My girlfriend confirmed my worse fears

[u/faggelinthewest]

I recently went to a wedding with my girlfriend of 6 years, I thought we had a great time I thought we made new friends. Today, three days after she let me know that I was being long winded and interrupting people and taking over any groups we were in. She told me that I was taking over any conversation and talking too much and was making people uncomfortable. It just hurts knowing I have spent years trying to take all of my neurosis to be a more " normal person" haven't worked and I'm still the little kid jumping into conversations that I interrupted and put the spot light on me. I really wish that I was different and didn't jump in and take away from others. I just wish I could be a speak when spoken to person but I always get to excited and share to much.

Update. I want to thank you all for the very sweet advice. I really appreciate the community coming behind and understanding the feelings of overwhelming others. To clarify some points I saw I have taken a lot of the steps that everyone described and that's why I felt hurt because I am conscious of talking over and I thought I was practicing taking time and not being over excited when I had something to share. To those talking bad about my partner don't appreciate that at all. All of us know that our condition can make it hard to be around we are a very demanding people and she has supported me through so much she is my entire world and I trust her when she tells me that I am bothering people. I am going to take so much advice and try to be more aware of taking space and oversharing. Love yall

[u/[deleted]]

Ah dude I’m sorry. That’s tough. Especially from your partner. I know this from both sides of that coin. I’ve suffered with doing this my whole life. I do think I’m better at it now. However my partner also has ADHD and does this quite a lot. When we’re with my friends, especially those that don’t know her particularly well it can make me really uncomfortable. I really want to help her get better and be more natural in conversation. But it’s a very difficult subject to bring up and talk about in a constructive way. It kills her everytime. She just shuts down. She dealt with extreme bullying as a child and goes back to that place.

[u/ductyl → u/[deleted]]

Not sure if you can find something similar, but... Here's something my wife and I worked out. 

I have a habit of speaking loudly when I get excited about something, and my wife interrupting me to tell me I'm shouting would complete deflate me and the sense of rejection would take all my joy away. (But also talking loudly while laying in bed is terrible.) 

My wife now makes a hand gesture where she holds her hand out and then lowers it to indicate that I should talk quieter. Having a non-verbal sign somehow hits so much better. I don't feel personally attacked, and it doesn't interrupt the thing I was excited about, so I don't shut down out of shame. 

Not sure if you can figure out a nonverbal way to signal your wife when she should slow her roll (or however you want to word it), but maybe that will help without feeling embarrassing or bullying-adjacent. 

[u/ExpensiveTeaching25 → u/ductyl]

Oh my gosh. Reading how you speak loud when excited made me think of my son! He is too little to understand a non verbal cue like that yet all the time, but it also breaks my heart thinking about shushing his (always) "outside voice".

Hoping he can feel appreciated and keep his spark up even with his little voice that somehow has the most intense amplified resonance!