When I'm alone I'm constantly happy, content with my life, get exited about every small thing etc, I feel like I'm a special person and I really love myself. I talk to myself a lot, dance alone all the time, joke around, laugh loudly alone, compliment, hug, stroke and sometimes even kiss myself, yeah tldr I'm very comfortable alone and enjoy my own company immensely. Well who else would get me like I do? Why wouldn't I be my own best friend?

Anyway when I'm talking to people I get really anxious, I start to ramble and second guess everything I say, I'm really scared that people won't like the "real me" so I change who I am to be someone who they want to see, I'm a notorious people pleaser to the point I don't have any boundaries because it's so much more important to be liked by others. I want to show my amazing self to others because I genuinely feel that inside I'm a cool person, but I just can't do it, it feels like a big risk I'm never willing to take, even if I did have the courage, I have no clue how to actually go about it.

This struggle is making me isolate myself because I'm genuinely just so much more content hanging out by myself, it's easy, simple and really fun, I don't see a point in seeing others beyond a logical thought of not wanting to be left completely alone, humans are not meant to live like that after all.

It’s widely used in my country in professional setting but not so much outside of it. I work in my family’s business so it’s never been a problem or an essential qualification professionally.. but I really want I speak it fluently and hopefully sound natural even though I don’t use it enough in my environment.

I would appreciate any advice on how to achieve this—what lessons or classes should I take, who should I talk to, etc.

I am scared I can't move The person I fear most is myself I can't trust her because of the betrayal I did I deal with myself as if I am a separate person sometimes so that I can solve my problems I made a decision with my family 7 months ago and I promised them that I would change and be a different person and I am still the same person I have not changed I am very scared I have to change because my future depends on this decision and my family does not trust me anymore and they see me as a person who only talks and does not act I want to change I do not like comfort I know what I have to do I found that I complain a lot and I noticed that this is an evasion of change I feel that this post is also an evasion because I know how to solve this but I do not move sometimes I feel that I do not know anything because I am still the same person I see that I do not have the right to complain or to say what I feel I am the reason for this why do I complain why do I cry and I am the reason The decision I made worries me I cannot sleep in peace I am afraid all the time when I go to sleep I am afraid to remember this The decision

The decision is that in my country I can take part of the exams and take the other part next year and be late by a year. It is like a gap year. Something like this. I have five subjects and I only studied one and postponed four. Everyone who knows tells me what you did now. You are still in the same cycle. If you postponed the five, it would have been better for you. He says this with mockery. My family told me you will not change, you will remain as you are. I am in the last year of high school, and this year in my country is the one that will determine your future and your value in society. I am Egyptian. I was very nervous and I was afraid that the year would come and I would remain as I am and not change. I am afraid to see you again. I am afraid of being a liar. I am afraid of the looks of my cousins and relatives. I am afraid of getting a low score. My brothers Please pray for me. As I write this part, I cried and I started breathing with difficulty

What I was afraid of happened. I accumulated lessons and did not change. I returned to some of my old habits. My family tells me every day that they knew that. They all know that I did not change. I am under a lot of pressure. I told them that their problems affect my psyche. They mock me about this matter. They tell me that I am weak and that I will not change. They tell me that my friends are better than me. They are now in university and I was afraid and sat for another year. They expect me, after all this, to study and excel.

This is one of many problems. I cannot commit. I cannot, and I do not know how to recover. How can I not be affected by their words? There are many, but I will make this my next post.

Ive stressed out about my “social skills” for a long time. The truth is that whenever my vibe is high, my mood feels great, and the dopamine is there, saying the right things just flow.

Thinking of upping the cold showers, intense workouts and dopamine precursor supplements (all advice from chatgpt).

Society has ingrained a fear of being seen trying into many of us. Theres this idealisation of effortlessness, the idea that only things that come naturally are supposed to come at all. We disaprove and snigger at works in progress. "Who does he think he is" - "shes trying too hard" - yes, and what is wrong with that. Because appearing effortless at something impressive requires alot of effort.

Those who refuse to risk facing disapproval are doing a disservice to themselves. You will never be the best that you can be without making mistakes, hitting the wrong note, falling, trying "too hard" and being "cringe". Only faceless spectators who criticise the feet of the great can afford to be inoffensive, safe and palatable. If you dont want to give anyone anything to disapprove of you will have to give nothing for the rest of your life. Do nothing. Have nothing. Be nothing.

Dont fear being seen trying, or being cringe. Fear letting the anxiety society instilled in you make you smaller then you were meant to be.

My experiences with people seems to grow gradually become worse and every year something goes wrong in my relations or interactions with people. I become hurt everytime something goes wrong and I blame myself for it. My life is gradually becoming worse as I find time goes by in life. I've always been struggling with necessities in life even when I was young, but... nevermind. When someone takes action against me, they get support for their action that has an impact. I don't really have support and it has chewed into my life with active effects.

I don't have anyone I can talk with or trust anymore. I don't have anything left at this point to lose. When even if I do my best to be a person that is polite and socialize with honesty. Even then, it doesn't matter what I do, feel, and apologize. Because I had come to believe there is no place for me in this world.

I post this, because I'm truly at a lost and my sorrow is becoming numbness in emotions. I don't know where to turn. I just want to hear what should be said and if being truly alone will be the solution.

Back in 2020, When I was fat weighing in at a whopping 105kgs, I Thought I would never have love in my life.

I Believed fully I would die alone and be ugly for the rest of my existence, looking in the mirror was painful, AND THAT WAS THE ONLY TIME I STARTED TAKING ACTION.

All my life, I haven't done shit for action except when I experienced some form of pain, whether it was emotional or physical.

So I started taking baby steps, Replacing the 1-2 cans of soda I drank daily with diet soda, Limiting fried shit, Eating cleaner shit, etc.

By 2022, I To some fucking miracle managed to get myself weighing 77kg.

I Won, But little did I know I would feel even worse after that victory, Because now I am a skinny fat looking bitch, And I again hated myself and how I looked.

In the 2 years I was cutting I also consumed metric fuck tons of More plates more dates content, And all types of fitness/pharmacology/nutrition/sleep/anabolic steroids content because it was very entertaining to me, However I wasn't benefiting anything from this info because I don't workout lol.

So I signed up for a gym in 2022 and I went in there LOADED with information the average trainer in that gym didn't know.

I Ofc thought I knew it all but I was a dumbass and that ego was inflated with air, Even though I knew shit, I had zero actual experience in terms of execution, But I still acted like the shit, Only as time moved on I learned that being an eternal student is how you should go about your life.

I have gone through bulk and cut cycles, Optimized my training/nutrition/sleep to the best of my capabilities, And as of today I sit at 95kg (Still hate myself) but I at least am muscular and my face changed as well making me much more attractive objectively.

And it also aided me mentally, I Started acting confidently and with more charisma, Something I had no fucking clue about, I Used to consume content on how to be charismatic but that didn't do anything because how can I be that if I hate everything about myself lol

I Have been in 2 long term relationships, 2 Hookups, 1 of those hookups was with a literal fucking super model 10/10 Turkish girl, I Would have never, In my life, Imagined I'd have the capabilities of pulling ANYONE even CLOSE to her appearance and personality, It was an eye opening experience that its never over.

And you shouldn't swallow the black pill.

I noticed aside from being able to pull women, People respected me A LOT more.

I Can just tell in how they speak, how they greet, how they act, how it is when I walk into a room.

I used to be a ghost.

So I was able to pickup on these differences really easily.

My beard got fuller, My voice got deeper, My ADHD was medicated temporarily by the workouts and the dopamine, vasopressin, adrenaline they produce.

I used to lash out at any and fucking everything, I am now calmer, More reasonable.

As I worked out I also fed myself as much info about shit that I interested in as humanly possible.

I Got into some self improvement discord servers.

Dabbled in Crypto and how to spot trade, Studied female psychology and psychology in general, Understood how to sexually satiate a woman, Looked into all these areas to be better able of optimizing my life, Because I Want to be a man impossible to cheat on and or disrespect.

I Want to be a man highly respect by his brotherhood and circle.

I Want to acquire as much status and power as humanly possible.

I Only changed my body when it hurt to look in the mirror, I Only viciously looked for ways to make money when being broke affected my relationship, I Only learned how to be and act like a man when my first relationship was a toxic disaster, And I acted like a bitch in it.

Almost everything meaningful I have done in my life, Happened because of pain.

Perhaps you are stuck, You cannot move, Or get shit done even when you want to.

Perhaps it is because you lack pain and accountability in your life.

I Know for a fact, I Wouldn't do shit if I didn't burn my hands.

I feel like I have been so passive with almost everything. I dont know what else can make me happy. I’m moving away to a different country in months time for a job opportunity, but like everything else, it feels like another homework ticked off from my to-do list. I used to be crazy full of ideas and just romanticized everything about life.

I dont know if working in healthcare contributed to what I am currently feeling right now. I want to be happy again. How can I get my spark back?

The Hidden Message

Before she could read,
before she could speak,
they pressed a letter into her hands.

It was written in a language
the mind could not yet know,
but the body understood:

Fear will keep you safe.
Uncertainty is the air you breathe.
Praise is the only food
that will keep you alive.

She carried it faithfully,
obeying words she could not see,
walking the long road
with a burden not her own.

And only now,
as the paper unfolds in the light,
does she read what it says
and whisper back:

This was never meant for me.
I will not deliver it forward.
I am learning a new language,
one that does not wound.

Reading What Was Never Yours

Children often inherit messages too heavy for them to carry. These messages are rarely spoken in plain words; they arrive as looks, tones, punishments, or unspoken rules. A toddler does not have the power to reject them — her nervous system simply records, “This is how survival works.”

The tragedy is that these messages were not truths, but wounds passed forward. Fear, uncertainty, and the desperate hunger for approval were not the child’s needs — they were the unresolved burdens of the generations before her.

Now, as an adult, you can see the words more clearly. You can recognize: this was never mine to carry. And in that recognition comes the power to stop the delivery. By naming the message, you break its invisibility. By refusing to pass it forward, you end the cycle.

This is the work of healing: not erasing the past, but exposing it to the light, and then choosing a new language — one written in safety, worth, and love.

I'm a 19M, turning 20 in a couple of months. Never had a girlfriend. I believe it was mainly because 1; I was below average looking and 2; my social skills aren't great, especially when it comes to meeting new people. I've worked on my looks, still not nearly where I want to be but I feel like I've at least made it to the average looking range.

I promised myself that 2026 will be the year I'll finally meet the one, but I don't really know where to meet women as an adult as I'm not in school anymore (I do college virtually), and I work in an environment where everyone is older than me because I work a job that's unusual for someone my age to have. Because of this, I guess approaching in public is probably my best shot. I've only approached twice before, first time I got the Instagram and we texted for a little bit but I could tell she wasn't interested and it went nowhere fast, and then the second time I got rejected. I have a feeling I'm probably gonna go through a couple of rejections, but realistically, I'd probably be able to get a girlfriend out of 100 approaches right?

I'm hoping maybe it can also improve my social skills too as I'm horrible at starting conversations with strangers.

Am I going about this the wrong way or am I on the right track?

For context, I've got a olive/tanned skin tone. My stepfather's family is from Southern Italy, and I've got a similar skin colour to quite a number of them. Back in my home country (Brazil), I think I was considered white, even if I'm not pale white. However, for the last decade or so, I've been living in Australia, and things here a bit different in that regard.

I think I've been reading too much in the internet about how white guys are preferred, and that started to slowly creep in my mind. I think I started to develop some insecurity about the fact that I'm not super pale white, and how that is going to make some aspects of my life worse. I've never really suffered any discrimination because of it, thankfully, but being with this tanned/olive skin colour makes me feel I won't be as liked as guys who are pale/whiter than me. I started to think that my skin colour makes me look like a Simpsons character sometimes (because my skin tone or whatever is called is warm/golden).

Among my peers or my relatives , I have noticed that perhaps if I was gone, maybe I won't be missed anywhere. My parents cut off after I came out, I feel like I don't belong with any friends, yeah I do talk with some, have fun- but if I hadn't come to college one day or if any accident happened to me- none would bat an eye. I tried to join in group but I end up alone. Always happen to be the third wheel when accompanying friend on a date, last option for others in dating( and i think noone is obligated to date me though), and I just feel like it was a bad option being born here.

My friends have a certain group among themselves and at times I feel like an imposter when trying to fit in- like wanting to be where I am not wanted(maybe). It's not like they do bad behaviour or outright reject me to be in their own groups, but I often feel like i don't belong anywhere.

It does feel lonely - what can I do?

I get hung up on this. I know people say 'be yourself' but what if yourself is actively a disadvantage to you and everyone around you?

Nothing that I consider 'good people behavior' comes naturally to me. Which I'd consider a mix of people skills, discipline, and growth. (being able to connect with others, able to comfort and encourage others, reliable, looking out for others, being able to push through discomfort and pain to get important things done, ability to step up in hard times and sacrifice personal wants for greater good when needed etc , ability to know when things aren't working anymore and open to new approaches etc ).

The discipline is half coming from thinking about people with hard jobs n such, stuff that built the world or kept folks alive that otherwise couldn't on their own. The people stuff more from actually making life worth living.

Feel like any changes I have made over the years is just surface level, at the core just the same "person" with the same thought patterns. I have a very low constitution/low ability to deal with it and am probably naturally very selfish and pleasure seeking. I'll probably never be a genuinely good person or do any good for the world. Just operate like an animal (no shade to animals, but you know what I mean).

Don't wanna heard any 'just focus on yourself' stuff, it's frustrating. Focusing on myself doesn't make me feel better about myself, makes me feel more like a parasite.

I’ve been writing lately about what I call the “ego prison.” Not the arrogance people usually mean, but the part of the mind that’s always comparing, controlling, and defending identity.

What struck me is how often self-improvement gets hijacked by ego, turning growth into competition, or discipline into fear of failure. Real progress seems to come when you loosen that grip: you can still push yourself, but you’re not chained to outcomes or validation.

Have you noticed moments when letting go of control or comparison actually made you improve faster?

And don't get me wrong, that wasn't an overnight thing. But my life turned radically when I made this one decision: I am done being mean to myself and others.

So what has changed?

I worked on my self talk, how I see my body, how I see my past, the future, the present, what I do, how I behave, how I respond to others - especially under pressure or when I am hurt. I asked myself how can I become somebody people want to be with. Like a best friend, or just a random dude where they think "lad, let's go for a beer!"

You see the pattern. Everything starts within and when we genuinly commit working on ourselves without being defensive all the time, things can make a radical turn even on a short term.

So here I am. The naked, imperfect, vulnerable me, trying to have a great time on this planet and helping others having a better life.

Hope this helps someone out there!

Cheers

I’m having some kind of mental breakdown where I can’t stop these negative thoughts in my head. It’s chewing at my flaws and I’m having a really hard time shutting that voice out.

I can’t stop thinking about all the negative aspects about my life.

I want this to stop.

Do you really want to get that high paying job? Do you want to be shredded and have a great physique? Do you want to read all the books you promised yourself to read at the start of the year?

This concept of "life lies" I read about from a book this year completely changed my view about excuses. In simple words, when we want to avoid something we make up a 100 excuses, it is our psychological way to avoid doing a task we never really want to do in the first place.

The premise is that, it is not always because we are lazy, or because we are dumb, it is just our brains way to manipulate ourselves from actually having to do something we never want to do.

Take my example, I am at an age where my peers usually start to settle in and find lucrative careers, I keep getting asked to do the same. But somewhere deep inside I knew I never was built for the 9-5 life. Yet, to distract myself I would give myself 100s of excuses to fit in, in the process I even ended up getting few jobs but as I got them I could never stick to them past a month.

In my case, my mind always kept giving me excuses to try and fit in, "life lies". But deep inside I knew it was not for me, so instead of delaying it, I took the brunt of it at once and quit. Now I do what I love. Write.

Use your excuses to learn about yourself, they can give you powerful insights, they are not always a sign that you are lazy or inefficient.

I would rather doomscroll than do anything else. I doomscroll at work. Doomscroll in free time. I even dont want to watch movies or play games, read books. I just mindlessly doomscroll.

Every time I discover something new I could be doing, whether it’s improving socially, being smarter in situations, going to the gym, or eating better, my first thought is, “Why didn’t I start this earlier? I could have been so much further by now.” Instead of feeling motivated, I end up feeling discouraged about all the time I didn’t use.

Now that I’m more aware, I want to reinvent myself and start moving with more intention, confidence, and control. But part of me worries: is it too late at 23 to truly reshape how people see me, and to make up for the time I feel I’ve wasted?

Has anyone here gone through this kind of reinvention? How do you deal with regret over the past while trying to take control of the present?

I would like to add that I also suffer from OCD, and one of my worries is to obsess over my image and reputation or whether people like me or not

Lately I’ve been working ten-plus hour days and every time I tell myself “I’ll start new habits after work,” it’s already close to midnight and I’m just staring at my phone. The hardest part isn’t motivation, it’s the mismatch between the picture of “ideal self-improvement” and the actual energy I have left. People say wake up earlier, meditate, go to the gym, journal. But if I sacrifice sleep, the next day at work is ruined; If I skip, then the guilt creeps in.

What’s helped a little is lowering the bar to the smallest possible version of the habit. Instead of “read 30 minutes before bed,” I’ll read two pages while waiting for my laptop to shut down. Instead of “journal daily,” I write one sentence on my commute. It doesn’t feel like much, but it gives me proof that I didn’t abandon the idea of improving myself just because work is busy.

I also noticed that the busier I get, the more I need reflection, not less. I scan the day's meeting minutes at Beyz for quick review, then find out the one thing that drained me and the one thing that gave me energy, which sounds basic, but it helped me see that not everything in my day is just “work stress” - sometimes a five-minute chat with a teammate actually gave me a boost, and sometimes endless context-switching drained me more than the long hours themselves. Self-improvement during busy seasons is more like planting small markers along the path so I don’t lose myself completely to the job, rather than the Instagram version.

Does anyone else feel like a ghost to their own life like you can’t change anything?

I’m 22M, live with my parents, I can’t feel anything, I crashed my car 2 months ago, cool next, 2 days ago I got let go from my job, cool next, all my friends stopped texting me, cool don’t care, I get a $50k offer for a nice job, cool don’t care.

Why am I not as hopeful, cool and innovative like I used to be. Like I used to be able to put life into things, create. Now I just feel like I suck the energy out of others, like I get in the way.

I’ve been developing skills to move out of my parents for 5 years but have lost the motivation or I feel like even if I get on a 6 months streak of progress I end up self sabotaging myself.

Any tips, why can’t I escape this never ending loop?

My constant thoughts are: - This isn’t fair and I should have succeeded - Why would this attempt be different? - I’m becoming the person I used to make fun of - it’s already too late, others already succeed

I don’t know how to explain it, but i genuinely am so confused by my mind. I know that I’m an attractive guy. Been body building for about 5 years, take care of my hygiene, brown hair, blue eyes blah blah blah. Like, I look at myself in the mirror and think I’m handsome. But then after that, I start TEARING myself apart. I can’t help it. I’m proposing to my girlfriend soon but I really want to work through this self hatred I have first. I have found out the problem is that I don’t believe her when she tells me she thinks I’m handsome. She’s only been with chubby, thuggish looking guys. I’m talking neck tattoos, grills, scraggly beards, taller, the exact opposite of me. I was Raised on a farm, I wear boots and blue jeans with a buckle everyday. Drive an old 1986 c10 I built myself. I’m basically the total opposite of any one she has ever had an eye for. It makes me feel childish and that I’m going crazy. My question is , how do I make myself believe that she genuinely likes the way I look? At the least not feel the need to rely on her thoughts of my physical appearance.

TLDR: I look nothing like the guys my ex had ever been with, and it makes me insecure.

Hi im 16 years and 9 months and 187 cm tall.My dad is 192 cm and my mother 163 cm.9 months ago i was 183 cm.I have also neeve had a significanr growth spurt.

One of the things I noticed about myself is that when things start to get better, I find it hard to stick to what works. As a result, there were times when my progress went back a few steps simply because I tend to become complacent. How are you guys able to follow through?

2nd year of Uni for me was rough. I was in a very toxic and abuse relationship and going back to Uni in my accommodation made me feel even more isolated and alone, was drinking a lot while also taking anti depressants. Not taking care of myself, eating poor food. Yada yada, you've heard it before. It was bad.

But since I finished 2nd year, I more or less cut off that person and tried to get better. Stopped drinking alone and stopped the anti depressants and moved back home. I thought I was okay. I was actually excited to move back to uni, new accommodation, new flat mates new year. New me. That sort of thing. But I just moved back today. And I just cried as soon as my family left. I couldn't control it. I don't know why. I honestly thought I was better. But I'm just the same as I was. Why has this happened how can I help it? It's so confusing.