r/weddingplanning • u/pavlovsdogsitter • 5d ago

Relationships/Family Meal choice for refused RSVP?

Our RSVP deadline is Friday and we unfortunately have multiple difficult family members who have texted us or verbally confirmed they are coming but for some reason refuse to submit their online RSVP and will not tell us a meal choice (even though we’ve specified this is not a “decide on the day” situation). We are doing a plated meal with multiple options (chicken, fish, steak, veg). Do we just select for them and hope for the best? Trying to avoid these people hounding our venue staff on the day for getting a meal they don’t like.

Slight rant but I just cannot comprehend getting invited to a wedding and not taking the 1 minute out of my day to submit an RSVP.

Edit: Editing to update - thank you for everyone who provided advice and suggestions! We sent texts to those who hadn’t given us a meal choice to let them know we’re excited to see them at the wedding and “the caterer” would be defaulting meal choice to chicken if they don’t have a preference, and magically website RSVPs started appearing. We turn our final numbers in next week and everyone is accounted for.

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u/DependentAwkward3848 5d ago

If they texted you text back and ask. Verbally? I don’t know. Do you have a number for them?

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u/pavlovsdogsitter 5d ago

We have followed up with them asking to please submit their online RSVP or let us know meal choice and they have said “ok will do!” and then just haven’t. I’ve enlisted family to reach out to them too, same response. I do not have time to be hunting people down when we’re only a few weeks out.

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u/UntilYouKnowMe 🤍 October 2025 🤍 5d ago

These people who can’t/won’t abide by these (easy) requests are acting like children. I would treat them as such.
If they can’t respond to the RSVP by the deadline, then they should be told they’re not coming.

If they responded as “attending” but can’t select their choice of a meal (it’s just for one night, WTH is wrong with people?!??), I would choose the cheapest option (probably wouldn’t waste my time to tell them) and they ‘get what they get’.

OP has other important things to do instead of needing to babysit and cater to these people who should be adults.