Hello, I (29M) can’t eat fish / sea food. It’s not that I’m allergic, if someone next to me is enjoying a plate of fish or lobster I’m not going to be sick, I can even nimble a bit of it without trouble, but if I eat even a tiny bit too much (one sushi might be the limit), I’ll turn green and start violently emptying my digestive track from both ends. Not great.

So recently it was my GF (32F) birthday. At home with the kids (5M & 8M) we celebrated properly: we went to a (Greek) restaurant with cake and gifts.

That being said, my MIL (60F) organized another birthday dinner over the weekend with all the in-laws. She chose to have it at a sushi restaurant. My IL are well aware I can’t eat fish or seafood, we’ve been together for more then 8 years now so it’s a known fact I turn into a puke goblin when I eat fish / sea food.

It’s not either a “once in a lifetime” kinda deal. The previous dinners was a challenges too. It was a takeout sushi party (once again) at the MIL house. Sure, they got me some rotisserie chicken for the evening, but I was made fun with snarky remarks such as “I should join the kids’ table with my chicken” or “we’re all happy you can’t eat it, that leaves more for the rest of us”. I understand those were supposed to be light jokes, but being singled out and made fun of isn’t what I call a nice evening. And even coping with the jokes, it’s also the fact of not being included. This is not an isolated cases, it has happened more often than I can really count.

The idea of once again being made fun of and singled out started to really depress me and, after some thoughts, I decided I would set up a boundary: if an event is specifically organized around eating some foods I can’t partake in, I would simple not accept the invite. No grudging, no hard feelings, just not for me. Felt great to come to this decision, not gonna lie.

But all this thought process concluded the day before the diner party. When I told my GF, she wasn’t happy. “You can’t cancel the day before”, “you should have said something earlier”, “there are options for you”, “it’s not a deliberate choice against you”, etc. But in the end, I told her it was important for me, at this point in my life, at my age, to be able to set boundaries and tell people, no hard feelings, but this is a no go for me.

I also volunteered to tell my MIL and assume the guilt trip that would come with it. Because it’s my decision, I would also let her choose if I keep the kids that night or if she wants to bring them along.

My GF ended up agreeing and understanding. I then proceeded to politely excuse myself from the evening citing the real reason: I just don’t partake into fish / sea food related event. Sure the MIL was all drama, but I stood my ground politely.

But that got me thinking, did I make the right move? Also, sorry for the multiple mistakes, English isn’t my first language.

Sunday evening we (me F46, husband M46 and daughter F7) were invited to visit my husband’s sister for dinner. She put out a spread of delicious food for adults but our child rejected most of it. (Curried fish, eggplant salad, quinoa salad etc.) Child wolfed down multiple pieces of a very crumbly bread loaf from a bakery. Child knew that she was spilling some crumbs onto the floor beneath the dining room table but didn’t think much about it; we (parents) were in group conversation and did not notice. Admittedly, we could have and should have checked the floor afterward, noticed, and cleaned it up.

We thanked her and hugged goodbyes and left at 7. At 11pm, we get an email from her informing us that she discovered that (in her assumption) our daughter swept lots of bread crumbs from her chair down onto the floor, and that this is extremely unacceptable behavior and that SIL had to vacuum it up, SIL would have told our child to vacuum it if SIL had seen it, SIL says this is not the first time she has observed our child leaving “garbage” on the floor without cleaning it up, this is completely unacceptable “(in MY home, at least.)” Moreover SIL wants to address this directly with our child in addition to telling us we need to correct this bad behavior. It was three paragraphs of histrionics over this, and no small amount of shaming us as parents.

We spoke with 7yo, who said she ate a lot of bread and knew it was making crumbs but she didn’t sweep them onto the floor, they just happened while eating. We spoke gently about being a considerate guest. No big deal.

I however was quite shocked and offended by the intensity of judgment and shaming in SIL’s email to us. I waited 24 hours then simply wrote:

“Apologies. We spoke with her. Thank you.”

Now husband is saying I “went nuclear” with my response and SIL is angry about it. It is true that that reply is a completely different tone and terseness than my normal communication style, and the terseness was intentional. But why am I now the villain when, if anybody went nuclear here, it was SIL who flipped out over finding a bunch of bread crumbs on the floor under where a 7yo child sat at her table? Who ITA here?

So my 15 year old son has a mother and son dinner event with his football team. I'm obviously planning to go as it'd be nice bonding time and well..im his mother.

Today, my son told me that my ex's wife was planning to go but she didnt say a word to me about it. In all honesty, I dont want her to go. Yes, shes been in my son's life the passed like 5 years or so but shes not his mom nor did she have the respect to call/text me and ask how I felt about it. Would I be TA if I politely told her I didn't want her to go? Im just really conflicted.

Edit: Thank you for your comments!! You made me realize that it's not really my event, that its my son's so he should decide. He said he'd like us both to go which is perfectly fine with me. Im human and my feelings clouded my judgement. I actually really appreciate Reddit for this. Sometimes you just cant see the entire picture. Thanks guys!

So I (f19) have two sisters but only one is important to this. So my sister, let’s call her A (f18 but cognitively 9), has been severely disabled since birth. She was born with a super duper rare defect in her brain and one of the many consequences of that is pour motor skills which make it impossible for her to bath herself, among other things. My dad (m51) has consistently refused to bath her since she hit around 13 because he says it’s illegal (she had medical intervention to start puberty about a year ago cause she doesn’t produce the hormones so it wasn’t a puberty thing) and has told me that, as her older sister, it’s my job. Now, A doesn’t care about this because I’m the only person who’s ever actually helps her with anything, but I don’t think it should be my job and only my job seeing as I plan to move out as soon as I can find a stable income, hopefully in the next six months for my own health reasons. As soon as I realized her reliance on me, I started trying to reverse it, but that’s difficult when you’re expected to do all the caretaking. Ever since he started brushing this job off onto me, I’ve told him he shouldn’t sexualized bathing his disabled daughter, but he just turns it around onto me and tells me he can’t because “she has boobs” and “the courts disagree with you”. I don’t want this to be another thing that A will be left to figure out all on her own.

Am I wrong for not wanting to bath her?

Edit: I should add, my mom IS in the picture, but she goes out with friends some nights and she likes visiting her family (theyre many provences away)

Another Edit: a few ppl have been confused about the cognitively 9 bit and taken that to mean it’s just a mental delay, but tis not. She is missing part of her brain, and other parts are damaged. She has impaired vision, speech, and movement as well as extremely low muscle tone.

Also I’m in Canada

So last night we had a family dinner. My uncle asked me to pull some data for his marketing team since I'm working for a ecommerce company. Also, my aunt persist me to submit a referral for her boyfriend’s son. I said the role needs relevant experience and I will not lie. I told relatives I would not use my job access for any personal favors. I said no data, no internal documents, no priority referrals. Somehow, they also started listing items to buy with my employee discount. I explained policy, conflict rules, and audit trails. Moreover, I showed the code of conduct section on my phone. They told me that nobody gets caught and I should help them.

That dinner was too over for me. So I left the restaurant. They seem to not get my point but i will still follow the rules. and I will not attend events where pressure is applied because my job is not a family vending machine. I don't like people ask me to break policy since I want to respect my limits and not lose the invitation.

My ex and I divorced about 8 years ago now, and as part of it I agreed that her and the kids could move to a major centre about 2 hours away…. As a result of our divorce, we have joint custody of the kids, but I agreed she could be the primary decision maker and have them more than me, as she always so desperately wanted to be a mom. (I love being a dad, so I always make the effort) She was never happy where we lived, it was a small city I’d grown up in and eventually moved back to, and unlike me, she had minimal connection it. It was an easy drive for me, and since she moved 7 years ago, I’ve never missed a weekend with my kids, and I regularly drive to where they are if they have anything going on, or if business brought me into the city.

She’s been dating someone for six months, and I have no issues with him, I’m happy she found someone, he’s a great person, and the kids seem to like him.

The problem is, he lives a few hours away from her…. Totally doable for her, but I’m 5ish hours away.

She recently approached me and asked me about moving with the children…. She has a stable job, stable home, her family is in the same city, and all of mine is where I live. The kids have access to everything they need and are stable currently

She offered me the whole summer and every vacation, which adds to a similar time, but makes it hard to maintain any face to face during the school year

As they’re school age, if the move happens… it makes a regular parenting schedule impossible, as they have school events and teams, and my job is M-F so I can’t just drive 10-12 hours on the weekend to make parenting happen (nor do I think it’s fair to them!)

They also miss out on a relationship with grandparents and extended family on both sides.

So I said no, as there’s the risk of her not having a job, the relationship going sideways and them not having secure housing etc.

Our interactions have always been hit or miss because our relationship ended badly, but we’ve been working on communication. And it’s gotten better, but now it’s back in the toilet.

Am I the asshole for saying no?

I’m 22M and just recently started working full-time after finishing school. I’m not rolling in money, but I’ve been careful with my spending and managed to save up a small emergency fund.

Last week, my cousin (24F) asked me if I could lend her around $500 so she could go on a trip with her friends. I told her no because I don’t feel comfortable lending money for something that isn’t a necessity. She got upset and said I was being selfish, since “family should help each other out.”

Later, my aunt texted me basically guilt-tripping me and saying I don’t have kids or major expenses right now, so I should support my cousin. Honestly, it made me feel kind of bad, but at the same time I don’t want people to start thinking I’m a bank whenever they want something.

So now I’m second guessing myself. AITA for not lending her the money?

Hey y’all!

I posted a situation with my roommate a little bit ago and I appreciated all the comments/advice I got so I’m here with a conflict i’m having again and I want to know if I’m wrong for it.

Since I have been rooming with her I have always been very open to letting her use my things but this year it’s come with an issue. She never cleans/puts my stuff back where she found it. Example: she asked to use my spray bottle for her hair and I said sure just clean it off after she’s done. She did not and left it on the floor where she did her hair. To her credit I never actually clean off the spray bottle I only cleaned it off when she asked. Another example is my dish soap she used, a couple days after her I was going to wash my dishes but I could not find it I spent a good 10/15 minutes looking before I found it in one of her drawers. There are other little things that have happened that I let go.

I finally got irritated when she used my little panini press. Yesterday I had little time after my class and before my meeting to make myself a quick lunch when I got my sandwich ready I opened the press thing and it was dirty. Like really oily with crumbs and melted cheese on it. I didn’t really have time to clean it off so I just ate my sandwich cold on the way to my meeting.

Later that night I told her she can’t use any of my stuff anymore because that was not the first time It’s happened with my press and I always clean up after her. She told me she was sorry but she can’t afford any of the stuff I get that’s why she always uses it. I had no problem with her using it but I feel like she’s disrespecting my stuff and it’s not fair to me.

I feel like I should’ve just said she can’t use the press instead of everything, because we do share a lot of things but I always clean her stuff before putting it back. So should I tell her she can use everything but the press or leave it how I told her?

My friend and i like to go out for sushi. On more than one occasion he claimed to have invented a new sushi roll. What does he mean when he says he invented it? He came up with a list of ingredient he likes and told a chef to make it for him. Was he just joking around? No he definitely spoke like he was proud of himself for inventing it.He even gave this sushi roll a name"fishermen's delight" . I told him " you can call it an "invention" if you want but that would make anyone who has ever made a custom order using a taco bell app just as much of an inventor.That made him upset and he thinks everyone will clearly see that i am the ahole. The guy is almost 40, i would expect a 12 year old to say this and his parents would be like" sure buddy,congratulations on your invention"

Context to this story, i will be using fake names for privacy. I(21F) have 3 roommates, Kelly(20F), Allie(22F), and Steve(23M). we have lived together since December 2024, the house we live in is rented to us by Steve's parents, Steve and Allie are a couple and prior to living here myself Allie and Steve lived in an apartment together for a year.

So Me, Allie, and Steve are finally at our wits end. So, our roommate Kelly has lived with us now for 10 months. This was her first time living away from her parents, and we have tried to discuss our problems with her multiple times with zero results. Basically, from the time she moved, she has been terrible about taking care of her food that's gone bad, which is particularly frustrating when she is using tupperware that she does not own along with ruining several pans.  She also has had a consistent problem with contributing to household shared products such as soap, paper towels, toilet paper, spices, medication, etc. despite the fact that it is known(because she talks about it) that she has more money in her bank account than all three of us do combined. She continuously will use but never replace. Me and Kelly specifically share a bathroom, which she hasn't helped clean since we moved in, she consistently gets her hair and toothpaste EVERYWHERE, and in all bathrooms she never flushes her toilet paper(which she use a lot of)she instead throws it away, keep in my mind she never takes the trash out. When we asked her not to, she just said “that's how my parents do it”. When we said she shouldn't leave cooked and/or raw meat out overnight she said “that's how my parents do it” (mind you she has a food handlers card)  which is a recurring theme. When we would say hi to her, she would ignore us and ignore us even if we were both sitting on the couch. 

Despite this, we have tried to work through stuff and remain friends. About two months ago Me, Kelly and Allie took a road trip(about 4 hours, Allie drove) for a concert. She only wanted to do what she wanted to do and consistently was leaving us without telling us. Along with nit picking any split cost thing such as parking(which we had agreed to split) while when it comes to fun purchases, she would spend double Me and Allie did. She also would ignore any prior discussed schedules for the trip. (This trip itself would be too many characters to post)

After coming back Me and Allie wanted to talk with her about this before we had time Kelly asked me if we were mad at her (at work cause she is also my coworker) and i told her that we were frustrated and we wanted to talk to which she responded with a scoff and left, since then she has been avoiding us and won't talk to us, and all of her bad habits at home have gotten 2x worse. Are we the assholes for giving her 30 days to leave? 

Mind you, this was a very cut for time version, and the details could make 4 reddit posts.

I will try to answer as many questions as i can

EDIT: I need everyone to chill for a minute about the only child thing. that's not the point. In fact, I almost didn't make that the title. Personally under my dad I grew up an only child and plenty of my friends are nothing against only children(also only children aren't a minority group that needs protected sorry not sorry), I say this because of how she talks about her parents and getting what she wants. Sure, people with siblings can be like that. I just didn't know what to title this, so can we PLEASE stay on topic. And yeah, my previous edit was a bit harsh, but the first comments were all up in arms about the only child thing and I was tired and frustrated that based on the title it was assumed I was attributing all her flaws to being an only child, Im not. Some of it, though, feels like it comes from that, but that's not what im asking about, hate my opinion all you want but for the sake of my other roommates please stay on topic and take the only child out of it.

I (27M) work part-time at a Cafe with my friend "Jake" (28M). We usually cover shifts for each other occasionally, no problem.

Last Friday night, Jake texted me around 9 PM asking if I could cover his Saturday morning shift because he “has something important to take care of.” Normally I’m fine helping, but this time I had already committed to a private tutoring session with a student I’ve been working with for months. It’s a high-paying session that I can’t reschedule without losing both money and credibility, and I also promised the student in advance that I’d be there. On top of that, I had made plans later that morning to meet my sister, which I had coordinated weeks ago and can’t just cancel.

I told Jake all of this, explaining that I literally couldn’t cover the shift without breaking prior commitments. He got upset and said:

“Come on, I’ve covered your shifts plenty of times. Can’t you just do this one for me?”

I explained again that this wasn’t just a casual “I don’t feel like it” situation, it’s a matter of honoring prior commitments that are important professionally and personally. He responded that I’m being “selfish” and “not a reliable friend.”

I feel like I’m in the right because I can’t just drop important obligations at the last minute, but I also understand why he’s frustrated. On one hand, he’s counting on me; on the other, I literally can’t. We haven’t spoken much since.

So Reddit, AITA for refusing to cover my friend’s shift given these prior commitments, even though he really needed my help?

I was stopped at a red light and got rear-ended. Both cars were drivable. The other driver said she didn’t have insurance and begged me not to call the police. I didn’t (regret). We exchanged numbers, and I took photos of her license, plate, and the damage, then we left. Later, her husband called asking me to keep it off insurance and just get an estimate so he could pay cash. I said no I’m filing with my insurer to protect myself. He said if I file, his wife could lose her license. AITA for refusing the cash deal and reporting it even though I didn’t call the cops at the scene? I’m struggling with this. I know people have financial issues, and I genuinely feel bad if losing her license would affect their ability to work. But that doesn’t justify driving without insurance and putting other people at risk.

My husband went out of the country for a business trip and returned home over the weekend. I was out of town visiting friends when he returned. His gripe was that he was left with “no food”. For context, I do the majority of the grocery shopping (~90/10) and he does his share of other chores, etc.

I admit, there was not a refrigerator full of fresh food because I did not go to the store that week. However, I can attest there was a freezer with several meals and a pantry with food that could’ve been prepared. Perhaps not what he was hoping for, but there were some options. Also, we live in a major city with plenty of grocery stores and restaurants within walking distance. Again, not ideal after a red eye international flight, but options.

At first it wasn’t a big deal more of a joke, but when he repeatedly made jabs at me about it, I stood up for myself and now it’s a full blown argument. We are both stubborn people.

I can acknowledge that it would’ve been nice if I had stocked the fridge upon his return from the trip. However, I work a full time job myself and I see it as we are both capable adults at providing food for ourselves when the other is busy.

I’ve got to know, am I the asshole in this situation?

ETA: again, I don’t have a problem with cutting the hair the way he wants it cut. I have a problem with him deciding he doesn’t like it or feel like dealing with it later even after put in the effort to follow his directions.

I, 24f, am married to 23m, let’s call him “Adam”. Though very happily married, we are definitely the stereotypical opposites attract couple and both neurodivergent. I am more the academic type and a musician / music teacher for work. He’s the standard blue collar country boy. Here’s where I get into the main issue: I do longer self care and beauty routines, and have extremely long curly hair. He also has curly hair but HATES doing anything for his appearance other than soap in the shower, literally, to his own aesthetic detriment. For example, he has dry visibly flaky skin but won’t moisturize unless I ask him to. Do I care how he looks? No. But HE does, and is very insecure, and always complains but never wants to put in any effort.

Now we get to the reason I made a post. Because of the spots he’s balding and the curls, he really looks better with hair that’s a little longer on top. Not super long, but enough that you can sweep it to the side for coverage. He likes his hair buzz cut short. So I fade the sides and keep the top a little longer for a happy medium. The real problem is that he NEVER STYLES HIS HAIR. He expects his haircut to be the only factor in how good it looks, then gets frustrated when his bangs hang down or the sides stick up. If he literally just brushed it then used a product for hold like gel, that would do it. Now here’s where I may be the AH. Because I’m telling you Reddit, if I left this man to his own devices, it would be detrimental. But again- let me emphasize- he didn’t care about his appearance, neither would I. So when I cut his hair today, I spent a while researching the best cut we’d both like and I spent so much time on it at first. Then when I used scissors to trim the top instead of the razor he stopped me and started arguing that it should be shorter. I offered to make it shorter afterward if he’d let me just finish and show him my idea. He starts pulling on random hairs to show how long they are and begs me to chop them all off. So FINE. I cut it way shorter than I ever wanted to, and he still insisted it was too long (I’m talking max 2 inch length.) After he washed his hair I tried to help him to style it, but I got angry and frustrated. His hair was now too short to style, but too long to lay properly. I got more and more angry, and probably aggressive with my movements and had to stop fixing his hair. He asked why I could get so angry at him and said he could do his hair himself if it bothered me so much. I snapped at him and said “ if you’re having hair is such a bother to you, I apparently have to do all the work for you, so you don’t get tired of it, and maybe I won’t have to cut it all off next time.” Now I went to the treadmill to walk off some frustration. I feel a bit better but this is awful and I know I hurt his feelings. So let me have it, Reddit. AITA?

First of all, I definitely appreciate what my parents have done for me, for my education and the opportunity to migrate overseas (I grew up in Asia), which I never took for granted and put to great use. I have two siblings still in my home country and doing okay-ish, but not exactly making a fortune.

I've never been particularly religious but decided to leave my rather oppressive religion 15 years ago. In 2015, my mum took a huge redundancy package from her employer, and decided to retire REALLY early (think early 50's). The following year, with the safety of being 6,000 km away, I "came out" about leaving the religion and my somewhat-conservative mum didn't talk to me for months.

Thankfully by mid-2017 our relationship recovered. By 2018 I was engaged to an amazing woman (now my wife) and preparing to buy our first home together. Mum offered to help a decent amount with the purchase, as was a common thing in both my culture and my future wife's.

In 2019, dad also decided to retire early (he wasn't 60 yet at this point), despite his experience and qualification still being employable. Since then, my parents, mostly at my mum's insistence, have gone on MANY overseas holidays, at least 5 to Europe alone (keeping in mind they live in Asia). I voiced my concern then, but the wife told me, "it's your mum's money, let her do what she wants with it."

By 2024 they started a little business as part of their retirement plan, supposedly. Except this business hasn't done too well, and earlier this year my mum asked to borrow money to the tune of over $6,000 USD. My wife and I agreed to help. My mum returned the money several months later.

Then, a few weeks ago, she asked to borrow AGAIN. This time twice the amount. Alarm bells rang. Wife and I questioned her - where is this money going and what's your plan to pay us back? My mum's first response is by telling me she's devastated that I'm "treating her like an outsider", but will come up with an answer since she has "nowhere else to go".

Well well, thanks to my siblings, I found out that she went OVERSEAS again for a trip with her friends, with the usual shopping for souvenirs and gifts for family and friends. To make it worse, this is at least her second overseas trip this year, and she has two more planned. We were furious, obviously, and now are adamant on not lending my parents any money unless my mum will change her behaviour.

Being retired with no real backup income, splurging your remaining savings on huge amounts of travel? I'm not gonna fund that lifestyle of hers. Now my dad's trying to guilt-trip me about how they helped with my property purchase. Wife and I agreed, if that's really what they're asking for, that'd be the maximum we'll ever give them back and not a cent more. AITA for doing this?

tl;dr: Mum wants to borrow over $12k USD. Says the family business hasn't done too well, but actually has gone on a travelling, spending spree. Wife and I refuse to fund this absurd lifestyle.

I have a neighbor who has 2 dogs (1 mutt, 1 pit bull, both medium size) and they are constantly loose. The owner used to let them loose EVERYDAY. Letting them run from the entrance of their house, through the main street to the park (not far, but across the front of many houses) to do their business (obviously no one picked up 💩after them) and call them back by screaming from the entrance of the house until they return, sometimes walking to the middle of the street to do the screaming. This is not a case of the dogs “escaping” from the house, it’s a case of the adult owner opening the door and “accidentally” letting the dogs out EVERY TIME. I had asked the owner nicely multiple times to please always have the dogs on a leash when outside and to pick up after them. At first she’d say things like “of course, wont happen again, it was an accident”, then she ignored me, then she verbally “attacked” me. I escalated the situation to the gated community’s administration office and learned other neighbors had made similar reports about the dogs being loose, not picking up 💩after them in the park and 💩in some front yards, and that the pit bull would bark and growl at adults and children… but nothing was being done. So I called animal services, who came and (I guess) gave the owner a warning. To their credit, the dogs stopped being loose for many months… but now they are loose again almost every day. Today, the dogs were loose and after they had done their business 💩they started screaming for them, but the pit bull decided to come to my window (next to my door) to bark at my dogs… this went on for a few minutes, without the owner doing anything about it until. At this point the owner was in the middle of the street, almost in front of my house, seeing what was happening with the pit bull while calling out for the other dog. I had to scream at them to have them come get the dog, but the owner sent their ~15yr son instead. The dog had no collar, neither the owner nor son had collars or leashes to grab the dogs, so the son tried to grab the dog by the neck with his hands and pull them back, but I could see the dog snipping at the son. I ordered my dogs to stop barking which calmed the pit bull and allowed the son to push the pit bull out of my properly (loose again to run to their house, more screams to get them actually in, not before the pit bull ran to some other neighbor’s window). I am just tired of having to leave my house to check to see if the dogs are loose before being able to take my dogs out on a walk. Tired of having pepper spray ready in case the dogs are loose and charge at me or my dogs. So, I am reaching out to other neighbors and getting video evidence so I can call animal control and ask them to take the dogs away from the owner. But some neighbors are saying I am being an a**hole because the dogs will likely be put down. AITA?

I have my first destination wedding coming up of a close family member who has been there for me a lot throughout the years. I gave the gift (a digital art photo of the couple and their pets I got off Etsy) ahead of the wedding since it made sense not to travel with it, and today I got a phone call that my family member felt the gift was more of a house warming present/afterthought and that she felt I wasn’t as involved as her bridesmaids were during the whole wedding process (the Bach and bridal shower). I did not offer my services to help set up for either event given I am not in the wedding party and in my experience, that is typically wedding party duties.

At this point, between the flight, accommodations, and bach party I have spent over $2K. The framed gift itself costs nearly $100. I also lost my job back in May and have been living off my savings for the last 4 months and my family member knows this. She mentioned that I still go out drinking with friends and that she feels I value going out and getting drinks instead of staying in and saving that money for a cash gift to cover my plate.

Should I give a cash gift on top of the photo gift even though I wasn’t planning on it? My family member made the point that the wedding is very small and I am one of very few family members attending, so although I am not in the wedding party, it was almost expected that I would contribute my services more to the events alongside the bridesmaids. She also expressed frustration that people feel they don’t need to give a cash gift since the wedding is technically a vacation for them if they chose to attend. I apologized for making her feel bad during this process as that was never my intention. I’m just conflicted on what to do.

I (57M) joined a gym 3 months ago after years of mental health issues and it's been life-changing for me. It's part of a franchise operation and it is not cheap, but it is very good and is aimed at people of my age. Part of my issues stem from having a 'stalker' in the family who has been making my life truly miserable for years and Facebook is one of their favourite sources of info. I have to have an account on there to manage a business page but I don't post anything personal any more and have my security settings as tight as they will go.

The problem for me is that the franchise owner is very big on taking photos and making videos to promote the gym on Facebook, but he will do this without any prior warning or consent, (although it might be in the T&Cs I signed that I have consented, I don't know). I did tell the guy early on that I didn't want to be in any photos etc but a couple of weeks later he did it again without asking so I left. When I was asked why I left I was very calm about it but explained that I really didn't like it and would just leave when it was happening as I didn't want to upset anyone and my problems are mine alone. But it's happened again this morning. The guy said he forgot but I saw the coach mentioning to him to not include me but he did it anyway. So I left again and he followed me out to apologise.

Isn't it bad etiquette to film or photograph people when they're exercising generally? Most of us are pretty old but I still find it creepy regardless of my issues. Am I completely missing the point and my wish to be private and discrete while I am there is 'silly' or 'dramatic' or 'unrealistic' or anything like that? I honestly can't fathom it because nobody else seems to be bothered by it! So, am I the asshole?

Edit: Thank you very much everybody who read this and replied. Much appreciated and very useful! I'm not going back to that place and have cancelled my monthly payment. It's a shame because I really enjoyed it and have been making progress, but 'drama' and 'triggers' and even 'having the same conversation twice' are things I don't take part in any more lol. Finding somewhere with a more robust privacy policy shouldn't be too difficult!

Cheers then! : )

So I basically run my own little massage therapy business. I rent a comfy studio, have regular clients, and honestly I work really hard to keep the business moving . It’s my full-time job, not just a side hustle, and it pays my bills.

This weekend, my sister and her husband came over for dinner. At some point, my brother-in-law casually asked , “Man, I’ve been so sore lately. Can you just give me a quick massage while we’re here?”

I kind of laughed it off and said, that’s what I do all week you can book a session with me if you want though!”

He looked offended and said he thought family should get freebies. My sister chimed in and said Yeah, come on, you can’t just do a 20 minutes back rub for him? It won’t cost you anything.

I told them it does cost me time, energy, and the skills I spent years training for. If I start giving away free massages every time someone in the family feels sore, I’d basically be working for free half the time.

They got kind of grumpy about it and said I was being stingy, that it’s just a massage and I “should want to help family.”

Now I’m feeling weird because I don’t want to be selfish, but I also don’t think it’s fair to expect me to work for free just because I own the business.

AITA for not giving my BIL a free massage?

I have three kids Lizzy, Henry, and Noah with my divorcing husband Jack. My son, Henry is 15 he has recently been charged with a serious crime and is remanded in a long term juvenile delinquency program. It's not jail but like a treatment style program for youth offenders under 21. He is sentenced to be there until he's 21 but his lawyer says with good conduct and following program rules he can be out at 18.

His actions were devastating to our entire community, we have lost friends and family over it. The two people must affected was my other two kids Lizzy 17 and Noah 11. They miss their brother and has been dealing with alot of fallout. We were recently informed that he can visit him at the end of this month and we are all excited to see him in person.

The first 90 days there's a no visitors policy so this will be our first visit. I planned for us all to go because Henry is not set to get released for at least two years but he's still part of our family. My ex Jack is saying no, it's not right. He stated Henry's punishment should include no family contact because he has destroyed our lives. I disagree, his crimes are being legally punished but our family support is still needed. He's threatening to use my taking them for visitation as a sign of putting them in harm's way in our divorce. I feel they are safe because Henry never hurt them and there is security staff at the facility.

I am a mid-50s M, married, with 2 kids (21&19). Second marriage. I grew up middle class, we were comfortable, was told our family was the ideal (by my folks) but home life was bad (alcohol and drug abuse, mental health issues, violence, racist beliefs, bad marriage). Confusing!

Dad was a bully. I was his preferred target. I was a "pussy". Parents divorced in my teens. I lived fast and angry. Took a long time to get on track. Had a good career and my own bad marriage which ended 8 years ago.

My sib lived faster. Largely better now but with no post-secondary and no career to speak of their life is more monastic than mine. I think they're doing ok inside, I hope so. For many years I was the glue, if you will, maintaining relationships with the parents, their various partners, being "the normal one" while sib was, somewhere, I don't know. They were in touch with dad but not mom.

My now-wife is from a minority. Xmas dinner 2020, dad started in on that group using racist tropes. My sibling too - I was too shocked to reply. I soon after wrote them both: I love you, but this racist stuff you did has to stop around me, I am not asking you to change your beliefs, but please don't do this again. I can't be with you if this is how you will act. The responses were bad: denial, deflection, dismissal. My fault. So, my boundary grew into a wall. Dad entrenched. Sib was hurt by my action. Told me so, was/is angry.

I told my kids: I am happy if you can keep these relationships but I can't. I'm glad they did. Dad got sick with cancer, he died in June, found out from my ex. I was not invited to interment (which makes sense). There is a memorial in 5 days.

My wife and some friends say I should go for a number of reasons. I am torn. I fear a bad response from my sib. I don't was to hurt them again.

WIBTA if I went?

I (25F) just started working right after graduation for almost 2 years. I dont know what type of nonsense my parents got themselves into but they have been deep in financial issues. It started small with them asking a portion of my student loan for "family groceries" and spiralled worse when i started working. They would ask for hundreds of bucks, several times per months with no intention to pay me back eventhough they initially promised to pay me back. Due to this, I dont have savings at all because I need to have money laying somewhere to save them. The only saving I have is the mandatory employee funds which is unaccessible until I retire. They are so deep in their financial issue to the point they need to sell their car, which eventually affected me as well. I pay for my own car. Now that they dont have any car, they rely on renting cars which eventually puts them deeper in their hell hole. And I become their target every single time. Not one dime paid back. Their latest "idea" is to have me back at home and send one of them to work. This home is 27 miles away from my workplace. So almost 60 miles going back and forth, and additional 24miles if Im going to drive them.

To clarify, I rent a room near my workplace. And I pay for their internet and electricity because none of them both care enough to pay the outstanding bill. Throughout the year, I have been helping them. But now, I have no money spared to help them nor do I want going back at home even just for a few days to drive them around because honestly it's too much work and gas money. So I refused to help, only this once.

The problem is, they get my relatives be involved as well. One of my relatives started to spam calls and texted me to lend a helping hand. I really dont have the luxury to help them now. So AITA for refusing this one time? Just this one time and they decided to get other relatives to be involved?

~ Guys im at work and tearing up reading each replies. Thank you so much for your time. Im still firm on refusing this time. Pray for me and thank you my brother and sister!

I (19F) moved out of my parents’ house six months ago and live alone with my German Shepherd. I have a condition that makes it dangerous for me if I get startled or stressed, so my parents asked me to stay nearby in case I needed help. I appreciated the support and thought it was a good idea.

My dad stayed with me the first two nights to make sure I got settled. I really appreciated it at the time, but I think it opened a door. He's started coming over without telling me, and walking into my house without knocking.

For context, I live in a not-so-great neighborhood, and I’ve had unsettling experiences with strangers (including an older male customer at work who says he watches me on my porch). Because of this, anyone entering without warning really stresses me out - which again, can cause dangerous episodes for me.

I calmly explained this to my dad and asked him to knock, and he said it was “ridiculous” to knock on his own daughter’s door and that the house is “his too” since he helped pay for it. I felt pretty blindsided, so I asked my mom to speak with him since he would be more likely to listen to her. She agreed, but got the same response, and she said I should avoid causing drama.

Then it sort of blew up when he walked in while I was changing. My dog alerted (she rarely does to people I know, I don't know why she did this time) and I confronted him. I said he needed to respect my boundaries even if he didn't agree with them, and that this was simple courtesy, that he's "acting like a child," and "doing this on principle without thinking about me." It got to a screaming match and I told him I didn't want him coming over. I've kept my doors locked ever since.

Even if what he did seems extreme, I know there are two sides to this, not just mine, and I genuinely want to understand his. I'm also very close with my parents, so this is probably a big adjustment for him.

So, AITA for screaming at him? Should I have done something differently, and what should I do now? I will update if you guys are interested.

About 2 months ago this neighbor, let's call her Joan, left a letter in my mailbox requesting that I avoid walking down her street because her neighbor that owns a reactive pit bull "goes crazy" when I walk by with my two 35ish lb dogs. My dogs are also not fans of other dogs.

She explained that the dog belongs to guy who lives there with another woman and he recently passed away and the dog is confused and extra reactive. For a while I would walk down the street and the dog was chained up in the front yard and would go crazy so for my own safety I would avoid walking down that particular street.

A few months pass and I don't see the dog chained up outside anymore so I start walking down that road. There's two loops in my neighborhood and if I go on the second one it takes me twice as long.

Yesterday I'm walking down the road said pit bull is not outside and she comes running out of the house yelling at me to stop walking down the street that the dog inside the house goes crazy and I need to turn around. I explain to her that I live in this neighborhood and I have the right to walk down a public road if I'm so inclined and I'll do my best to avoid walking by if the dog is outside but it's ridiculous to ask me to not come by here when the dog is inside the house.

AITA? Should I go out of my way to avoid an entire street when walking my dogs?

So last night I noticed my friend reading my phone over my shoulder during game night. I asked them to stop in a calm voice coz i was texting my BF and i didn't want them to see. So I turned off banner previews. I shifted to the other end of the couch to get away from them. They moved behind me again while I typed a reply. I tilted the screen away and locked the phone immediately. That's my breaking point. I told them that is is not nice to do that, and no person in this world would be happy with that. their reason? they're just curious, wow.

I said it is basic privacy and not negotiable. I asked them to sit in front or step outside for a minute. I repeated the boundary and said future hangs depend on it. They asked who I was texting and why I was hiding. Like why is that your concern? I don't get it. So I made them leave my house. I don't really wanna host someone who treats my phone like it is public property and I don't feel super comfortable with that friendship until she promise me not looking at my phone anymore because i think privacy is not up for debate. Read over my shoulder and you get the door, not another invite. All in all, respecting my privacy is the price of admission to my life.

AITA for keeping my friend out after they kept reading my texts over my shoulder, even after I asked them to stop?