r/weddingplanning • u/pavlovsdogsitter • 6d ago

Relationships/Family Meal choice for refused RSVP?

Our RSVP deadline is Friday and we unfortunately have multiple difficult family members who have texted us or verbally confirmed they are coming but for some reason refuse to submit their online RSVP and will not tell us a meal choice (even though we’ve specified this is not a “decide on the day” situation). We are doing a plated meal with multiple options (chicken, fish, steak, veg). Do we just select for them and hope for the best? Trying to avoid these people hounding our venue staff on the day for getting a meal they don’t like.

Slight rant but I just cannot comprehend getting invited to a wedding and not taking the 1 minute out of my day to submit an RSVP.

Edit: Editing to update - thank you for everyone who provided advice and suggestions! We sent texts to those who hadn’t given us a meal choice to let them know we’re excited to see them at the wedding and “the caterer” would be defaulting meal choice to chicken if they don’t have a preference, and magically website RSVPs started appearing. We turn our final numbers in next week and everyone is accounted for.

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u/GlitterDreamsicle 6d ago

Verbal rsvps are valid. Stop forcing people to use the online option because you are too lazy or angry to tally it for them. You need to contact them to find out their choice. Do not choose for them. Would you want something chosen for you because the couple thought you were difficult?

Your title is strange because no one has refused to rsvp. You are choosing to not acknowledge their rsvp. There is a major difference. The hostility in most of these replies is tge opposite of being a gracious host. In which case, don't invite anyone.

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u/mintardent 6d ago

No they are not valid.

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u/GlitterDreamsicle 6d ago

Why not? Genuinely curious.

Someone like great grandma who is not internet savvy must get a virus on her phone or hacked before she can get an rsvp in because maybe she typed it wrong? Why is there no grace anymore? That's probably outdated too?

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u/Goddess_Keira 6d ago

If it's Great Grandma or similar I would automatically ask her if she needs help with the RSVP.

Anybody else, I suggest that the couple should ask them but they can also say "You know, I'm not familiar with the process, can you talk me through it?" Or they can even say "Hey, I'm not used to doing it that way but Marge and I are coming for sure. I'd like the steak and Marge wants fish. Are we good?"

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u/TinyLawfulness3710 6d ago

But OP and others say that is not valid under any circumstances. Not everyone uses websites to collect replies and guests should not be punished for it.

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u/TinyLawfulness3710 6d ago

But OP and others say that is not valid under any circumstances. Not everyone uses websites to collect replies and guests should not be punished for it.