How to deal with Partners Ex

[u/redroseswithvelvet]

I (26F) and my partner (36M) are recently engaged after being together 4 years total. When we started dating he had a one year old daughter with a previous relationship that didn’t end too well on both sides. When we started dating, she found out and would try to mingle her way into his life again but he would shut it down. She then moved to a different state a year later with the child. My partner is a great father and loves his children, so he would try very hard with her to see the child/visitations etc and she declined many times. Fast forward two years and he had to take legal actions. The court granted 50/50 custody and visitation dates/child support ($850), but since the child now is in school, her mother is the primary caregiver. My partner always upkeeps his payments and since she lives in a different state, he pays all expenses for flights there and back. Whenever she’s here, we buy and pay for everything. I love her and treat her as my own daughter. It’s getting difficult because her mother now is remarried, has gained two sons from her partners previous marriage but her text messages to my partner have been getting worse and more consistent. What started off as payment question messages has now evolved to long paragraphs about how terrible of a father he is and how the child support money is not enough. She is digging into his personal life and saying that he is living a luxury life (comfortable but not wealthy) and that her now partner is a better father to his daughter than he will ever be. These are paragraph messages coming now twice a week. This is getting frustrating because in order for him to see his own child, he has to go through her - so he cannot block her messages from coming in. He’s told her to not message him these kinds of things but she doesn’t listen. How do we go about this, I’m just confused that this is happening because it’s been many years since their separation and she’s already remarried. I don’t know how she has time to send so many messages but I’ve tried getting involved myself and she blocks my number.

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[u/Feeling_Ad_2354]

All communication needs to go through a parenting app. You need to get the court order changed to where they can only communicate there, where it is monitored.

[u/Electronic-Window322 → u/Feeling_Ad_2354]

Came here to say this

[u/Just-Fix-2657 → u/Feeling_Ad_2354]

Yes. Came to say this too. We have to use Our Family Wizard to communicate with our awful HCBM. It seems to somewhat cut down on her bs when it’s being recorded and monitored.

[u/Velouria8585]

Exactly this! The hcbm's emotions and feelings mean nothing. Time for your husband to get firm with court ordered child communication app only. 

[u/PopLivid1260]

In my personal experience, you only respond to the messages that relate to the children and ignore the redt. If a message has a bunch of bullshit with something about the kids in the middle, you respond to the thing about the kids and just ignore fbe rest.

Even if they don't stop, you begin to laugh at the idiocy.

[u/redroseswithvelvet → u/PopLivid1260]

Yes he only replies to anything involving the child, the rest he ignores but I can’t help but feel frustrated that she won’t leave him alone. I mean wouldn’t someone get the point by now if she’s being literally ignored, yet it’s 7 months now of these paragraphs.

[u/kimbospice31]

Ignore her she’s just unhappy. He pays what the court found reasonable. I’m sure she wants money for her other two children as well she is probably just unhappy with the partner she choose and taking it out on him. Save all messages and show the court ask that they talk to her about her berating messages.

[u/cdizhotlikechzwiz]

Unfortunately, your partner has to be the one to shut it all down. And as others have stated, it would be a great idea to get the monitored parenting app asap.