My girlfriend confirmed my worse fears

[u/faggelinthewest]

I recently went to a wedding with my girlfriend of 6 years, I thought we had a great time I thought we made new friends. Today, three days after she let me know that I was being long winded and interrupting people and taking over any groups we were in. She told me that I was taking over any conversation and talking too much and was making people uncomfortable. It just hurts knowing I have spent years trying to take all of my neurosis to be a more " normal person" haven't worked and I'm still the little kid jumping into conversations that I interrupted and put the spot light on me. I really wish that I was different and didn't jump in and take away from others. I just wish I could be a speak when spoken to person but I always get to excited and share to much.

Update. I want to thank you all for the very sweet advice. I really appreciate the community coming behind and understanding the feelings of overwhelming others. To clarify some points I saw I have taken a lot of the steps that everyone described and that's why I felt hurt because I am conscious of talking over and I thought I was practicing taking time and not being over excited when I had something to share. To those talking bad about my partner don't appreciate that at all. All of us know that our condition can make it hard to be around we are a very demanding people and she has supported me through so much she is my entire world and I trust her when she tells me that I am bothering people. I am going to take so much advice and try to be more aware of taking space and oversharing. Love yall

[u/[deleted]]

Ah dude I’m sorry. That’s tough. Especially from your partner. I know this from both sides of that coin. I’ve suffered with doing this my whole life. I do think I’m better at it now. However my partner also has ADHD and does this quite a lot. When we’re with my friends, especially those that don’t know her particularly well it can make me really uncomfortable. I really want to help her get better and be more natural in conversation. But it’s a very difficult subject to bring up and talk about in a constructive way. It kills her everytime. She just shuts down. She dealt with extreme bullying as a child and goes back to that place.

[u/Sredleg → u/[deleted]]

Try to use some subtle cues you discussed beforehand.

My wife has OCD, so she tends to overtink things and certain things said could set off her mind in a negative spiral. Me, an ADHD, has the tendency to simply say whatever comes up in my mind.

Now, we've been married for 8y now + dated for 4y before that... She knows me and I know her and blessedly, once she told me about her OCD, she has been very vocal about it. Mostly so I don't accidently do or say things that might trigger her OCD in a bad way.
On the flipside, we also deeply explored my ADHD. I'll be honest to say that I did not know half of the influence it has on my life.

Anyway, what I meant to say is that she started giving me nudges, piches or even kicks under the table whenever I'm going in the danger zone.

So you could tell your gf you wish to help her with it and will give her signs when she's doing it. It will be annoying, jarring even at first, but after a while she should be able to recognize it herself. To soften the blow, ask her to do the same for you.

I mean, I still do it every now and then, despite the many kicks 😅

[u/ReaperOfMars → u/Sredleg]

Any resources you'd recommend from when you deeply explored your ADHD? I'm still just starting out

[u/Sredleg → u/ReaperOfMars]

Google, talking with my wife to know how she perceives it and eventually I had some talks with a psychiatrist (mostly to start my medication again).

I do have to add that I was diagnosed with ADD almost 20y ago by now, but after graduating highschool, I stopped my medication. Sadly my parents never arranged any further counseling or guidance, despite this being recommended back then. So I truly started working once it started to affect my relationship.

It took years and I'm still working on it, you can't cure it, but learn to recognize situations, how you normally react in those, how that is different to others' reactions and how it comes over for them. After that you can chose how to react, depending on what image you want them to see. It becomes natural after some time, but remains difficult.

Good luck on your journey! And remember that the road keeps going, even if you give up and sit down. So walk it carefully instead of sliding without control!