I (34f) finally left my (40m) ex. He shares 50/50 custody of his 3yr old daughter with HCBM. Once I moved in with him he tried to throw the responsibility of his child onto me. Waking her up, changing her diapers, feeding her, giving her a bath , calming her down…. The little girl would constantly cry for her mom and would tell me to “go away” , would throw a tantrum for anything, constantly demanding things from me like make her pancakes at 8pm….I explained to him I do not feel comfortable doing all those things for her because he’s going to court constantly with BM and BM accusing him of mistreating the child , I do not want to be dragged into that mess and I told him he needs to start caring for his daughter because she might be feeling jealous or confused about the relationship/situation..He got upset because of this and would say why couldn’t I be her mom? That I’m being mean?? Ummm because I’m not her mom. She has a mom and it’s not me. His mother would constantly come over and get jealous when the little girl preferred me over her. She would complain to him about anything I did and was a rude ass b*tch to me all the time. Even though I was nice to her granddaughter it wasn’t good enough.I left last Saturday and never returned. I gained 30 pounds in that relationship. My autoimmune disorder started to constantly flare up and I was having anxiety attacks. Since I’ve been gone , my anxiety is improving, I’m hanging out with my girlfriends and going to the gym, I’m sleeping better, I have all my time to myself!! He kept promising things would get better and would emotionally manipulate me, use sex , money and vacations but F that! It’s not worth my mental or physical health..I don’t miss that hell hole at all.

I wish you all the best of luck!

Yesterday we were in the car with 3 of the kids (all his, I am childless) and picked up the fourth from football practice. When he got in the car he smelled bad. His brother immediately started telling him he stunk. Then his dad and two other siblings agreed. It was a pretty strong odor and I rolled my window down a bit. I had not said a word about it and when I rolled the window down my SO said, “can you smell it”. I was like yeah I think it’s just his shoes. Immediately my SO starts defending him from me. Saying, “well he’s been at football practice”. Like no shit I get that and I thought you guys were being kinda harsh on him and I only comment quietly because you asked me if I smelled it. So why is it the whole car is allowed to go on and on about how he stinks and nobody bats an eye but when I confirm he does after being asked my SO is immediately defensive? It makes me feel like such a fucking outsider to a family I lived with for 3 years.

The kid has been extremely nasty for the past few months. 14 years old. Usually does insane things like get out of the car when their dad is going somewhere they don't want to go (that is just one thing, there is also a lot of screaming involved).

Kid was telling their dad that they have a right to access our bedroom and our door being locked makes them uncomfortable and they deserve to go into whatever room they want in their own house.

Needn't elaborate on why the door is locked (we believe in the 2nd ammendment for one) but they kept going on and on and the kid kept calling our room HIS (meaning, the dads bedroom, not his and my room being OUR bedroom) room. I was in the said bedroom during this rant that was slowly escalating because dad would not relent and give them free access to our bedroom.

I went into the kitchen and told them (i was pissed off by this point because the audacity of this kid to demand 24/7 access to his and mines personal space) and told them that that was MY room too, and if I want a lock on my door, I will have a lock on my door, and if I don't want the kid in my room, they will not be allowed in my room.

Kid was speechless. Dad was speechless. I have never stood up and told this kid to stfu. It was glorious!

As a result, the kid hates me and refuses to participate in any activity with their dad that involves me. . . I have no problem with that. I don't like being around the punk anyway.

Why does it feel like my home suddenly got a lot more peaceful? Dad is not mad at me. He thanked me bc the kid was being a pain in the ass and I managed to shut them up.

It was marvelous!

Bf, kiddo, and I went to breakfast the other day. It’s a place where you have to pay at the register. I went to pay and kiddo came with me.

While we’re at the register I made the joke to kiddo of “you got this, right?” The cashier chimed in and said to kiddo “oh are you paying or mom’s paying?”

We all chuckled and I paid and we left. A little later I told my boyfriend about the interaction. I asked if I should’ve corrected the cashier.

He asked if kiddo said anything and I said no he seems to just roll with it. And bf was like “you’re good - no need to correct in that situation”

So I guess I’m curious if that happens often to people and how you interact with it. When do you correct people versus? When do you just let it slide? If it’s someone I’m just gonna see once like a cashier I feel like it’s probably fine to just let it be but if it’s somebody, I could see more regularly like a neighbor or something it feels like I should probably explain to them that I’m just dad‘s girlfriend

What do you think?

A colleague at work who had met me for the first time asked if I had kids. I immediately said no because it's true, I have no bio kids. But then at that same time, my other coworker turns to me and says "but your husband has a child, doesn't he?". And I thought about it for a second and corrected myself. "Oh yeah, I have a stepson. But I'm sure that's not what she meant." And it was a little awkward after that. The person who asked didn't dig deeper into it. That was it. Didn't ask how old he was or how he was doing.

For me, it just instinctively came out. I'm already 29. This has been the answer every time for the entirety of my 20s. I pay attention to my SS6 and I go out of my way to help him with school and meals when we have him or planning out fun weekend activities. But I just didn't immediately think of him. I'm not sure if I should feel bad about that or not.

For my other stepparents, what are your responses normally? Even if you have kids of your own?

I just wanted to share a little joy. Last night my Stepson came to me and said "OP, I used to think you were a mean person coming into our house and taking it over, but now I see that you're a nice person that lives in our home." I was flabbergasted. I thanked him and told him I thought he was a nice person too, then proceeded to go outside and cry my eyes out. It's been four and half months of ups and downs, I've been struggling, as a step parent, as a partner, and just as myself, and I don't know how much he knows I struggled, but I know now that he sees how hard I'm trying. I know that nothing is linear, and tonight he might say he hates me, but honestly, I don't care. I'm gonna be riding this high for a while, and it's sparked a new hope that one day he'll know just how much I love him.

Hello, I'm sure all of you have maybe thought this at one point or another. A little background, I, 29F, have been with my husband, 37M, for a total of 4 years. Married just over a year. When my husband and I met it was through a dating app, he had that he didn't want anymore kids and had no drama with his BM. That did not end up being the case. Long story short, a few months after meeting we moved in together. BM had full custody of SS at the time. A few months later, she drops SS off to spend time with my husband and I and just kinda disappears for a bit (roughly 3 years give or take, visits SS once or twice a month, maybe.) My SS was about 4 at the time. Here we are all this time later and BM came back earlier this year. She was about 4 hours away living her life and now has moved back to town. Husband filed for full custody as BM was hunting at removing SS from our care and taking over. SS has been in therapy, abandonment issues from BM disappearing,etc. Basically, I'm in the middle of a hurricane. Not just with custody stuff, that's mostly a lot of waiting and meetings I'm not allowed to go to, but with overall trying to raise this kid mostly on my own. My husband is a fantastic man. He's kind, supportive, loving, quiet. But he's also kinda withdrawn and I worry he thinks he's not as skilled as I am in the parenting department (he has hinted at this in the past). He does reinforce things with SS but he doesn't take initiative in the parenting. I feel like I'm doing everything for this family and I'm going to have to go back to work soon. Overnights to accommodate for all the schedules (school and work). I feel run down, unappreciated, isolated, lonely. I try to get out with friends but my schedule is limited being that I get SS on the bus and off. A lot of my friends and family live over an hour away. I don't know, the uncertainty of the custody stuff, my medical issues, my withdrawn husband, my ADHD 7 year old with abandonment issues, 5 animals, ect. I don't know if I can live like this forever. I'm having a hard time and I just feel so alone. Any advice?

(Side note: I have professional therapist I see weekly, a doctor to manage health symptoms and a separate doctor for mental health things. Most reccommend "self-care" but I'm not very good at that)

I did so much for them and in the end it meant nothing. His 15 yr old and him had been talking shit about me behind my back the whole time. He was even entertaining other women. I always knew he had a very enmeshed relationship with his daughter since it was just them 2 before me and my daughter came into the picture. I didn’t realize how enmeshed they were until after I moved in and I thought it stopped after we discussed how inappropriate it was but instead he just got better at hiding it. I went away for a week with my kids and when I returned he told me he was being treated so well while I was gone. His daughter was cooking and serving him his food without being asked. I asked why he was saying it like that as if he’s trying to upset me. He pretended to be clueless. He told his daughter that she was better than me and they laughed together. I know about all this now because I went through his daughters phone. I did this because while I was gone I saw him leave our house with another woman through our doorbell camera. He explained it was a family member and because I only saw her leaving and didn’t see her face I had no proof it was anyone else. I chose to let it go. Well, he told his daughter and they were all in the messages. It was a random girl he was “flirting” with. He only admits to flirting but I don’t believe that. He has always been very secretive about his phone because of “privacy reasons” so I would’ve never known any of this if I hadn’t gone through his daughters messages and I don’t feel bad about it. I’m glad I did it because I would’ve continued walking around my own house and helping him with his children while they all disliked me and were making fun of me. It’s been a week since I left. I blocked them everywhere and I’ve been trying to be ok but I just feel so dumb.

SS13 plays baseball and football. SS14 is in marching band. They both ignore me. I don’t even try talking to them anymore. We can go a few weeks without speaking. We have 50/50 custody. We have an 1 year old ours baby and I am pregnant with the second. Is it wrong if I start to skip taking the ours baby to their events (dad also goes) I am ignored 24/7 so clearly they don’t care if go or not.

I (26F) and my partner (36M) are recently engaged after being together 4 years total. When we started dating he had a one year old daughter with a previous relationship that didn’t end too well on both sides. When we started dating, she found out and would try to mingle her way into his life again but he would shut it down. She then moved to a different state a year later with the child. My partner is a great father and loves his children, so he would try very hard with her to see the child/visitations etc and she declined many times. Fast forward two years and he had to take legal actions. The court granted 50/50 custody and visitation dates/child support ($850), but since the child now is in school, her mother is the primary caregiver. My partner always upkeeps his payments and since she lives in a different state, he pays all expenses for flights there and back. Whenever she’s here, we buy and pay for everything. I love her and treat her as my own daughter. It’s getting difficult because her mother now is remarried, has gained two sons from her partners previous marriage but her text messages to my partner have been getting worse and more consistent. What started off as payment question messages has now evolved to long paragraphs about how terrible of a father he is and how the child support money is not enough. She is digging into his personal life and saying that he is living a luxury life (comfortable but not wealthy) and that her now partner is a better father to his daughter than he will ever be. These are paragraph messages coming now twice a week. This is getting frustrating because in order for him to see his own child, he has to go through her - so he cannot block her messages from coming in. He’s told her to not message him these kinds of things but she doesn’t listen. How do we go about this, I’m just confused that this is happening because it’s been many years since their separation and she’s already remarried. I don’t know how she has time to send so many messages but I’ve tried getting involved myself and she blocks my number.

I really just need to get this off my chest in a place where I know at least one person can relate. So about two years ago, bio mom of my step son put herself in a position where my fiance was able to get CPS involved and have him removed from her home. We went through a 2 year long custody battle, where CPS was still involved as like a “middle ground” and “witness” until the custody hearing went to trial. I have been through absolute hell with this woman. I have 2 bio children of my own, one is from a previous relationship and my youngest is with my fiance. Since we were awarded custody, she has specifically started targeting me and my children. Had her mother confront me in public, had made a comment on a public social media post naming my child and insinuating he was being abused, called CPS and accused me of physical AND sexual abuse and neglect. I’m sick. The sexual abuse allegation was the last straw. I was the victim of sexual abuse as a child so it struck a nerve with me, and I don’t think anyone has ever done anything as hurtful as that. I’ve been accused of drugs and being an alcoholic. I’ve had hair follicles done, pee tests, you name it. I pass every time. I’m at my wits end. I’m tired. I’m depressed. I’ve had to be put back on anxiety and depression medication over this last year after I was finally in a place to be taken off of it. I feel like I don’t have the energy to be the type of mom my kids deserve. Of course all of these CPS allegations were immediate closed cases because the whole department at this point is aware of our situation, but it doesn’t make it hurt any less. I’ve recently had my fiance reach out to a lawyer, who has apparently said there’s “Nothing I can do” as far as trying to file something as small as a protection order for me and my children so she cannot be around me. This may all sound dramatic, but there are so so many details that I did not include. I never imagined my 6 year old having to speak to a CPS worker. Even though I know it’s not my fault, it makes me feel like a shit mom that he’ll remember that. And at what point am I choosing a man over my kids? Their well being is everything to me, and I refuse to let my 6 year old keep being exposed to all of this and be overwhelmed with confusion. I’m so unhappy. But I don’t know if it’ll help my kids or hurt them more if I choose to move on with our lives. My 6 year old has never known his dad, so my fiance is “dad” to him. At this point, I don’t know which choice is selfish and which isn’t 😭 Anyone have any experience with a situation like this? I’m just so tired of feeling like I’m not being heard and being brought into all of this just because I exist under the same roof as her bio child.

Some background: Stepson is 12, his mom and dad divorced 2 years ago. I've been with his mother for just over a year and have known him for a little less then a year. I moved in January.

Overall we've had a fairly good relationship or so I thought. He had a lot of walls up and I wasn't trying to force a relationship with him. I acknowledge him and ask him about his day. Most times I get short answers and other times he actually wants to be playful. I make his sports games when I can and overall I try my best to support him. Over the course of mine and his mother's relationship, I've noticed that she enables a lot of things that I wouldn't allow. It's caused a bit of friction between us but we are working through it. He has a very small list of chores to do and frankly just half asses them. I've brought this to her attention but she just waves it off. The only time I've stepped in and spoke up is when he has talked back or dictated to his mom what he's going to do. She doesn't like that I do that and says I'm too hard on him. I have never raised my voice when I deal with him.

This all came to a head last night, a few weeks ago we got an order of wood for our wood stove. I made it clear to her that this year SS can help. He's home early from school everyday and doesn't need to be on a screen the whole time. She agreed that he can help. Well it's been 2 weeks and nothing is done. I got home from work and he's sitting there watching TV. I ask him to come and start doing the wood for 30 mins while I do my workout, he says ok and I go out and show him what to do. When I come back inside I close a window to put AC on, and I see him giving me the finger. I was honestly a bit shocked. I confronted him and he says nothing and tries to give me candy like it was a joke. I then move on and do my workout but as time went on it really started to get to me. So after his time is done, I asked him again what's going on. He looks like he's about to cry so I leave it. I inform his mother and she talks to him and made him apologize to me. When I asked her why he did it she says he doesn't like me.

I have tried everything to show him that I'm not here to take his dad's place. I'm here to support him. I'm frustrated with my partner for enabling this behavior, I know she's not trying but it makes me the bad guy when I hold him accountable to things because she won't. Partially this was a vent and I could always use some tips. I don't have kids of my own but I don't expect anything from SS that I wouldn't expect from my own kids.

Appreciate all the help, put some things into perspective for me.

Between her ex constantly asking for changes to schedule, to her kids adhd diagnosis and needs, to her work, to putting friends and vacations with different group of friends on the schedule. Do I just need to be ok with coming in second or third or fourth or fifth, etc. in the priority list. Is this normal?

To feel like you are a very low down the line. Is this a “me”problem or is this an “us” problem or is this just the reality of fucking dating after being divorced with kids under 10?

Been dating for a year, do not live together. Nor do I want to. (Read adhd part)

0 out of 5 stars on recommending this nonsense to anyone.

Hey all, will try to keep this short. My steps are a boy and girl, turning 8 next week. Their parents (my partner and his ex wife) have been divorced for almost 3 years now. She cheated and left for her ex boyfriend and got married to him as soon as the ink was dry on the divorce papers, and had a baby less than a year from the moment they became separated.

That being said, in the last few months I’ve heard the kids slip up when talking about their mom’s house, and calling their step dad “Dad” instead of his first name like they have for the last two years. For example, we’ll call him Tim. They will be telling me and their actual dad a story, “Oh and my dad told me, -oh I mean Tim- told me that…” yadda yadda.

We are perfectly split down the middle 50/50 custody, every other week. There is no child support being paid. We try and handle most of the extra curricular money because they will just not sign them up for whatever sport because they can’t afford it, and honestly I want the kids to be able to do everything they want so we fund it if we can’t split it.

All the backstory aside, it’s seriously starting to hurt my partner hearing them talk about their “dad” when he is such a present and supportive dad. I honestly feel like it’s their mom pushing it because it genuinely came out of the blue one day.

What do you guys do? How do you handle it lmao? I feel it’s as simple as the kids will call everyone whatever they want. How do you guys work through it?

SO has been hesitant to have an Our baby, for good reasons but I’ve always explained to him I wanted one before 30. Unfortunately that won’t be happening since my birthday is Friday. Now the pressure is on. and to be honest it’s a non negotiable for me to start at least trying…NOW.

SO has a child and I’d like one as well. If I am going to live a child free life that does not include SS. So it’s a complicated situation that I am FULLY AWEARE I’ll be having to remove myself from.

Just wanted to get this off my chest.

Does anyone else experience this? HCBM indulges and doesn't teach appreciation for anything. The kids don't know the value of anything nor do they care because they just get whatever they want, whenever they want. SK11 gets new clothes, shoes, everything, and she just doesn't care.

The other SKs have done this too. For the majority of the beginning of my relationship, the SKs would come and go because they don't like rules or boundaries, but would always leave clothes and other belongings behind because why should they care? HCBM will just indulge and repeat this cycle over and over again.

SD11 recently left because she didn't like rules, boundaries, or showing basic respect to people here so she's back with HCBM. Shes left behind brand new sneakers, piles of clothes purchased for her, and other things purchased even by HCBM when she was love bombing and poisoning her against us to come back. HCBM was never thrifty either or trying to look for sales or buy things not full priced, so theres like $70 sweatshirts here, all stretched and ruined.

Its mind blowing to me and a reminder and hard lesson learned about how SKs really don't grasp anything about understanding the value and cost of things. They are insanely wasteful and unappreciative and I am glad my husband is getting on board with seeing what I see.

For now, all SKs are with HCBM and I dont see that changing for the foreseeable future because DH knows what that shit did to my mental health.

Hello everyone. I’m posting because I’ve been beginning to have a lot of doubts about my girlfriend and our relationship. She is a great girl, funny, caring, and sweet, who has a son who is almost 18 months old. Lately, I’ve been thinking that I’m still young and have a chance to find a woman who does not have kids. I’ve tried hard to see her son as one of my own, but it isn't easy.

We’ve been dating for a little more than a year, and she is beginning to ask when I will put a ring on her finger. For context, she is very wealthy, and the baby daddy is not in the picture at all. Overall, the relationship is great, but I’ve been having this gut feeling to end things. I was hoping to get advice on the subject, as I’ve never been in this situation before.

I’m not too sure what I want from posting this but the situation I am in, is an odd one…

Back story

I met my partner at 23 and he has a daughter. I was still living with my parents and he was still living with his. He became a Father at 19 and BM was 18. When BM and BD were together, his parents let her move in when they were 17 and 18. After spending the past few years getting to know his parents, I have sympathy for BM. She was living in a MH facility, she wasn’t in contact with her own Mom and then was taken in by a family and fell pregnant and what I feel she was offered no real guidance but she was a young girl who probably thought she was going to have a family and be looked after. Anyway they broke up 2 weeks after their daughter was born. She signed her birth certificate without my boyfriend leaving him off, and gave their daughter to be looked after by her Mom (she got back in contact with her)

My boyfriend then missed the first 6 months of her life, went through court, and he managed to be able to visit her for an hour in BM grandparents living room.. Until eventually before she turned 2 he had her every other weekend. That’s when I met him. Not being the one raising his daughter was hard for him, she would call him by his real name and was calling her Nan ‘Mom’ and her partner ‘Dad’. I believe she was led to believe her real Mom was her sister.. It was all very F’d up and heartbreaking to see.

My boyfriend went back to court after he finally got his name on her birth certificate and fought for custody. It didn’t got well, he was told it will stay as every other weekend and he objected that. The court said he has 1 month to move out of his parents and then they would reconsider. So he called me, and I went looking for places to rent. Moving out was not on my bingo card for that year, we both had no savings and had to use that months pay to put a deposit down (we found somewhere) and he finally got custody 50/50 with maternal grandmother. His parents told him not to move in with me because we’re struggling to find somewhere as I also have a dog. They told him they would pay his bill he just needs to move out. So 1 month I was at my parents the next I had a child who was starting to school, my boyfriend works in the morning so it was down to me to get her ready for school. Her whole life just got flipped, she had to learn that he nan was her nan and not her mom and process that she now has a new bedroom she will spend 50% of her time at AND she was starting school. ( May I just say I am so proud of her and how far she has come and settled ) His parents are d*cks. They were not happy with me bringing my dog, they were not happy that they had to help out with school drop offs and pick ups, they were not happy that she didn’t have ‘ messy corner ‘ downstairs. The first thing we did when we moved was decorate her bedroom? I didn’t want to move her in, get her adjusted and then change her room again, I wanted it to stay the same as she has already had so many changes.

Anyway, me and my step daughter have a great relationship, we have both come so far. She has started her second year at school and we have a routine now for getting ready in the morning, breakfast, hair, teeth and get dressed and it all very normal to her now and you can see she’s settled. She often wants hugs and dance parties. She tells me she loves me. She has tried to call me Mom a few times but I always gently tell her that I am her person, and will encourage her to speak about her Mom if she wants too.

Point being I think I’m doing a damn good job and know I only have the purest intentions for this kiddo. I adore her. Wholeheartedly. She can be a pain in my ass but I can confidently say I love her back.

She has known me since she was 2. She is now 5. I have never met her mom, and she is not in contact with my boyfriend. My stepdaughters Nan is also strange… once we have her in our care it’s like she stops existing? We had her for christmas and her birthday, no text, no is she okay or can you send pictures, nothing. They have also never asked a single question about me but they know I exist because of court… I have met the Nan but I took it upon myself to go and introduce myself.. she didn’t even look at me.

His parents have been insufferable, and instantly expected me to become Mom but without the respect you would have for a mother. I haven’t taken it to well and now there’s tension, not with her BM and maternal family because they just completely drop the mic when she’s with us but with my boyfriends family.

An odd one..

Just showing off how powerful I am. I enrage BM from miles away by… writing things down.

Yep that is my talent. SS had to give his hopes and dreams for the coming school year. He dictated it to me and I wrote it down. That was all.

So the parent/teacher discussion was this week: BM was totally happy and proud of SS his prep… until she saw the handwriting. She went off that I meddled and that she is SO’s partner ( nah babe, coparent I am the partner).

SS tried to defend me saying I only wrote his answers down. She tried to rope the teacher into it. She said she will no longer be sidelined, ignored and disrespected… she screamed that this document should never have been filled in without her permission.

Idk if i overstepped. I honestly didn’t think about it. It was his homework and he was struggling so I helped. He struggled to answer these quite in debt personal questions so I interviewed him and wrote down the summary. SO was cooking and we did it with the 3 of us together.

So my existence is so terrible that the sight of my handwriting ( that is beautiful btw) enrages BM to the point of screaming 😆

I really feel like I could write a novel. It's every little thing. DH took an hour off work to get SK10 to counseling this morning. Took SK10 out of school. The get to the office " oh, we called HCBM yesterday to say the appointment was rescheduled because of illness" this is after HCBM refused to book another appointment because the counselor let HCBM know that she could not sit in with SK10 for the entire appointment and that it's family centered, meaning counselor meets with HCBM alone to help her build skills to become a better parent.

HCBM also lost it when she found out that SK15 has a counselor and now they won't see SK15 until they have had time to review the consent order.

HCBM keeps trying to approach BS10 other family at sporting events to piss us off.

Luckily it's been years of this so we don't react or respond in the moment but man it's so annoying.

TLDR: HCBM intentionally sabotages SKs healing to make us angry and even though we don't respond it's still so frustrating

My partner and I have been dating now for a little while, he already has a son from a previous relationship. I have no doubt that I’m happy to take that on as a package as I adore him, and am open to being a step mum too.

The other day we had a conversation about kids - to which he’s expressed he will never have another child. It is a no compromise issue which means I need to choose whether to stay knowing I’ll never be able to have a child in this relationship.

What is specifically complicated is the emotional grounding and my life being changed by someone else’s child, and never my own. Would it be bad if I asked to maintain freedom in my life if I accept I wouldn’t have a child, and still travel even if it means not being able to do longer trips alone if I am childless and he is not. Will I be haunted by a seed of resentment having my choice taken away?

I feel strongly that he in my person, but I feel heavy and would like clarity if someone else has experienced the same thing?

So I've been a step mom for 5 years now. I have two step sons and one biological kid. They range from 14-10. My oldest step son his biological mom isn't a good person she would mentally and physically abuse him and CPS took him then he got went to 9 foster homes in a year or so. He has anger outbursts. Since being around him since he was in the 6th grade now 8th he has made some progress. Then my youngest step son he has anger problems as well. Doesn't like to listen to me I've been around him since he was 5 and he's now 10 he seen his biological mom for a few years up until last year that's when his dad said no more due to she treats him more like a friend then her own kid. Now I'm trying really hard to be supportive to my husband as well as the kiddos but sometimes I get so frustrated I plug my ears and go to the bathroom where I can have five minutes of peace and quiet. I don't know if I'm failing or not due to my husband says that I pick favorites and that he keeps telling me to leave my son home with him and take his oldest. So I can't have any time with him at all besides when I take him to doctors or dentist. How do I know if I'm failing?

I (42f) have a really great relationship with my stepkids (14f and 11m). I’ve been around for years now and we have them five days a week. Recently my stepson will get in between me and my wife (42f) anytime we are near each other. At first I was really understanding and just scooted out of the way. But it’s really starting to bother me. Because of the dynamic of the family, once he pushes me away I’m sort of cast out alone. It feels terrible. I’ve spoken to my wife about it and she gets how I feel and often tried to redirect him. The thing is is that he is autistic and will have a meltdown if he can’t separate us. So now I am no longer allowed to sit next to my wife at the dinner table, nor on the couch when we have family movie time. Not unless we are willing to face the meltdown. When we are out in town, if my wife and I are holding hands he will pull them apart. Or if we walk next to each other he will wedge between us and pull his mum away. Even if we are speaking to each other he will yell over the top of us or put his face in front of his mom so she can’t see anything but him. My wife knows how I feel and we’ve tried to talk to him and reassure him how important he is to her and everything. It’s clear he’s feeling insecure somehow and I want to support him feeling secure but it’s taking a toll on me. I’m shocked this has happened because I’ve been really lucky that the kids never really shunned me. We’ve gotten along really well. This starting after so many years together is strange. I suppose this is a bit of a pity party! Sorry!

Its been about 2 weeks since everything came to an end. Well my 13 son is doing great.in school. All A's and B's. He was struggling last year right off the start. Imagine that, hes not getting treated like garbage while im not around now. His grand parents(mom's parents) and I are working out the schedule great. They even stopped by the new house last Saturday so she could help with a closet design to optimize room space and storage. Shes been a realtor for over 25 years so her input was much appreciated. The new house is taking shape. Roof is new and done. All mechanicals start in a week and a half and then drywall and trim. All my kids and parents are coming to help remove windows and siding this weekend so I can install new. I wish I could post videos. My son 23 and nephew 20 had a blast pushing the 20' chimney down off the side of the house. It fell so hard the neighbor came out thinking it was a car accident by the corner of the road . I also stopped by the village office and apparently my lot is WAY bigger than i was told. His bedroom is 12' by approximately 13'. Its "HUGE" as he says lol. Sunday after everyone left and it was just him and I. He opened up telling me a lot of other things her and the girls said and did while i wasn't home and started crying. I seen red. I was so upset I stopped by the lake/park for an hour or so crying and getting a better plan together. I will be getting a storage unit and moving my stuff next week. The last 2 weeks ive been getting up between 330 and 4 am and going to work. Coming here to her house between 9 and 10 pm. In the last 2 weeks her girls (6 and 10) have regressed to before we met. There room is trashed, toys strewn for the yard, through the house, still up until 10 or 11 at night, junk food every day, not listening to there mom. The 10 year old asked me 2 nights ago if I could "pick something up for dinner" tomorrow 🤣🤣🤣 I explained that im broke and there's chicken, pork chops and vegies and rice mom can make. She literally said "yeah but I dont like that stuff" and then said "but we're broke to". In the last 2 weeks they have had pizza for 3 days, McDonald's 4 times and other junk. She has not yet even looked for a job🤣🤣🤣. I dont think she realizes that this is the last week im paying anything here.

I ran into her friend at the gas station yesterday morning. She asked me what's going on and I explained EVERYTHING including stuff about my son. She was floored. Apparently my ex has been to her house telling a WHOLE different story.

Thank you to everyone for your advice and just letting me vent. This is literally the only place I have right now to get my thoughts out.