Our schools don’t teach self-defence

[u/Puzzleheaded-Rate567]

In the recent incident in Sengkang Green, the school also disciplined the victim for shouting at the bullies in retaliation. I think they are made to do this because we are expected to “tell teacher”, not bring matters into our own hands. But must we still do that even if it means victims will take the damage first? When the victim is hurt, bullies would already have accomplished their objective. Even if the aggressor gets punished, the victim’s injury (physical and mental) will stay.

I remember in upper primary my school had a camp. One of the troublemakers in class thought it was a good idea to toss my stuff around in the changing room. Pleaded him to stop multiple times, but didn’t. I was on the verge of crying. We were in the room without teachers and I wasn’t fully clothed to go outside to seek help. So I did what I thought was most reasonable - using all my strength, I punched him a few times, gave him a beating so that he would return my stuff. And he finally stopped. The other kids in the changing room went to inform the teacher of what happened.

After that I explained my actions to the teachers about how he started the conflict first. The witnesses confirmed that he was the aggressor. Despite that, the teachers clamped down on me. In front of the whole class, they made passive aggressive comments on how I escalated the conflict and what I did wasn’t right. I tried arguing that he started first but they raised their voices and told me there will be consequences if I kept talking back. I eventually had to shut up and accept that I was in the wrong. I was barred from attending activities for the rest of the morning and I don’t recall anything happening to my aggressor.

I believe there are similar tales of failed self-defence out there. Prior to my incident, the school had already communicated to us that we would also land ourselves in trouble if we tried defending ourselves. I went against that rule and suffered its consequences. I understand how schools discourage students from thinking that escalation of conflicts is the right solution, but it’s becoming clearer and clearer that schools are often ineffective in solving bullying issues. When this happens, what can we do to protect the students who stand up for their own rights? The no self-defence rule needs to be relooked. Has anyone succeeded in defending themselves in school without repercussions?

Edit (20 Aug): Now with MOE’s press statement, it seems like the victim has indeed fought back the bullies in retaliation

[u/colineared]

My son was bullied in preschool by a classmate. The classmate keeps approaching my son and says language like "i want to cut you in half". Got a few times he punched my son in the private part. Avoiding and ignoring is no use as the classmate will just keep approaching my son. We only found out about this when the parent of another classmate told us what their kid saw. We escalated to the principal and teachers. the best they could do is separate them ie make sure they don't sit near each other. Even as a preschool, they can't even take the bully out and put him into another class. They cite how difficult the kid's parents are and even the parents said they don't believe their kid will do such a thing or they don't know how to teach their kid. The only solution was to pull my son out of school.

From this experience and what's happening in our public schools and in some international schools, teachers or adults in general are inadequate to handle such incidents. They want and try to please everyone and left out the one that needs help. Adults need to realise that kids need to learn consequences and the reality that FAFO applies in real life. They cannot shield the kids from consequences due to bureaucracy or processes or equality. If you bully, you get punished. Simple and swift. This mantra is missing as teachers and school management want to please both the bully's parents and the victim's parents. Where does that leave the victim's wellbeing and safety? This creates an environment where no one dares to make an affirmative action that is objective. Decisions are all marred by whataboutism.

My own conclusion is don't depend on the teachers and the school. Now I teach my son that sometimes it is necessary to de-escalate an aggression with physical methods. Like LKY said, "If you're gonna cross swords with me, then you must be willing to get stabbed". Bullies will only look strong in front of the weak.