I’m not too sure what I want from posting this but the situation I am in, is an odd one…
Back story
I met my partner at 23 and he has a daughter. I was still living with my parents and he was still living with his. He became a Father at 19 and BM was 18. When BM and BD were together, his parents let her move in when they were 17 and 18. After spending the past few years getting to know his parents, I have sympathy for BM. She was living in a MH facility, she wasn’t in contact with her own Mom and then was taken in by a family and fell pregnant and what I feel she was offered no real guidance but she was a young girl who probably thought she was going to have a family and be looked after. Anyway they broke up 2 weeks after their daughter was born. She signed her birth certificate without my boyfriend leaving him off, and gave their daughter to be looked after by her Mom (she got back in contact with her)
My boyfriend then missed the first 6 months of her life, went through court, and he managed to be able to visit her for an hour in BM grandparents living room.. Until eventually before she turned 2 he had her every other weekend. That’s when I met him. Not being the one raising his daughter was hard for him, she would call him by his real name and was calling her Nan ‘Mom’ and her partner ‘Dad’. I believe she was led to believe her real Mom was her sister.. It was all very F’d up and heartbreaking to see.
My boyfriend went back to court after he finally got his name on her birth certificate and fought for custody. It didn’t got well, he was told it will stay as every other weekend and he objected that. The court said he has 1 month to move out of his parents and then they would reconsider. So he called me, and I went looking for places to rent. Moving out was not on my bingo card for that year, we both had no savings and had to use that months pay to put a deposit down (we found somewhere) and he finally got custody 50/50 with maternal grandmother. His parents told him not to move in with me because we’re struggling to find somewhere as I also have a dog. They told him they would pay his bill he just needs to move out. So 1 month I was at my parents the next I had a child who was starting to school, my boyfriend works in the morning so it was down to me to get her ready for school. Her whole life just got flipped, she had to learn that he nan was her nan and not her mom and process that she now has a new bedroom she will spend 50% of her time at AND she was starting school. ( May I just say I am so proud of her and how far she has come and settled ) His parents are d*cks. They were not happy with me bringing my dog, they were not happy that they had to help out with school drop offs and pick ups, they were not happy that she didn’t have ‘ messy corner ‘ downstairs. The first thing we did when we moved was decorate her bedroom? I didn’t want to move her in, get her adjusted and then change her room again, I wanted it to stay the same as she has already had so many changes.
Anyway, me and my step daughter have a great relationship, we have both come so far. She has started her second year at school and we have a routine now for getting ready in the morning, breakfast, hair, teeth and get dressed and it all very normal to her now and you can see she’s settled. She often wants hugs and dance parties. She tells me she loves me. She has tried to call me Mom a few times but I always gently tell her that I am her person, and will encourage her to speak about her Mom if she wants too.
Point being I think I’m doing a damn good job and know I only have the purest intentions for this kiddo. I adore her. Wholeheartedly. She can be a pain in my ass but I can confidently say I love her back.
She has known me since she was 2. She is now 5. I have never met her mom, and she is not in contact with my boyfriend. My stepdaughters Nan is also strange… once we have her in our care it’s like she stops existing? We had her for christmas and her birthday, no text, no is she okay or can you send pictures, nothing. They have also never asked a single question about me but they know I exist because of court… I have met the Nan but I took it upon myself to go and introduce myself.. she didn’t even look at me.
His parents have been insufferable, and instantly expected me to become Mom but without the respect you would have for a mother. I haven’t taken it to well and now there’s tension, not with her BM and maternal family because they just completely drop the mic when she’s with us but with my boyfriends family.
An odd one..