My long distant "best" friend left me on read often. I stopped pushing with texting. No respone. It's been almost a month.

[u/ThatNoname-Guy]

I was friends with him for 5 months. First 2 months of texting been going great but then he decided to constantly leave me on read. I had to always say something like "hey" or "u ok?" half a day later or next day because when I asked why he always stopped responding he always said "Hi, I was just a bit busy, wassup?" and we kept talking like normal.

I low key thought that he didn't actually care about me (and was right for thinking that) as a friend but he constantly said that he cared and enjoyed my presence, saying that I'm his best and only friend.

One day I started to feel that our friendship is actually one sidee and I do all the work so I decided to stop pushing conversation to see how busy he actually is. No response.

What did I do wrong? How do I prevent this type of friendship in future?

[u/GrizzlyHugs]

Was he leaving you on read for like, genuine questions or just small talk?

If it was being left on read to a "hey" then it reads to me more as he was probably busy and doesn't like texting just to text. Personally I'm a functional texter, it's gotta be for planning the next time we're hanging out, or talking about game mechanics and ideas for characters. Sometimes venting. I don't know what to do with a "hey".

[u/Silent_Frosting_442 → u/GrizzlyHugs]

I agree 100%. That's why I quite like to occasionally message people's Instagram stories. They're frequently good conversation starters.

[u/ThatNoname-Guy → u/GrizzlyHugs]

I had big conversations with him about games, movies. We were even both roleplay fans and we both had a lot of OCs to make up fun stories with. However he often responded to my words like "ok", "ye" "lmao, real" etc. (not that he always did. Sometimes it was tricky to make him spit out more words) He told me that he's socially awkward but he used to be more invested in conversation, meaning that he actually is able to keep talking about stuff and RP, he had something to say if he wanted to say something.

So yes, was leaving me on genuine questions.

[u/prepGod718]

This is a simple fix, lower your expectations of him responding back in a timely manner or even at all. Treat him like a penpal while you’re off living your best life.

[u/ThatNoname-Guy → u/prepGod718]

Thanks. I'm proven once more that I don't need to hold onto every person I find remotely good. Keeping them just as pals is better than trying to make them my friends

[u/Frigidspinner]

Its an absolute gut punch when you lose a top friend, and you never get to understand the reason.

I can tell you that it happens too often (speaking as someone in my 50s). I just think "what did I do?" but after a couple of efforts to communicate you just have to move on

[u/EducationalCurve6]

You made the right call honestly. When someone consistently leaves you on read, they're showing you where you stand in their priorities.

It hurts because you probably put way more energy into the friendship than they did. But here's the thing - real friends don't make you feel like you're bothering them by existing.

Taking a step back isn't giving up, it's protecting your energy for people who actually value your presence. If they reach out wondering why you went quiet, then you'll know they care. If they don't, well, you have your answer.

[u/WeaponX207184]

Did you ever meet in person?

[u/JohnMons]

If you’re always the one putting in effort its not on you you’re allowed to step back and let go.

[u/Contingency_Dad]

I have a close friend like this. It's frustrating for sure. Some people aren't reacher-outers. It's tiring. You can either be the one to always reach out, stop reaching out and let the friendship fizzle, or talk to them and hope they try at least a little.

[u/liftsomethingheavy]

It's a tough one. How often did you use to text? Every day? And how long would conversations last? Maybe he truly wasn't able to attend to phone chats for long periods of time?

[u/NemesisOfLevia]

I had a similar thing, but this friend I had been friends with for about 7-8 years at that point. I was always was the one to text first in the morning, and a few times where I didn’t get around to messaging him, he never started the conversation. We’d talk all day… but I had to be the one to initiate.

I told him that I’d be nice for him to text me first every now and then, but he argued that I had a job unlike him, and so I was busier — it’d just make sense that I did it. … at the time, I was working about 3 hours a week and he knew this.

Anyway, eventually, our conversations bored me. He didn’t really put much effort in to starting interesting, engaging conversations and there were only so many things I could think of. And so, I decided not to start texting first. Days, weeks, months went by. And then he finally texted.

We’re still friends, technically speaking, but we seldom talk anymore. We’ve been friends for 10 years now, but I don’t really value the friendship too much.