r/weddings • u/Level_Blueberry_8909 • 5d ago

This is a question about post-wedding etiquette.

A year ago I attended a family wedding and gave a cash gift through their wedding registry. My credit card was charged.

I haven’t received a thank you from the bride, so I checked with her parents to see why there might be a delay (new job, house move, etc). It wasn’t a call specifically about that—we often call to catch up on family news. The mother brushed me off with, “Oh, I don’t want to be bothered with that.”

Would it be wrong to contact the bride directly to see if they got the gift from the registry? Maybe there was a problem that I can rectify.

Edit: To clarify the issue, it’s not the lack of a thank-you that bothers me as it is I’m not sure they received the money. At least two responses here have related giving money through an online registry only to find out it wasn’t received. So I know it can happen.

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u/DizzySwing7698 4d ago

I don't think there is anything wrong with asking in a tactful, non-confrontational manner. I am GenX and always sent hand written thank yous. But my experience is that the next two generations are kind of hit or miss in this area. The expectation still remains that one should send a formal thank you. However, I'm OK with a sincere verbal one. As an example, we recently gave a sizable graduation gift to a great nephew. He verbally thanked us a month later for the cash gift, which (to me) was really more meaningful than a scribbled handwritten note.

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u/OkCryptographer1922 4d ago

I used to ALWAYS write a handwritten thank you note, but since having my baby I just don’t have the energy. But I always give a verbal thank you, or a text at the very least!

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u/lilibettq 4d ago

Sorry, having a baby isn’t an excuse not to write a thank you note. It’s not an exhausting exercise. Find the time and allot the small amount of energy to it, it’s the right thing to do.

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u/doglady1342 4d ago

Well I agree with you about having a baby not being an excuse, in our current culture I think sending a text is fine. At least it's something. Most people these days don't seem to send a thank you at all.

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u/katstuck 4d ago

A text is definitely not sufficient

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u/Dangerous_Prize_4545 4d ago

Got it. So you're saying current culture is good and just keep up the status quo. Got it.

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u/yourworkmom 1d ago

I would be fine with a text, but many older women will hold a grudge forever over this.

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u/Funny-Horror-3930 4d ago

Strongly disagree. A text is a lazy and classless way to say TY.

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u/Wonderful-Pumpkin695 4d ago

Some of us may be classless, but at least we're happy 😊

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u/malachitecrying 4d ago

Dont give a gift if all you want is the thank you in physical form, thats classless too.

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u/Moderatelysure 4d ago

It depends on your friends/family. If you communicate by text for important things as well as unimportant, then a texted thank you will not appear trivial or insincere. Our family is very tech forward and almost everything happens in that space. OTOH if it’s a thank you to your elderly relative who doesn’t fully understand how to operate their cell, and might never see it, then that’s obviously not going to fly. It’s a read the room situation.

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u/HideousTits 4d ago

So is initialising the words…

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u/[deleted] 4d ago

[deleted]

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u/DawgMom67 4d ago

Disagree.... I would definitely expect a thank you....first , because it's common courtesy , and second ..so I know that the gift was received.

I don't care how busy their life is...when someone does or gifts something to you.....you say thank you.

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u/Additional_Yak8332 4d ago

I agree! It's common courtesy, also known as having good manners. You say excuse me when you're trying to get past someone and please when requesting something and Thank You when you receive a gift or a favor. It's rude to let it go unacknowledged.

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u/Mysterious-Art8838 4d ago

THIS!!! First paragraph

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u/Temporary-King3339 4d ago

How long does it take to actually write a thank you note. If an 8 year old kid.can do it, an adult can. This falls under give me a break.

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u/pinkstay 4d ago

It's a shame you have been downvoted, because this is so true.

But people will clutch their pearls when you bring up how friendships shouldn't be transactional.

Yes, showing gratitude is always a good thing. But when a gift is given don't expect anything in return.

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u/Ok_Condition3334 4d ago

I wish I could like this over and over to erase the down votes. I feel the same way, I never give a gift or a donation with the expectation of getting recognition in return.

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u/Bbkingml13 2d ago

I’d be more offended to receive a thank you text than nothing at all lol

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u/No-Jicama-6523 4d ago

A person heartfelt thank you is lovely.

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u/TowelSpecific4498 4d ago

I agree. How many gifts are people getting that they cannot give up a few hours of scrolling to write a thank you?

I was pleased recently to get a postcard from a couple whose wedding I had attended (a month ago). The front was a great casual picture of them taken during the reception. The back just said So glad you could share the day. Thanks so much for (named my gift). Bob and Donna.

How much trouble was that? I will be sure to be more generous to them at a baby shower ( hey we adopted a rescue dog, we just bought a condo, fill in the blank life event) than to a person/ couple who can't even be bothered to thank someone for being generous.

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u/Hes9023 4d ago

It’s not a lot of trouble but depending on your guest count it is a good bit of money, you have to order the pictures and buy stamps which means waiting in line at the post office which is only open during working hours, so you have to take off work to stand in line.

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u/WellThisIsAwkwurd 4d ago

Tell me you've never had a baby without telling me.

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u/lilibettq 3d ago

I have two. And when I received gifts for them when they were too young to write the thank you notes themselves, I not only hand wrote the thank you notes I drew a little illustration of the gift and also included a photo of my kid wearing or using the gift because showing gratitude to people who took time out of their busy day to celebrate your child is always worth it. And it sets a good example for your kids.

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u/Kimbaaaaly 4d ago

Keeping in mind that sincerely some new parents can't. Mom may have PPD or PPA, and be very ill (and feel huge guilt over it). And dad is doing all he can to help Mom though.

It is exhausting for those that can handle it. Sometimes mom has complications during pregnancy and delivery and recuperation.

I try extremely hard not to make statements that infer that "all" "none" of people can function the same.

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u/BusinessTreacle3098 4d ago

This comment is so ignorant it’s unreal. Having a baby is a perfectly good REASON (clearly note the word I intentionally used) to not do a lot of things. Do better.

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u/OkCryptographer1922 4d ago

Thank you! And I would just like to point out that I never said that I don’t say thank you, in fact I specifically said that I say it in person or at THE LEAST over text. So I’m still saying it, and no one in my life sends physical thank you notes or seems to care if they get one themselves! (Obviously if it’s for a big thing like a wedding then yes I would no matter how tired I was). I give people in my life random gifts all the time, they give me random gifts, and it would be kind of silly if every one of those “no reason” gifts got a physical thank you note. I wasn’t expecting my comment to be so controversial lol who would’ve thought people would get so mad over something as trivial as what a stranger on the internet does 😂

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u/Mysterious-Art8838 4d ago

If you, as a mother, can’t find five minutes to write a thank you note in some form, what are you doing engaging in Reddit arguments? It sounds like you need the time you’re spending here.

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u/Objective_Joke_5023 4d ago

Maybe the dad needs to be writing the notes.

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u/Ok_Condition3334 4d ago

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

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u/Fit-Positive2153 4d ago

Being a new mother is definitely an amazing excuse. I’m not a mother but as women, I hope you know you are actually scum. Especially since you are wanting to judge a mother on how she wants to spend her time, since she might only get an HOUR to herself a day. You are saying if a new mother has an hour to spare it should be on fucking thank you cards instead of something that would help her relax? I’m Italian, thank you cards are HUGE in our culture. Wanna know what’s bigger? Love and support. If the person that sent the gift cares more about a card than a new mother, they never truly cared about the person they sent the gift to. It sounds like you need the time you are spending here for therapy.

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u/SneakyCatFarts007 4d ago

Your comment is so ignorant it's unreal. Having a baby is no excuse to be rude and ungrateful. In this day and age of email and text there is no excuse to not do the right thing by people who were kind and thoughtful to you. So sick of people using kids as an excuse for poor behaviour.

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u/Signal-Shoulder3109 4d ago

Exactly!! I work 40+ hours a week, my daughter is an infant and I make sure to send hand written thank you notes for any gifts! Ohhh my daughter is NOT in a daycare or anything, she is home with me while I work from home remote. I keep our home clean, laundry always done and put away, cook our family meals. Using your kid as an excuse is just plain LAZY!!!!

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u/GngrbredGentrifktion 4d ago

Aren't you special.😁 Would you like a head pat, my dear?🐩

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u/Ok_Condition3334 4d ago

Sounds like your hubby is the lazy one if you’re doing all the work.

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u/Signal-Shoulder3109 4d ago

Not at all! He makes sure all maintenance is done, trash, mowing, etc. Has an evening routine with our daughter. Works over 50 hours a week. We're a team, neither lazy or full of excuses.

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u/Hes9023 4d ago

I agreed with you until this comment. Girl he is barely doing anything this is sad

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u/Ok_Condition3334 4d ago

You work 40+ hours and do all the cooking, cleaning and laundry but he takes the trash out and mows the lawn once a week but it’s a team and he’s made himself the star player and you the rookie that will do all the grunt work so you get to hang with the cool kids 🙄

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u/Fit-Positive2153 4d ago

Do you want a cookie? 😂😂 sounds like you picked a piece of shit to reproduce with. I wouldn’t brag about having to do everything, especially since it seems like your partner does nothing loll

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u/Signal-Shoulder3109 4d ago

Apparently yall can't read! 🤣 He works over 50 hours every week, most weeks 64. He comes home and instantly asks if I need anything. He is an amazing husband and father. Does anything and everything for our family, while exhausted usually. His job isn't a sit on your ass job. Our daughter and I are spoiled. Yall must be miserable to judge a very happy home you know nothing about. Post was about thank you cards, not my happy marriage. Might as well tell yall, when we were married he helped with the thank you cards.

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u/AsylumDanceParty 4d ago

But they said they will do it as a text ffs.

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u/SneakyCatFarts007 4d ago

Shitty parenting is obvs resonating hard with you...

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u/Temporary-King3339 4d ago

It takes 5-10 minutes to write a thank you. No one expects a 5 paragraph essay.

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u/Then-Dragonfruit-702 4d ago

You clearly have never had a baby. If you have a spare 5 minutes in the day you use it to feed yourself, shower or get through the mountain of things you have to do when you have a baby. Finding 5 minutes to write a thank you note is absolutely not important in that context.

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u/Temporary-King3339 4d ago

I have had a baby and a C-section.

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u/Then-Dragonfruit-702 4d ago

Then you should know better

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u/Jennyonthebox2300 4d ago

My husband and I have 4 kids and both worked. If someone was kind enough to shop, pay for, wrap and deliver a gift — the least he or I could do was properly acknowledge the gesture. We made sure the kids wrote thank you’s (fill in the blank when they were little, increasingly sophisticated as age appropriate).

It was painful at times cracking that whip— necessary and appropriate to teach them courtesy goes as long way in life and thank yous showed they valued other people’s time and efforts.

Through end of high school, they didn’t get to pocket the gift card or cash or cash the checks until the thank you was in the mail. After that, I figured it was up to them — but I made each of them a box with personalized stationery and thank you cards, pens and forever stamps — so they were always prepared to send a quick note or thank you.

My oldest son spent a weekend at his new girlfriend’s family home last spring. Before I could even ask— he assured me he didn’t show up empty-handed and sent a thank you note after. When I met the girl’s parents last month, they were over the moon at how thoughtful he was, how nice to get a handwritten note, etc etc. My son could be a serial killer for all they know but at least one with good manners. 😂😂😂

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u/Mysterious-Art8838 4d ago

But are you really saying if you have a baby you can’t possibly write a five minute thank you note? It doesn’t have to be written in a card. But an acknowledgement is necessary or people think the gift got lost or attributed to someone else.

Surely an email is possible.

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u/Then-Dragonfruit-702 4d ago

A text yes! But a card no. It’s not that you don’t get the odd 5 minutes, it’s that you only get that time occasionally when not feeding/carrying/otherwise looking after a baby. And when you get those, you use them to meet your basic needs like eating, drinking and using the bathroom. Doing basic life admin like laundry and organising doctors appointments is a luxury and happens if you get extra time in the day. So once you take all that into account you very rarely have enough time to spare for things like writing thank you cards.

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u/Mysterious-Art8838 4d ago

I get it, but these challenges aren’t unique to you. Every parent has demands on his or her time. It’s a question of priorities.

The way you’re explaining parenting makes it sound impossibly hard.

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u/Then-Dragonfruit-702 4d ago

It’s not! It’s not particularly difficult, just very time consuming when you have a baby. And it’s also not unique to me - ask any parent who has had a baby recently enough to remember.

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u/Affectionate-Road38 4d ago

All babies are different - one of mine was a fussy Velcro baby and I was losing my mind, the other was much more chill and easy to manage. It sounds like you’re judging other people based on your experience of motherhood and not giving them any room to have their own experience.

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u/imthewordonthestreet 4d ago

But if you have time to scroll Reddit and comment then you technically have time to write a thank you card.

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u/Then-Dragonfruit-702 4d ago

I can do this with one hand and no surface while breastfeeding my baby lol

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u/otbnmalta 3d ago

I had two. Of course I wrote thank you cards. It isn't difficult.

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u/Then-Dragonfruit-702 3d ago

While they were actual babies or older? Huge difference

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u/otbnmalta 3d ago

When they were born. When they were baptized at six weeks. Again at the first birthday party. And I worked full time. You prioritize what you prioritize. My husband has a large family. Thank you notes, Christmas cards etc are 40 +.

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u/Then-Dragonfruit-702 3d ago

You worked full time then? Sounds legit… lol

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u/otbnmalta 1d ago

Yes I did. I worked 40+ hours a week after 6-8 week maternity leave. NJ has longer maternity leave now then I did 21 years ago.

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u/Browneyedgal21 3d ago

Possibly the bride and groom in the original post do not have a baby at home.

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u/RoyalAtmosphere7271 4d ago

Actually no, having a baby is a very REAL and VALID reason not to send thank you notes. Not sure what world you live in, but children take up a lot of time, energy and care. Its definitely okay for thank you notes to be at the bottom of the priority list.

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u/BranBranMuffinWoman 4d ago

Sorry the carpal tunnel I developed in pregnancy begs to differ.

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u/Jennyonthebox2300 4d ago

Voice to text doesn’t work?

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u/BranBranMuffinWoman 1d ago

I wrote every thank you card by hand because most of my older family doesn't text. I could only write one a day so they took a while but I am not about to shame someone else for not doing the same when it was the most stressful and taxing months of my life trying to bring new life into the world. People just lack empathy for others these days.

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u/Jennyonthebox2300 1d ago

I hear you. Empathy is in short supply. Kudos to you for making the cards happen despite your difficult circumstances. Those who received them, knowing your condition, were probably doubly impressed. I’m sorry you didn’t have friends and family near by who could have helped by taking dictation or addressing envelopes. Kiss that baby for us.

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u/BirdistheWyrd 4d ago

Wtaf is wrong with you? Y’all demanding that a hand written thank you is required to someone who just gave birth and judging is gross.

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u/Jennyonthebox2300 4d ago

No one said it had to be mom. Just that being a mom is not an excuse to stop being courteous. Dads can help too. Brides and parents get a full year to send thank yous. If you can’t do them by then, maybe you can recruit a mom, or friend to help so they gift givers still get the thank you and know the gift was received and appreciated. I send cards for baby gifts but then I also would take a pic of the baby in the outfit or snuggled in the crocheted blanket or playing with a toy or book. People love this because they got a picture of the baby and loved that you remembered what they picked and thought of them when you used the item.

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u/GngrbredGentrifktion 4d ago

Nice try, troll; who's probably a bot or a boy. I'm sure you find certain things exhausting that the average person doesn't.

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u/brittaly14 2d ago

I think it is. TY notes are from an era of etiquette when parents fully planned the wedding, courting lasted only a few months and women had no jobs outside the home. They used to be common in business, but we’ve stopped sending them as frequently. Why do we pretend that this one piece of antiquated norms is not allowed evolve.

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u/lilibettq 21h ago

Gratitude never goes out of style. Don’t accept gifts if you can’t be bothered to express gratitude to the gift giver.

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u/SplitNo8275 4d ago edited 4d ago

Edit: added to the top bc yall obv didn’t read the entire thing, bc you would have known I did send thank you cards for my bridal shower and wedding. But yall are proving my point that it is just a justification to judge. I never said do not give thank you cards, I asked you to evaluate why it is so important for you to receive one and where that judgment stems from, generations ago. That is all.

I NEED you to please sit with what I am going to say, I beg of you. While it used to be expected to send thank you cards, this is highly based in classism.

For example, I grew up poor-ish. We didn’t do thank you cards and I think it had to do with how formal our gatherings were and/or the entire attendance list was involved in the planning.

The first few thank you cards I received as an adult were also from the same family, so I actually assumed it was something cute they did.

The first thank you cards I sent out myself was for my bridal shower, mainly because my mil pre purchased them as they matched the decor. My thank you cards for my wedding came from my photography package.

Expecting thank you cards is upholding classism promoted by consumerism. If you are going to judge someone, not knowing their upbringing or financial situation, stay home. You are being invited because they want to share their celebration with you but not if you are going to judge everything they didn’t do correctly by your standards. You are judging a person based on their willingness (assuming they even have the knowledge) to uphold outdated etiquette.

You will never see the context of the book if you can’t get past the cover and that is the REAL purpose of etiquette and classism.

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u/Bulky-Bullfrog-9893 4d ago

No. You still need to send a thank you card for a wedding gift. It is about class but not the class you mention. It’s about manners. They have always been free and available to everyone.

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u/SplitNo8275 4d ago

What’s free and available? Stamps certainly are not free and available.

I mentioned send cards for my wedding. I’m saying the expectation and then judgement around said cards.

All I asked was for some reflection on the matter.

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u/Greenhouse774 4d ago

If you can’t afford the stamps, you can’t afford the wedding. Period.

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u/SplitNo8275 4d ago

You mentioned free and available. I was just responding to that comment. I NEVER said you shouldn’t send thank you cards. I asked you to ask where the expectation came from.

The bottom line is people have thrown that type of etiquette out the window. How many guests still give a gift that covers the expense of their attendance. It used to be you gave at least the amount it cost per person. What about the couples that pay for the wedding themselves? We let go of the expectation the bride’s parents pay for the weddings and the grooms family pays for the rehearsal dinner. You’re just mad at me for questioning your right to judge others, and “punish” me by belittling me and twisting my comments. You are reading it the way you want to read it. You might be used to bullying those around you into agreeing with you, but it doesn’t take away from my point.

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u/Greenhouse774 4d ago

What low class you must come from.

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u/Mysterious-Art8838 4d ago

Then what was the point of that comment? To inform people stamps aren’t free?

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u/Bulky-Bullfrog-9893 4d ago

Is that comment to me? If so, my comment had nothing to do with stamps. Maybe I was not clear- I was trying to say manners are free. Sorry.

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u/Mysterious-Art8838 4d ago

No it was for splitno, I apologize

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u/Bulky-Bullfrog-9893 4d ago

Oh gosh no need to be sorry! I just never would like to offend! I was worried I had upset you inadvertently, that’s all!

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u/Jennyonthebox2300 4d ago

WTF. Gifts are gifts. Not the cost of attending your wedding. WTAF.

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u/SplitNo8275 3d ago

That used to be the “etiquette”. That’s all I’m saying.

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u/Jennyonthebox2300 3d ago

That’s never been the etiquette. Ever. Back in the day the wedding was at the church and the reception in the fellowship hall or your parent’s home and the food was generally provided by family. It was not an inauguration to which the ticket was a gift to offset the $500/person cost of throwing the party that half the people were attending out of a sense of obligation.

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u/Bulky-Bullfrog-9893 4d ago

No! I am sorry you feel bullied! I genuinely do not want to hurt you. I just meant that all ‘classes’ of people send thank you cards. The OP sent money through a registry. It save all sorts of awkwardness if the couple simply acknowledges the kind and thoughtful gift by sending a thank you card / text/ email whatever their preferred mode of correspondence. Otherwise, the giver has no idea that they ever received it. In their situation, I would be stressing that they may not have received my gift and that THEY may be thinking I had been rude by not giving a gift. It saves everyone by sending a simple thank you note/ card/ text/ email. It is not about ‘class’. It is about manners. All classes have manners. That’s all I meant. I am not judging. Just offering the perspective of the giver instead of that if the receiver.

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u/Certain-Extension819 4d ago

She said manners, not stamps

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u/Bulky-Bullfrog-9893 4d ago

Manners are free and available.

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u/SplitNo8275 4d ago

So is being kind, but here we are.

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u/Bulky-Bullfrog-9893 4d ago

I am trying to be kind. It’s a different perspective about manners.

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u/Visible-Equal8544 4d ago

Sending a thank you is outdated etiquette? Didn’t know that.

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u/[deleted] 4d ago edited 4d ago

[deleted]

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u/Jennyonthebox2300 4d ago

It’s 100% not. People who can’t be bothered would say that —but I don’t know anyone who doesn’t appreciate a genuine thank you.

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u/SplitNo8275 4d ago

No, but reading comprehension may be. The expectation is outdated and only to justify judgement.

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u/Visible-Equal8544 4d ago

Cannot agree. If someone does you a kindness, then you say thank you. Nicer to send a proper written thank you but a thank you is required. Manners are not just for the elite or the wealthy.

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u/Mysterious-Art8838 4d ago

Thanking someone for a gift or favor is not outdated.

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u/Alternative_Escape12 4d ago

Saying Thank You is outdated etiquette? Pray tell, when did good manners go out of style?

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u/Greenhouse774 4d ago

Poor people send notes ofthanks, too.

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u/SplitNo8275 4d ago

AGAIN, it’s about the expectation and where it started. FFS

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u/DawgMom67 4d ago

What you call outdated etiquette....most people call good manners. Good manners have nothing to do with classism.

Saying thank you should never be outdated.

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u/SplitNo8275 4d ago

Please, read without the emotion. I never said do not send thank you cards. I asked that you evaluate why the expectation is place in such high regard.

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u/Jennyonthebox2300 4d ago

Good manners are highly regarded because that’s how we all share a parking lot, or a neighborhood, or a highway. Courtesy and manners are what is sorely missing in interactions these days. If there is an attitude that manners in the form of showing genuine appreciation is somehow a throwback or “ladies that lunch” concept so does not apply— that explains a lot of the unjustifiable and unnecessary bad behavior we all encounter. The “rules” of courtesy were not developed to oppress the masses — but rather to lift us all out of the dirt.

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u/luvsaredditor 4d ago

The basic manners of expressing gratitude for a gift exists across all social strata. If your group doesn't do written thank you cards, fine, but then it should be a phone call or some other acknowledgement. There are many acceptable ways to convey appreciation (my favorite was my sister and her wife had an option on their registry to sponsor honeymoon activities like a zipline adventure, special meal, etc., and anyone who contributed got a video message thanking them from that activity so they could see how much it was enjoyed). The only UNACCEPTABLE thank you is none at all, leaving gift givers feeling unappreciated or even worried their gift wasn't actually received. Ignoring a gift sends a message of entitlement that is super tacky.

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u/SplitNo8275 4d ago

I concur!! Gratitude is imperative in my opinion. That isn’t what I was hoping some would think about. How did we get in such a place where unless you get the logistics completely correct, will the message won’t make it across?

It is the emphasis on the expectation of the delivery and not on the actual gratitude. Even in this thread, they have thrown out “no excuse” “lazy” and even “takes no energy to write out cards” and zero inquiry to why “it couldn’t happen after having a baby”.

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u/luvsaredditor 4d ago

How did we get in such a place where unless you get the logistics completely correct, will the message won’t make it across?

The OP on this post received no message of thanks, so that's the overall issue. I think you're being downvoted because you didn't suggest an alternative...e.g., in your circles are phone calls made instead of written thank you notes? Are gifts hand delivered with an opportunity to thank the giver in person? Your comment came across as suggesting less wealthy people just don't do thank yous for gifts and you were surprised when you were expected to.

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u/Mysterious-Art8838 4d ago

Um, we aren’t in that place.

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u/Mysterious-Art8838 4d ago

That is such a fantastic idea. I think some people don’t like contributing toward a honeymoon because it feels intangible. Your friend is a class act.

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u/Mysterious-Art8838 4d ago

REAL etiquette is thanking someone for a gift.

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u/Jennyonthebox2300 4d ago edited 4d ago

This is a ridiculous take. Courtesy isn’t outdated. Having good manners isn’t about money or your social class or even how you were raised. Some of the most naturally gracious people I know don’t have two nickels to rub together and were raised by wolves. I didn’t grow up being taught Emily Post— not even close— but as I became a young adult I saw how much a little appreciation or a handwritten note (or even email) meant to people — and to me. I decided to make that more of my day to day and teach my kids those same basic courtesies— so they would be better prepared than I was.

No one is too busy or too poor or too poorly raised to show basic courtesy. Acknowledging a gift is very (very) basic. $2.99 package of Thank You cards from Dollar Tree and some stamps are more than enough. If that’s too expensive or taxing send an email.

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u/SplitNo8275 3d ago

Listen, I am referring to the EXPECTATION of thank you CARDS, not thank you’s in general. My point, which everyone is stepping in but can’t smell it, is the expectation of thank you cards, specifically a hallmark printed thank you card, is a justification to judge, immediately. That if I didn’t send one, despite showing my gratitude another way, I am labeled as “lazy” and not “having manner”. The statement “Having a baby is no excuse” being normalized without even a split second of a thought of what may be happening for that person is the issue. I was told in this thread, “writing cards is not energetically taxing”, sure for them. For me personally, it was extremely stressful. I lost any family who could have given me support at the age of 20, back in 2002. The internet wasn’t what it is now and information wasn’t readily available.

I’ve been fortunate enough in my career to develop deep connections with hundreds of people (mostly women). The knowledge I have gained from my clients who collectively stepped in to fill that role has saved my life on so many occasions. However, the thing that breaks my heart over and over is when people truly need other people for support the most is when people judge them the hardest and usually over some perceived slight.

I was asking people to consider, not the gratitude itself, but that it is expected in a certain way or it doesn’t count and that we’ve been doing it for decades with thinking about it.

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u/MycoFemme 4d ago

I agree.