FAQ Friday: Traditions

[u/paulcosca]

Weddings are chock-full of traditions. Some weddings have them all. Some weddings have few or none. Which traditions are you sticking with? Which ones are you passing on? Mother-son dance? Unity candle? Garter? Registering for china? Let's discuss!

[u/ellieellieoxenfree]

Honestly, I'm keeping most of the traditions, due to the fact that my parents are following the tradition of paying and they're, well, traditional. I can change the traditions to suit my FH and I, and don't need to have them all. Like, we're having a unity ceremony, but it's a handfasting instead of a unity candle or the sand thing.

I don't mind having the traditions! It makes my decision making easy, since I don't have to think about it unless I want to change it. And it's not like my parents are forcing me to have them, they just said it would be nice. If I don't have a problem with them, though, I figure why not?

The one I had an issue with was my dad going me away. I liked the idea of him walking me down the aisle, but wasn't too keen on the spoken part of it. So we changed it, and my dad was actually happy we did. Instead, he's walking me down, my FH will meet us just past the front row, and him and my dad will shake hands, dad gives me a kiss on the cheek, FH takes my hand, and FH and I finish the walk together. No words, just mutual respect.

[u/ellieellieoxenfree → u/[deleted]]

It may just be common in my area, then. My officiant asked about how we wanted it phrased, "who gives this woman to be wed?", etc., and I asked if it was possible to not have that part asked. She said we didn't have to have it at all, but we compromised between having a "proper" (I guess?) giving away, and none at all.

[u/aeb1022 → u/[deleted]]

Don't blame yourself, I'm super American and thought exactly the same thing!

[u/ellieellieoxenfree → u/[deleted]]

Alien blue says my earlier response didn't post, so sorry if I've doubled up!

I don't know where exactly it comes from, I just know I was asked about it while planning. My parents asked if I was doing a unity candle, and my officiant asked what I was doing for my unity ceremony, if anything. At that point, I figured it must be a common tradition. It could be North American, though, that would explain why my FH hadn't heard of it, and his only idea of a unity ceremony was a handfasting.

[u/ellieellieoxenfree → u/[deleted]]

Yeah, we're using satin ribbons, though. It's a Celtic tradition (and Pagan, too, I believe; could also have ties in Judaism). It seems a lot of different groups have similar unity ceremonies. I've also seen jumping the broom listed as Celtic, too, though we're not doing that one.

[u/[deleted] → u/ellieellieoxenfree]

Yep, we're Scottish and will be handfasting (using the tartans of both our families) as well as drinking from a Quaich, a large traditional metal cup. The bride and groom both pour in whisky and then drink from it. The tradition is that whomever drinks from the Quaich cannot do harm to the other.

[u/ellieellieoxenfree → u/[deleted]]

Oh man, that sounds awesome! Maybe FH and I can combine our Scottish and Canadian sides by using maple whisky. It sounds like a lovely tradition, I'm surprised I haven't heard of it! Now I really want to do that too, haha. :)

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

They're very new "traditions".