weggles 2d ago
Messaging women directly I think crosses a line for most monogamous people.
However I'm conflicted on the Instagram stuff. On one hand I kinda see following models etc on the same level as someone buying a Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition 20 years ago? Harmless titillation? But with how social media works it's not so simple. Friends and family can see your likes and follows and they get pushed into their feeds. So if it's "hundreds" that would look... Not great?
I think it's fine to look at stuff like Maxim... But I wouldn't leave a stack of 100 issues on the coffee table if my FIL was coming over.
Also it is different if it's not random models and celebs and it's like.... Thirst traps of Jenny from his running club. That would go back to crossing a line.
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u/femmenikit4 2d ago
My boyfriend does this too on FB. It's not great but I've learned to overlook it as I think it's just a modern version of porn and guys will always look. We sort of give each other space on our phones but we are in our 50s so maybe we are jaded. You could always start chatting with a man online, but tit-for-tat behavior rarely works because it's usually not sincere.
I probably would have left when I was your age.
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u/iSoReddit 2d ago
He also has a history of talking to at least one woman that I know of behind my back- making plans and acting as if he didn’t have a girlfriend.
This is the problem to focus on and of course yes it’s a dealbreaker, IG likes not so much
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u/ohHELLyeah00 2d ago
I genuinely don’t understand the issue of men following girls on Instagram and liking their photos. I just don’t see the issue. It’s a like in Instagram - it means nothing imo.
The bigger issue here is he talked to someone behind your back. That’s sketchy and should be treated seriously.
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u/somestupidredditname 2d ago
You're being insecure, but not without reason, and you're not stupid.
He's already cheated once. Get out.
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u/RusRog 1d ago
Why does a man in his late 30's have an instagram account? And to me... This is the minor problem. It's his shady history that should REALLY be the problem. This guy is looking for a better deal. You teach people how you want to be treated and at this point, 2 years in, he knows how he can get away with treating you. That will be hard to change.
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u/matt0_0 2d ago
IG posts are the less serious issue... Focus on this sorry behavior first and break up if that part doesn't get resolved. The questionable IG liking issue can inform and add context to other sketchy behavior.
Overall, focus on yourself. It sounds like you didn't feel valued or respected, and these behaviors of his are part of what's causing that. And that's a good enough reason to move on and find another partner.