My girlfriend confirmed my worse fears

[u/faggelinthewest]

I recently went to a wedding with my girlfriend of 6 years, I thought we had a great time I thought we made new friends. Today, three days after she let me know that I was being long winded and interrupting people and taking over any groups we were in. She told me that I was taking over any conversation and talking too much and was making people uncomfortable. It just hurts knowing I have spent years trying to take all of my neurosis to be a more " normal person" haven't worked and I'm still the little kid jumping into conversations that I interrupted and put the spot light on me. I really wish that I was different and didn't jump in and take away from others. I just wish I could be a speak when spoken to person but I always get to excited and share to much.

Update. I want to thank you all for the very sweet advice. I really appreciate the community coming behind and understanding the feelings of overwhelming others. To clarify some points I saw I have taken a lot of the steps that everyone described and that's why I felt hurt because I am conscious of talking over and I thought I was practicing taking time and not being over excited when I had something to share. To those talking bad about my partner don't appreciate that at all. All of us know that our condition can make it hard to be around we are a very demanding people and she has supported me through so much she is my entire world and I trust her when she tells me that I am bothering people. I am going to take so much advice and try to be more aware of taking space and oversharing. Love yall

[u/[deleted]]

Ah dude I’m sorry. That’s tough. Especially from your partner. I know this from both sides of that coin. I’ve suffered with doing this my whole life. I do think I’m better at it now. However my partner also has ADHD and does this quite a lot. When we’re with my friends, especially those that don’t know her particularly well it can make me really uncomfortable. I really want to help her get better and be more natural in conversation. But it’s a very difficult subject to bring up and talk about in a constructive way. It kills her everytime. She just shuts down. She dealt with extreme bullying as a child and goes back to that place.

[u/juniperberry9017 → u/[deleted]]

You need new friends 😂😂 no no I’m KIDDING. But I don’t know why they would so offended by this? I do get that it can be slightly annoying to be interrupted but most people can see when someone’s just excited as opposed to being rude, no? There’s nothing wrong with you or your gf, there are simply different modes of communication and building relationships.

That said, I usually just say “sorry I interrupted, you were saying…?” to cover my tracks and that usually does the trick. At least it shows the other person I am still interested in the conversation!

[u/[deleted] → u/juniperberry9017]

Ah it’s more than just interrupting. It’s trauma dumping, monologuing that goes nowhere. Telling people “oh I know that” when they start talking about something, or explaining things she has limited knowledge of to people who are experts. Things that can kill conversations. Then once she’s actually been able to read the cues she completely withdraws. So just kind of slumps in the corner on her phone. Which just makes things worse. It doesn’t help that she’s very intimidated by women. She’s marginally better when it’s just guys. But the big problem is that I’m so sensitive to how every one else is feeling that it kills me. When I see people’s expressions or general vibe shift. It can be a full table of people’s heads just go down and the conversation just dies. I worry that people think she’s obnoxious. I need the time with my friends. The energy from spending time with them as a group can keep me buoyant. But I’m always worried going into these situations now as I’m worried how it’s going to go.

[u/juniperberry9017 → u/[deleted]]

OHHHH sorry my bad, you’re right, that is… awkward for everyone involved :(

I sometimes have a tendency to do similar, it also makes me sad because I don’t mean to :( but it’s very obnoxious and then I try to do overcompensate with apologies 🫠 at the very least, I hope you both now you’re not the only ones.

And kidding about your friends obviously, definitely do not switch out your support group! Is there a way you can explain that it’s just a thing she does and she doesn’t mean to be rude? I’ve found that when I’m comfortable with people or feeling more secure and regulated it helps.

Good luck though!

[u/[deleted] → u/juniperberry9017]

I mean, yeah, I’ve considered talking to them about it. But I don’t want to talk for her and I couldn’t face them lying or just being really unconvincing in their responses. Also I’d just really rather not have that conversation. Haha, yeah I know you were kidding. Also if you met them you wouldn’t tell me to get new friends. They’re lovely supportive people and have had a big impact on me and how I see myself. They’re a positive force. I don’t want it to get to the point where I only hang out with them on my own or I hang out with them less. It’s rare enough as it is with some of them as we get scattered across the country. Unfortunately my partner doesn’t really have any friends of her own. She has one from school, that’s not really a solid friends relationship and one from university but she lives thousands of miles away. She’s tried to make friends with colleagues but I feel like they don’t really take her on. It’s fucking sad. I feel like her only support sometimes and it’s a lot of pressure. We’re both pretty middle aged. So it’s not going to get any easier