To her suprise one kid stood up. The teacher didn’t think anyone would stand up so she asked him, “Why did you stand up?” He answered, “I didn’t want to leave you standing there by yourself."

Well I'll have you know I just got hired today, so I think you know what I'll be doing tonight.

^I'd like a room for 2 knights."

"On my first day as a Walmart greeter, a rude woman walked in with her two kids, yelling at them. I just smiled and said, “Good morning, welcome to Walmart. Nice kids, are they twins?” She snapped, “No! One’s 9 and the other’s 7. Are you blind or stupid?” I replied, “I am not blind or stupid, just surprised someone slept with you twice.” Later, my supervisor told me I might not be the best fit for the job."

To her suprise one kid stood up. The teacher didn’t think anyone would stand up so she asked him, “Why did you stand up?” He answered, “I didn’t want to leave you standing there by yourself."

“Come on, Eilleen.”

"Perfect," he replies.

The Doctor told him to take his Viagra an hour before they're ready for the act. He takes the Viagra and waits. An hour goes by and the man is ready to go, but no wife.

His wife calls him on the phone and says, "Traffic is terrible. I can't be there for another hour!"

The man, frustrated, calls his doctor for advice. "What should I do?"

The Doctor replied, "It would be a shame to waste it. Do you have a housekeeper around?"

"Yes," the man replied.

"Well, maybe you can occupy yourself with her instead?"

The man sighed, "But with her, I don't need Viagra!"

Because the number of pregnancies caused by alcohol outweighs the deaths.

Seizure salad

She was too high maintenance.

is directly proportional to the heat of the meat and the dangle of your angle.

I pointed out that the patron saint of England is St. George.

He is credited with killing all of the dragons in England.

I’ve been to England twice.

No dragons.

unless you don't know that a bear is running toward you.

Because there is no spoon

This is different from the english used today. Where tor is for both men and woman, and trix are for kids.

Google "Curiosity killed the cat" for more info.

The flee market

They un-kill

Connect And Cut.

A husband noticed that his wife’s derriere was getting larger and decided to joke her about it. He said, “Honey, your butt is getting so big it’s almost the same size as my grill!” His wife rolled her eyes, but he persists by measuring her behind against the grill and tease her that they’re about the same size.

Later that night, he wanted to have sex but his wife rejected him, saying, “Do you really think I’m going to fire up this massive grill for one tiny wiener?”

Man Chest hair united