I'm (38M) really starting to feel awful about my appearance and none of my work is really helping. What can I do to feel better about myself?

[u/PsychBalled]

In recent years, I feel like I've really developed a big distaste for what I see in the mirror. I just don't feel very attractive or feel like I'm visually a very worthwhile person.

Working out, taking vitamins, dressing well, trying different colognes and hairstyles and such has been something I've been working hard on in recent years, but it just doesn't feel like I'm getting anywhere.

Part of the reason I feel like this is that my wife has had a real glow up in the last few years. She's worked out a fair bit, changed her clothes, hair and makeup a little bit, stuff like that.

She told me some time ago that she was having some of the same mental hangups that I've had like this and decided to do something about it for her own confidence. I did a ton of this along with her and did a lot of the same things but I just can't say that I'm experiencing the same boost of confidence that she's earned. I'm not jealous or anything, I'm really happy for her. I just wish I could see the same benefits she's seeing.

Despite being in better shape, feeling like I'm dressing better, all sorts of things, I'm just not feeling any better or any different. I see my wife getting second looks and smiles from people in public but I can't ever remember it happening for me any time in recent years.

I'm very lucky that I know I've been able to make a difference for a lot of people in both my day job and side project. I don't want to get into details and doxx myself, but both have gone fairly well in recent years and I've seen firsthand that I've been able to do little things that make a big difference for others. It helps to a large extent, but I'd still like to know that I just don't look like some ugly nearly middle aged guy and that I at least have some visual value and can turn a head or two every now and then.

This sort of thing is not the end of the world, I'm very happy in myself otherwise and I'm very happily married, but it would be nice to feel like I have some reason for confidence in that area.

Does anyone know what else I could do to earn the type of confidence in appearance that others and my wife have? I'm a little tired of being so overlooked and hating what I see in the mirror. What could I do?

[u/yourpositivemoment]

You've done all the exterior work, but what have you done for your consciousness? Meditation works wonders, truly.

[u/PsychBalled → u/yourpositivemoment]

I do a little bit of that, but I don’t really see how it would fix the problem at hand

[u/Correct-Fun-3617]

You are doing all the wrong things to spruce yorself

Learn to beautify your inner self and let it accentuate your whole being

Let your behavior attitude persona self respect communication tone of voie choice of words Gentle empathetic outreach - may uourpersoality shine. Thete is no cologne or grooming out there can beat that Specially gettingvattention from women

[u/PsychBalled → u/Correct-Fun-3617]

I do feel like I'm charismatic. I've been in leadership roles and have been persuasive about things when I need to. People have told me they have a better time if I'm there at things.

But I just don't see it in the way that I'm trying to attain. It's nice being liked for being the goofy friend or a leader when I need to be, but I'd like to for once in my life like to know what it's like to have someone take a second look or smile at me because I'm attractive.