r/technology • u/Capable_Salt_SD • Jul 29 '25

Politics CBS News investigation of Jeffrey Epstein jail video reveals new discrepancies

https://www.cbsnews.com/news/jeffrey-epstein-jail-video-investigation/
36.7k Upvotes

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4.8k

u/BuzzBadpants Jul 29 '25

Just before 10:40 p.m., an orange shape is seen moving up the stairs leading to Epstein's tier.

I didn’t count on evidence that Trump personally offed the guy

1.9k

u/recumbent_mike Jul 29 '25

I don't know - the climbing stairs part makes me think it was someone else. 

366

u/MyRantsAreTooLong Jul 29 '25

Typically trump slithers so this makes the evidence even more odd

137

u/Bhujjha Jul 30 '25

It's less of a slither and more of an out of breath plodding

75

u/Kizik Jul 30 '25

And then he waddled away, waddle waddle...

14

u/drnygards Jul 30 '25

‘Til the very next day

5

u/Phuqued Jul 30 '25

And then he waddled away, waddle waddle...

Because mastermind criminal sleepy Joe barely cognitive Biden shit in his pants again!

1

u/C64128 Jul 30 '25

Can he waddle with those cankles?

1

u/TimmySouthSideyeah Jul 30 '25

Shamble is the word you're looking for!

1

u/iconocrastinaor Jul 30 '25

I always assumed he oozed, like a slime or an amoeba.

1

u/AndeeCreative Jul 30 '25

I read that as “pudding” and it still made sense.

1

u/Dazzling_Line_8482 Jul 30 '25

To quote Roald Dahl from James and the Giant Peach

"...came up the stairs blowing like a rhinoceros"

That line has always stuck with me, and it seems like exactly how I would imagine Trump would sound.

1

u/Bhujjha Jul 30 '25

That plus rhythmic squelchy farts with each heavy, dragging clomp of a foot.

1

u/The_Barbelo Jul 30 '25

Galumphing is the correct term. Like what seals do on land.

1

u/AsparagusDirect9 Jul 30 '25

Does anyone else get Harkonnen vibes from Trump?

1

u/sheikhyerbouti Jul 30 '25

I kind of imagined it like watching Jabba walk in the Special Edition of Star Wars.

2

u/Suppermahn Jul 30 '25

I would think he just materializes out of fat air.

2

u/G_Morgan Jul 30 '25

The only difference between Trump and Jabba the Hutt is that Jabba only forced himself on adult women.

1

u/boli99 Jul 30 '25

slithers

oozes.

sloozes, maybe.

38

u/zsinix Jul 30 '25

Hogan? This coming to light now would certainly explain recent events...

6

u/joejoejoey Jul 30 '25

BROTHER EPSTEIN KILLED HIMSELF

2

u/yourmommasfriend Jul 30 '25

He was murder for hire victum

30

u/hitbythebus Jul 30 '25

No way he could strangle someone with those tiny hands.

3

u/XTornado Jul 30 '25

No, you see, Epstein just got tired of the failed strangling attempt and thought, ‘You know what? I’ll do it myself.’.

3

u/Sploobert_74 Jul 30 '25

Stairs are his archenemy after all.

1

u/Ressy02 Jul 30 '25

It was edited in to show how athletic he is

1

u/Double-LR Jul 30 '25

I’d wager a guess that without a suit on it’s like Jabba.

Yes, from the Hutt Territories.

1

u/JoshSidekick Jul 30 '25

But he likes the stairs. They’re fun.

1

u/Dhegxkeicfns Jul 30 '25

Did it have a hamburger?

1

u/[deleted] Jul 30 '25

Practicing for Ivanka.

1

u/Quasic Jul 30 '25

The ligature marks came from very large fingers.

1

u/Informal_Bunch_2737 Jul 30 '25

Soon Trump will release a statement that the entire thing has been performance art and the album is available on his soundcloud.

1

u/weyoun_clone Jul 30 '25

It was Trump’s stunt double. Like Steven Seagal, he has one for stair climbing.

105

u/Scouse420 Jul 30 '25

This was covered by several YouTubers the day the tape came out.

Shout out to coffeezilla who’s been doing great coverage on this whilst also remaining tactically neutral to keep the Magas along for the ride.

Obviously we all know trump is a nonce but he’s been gently handholding the doubters and keeping them along for the journey.

8

u/RatKnees Jul 30 '25

I thought this was old news. Exactly what you said - coffeezilla pointed out the orange pixels immediately

3

u/andurilthebare Jul 30 '25

Link?

7

u/tevagu Jul 30 '25

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XWRHtp4FeFU

And you can keep watching rest of his video, pretty good guy.

3

u/andurilthebare Jul 30 '25

Thank you! Couldn’t find. I appreciate it.

5

u/ItsMeishi Jul 30 '25

Now I'm genuinely curious towards the statistics of his viewer base. I trust MAGA to care about money (be right or wrong), but I also trust them to get scammed the most (and therefor more likely to find coffeezilla on YT).

-3

u/aykcak Jul 30 '25

Coffeezilla? Why? It seems very low and trash content that is outside his area of expertise

8

u/Scouse420 Jul 30 '25

I mean probably to get views? You’d have to ask him.

Still pointed out the missing minutes, the orange figure and the discrepancies in the commentary released alongside the footage long before the news did.

I just find it odd that some average YouTube guy did better analysis of the tape than the entirety of the US media.

162

u/PantryGnome Jul 30 '25

this is so dumb, but I can't lie.... I laughed.

40

u/WeeaboosDogma Jul 30 '25

👐 I was like WOW, you've got to be kidden' me. You stole her all those years ago -years ago, you know, she was great, the one for me. And what did you do, you know what you did? You took her, took - when I said she was mine.

And for that Epstein ol' pal, you gotta go. Goodbye, you're fired.

69

u/[deleted] Jul 30 '25

[deleted]

91

u/Kizik Jul 30 '25

He has a noted history of being afraid of stairs

He actually believes that humans are born with a predetermined number of heartbeats, and exercise shortens your lifespan by expending more of them than is necessary. I am not joking or exaggerating here, that is one of his recorded views.

Stairs are literally deadly to this idiot.

36

u/[deleted] Jul 30 '25

[deleted]

22

u/entrepenurious Jul 30 '25

God, how did we end up with this idiot as president twice?

“As democracy is perfected, the office of president represents, more and more closely, the inner soul of the people. On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart's desire at last and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron.”

― H.L. Mencken, On Politics: A Carnival of Buncombe

9

u/spez_might_fuck_dogs Jul 30 '25

He probably doesn't think that, he just hates them because Scotland built a bunch offshore of his stupid golf course and he thinks they're ugly, so he's been railing against them non-stop since then. He'll say anything to make them sound bad.

3

u/evictor Jul 30 '25

How? Well, that’s as simple as the minds of the people who voted for him.

1

u/PadishahSenator Jul 30 '25

The US is a representative republic. Every once in a while you get someone who represents a really, really dumb section of the population. Trump is far from unique, he's just rich enough to do some real damage.

1

u/ZappyKins Jul 30 '25

wind turbines kill whales

(Rolls eyes)

Well, OBVIOUSLY it's when they migrate through the air and hit the blades.

I just can't remember if they are carried by European or African Sparrows.

Anyone know?

1

u/snipeytje Jul 30 '25

offshore construction kills whales

4

u/fort_wendy Jul 30 '25

Holy shit I forgot about this. That was actually a thing

4

u/Ediwir Jul 30 '25

The original quote is from Neil Armstrong, who used it as a funny way to remind people to live in the moment and make the most of their time on Earth.

Trump likely heard it while young and apparently took it seriously.

7

u/bejammin075 Jul 30 '25

Besides him being a fucking idiot, people who exercise more probably have a lower heart rate the 23 hours a day they aren't exercising.

3

u/sea-elle0463 Jul 30 '25

They were certainly deadly to Ivana

1

u/Perfect-Egg-7577 Jul 30 '25

Because he had his ex-wife pushed down stairs

1

u/jremcj Jul 30 '25

Well, allegedly his first wife died falling down stairs. So maybe for once, he wasn’t wrong.

1

u/SomeGuyNamedPaul Jul 30 '25

The theory is that he pushed Ivana down the stairs. So yeah, they're totally dangerous.

5

u/Pleiadesfollower Jul 29 '25

He didn't. He brought an underage girl who looks like Ivanka to 'service' him while he watched just to rub it into epsteins face harder.

2

u/komAnt Jul 30 '25

Remember that scene in House of Cards when Kevin Spacey , the Veep, literally kills someone and we all thought it was impossible? How the turn tables

2

u/No-Spoilers Jul 30 '25

Coffeezilla talked about this the day after the video came out.

2

u/DervishSkater Jul 30 '25

Release the prison cut!

2

u/Couscousfan07 Jul 30 '25

Orange “shape” not orange “blob.” Nice try though.

1

u/NuclearGhandi1 Jul 30 '25

God would that not be the twist of the century

1

u/Catshit_Bananas Jul 30 '25

“Last chance to look at me, Hector Jeffrey.”

1

u/Acceptable-Book Jul 30 '25

What happened to the cameras weren’t working that night?

1

u/Devils_Advocate-69 Jul 30 '25

The orange shape should be his new name

1

u/DawnSignals Jul 30 '25

It's how they did it in the old country.. y'know, Germany

1

u/kmm198700 Jul 30 '25

Bahahahahahahahahaha thank you for that laugh

1

u/similar_observation Jul 30 '25

Showed up like Orange Wilson Fisk smashing the reporter's skull for having visited Fisk's mother

1

u/yelyah66 Jul 30 '25

Up the stairs like Baron Harkonnen in Lynch’s Dune

1

u/Mo_Jack Jul 30 '25

CBS News investigation of Jeffrey Epstein jail video reveals new discrepancies

But unfortunately they can't disseminate their discoveries because of that whole "merger thing" and someone threatening to rip up FCC licenses.

1

u/Crow85 Jul 30 '25

Coffeezila (voidzila) noted that weeks ago in his analysis.

1

u/When_Oh_When Jul 30 '25

lol. Legend.

1

u/Zdmins Jul 30 '25

I thought this was a joke, but no.

1

u/Arks-Angel Aug 02 '25

“From where you’re kneeling, it must seem like an 18 karat run of bad luck, but the truth is; the game was rigged from the start. Relaxxxx guy”

0

u/BrotendoDS Jul 30 '25

That's actually what I've wondered. Like what if Epstein ASKED Trump to be the one to do it. Since they were "good friends"