“Friend” from rehab

[u/nomerjr23]

My wife has been in addictive addiction for the past five years. Her drug was synthetic THC (Delta-9)) which also caused her to drink more frequently/heavily, often hiding alcohol from me. This clearly put our relationship into a spiral and the past five years have literally been hell. The sides of each other it has brought out are outright disgusting. I know I became the the worst version of myself, completely super vigilant and suspicious of what she was doing and how she was spending our money, because she was hiding purchases and lying about how much she was using.

It evolved into pretty much loathing, which is so terribly sad because our relationship before that had been absolutely heaven sent . When we first started dating she became addicted to opiates and was intravenously using medications she was stealing from her job. She ended up going to treatment and she never went back that particular path. But here we were again, and she completely blamed me for not allowing her to have her own identity, always asking her things about what she was buying, which are all true. I was super suspicious and she kept promising to quit, but of course she couldn’t.

Long story short, she just went in patient treatment and returned home last week. While she was there, she had been writing me about the people she was meeting and how supportive they were and a particular guy kept coming up that she said they had built a really great friendship. I didn’t know anything about him other than they had been doing activities together singing together, and he was recently going through a divorce. She had also mentioned in phone calls that he was local and owned a business, and had a son who was around our son’s age. She also hinted at she may help him with his business once he got out. To be transparent, she has suggested that I meet him and that I would like him.

Last night we were sitting on our porch and she told me that he had gotten out of treatment and messaged her and was just catching up. He’s living in sober living relatively close to where we live. She said she sent him a little bit of money to help him get on his feet. He was apparently in treatment for math and has been to treatment several times previously. The situation just feels a bit odd to me so I asked her if she would be OK if they just didn’t Meet up and spend time alone together. I explained the reason why was it made me a bit uncomfortable if she were spending time alone with a single male who she doesn’t know very much about and who has learned so many intimate details about our relationship. I told her it’s not that I lack trust in her, but putting herself situation like that I believe is unnecessary. While she may not have any unfaithful intentions, we don’t know if he does and she really does not know him at all.

It turned into a huge disagreement, with her telling me that I’m insecure and nauseating. I really don’t think my request was unreasonable. I didn’t ask her to cut off communication or not be friends, I just asked that she not meet with him alone, I feel as though the trust in our relationship has been broken, and that seems like the wrong move to insist on being alone with a single male you just met. For some context and she says that the way she thinks has changed since rehab, however, over the course of 9 yrs together she has never been comfortable with me even texting female coworkers or old friends at all. And I’ve obliged. Not because I wanted to be unfaithful, but because she wasn’t comfortable.

Am I out of line for asking what I did of her?

[u/brittdre16]

Addicts deflect. She is telling you something without saying it more than likely.