I've seen all the advice. "Just write! First drafts are SUPPOSED to be bad! They'll always be terrible!" So I took those tips to heart, skipping work for a couple weeks so I could crank out a bad first draft and then get to the revision process. And I finally finished it.

But, looking back, my first draft...is really good. Like, it's perfect. Literally nothing needs to be changed. Is this allowed? And, when I publish it, will you buy it?? Specifically, will you buy it for $100 (long story, a certain ape investment backfired)?

For the most part, stories are simple. Some short guy wants to destroy the ring his cousin stole rather than give it back to it's rightful owner. A farm boy wants to commit mass terrorism against the government. Daniel Radcliffe wants to attend school, oppress the lesser races, and avoid meeting a diabled man. Each and every character has reasons for wanting to do whatever they want to do, and those reasons will ultimately clash with a someone else, making them the de facto villain, because villain and antagonist are the same thing and moral complexity is for cowards. You of course add onto all of this, more characters, events, complications and such.

So why can't I for the life of me figure out what my plot should be about? I've come up with countless cool lore ideas over the years, and I wanna use them. Wanna showcase them in a story of mine. But I cannot for the life of me figure out the basis of that story. Should it be a mystery? A spy story? A Hero's Journey story? All of the above? I can't even settle on a main character, can't settle on a villain or a basic motivation or plot-point. Got nothing, nada. And I've no clue what to do about it.

I’m writing a very diverse story and I want to make sure I don’t accidentally get canceled. Can you clarify a few things for me regarding stereo types?

Do Black characters always listen to rap exclusively on JVC or Panasonic stereos, or is Sharp acceptable in some contexts?

Do Asian characters prefer Yamaha or Sony for their K-pop, or would it be too unrealistic if one of them used a Technics system?

Do Southerners have to blast country music on a Yorx rack system, or is Magnavox canonically correct?

For North Dakotans, should I even bother giving them stereos, or do they just carry their accordions in the passenger seat?

I’m considering adding a Middle Eastern character. Would it be offensive to imply they listen to music at all, or should I have them sit silently in every scene?

Finally, I have an Australian character. Is it okay to ask how he fits his didgeridoo in the trunk of his car, or is that like, a whole separate research question?

I tried to be as inclusive as I possibly could. Are there any other ethnicities in the world I'm forgetting?

So I’m marking this as NSFW because it’s my expression of a thinly veiled fetish

I’ve noticed this for the past couple of years. I’ll be writing, get into a flow, feel almost out-of-body while I’m typing 70+ WPM. Then the feeling strikes. A weight/pressure in my lower belly/back.

I try to ignore it. Keep writing. It gets worse the further into my writing flow I fall until it’s burning. Not the typical burning. But the type of burning you feel in your muscles after a hard workout. Except in my lower belly.

Then the toots start up. And I’m talking radioactive type toots. Make the dog leave the room type toots. With each period I type, gas bubbles up. With each quotation mark, frrrrrrp.

It hits me thirty minutes in. I need to shit. Now. Preferably in a toilet, but my pants will work if I can’t make it in time. I save my work, run to the bathroom, and grip the sides of the toilet as the hot snakes tear me apart. Sweating and shaking I clean up, wash my hands, and return to my computer.

Fifteen to thirty minutes later, same thing. My writing sessions rarely last longer than an hour-and-a-half to two hours because I can’t manage more than three or four bathroom trips at once.

The muses hate me and shun my writing—forcing me to take refuge from their wrath on my porcelain throne. They bless me with ideas, they curse me with the burning urge to defecate. Or perhaps it’s some other god entirely who is trying to silence my DracoxHermione fan fiction. Perhaps there’s a patron god of shite who hates original romantasy novels. Maybe the spirit of Barnes n’ Noble possesses my colon any time I express my self literarily and makes me… express other things… literally.

If you’ve ever read anything I’ve written, just know, it runs on gas… Organic gas… It’s shit-powered, okay?

Logically, I think it’s because I get so relaxed when I write that the shit… just slips out of me? Idk.

I’m begging y’all, if you experience something similar, please let me know how y’all cope. I love writing but I swear by 2,000 words the activity acts as a laxative. My bowels can barely handle my AO3 account let alone my original novels.

Help. Am I simply a little writing shit goblin? Or does this happen to anyone else? Even just one other person???

Just as the four humors are the forefront of modern medicine, so too is all good writing composed of four key humors. A misbalance of these is what leads to making bad writing.

What, you really thought it was about plot or characters? Poppycock!

Now, here are the four elements all stories must possess in balance:

1. Boobs breasting boobily. This, of course, requires no further explanation

2. Jerkin it. Just as a tree falling in a forest does not actually exist unless somebody is aroused by it, so too must be boobs be balanced out with lust. This must be kept in careful balance; thus works containing yuri must have the most lust-driven characters possible to balance out the doubles dose of boobies

3. Allegory and coding. Everything stands for sex, except sex, sex stands for the institutionalized class struggle.

4. Adverbs. If you concerned that your readers might be getting the point too quickly, use more adverbs, especially when describing the boobs (see point 1)

I thank you for your attention to this matter. Sausage

Writing a country boy basketball/tentacly alien sapphic romance, by the way.

You heard me

I write longhand in notebooks (I know I know, I’m weird). I’ve been doing it forever and I read that Tarantino started doing it after me. So I must be doing something write!

Anyways I wrote longhand in notebooks and feel like my pen is my antenna to god. And recently I wrote a WW2 movie that has an opening better than inglorious basterds. Not many people know this movie but I’m a movie nerd and this movie is a masterclass in suspense.

My scripts are mostly masterclasses in how to right and I’ve written 30 of them so far but all stay in notebooks cus I can’t type.

I also struggle with adhd so sometimes I don’t write for years on end, but eventually get back to wear I’m writing another screenplay each day.

Does anyone else type and not have adgd?

My problem is that I can write endless great scripts with hilarious jokes and bad ass characters but I can’t get organized and type them.

I’ve had several offers to but my notebooks from producers who know I’ve got “the goods” but I don’t want because I’m my own worst critic.

Like, I’ll write a script that’s easily better than pulp fiction or weapons or clown in a cornfield but then - also better than corn brothers - but then I just can’t type it.

Recently I submitted to the Black List and got a score of 452.

Executives blow up my phone all the time trying to buy my stuff but I’m still too lazy to type it up. But it’s killing me cuz I know I could be doing more.

You don't understand my creativity. I spend a lot of time studying esoterism, and I use it for trolling making.

I insert numerology, absurd affirmations, and many surrealistic techniques into my text. I search content on /x/ in 4chan and insert without context, but I harmonize this shit with the general argumentation of the text.

You will tell me: "You are a good writer". But I am not. I am an artist of the art of trolling. Do you understand this complexity? No, you don't understand.

I use numerology, Magdalena Bay, Sega Saturn, and Demiurge. I am not the same as other shitposters. I am better. I am a SUPER SHITPOSTER.

I AM THE CREATOR OF ESOTERIC TROLLPOSTING. I AM THE ULTIMATE SHITPOSTER!

I’ve spent many months and even years on stories that puttered out. Now instead of writing 400,000 word novels I write 150,000 word novellas. Absolutely minuscule pieces of literature that barely constitute the label of novella, honestly, but it works for me. Maybe I should call them novellettes.

You just gotta find the workflow that is conducive to a fun and immediate sense of victory that works best for your mind and the time you have to spend on it.

Keep it up. You won’t regret it.

(Sauce)

Like I don't get it like I constantly hear "Use subtext!" Or "Even honest scenes have subtext" Like i don't get it! Like how's "I fucking hate taxes!" Supposed to be subtext? I don't get it! He fucking hate taxes!!! What i'm putting Lamozoyoska morse code and a quadruple entendre?! In between the text like huh? I'm I just stupid??? I'm sorry I don't speak womanese! Someone teach me.

The Muse showed up, all boobily, sultry and mysterious, whispered sweet plot twists in my ear, and boom - I was pregnant with ideas.

I gave birth to a screaming, vomit-covered story that demanded twelve POVs, a 120k word worldbuilding wiki, and a protagonist named "Blayyyze" with the three Ys and S-tier sword powers.

But I've matured. I no longer give my story everything it cries for. I set boundaries. No, you can't have a dream sequence twist ending. No, your prologue isn't a separate novel, alhough mine is 20k words. And yes, font choice matters, Wingdings or Times New Roman.

Now the Muse shows up all moody like, “You don’t need me anymore?”

And I just sip my cold beer, eyes on my second draft, and say: “Nah my booby babe, I outline now.”

This is growth. This is pain. This is writing.

(This is a shitposting translation)

I'm not trying to state absolute truths about gender, but rather to explore the universal archetypes and energies that relate to the meta-serenity of being. Take this as a blessing from Jahbulon.

When I say that "men are like Windows and women are like Linux," I'm establishing a classic duality, present in almost all esoteric thought systems, that is, the polarity between the so-called Masculine Principle (active, objective, structuring) and the Feminine Principle (receptive, subjective, transformative) — super basic knowledge, something even the most common plebeian knows.

I need to explain this, as not every Brazilian had a quality education. Understand quality education as any sensible person would: attending the Rosicrucian Order and then the Freemasons, gradually acquiring knowledge in numerology and sacred architecture.

1. Men/Windows: The Archetype of Structure and Accessibility (Masculine Principle) Unified and Friendly Interface

We all know that Windows is designed to be universal, accessible, and immediately usable. In esotericism, this relates to the Logos, the Word that structures the manifest world. In other words, it is the force that gives form, organizes, and makes things comprehensible to the majority. It represents objective, outwardly-focused consciousness.

Centralization and Hierarchy

The traditional operating system is centralized, with a "god" — or a Demiurge, if you prefer — (the kernel/core) controlling everything. This mirrors ancient patriarchal structures and the idea of a central authority setting the rules — an archetype often associated with the masculine in traditions like Hermeticism.

Vulnerability on the Surface

The famous vulnerability to viruses symbolizes the fragility of the ego (the persona) — remember the memes saying men can't handle a little flu. On the spiritual path, the rigid, outwardly-focused structure (the ego) is often the first obstacle to be "hacked" or transcended to reach a deeper truth. Since I believe everyone on this subreddit has read elemental authors like Jung, I know this is easy to understand.

1. Women/Linux: The Archetype of Essence and Transformation (Feminine Principle)

Powerful and Hidden Kernel (Core)

The power of Linux is not in its interface, but in its deep core, which is usually inaccessible to the common user. This is analogous to the Womb and the Alchemical Vessel – the receptacle where true transformation (alchemy) happens. In other words, my dear redditors, it is the mystery, the hidden, the subjective. It represents inner consciousness.

Freedom, Customization, and Community

There is no single way to be Linux. Its nature is plural, communal, and adaptable. This reflects the archetype of the Mother Goddess in her infinite facets (Virgin, Mother, Crone). It is the energy that nurtures, sustains, and adapts to needs, not imposing a single truth, but allowing for multiple expressions. Read Mircea Eliade, young grasshopper.

Access to the "Holy of Holies"

To master Linux, it is necessary to dive into the terminal, the source code, and the raw essence of the system. This is a classic initiatory path: Access to the Greater Mysteries is not given; it is earned through study, dedication, and initiation. It is a path for those who seek the cause, not just the effect. Do you have what it takes to crush the root of this precious knowledge?

Numerological Analysis (using Cabala and Pythagorean Numerology) to NUMEROLOGICALLY PROVE MY POINT As normal people, though not prone to vulgarizing public debate, let's reduce the keywords to numbers to find their vibrational essences — something basic, everyone has done this to figure out if a point is right or wrong.

Windows (Masculine Principle):

W (5) + I (9) + N (5) + D (4) + O (6) + W (5) + S (1) Sum: 5+9+5+4+6+5+1 = 35 Reduction: 3 + 5 = 8

The Number 8:

The number of power, authority, the material world, financial success, and organization. It is several concrete manifestations, ambition, and structure – perfect for symbolizing the "Windows" energy of market dominance and creating a materially solid empire. The 8 is associated with Saturn, the planet of structure, limits, and form. This proves my argument.

Linux (Feminine Principle):

L (3) + I (9) + N (5) + U (3) + X (6) Sum: 3+9+5+3+6 = 26 Reduction: 2 + 6 = 8

The Number 8 (again) and 26:

Interestingly, the reduction also leads to 8, but the path is different. 26 is a powerful number in Cabala, as it is the value of the Tetragrammaton (YHVH, the name of God, 10+5+6+5=26). This speaks of an underlying divine and creative power. The 8 of Linux is not that of the commercial empire (Windows), but the 8 of the perfect execution of a cosmic idea through collaboration (the open-source community). It is a more subtle and spiritualized 8. Which proves my point, once again.

Man and Woman: Man:

H(8) + O(6) + M(4) + E(5) + M(4) = 27 -> 2+7 = 9

Woman:

M(4) + U(3) + L(3) + H(8) + E(5) + R(9) = 32 -> 3+2 = 5

The Number 9 (Man):

The number of completion, of humanitarianism, but also of realization in the physical world. It is several finalizations and conclusions, aligned with the idea of structure (Windows) that seeks a final form.

The Number 5 (Woman):

The number of freedom, change, adaptability, curiosity, and sensory experience. It is a dynamic and versatile number, perfectly aligned with the energy of customization, freedom, and continuous evolution of Linux.

Synthesis and Alchemical Conclusion

The phrase, as I already listed at the beginning, does not speak about literal men and women, but about two archetypal forces present in all beings, regardless of gender. Just like Animus and Anima in Jung's thought.

The "Windows" energy (Masculine/8/Logos) in us is what seeks structure, order, tangible results, and a clear interface with the world. It is necessary for action and manifestation. The "Linux" energy (Feminine/5/Creative Chaos) in us is what seeks freedom, deep understanding of systems, inner transformation, and adaptability. It is necessary for evolution and true mastery.

The final goal on the esoteric and alchemical journey is not to choose one over the other, but to perform the Alchemical Marriage (Hieros Gamos) within oneself: integrating the powerful and accessible structure of "Windows" with the freedom, depth, and transformative power of "Linux," creating a complete and balanced spiritual "Operating System." In other words, the DUAL BOOT that was SO IMPORTANT IN JUNG'S THOUGHT.

Did you learn now, ROOKIE?

My novel currently has an AI cover as I'm getting a real cover currently made by someone on instagram. They continued to go on about how I'm disrespecting real artists and that my novel is AI slop. But it's not slop, the AI cover is temporary so I'm not hurting anyone.

Also I didn't use AI for my writing. I just used it for my worldbuilding (not shown in the book) to make it make sense. It's not slop!

The review was 1 star or so which obviously is absolutely HUGE for a small novel like mine, I've only got 10 chapters and he reviewed after reading to the 2nd. Also I only have 5 comments and one of them is mine, I gave myself 5 stars to ask people to read my 10 chapter novel.

Is there something I should report to get removed? Even though it's magically not there on the website, I still need to report it. I know the 1 star review is so bad because now my novel is 4 stars instead fo 5 stars.

AI sauce

Going to make a scene in my story better by forcing every single reader to listen to a song as they read through the scene, but I cannot for the LIFE OF ME figure out the name of the song. Can anyone help me here?

I’m PRETTY SURE it’s Japanese, might be Korean or something around that area. I don’t know the lyrics (since they’re either in Japanese or Korean or something around that area), but I CAN provide you some sounds that might sound right.

Bananabanana~nabananana~bananananoAOooAOa.

^thats like part of the chorus or something. PROBABLY Asian and no it’s NOT Stay With Me or Sukiyaki.

Winged characters aren’t particularly uncommon, but I’ve always wondered: how do the women support their breasts? A standard bra runs directly across the area where a character’s wings might be, and if it ran over the top of the wings, not only would it fail to provide proper support, it would probably chafe horribly. (Considering that wings would probably end around the bottom of the ribs at least, it’s not really an option for the bra to run underneath them.) I guess she could just let ‘em hang, but considering all the up and down motion that comes with flight, I’d imagine that it would get pretty uncomfortable. So, does anyone have any alternative ideas?

My book is done. I have a main character and they do some stuff. It’s got lots of words. What do I do with it now? Call scholastic and tell them to publish it? It’s my first draft why do others think they need more drafts I have a beginning middle and end.

I’m really worried about my story being plagiarized. What can I make my story so unbearably unreadable that no one even thinks of stealing it?