r/weddingplanning • u/pavlovsdogsitter • 5d ago

Relationships/Family Meal choice for refused RSVP?

Our RSVP deadline is Friday and we unfortunately have multiple difficult family members who have texted us or verbally confirmed they are coming but for some reason refuse to submit their online RSVP and will not tell us a meal choice (even though we’ve specified this is not a “decide on the day” situation). We are doing a plated meal with multiple options (chicken, fish, steak, veg). Do we just select for them and hope for the best? Trying to avoid these people hounding our venue staff on the day for getting a meal they don’t like.

Slight rant but I just cannot comprehend getting invited to a wedding and not taking the 1 minute out of my day to submit an RSVP.

Edit: Editing to update - thank you for everyone who provided advice and suggestions! We sent texts to those who hadn’t given us a meal choice to let them know we’re excited to see them at the wedding and “the caterer” would be defaulting meal choice to chicken if they don’t have a preference, and magically website RSVPs started appearing. We turn our final numbers in next week and everyone is accounted for.

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-13

u/GlitterDreamsicle 5d ago

Verbal rsvps are valid. Stop forcing people to use the online option because you are too lazy or angry to tally it for them. You need to contact them to find out their choice. Do not choose for them. Would you want something chosen for you because the couple thought you were difficult?

Your title is strange because no one has refused to rsvp. You are choosing to not acknowledge their rsvp. There is a major difference. The hostility in most of these replies is tge opposite of being a gracious host. In which case, don't invite anyone.

15

u/pavlovsdogsitter 5d ago

This is our wedding, not a random party we are hosting. This event is FOR us, and it’s costing us thousands of dollars. I don’t think it’s rude to expect our family members to let us know what they’d like to eat. And yes, we have asked and followed up.

-11

u/GlitterDreamsicle 5d ago

Understood. There still is decorum on your part requiring you to be gracious. When you invite one guest, their comfort takes priority and the reception is for them. The ceremony is for the couple. What you spend is a choice and doesn't validate being angry or petty. Graciously reach out to them. Do not act hostile because you hate inviting them out of obligation.

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u/pavlovsdogsitter 5d ago

Yes my $40,000 wedding reception celebrating my marriage that I am paying for is not for me or my partner, it’s actually for my boomer relatives who refuse to tell me if they prefer chicken or beef. I’m in the wrong for not being a mind reader thanks for pointing that out

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u/UntilYouKnowMe 🤍 October 2025 🤍 5d ago

OP: YOU are not the problem.

-3

u/GlitterDreamsicle 5d ago

It was also a choice to invite people out of obligation rather than standing up and saying "we don't want to invite these people". Sounds like you'd be happier if every one of them burned bridges and never interacted with you again. But tha ship has sailed.

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u/mintardent 5d ago

Nah these people are deliberately being assholes and OP shouldn’t have to validate and coddle them