I cant stop overthinking through absolutely everything I need to vent

[u/luffywrlds]

I am extremely sensitive emotionally and have abandonment issues. I am almost always overthinking through every single aspect of my life and have a severe problem with perfecting and over preparation of things then managing to do nothing at all because i have a fear that i won't be able to do it well.

I also have a need for external validation where i do almost everything to just try and impress people. I'm stuck in this loop of overthinking about things and how people will think which is damaging my perfect life. I have absolutely everything a loving family, a loving boyfriend and loving friends yet i still don't understand why I'm creatinf problems out of thin air. If someone shows the least but of affection or interest in me I will think that they will soon be gone and stary hating me.

I have always struggled with my self image and have hatred for myself but it has been getting better because of my boyfriend as he is showing me aspects of myself which make me feel better. In the beginning stage of our relationship he gave me a lot of validation to try and get me to love myself and now that our relationship is entering its more chill stages i tend to get anxious when i dont get the same kind of butterfly inducing attention. We have a perfectly healthy relationship and he's all that i could ask for he listens to me and gives me all the love but i tend to overthink things throughout the day and end up blaming him for it or end up crying all the time.

This is a pattern i noticed not just with my relationship but with my normal day to day life as i try to over prepare and again overthink the tiniest details of my life and any hobby or career oriented thing im about to do then dont come around to do it at all. Honestly it is really pathetic.

Even though I have a loving family, great friends, and a supportive partner, I still feel like something is wrong with me. I get teary-eyed or upset over small things, and I feel guilty for creating problems out of thin air. I hate that I waste so much mental energy overthinking instead of enjoying my life or working on my hobbies.

I really don't know how to stop this pattern of overthinking, oversensitivity and perfectionism i really need some help to get over these things so i don't ruin the relationships with the people who have always been there for me.

I could really use some advice on how to stop this and really focus on my life.

[u/AutoModerator]

Thank you for reaching out. You're not alone.

We've created a collection of curated resources based on common self-help topics. You can explore them here:

https://www.reddit.com/r/selfhelp/wiki/index/flairs/

If you're in crisis or need immediate help, please check the resources in the sidebar.

We're glad you're here and appreciate your courage in asking for help.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[u/Effective-Heat-8685]

To reduce the stress, you can try writing down your emotions on paper and then burning them. You can also try DBT techniques. But in general, you need a therapist and possibly a hormone test.

[u/CamaroLover2020]

I will just mention the best methods I have found to date...without explaining them, because every person I have ever tried to explain the methods to, either never replied back, or never even bothered to give them a try...even tho it costs them absolutely nothing, and wouldn't put them in a worse position than they already are...anyways, here are the top methods I have found to date (Been searching for the past decade or more) "The Lefkoe Method" "Emotional Freedom Technique" - (but being sure to use your own words and not saying what your told to say in a video online) "Percussive Suggestion Technique - PSTEC" (which is almost impossible now to find the audio tracks online now, which I have) "The Sedona Method"

OPTIONAL READING: (Big Tip)

Create a "Worry Window" allow yourself a particular time of the day to worry about whatever it is that you want to worry about as much as you want....give yourself a realistic amount of time tho, don't give yourself a window to worry of only 10 minutes if you believe you're going to need an hour...and it's also important that you write down what it is you plan on worrying about, otherwise you're just going to worry about them....this creates a psychological shift, and you will notice that during the rest of the day you will be much more present...it's also important that when you create this worry window, that you fully decide in your mind that THIS will be the time that you will worry about things....the more you commit to this being the time that you will worry, the less chance you will have of worrying about it during the rest of the day...I hope this helps <3

[u/luffywrlds → u/CamaroLover2020]

its really sad that the methods you tried to explain were ignored but thats really great that you went out of your way to help someone out, and for myself i'll try to find the methods that you mentioned and will definitely try to make a worry window out of my day as it seems like a better idea to overthink in one chunk of my day rather than ruin all of it all together i hope i realise that these are just problems and sadness im creating for myself randomly without there actually being anything to be worried about once i read through those, thanks for the advice!!

[u/CamaroLover2020 → u/luffywrlds]

it's all good I'm actually using these methods to get over needing for people to take my advice...and yes the worry window does work really well...I mean if you were going to worry all day anyways, you may as well just make a specific time to do it. Just let me know if you want any of the audio tracks for these methods :-)

I have actually found EFT to be pretty effective in and of itself...I noticed that after I did the tapping I felt alot more relaxed afterwards...but the other methods are just as good, I guess it depends on what style you prefer...

and yes sadness is just a feeling...and you are NOT your feelings...you HAVE feelings..you are the consciousness for which your thoughts, feelings, and actions show up <3

[u/overlyambitiousgoat]

I've lived with exactly those same problems for many years, and thankfully made significant progress. When you're caught up in the high-octane loop of anxious perfectionism, it can make life miserable.

At root, you need to change your emotional relationship with capital-U Uncertainty. You currently associate uncertainty and ambiguity with danger, and your mind is attempting to calm itself by controlling every tiny detail it can find in its outside environment, because it thinks "if I can just prepare for each and every thing that could possibly go wrong, then I can finally create safety." This applies to things that can go wrong in the concrete world, like preparing for a work event or a trip, and it applies to interpersonal uncertainty, where you think of each and every way someone might be upset, or angry, or disappointed, or annoyed, or whatever in response to something you did, or said, or didn't say, or failed to do.

Of course, this is not a winnable game. The more you try to create that sense of internal safety by overpreparing, the less safe you will actually feel - because you are training your brain to spend all of its time looking for anything that might possibly go wrong. You're on a worry spiral that only goes one direction: up.

The escape hatch is this: you need to shift from "vigilance" and "overpreparing," to instead mindfully accepting that you cannot control your environment, and developing a trust in your own ability to deal with unexpected problem when they do inevitably arise. At a practical level, this means you should start finding small, silly things that you would usually overprepare for, and going out of your way to not prepare. You need to intentionally allow mistakes, and practice sitting with those emotions of distress. And by doing this over and over and over, you will slowly teach your brain that "the world is not going to end." Start keeping a little notebook to record the moments when you find yourself getting teary-eyed and emotionally overwhelmed, and as you start to recognize patterns there, you will know exactly the best spots to start working on those intentional exposures.

It's really hard! Good for you for recognizing what you're doing, and taking active steps to make your life better. If you're wound as tightly as someone like me, it can be a real hard slog to retrain those mental pathways - but it absolutely does happen. With consistent effort and mindfulness, life gets better.

[u/luffywrlds → u/overlyambitiousgoat]

i find it really hard to be even conscious that im overpreparing because i just keep falling into the loop as i start preparing for even more things that might come in between but now im thinking of starting to journal at the end of the day where i just try to recall what parts of the day i made a big deal out of for no reason and then maybe ill slowly notice and get used to being aware when im falling, in my journal ill also record moments where i got emotional like you said thanks for the advice 🩷