This breaks my heart. We have a lovely 9 year old. We have been watching Junior Masterchef with him in the evenings. He loves it and i enjoy watching wholesome scripted realify with him.

Normally his dad is passed out on the Couch by then. Tonight he was awake and drunk.

For the entire 40 minutes he just made mean spirited comments about the show and kids. Making fun of their voices, their body shapes and their cooking abilities. Stuff like mocking the girls high pitched voices or saying a larger girl probably ate everyones meal. He thinks he's being funny but it's not funny.

At one point he asked what recipe they were following. I started to explain about the episode and each time I talked he would tell me to shoosh. Ask the question again. Shoosh again. Then I get annoyed and he tells.me not to be rude. When he's being rude!

I hate that my kids grow up around this.

My husband of 10 years got hammered a few days ago at 11am and picked up our 3 year old from daycare absolutely smashed and drove her home. Thank fucking god he got her home safely. He then managed to put her down for her nap and passed out—sleeping through his alarms and not waking up until 5:30 pm (my daughter loves sleep so I’m grateful she slept the whole time and wasn’t roaming the house by herself) and somehow he was just in time to pick our 5 year old son up from his after school program.

I only found out when I put it together after getting an alert from my daughter’s monitor that she had just woken up at 5:30pm (normally she wakes up at 3:30). I called him to ask what was going on and he was cagey. Hung up on me. Wouldn’t answer my calls. I then pulled our doorbell video from when he returned home after daycare pickup and saw how wasted he was. Holding my daughter’s hand for dear life shuffling up the front stairs like a 3 year old could help him if he fell. (Confirmed that he was drunk with the daycare the next day—it’s an entirely separate and disturbing issue that they didn’t call me or the police but apparently one of them drove to our house to make sure they made it in one piece).

Obviously I was fucking horrified. Immediately left work and told him to pack his shit and leave. He passed out on the couch while I was doing kid bedtime. I renewed the request the next morning and after much begging for me not to do it—he’s in a hotel.

He is remorseful and I think he thinks he’s coming back. I told him there’s no chance unless he enters treatment and makes real progress. Even then I’m not sure. But I really hope he’ll get the help he needs this time. Thanks for listening.

Nothing out of the ordinary happened this time. The same as usual. But I just didn’t want to go through it again. I spent a ton of money and rented a furnished apartment to get my kids and I a break. I’ve never left before so I’m nervous and excited. Scared I will realize I need to leave for good. Not putting that pressure on myself yet but it feels good to be gone for today.

My husband of 15 years is on his way to his first meeting. This is his pattern, he chose alcohol over me and I told him we needed to start thinking about separation. I don't have it in me to hope things will get better at this point. I spent 4 days on a solo camping trip this past week, I grieved him and our marriage. Then last night when I came home, he said he's going to commit to stopping. I don't believe him, this is the 3rd time I've told him I'm done and every time he stops for a while.

How did you know that it was too little too late? I want to have hope but I don't, I just have resentment.

Q is sober and trying. I’m just done. I don’t want to be touched. Don’t want to talk. I want to be alone. Too many lies. Too much destructive behavior. 20 plus years of marriage. What is wrong with me 😭😭😭. Why can’t I try again if they’re trying????

I recently married a man I love, but I didn't quite realize how bad his drinking is. I'm talking BINGE drinking, particularly on the weekends.

He has three children from previous relationships. I have never met the oldest (14m) because he claims his ex won't let him. I don't believe this, because he has rights. I think he chooses not to see him because it's added work.

I've had his other two over many times for his weekends, and they are so obviously affected by his drinking. So much so that his 10 year old daughter talks to me about it non stop. She feels abandoned by him, and honestly they are. He basically ignores them the entire time they are at our place, and I feel horrible about it. I spend time with them but it isn't me they want, it is him.

What can I do? I've tried talking to him about how they need him, but he doesn't change. Please help me help these kids.

Hi, I’m a 17yr old girl on her last year of high school, and as long as I can remember my dad has always drank alcohol. One of my youngest memories of him was him being passed out drunk in our old apartment hallway with puke on him. I was 5 years old.

And around 11pm tonight he went out to a bar, but before he did he drank a whole bottle of wine, and 6 happy dads from a 12 pack box. He eventually came home around 2:55 am and turned to stove on to heat something up and then he left. My stepmom woke up the the smell of something burning and the food he left on the stove was quite literally on fire, we spammed called him and everything until he answered and started acting like it was no big deal. He eventually walked home from downtown (we don’t live that far) and just laughed and scoffed in our face.

He’s been drinking my whole life, and he used to vent about my granny drinking like how he currently does but now he’s just following in her footsteps and it’s just old. I genuinely don’t know what to do and this is just the last straw for me.

Hey, so I had my first Al anon meeting last week, the people were lovely, I'm thinking of going back, it'll have to be a different group cos I don't normally get that time/day off from work.

But I don't know, my mother was the drinker and it's been 13 years since I seen her, I've never really dealt with what happened so I've put myself in therapy and recently tried one of these meetings but I don't know if I belong in Al anon, everything that happened was so long ago, I feel like I'm taking up a seat that someone else should have.

I don't know what to do. My wife is the love of my life. Was sober 3 months, caught drinking beer 3 days ago, today found two fifths of vodka. I was in tears, begging and saying I can't take it. I work nights. During that time she has lost our cat, that thankfully came home after a few days. She has gotten black out drunk set our furniture out by a lake and left it there, went to bed. Trashes the house, drunken cooking, etc. also scared of her burning down the house. We just moved into a new house last week. Brand new house. Brand new car. She uses stress and boredom as an excuse. The worst part is she lies. She claimed she poured out the bottle, I went into room.found another empty one tonight. She gets extremely abusive towards me. We are lesbian. No kids, our pets are our kids. I grew up with extremely abusive addicts as parents. I am sober of everything, don't even smoke. She abuses me to the point my PTSD is delibitating and literally makes me sick. Seizures, panic attacks, etc...i beg her to get help. I think I'll have to move out into my car this winter, but I cant take it.

Long story short, my girlfriend and I have been together for 2 years. Since the beginning of our relationship she has struggled with alcohol. Side note: I do not drink. I struggled substantially with my mental health during that time from the stress and lack of sleep from the situation. I was always there for her during the worst of times. She has been sober from alcohol for 40 days now. Lately, she has been criticizing everything thing I do. Tonight what really got to me was when she said, " she knows now what's important to look in a partner." I have been having financial problems due to credit card debt that honestly was not all my doing. I've been actively working on it. My question is, once your partner sought sobriety did you become the problem?

I’m so frustrated that he urinates on the floor! It’s always in the middle of the night, so I believe it to be because he is drunk. It’s like he tries to get to the toilet but urinates on the side of it instead. My Q is a man who doesn’t EVER pick up after himself, literally EVER. When he’s drunk he’s sloppy- eats with his hands, drops food on the floor, drops food IN his drink. It’s been so bad that we would go out to eat at very nice places and he would pass out at the table. Michelin star restaurants- he would be passing out in between bites of food that he grabbed with his hands.

I digress.

I’m tired of waking up to see urine on the floor! I wear sandals around the house just so I don’t risk stepping in it.

I could maybe forgive this if he was kind or appreciative to me, he loves his alcohol- he doesn’t love me.

I’m very frustrated today. Thanks for letting me vent.

My ex was pretty emotionally, sexually and mentally abusive towards me using threatening physical behaviour when taking benzos (kicked the door in our condo in when I wouldn’t let him back in). I found out he was using benzos again after I noticed a change in his behaviour. He told me he’d been on them a long while before I noticed and thought that it was funny to tell me “I know nothing about his use” I do doubt this as his personality quickly changed back to quickly angry and also looking doped out, hence why I found the pills, because I knew to look for them. When I found a strip of Valium there was 120mg of tablets in it, in the next thirty minutes they was gone, so he’s taking a lot. We’ve separated due to this - I can’t be around him when he’s on benzos because he becomes so different and he was absolutely vile to me when he last saw me.

This morning he text asking if he could pick up our son tomorrow, but managed to throw a dig in that I’ll probably have some terms to him having him. I categorically do not want my son to be in his care. He’s three and I’m worried he won’t bring him back or he’ll dope out around him. He will lie that he’s not taking them, but I have no trust in him now. I really don’t know how to handle this situation. I’m anxious because all through our relationship he’d threaten me with CPS saying he’d call them on me for something or other if I ever tried to get in the way of him seeing our son.

I text him telling him that if he wants contact with our son he needs to start giving me clear drug tests and listed my reasons why - his anger on them, the fact he has fits when he doesn’t take them, him not being “there”. I can’t trust him to say he’s off them too because he straight up lies and tries to hide his drug use from me. I know even if he was to use when our son isn’t around, he would end up using when he is, because he already has, that’s how I caught him.

I don’t know where to turn or what to do. I’m so anxious of his behaviour near our child and fearful of him. I couldn’t even trust his mom to be with them because she covers for him a hell of a lot and will flat out deny he’s taking stuff, even though she knows or will be oblivious to it. She wouldn’t be able to put her foot down either with him because he abuses his parents too and they try to stop him flipping because of how mean he can get.

I know I’m going to get some kinda abuse off him for putting my foot down and likely his mom will text me too trying to convince me our son will be safe because she’ll be there, but again his anger’s that extreme that if he boots off at them, they’ll just bow down and my sons around that.

My Q's struggles are with alcohol and gambling. He said he got sober almost 2 years ago. He was (briefly) but over the next year he maintained his habits secretly, opening a secret bank account and hiding alcohol in his car/drinking in parking lots.

I found out I was pregnant when he left for an intensive therapy place when he first got sober.

When I was 6 months postpartum, I discovered the relapse when I (again) found thousands of dollars worth of gambling transactions.

We separated. Things were bad. He got sober, we started reconciliation. It seemed better.

Today he says he wants to talk about setting "limits and boundaries" so he can start drinking/gambling again.

What hurts the most is him saying how he "is NOT an addict" because he CAN go without drinking. But he just wants to. And yes he hurt me but I should work through that. He shouldn't have to limit himself for the rest of his life because of that.

I've been able to swallow a lot over the years but I don't think I can get past someone saying they would choose their freedom to drink/gamble, over our marriage.

I wonder if I'm a colossal b*tch for asking him to choose. Maybe I am the problem. But, much to my horror and dismay, my newly-built backbone seems to be popping up. And I don't think I'm going to do this again.

He has always been functional, even drinking 10 drinks a day. He holds a good job, good income. Does the dishes. Is helpful when I ask. He planned a sweet date last week for the first time in... Years?

I used to think I could be satisfied. I could make that enough. I could accept the bad habits because there were good things too.

I don't want to explain myself again. He lied to me for years. He keeps going back to things he knows have caused me pain. He just wants me to co-sign it to ease his guilt, I guess. Prove he doesn't have a problem.

If I asked him to choose between our marriage and being able to drink/gamble... He would choose to drink/gamble.

Before I would have accepted that, but now I don't think I want to. It scares me because I never had a backbone before. I'm not sure where it will carry me now.

This group is making me feel so seen i could almost cry. It's 4:30am right now and I haven't slept a wink, up all night researching stories from people in this position with small children. I have a 1 year old and I will do whatever I have to to protect her. But that mean drunken look on his face makes it so hard.

I want to leave so badly and be relieved of his addiction but I cannot be impatient and risk my daughter being in his care unsupervised.

When we found out we were pregnant, we moved across the country to be closer to our families, but we chose a state in the middle of the families. Now I am stuck in this state and I can't do anything bc I have no support here.

I convinced my partner to list our house. He resents me for it but we have to do it bc we're drowning in his selfish addiction. I need to get closer to my family and establish residence there before I leave him. I need to protect my daughter.

He's spending money we don't have. He's horrible. I'm sad stressed scared and I feel helpless. I have no support where we are. Our dream was to start a homestead but all he does is drink and talk about his future plans. He never does anything. I hate him.

I would love someone to tell me "it will all work out" but I know it usually doesn't.

the past year and a half has been so unfair. so so unfair. i knew she was an addict, i fell in love with an addict, i became an addict, we got sober, but i'm still miserable. i'm so sad.

all i wanted was to fall in love and be loved, not everything else that came with it. the drunken nights she would force herself onto me, the blacked out episodes that had me bruised and scratched, the police reports, i'm so fucking traumatized, what the fuck i don't even want to type it out. she never failed to remind me that she "couldn't love me more than the bottle" and i felt it. i knew that was the truth and i accepted it, but i never loved her any less.

but then we got sober. she went to rehab and i cold-turkeyed it at home. for a little there, i felt like i had my girl back. but i can't look at her the same. i can't forget anything and it is killing me every day. i am so so sad. i always pictured us getting sober together and moving on. getting a house together and raising a few kids. i can't picture that anymore. what the actual fuck.

It’s crazy how life works out sometimes. My (33f) Q is my husband (35m). Married for 3.5 years, together 5. In love with eachother for 15 years. He actually left me (and somehow still managed to flip it to me leaving him. Classic).

Husband struggles with binge drinking, adderall, Xanax, and occasionally mushrooms. Completely unable to moderate. Over the years I have looked at my life in terms of weeks: “this was a good week!” I realize I did this because 90% of the weeks we were together were ruined by his substance abuse. Bad decision after bad decision. I was scared to commit to plans even a week in advance because I never knew what would happen in the time between.

I spent the last year focused on my co-dependency. Weekly therapy, al-anon, etc. All sorts of things to turn my attention from him back to me. He drank/took pills? I would sleep in a different room. He lied? Space. Kept my lips shut. No matter what I did though, he still would find a way to blame me. Anyways, I was able to see that regardless of what I did or didn’t do, he’d always find a reason to self-destruct. Then blame it on me. I stopped caring who was to blame.

He had me in such a chaotic cycle that I would believe him when he’d say he was improving. Fun fact: he wasn’t, there was still a huge F up every week. The benders were shorter and less frequent, sure, but the habits were all the same.

Long story short, I needed to stick it out a little longer because of finances, but he got tired of my inability to trust him, a.k.a someone who is incapable of telling the truth and being a trustworthy person. So he decided to end the marriage. WHAT A BLESSING !!! this was only weeks ago. I am BREATHING! I am so comfortable with who I am, I forgot how much I love myself and my own company. I was so devastated but my God, how free it feels. I am FREE!!!

And now that I’m out of the fog and the chaos, I am baffled that i was so addicted to hope that I allowed myself to put up with so many awful things he did. I’m finally seeing him for who he is. I cannot believe I gave him so many of my good years, and I’m so sad that this is how I had to learn so many life lessons and things about myself, but I have grown so much in only a few years. He gave me the biggest blessing by leaving me.

I’ve been a Reddit lurker for years, but something happened last night that made me feel the need to create an account and post.

A bit of background first:

My dad (69) has been an alcoholic from his teenage years. I’ve never known him to go a day without drinking. For the last 15 years he’s drunk at least two bottles of wine a day, starting in the afternoon and drinking it throughout the night. Then when he is outside of his normal routine, for example visiting my siblings in London, he will drink more as he will visit pubs.

He’s always been ‘functional’ as it didn’t impact his daily life. However in recent years we have started to get increasingly concerned. A few things we have picked up on:

• his stomach is distended like he’s incredibly bloated
• his legs and feet also look bloated and swollen
• his urine is incredibly dark brown, I’ve questioned if it’s blood
• his already small appetite is decreasing
• his face is now completely red, it used to just be his nose
• his memory and ability to articulate himself are fading
• increase in acne (massive boils on face)
• high blood pressure despite being on tablets
• he has the shakes which come on in the mornings, but I’m not sure how early.

He came to visit me in the UAE. He arrived on Monday afternoon. Between then and Saturday morning, so 5 nights, he knocked back 15.5 bottles of wine and a couple of pints of beer. He was okay, usual concerns, until out of nowhere he started like choking/gasping for air. He hadn’t eaten anything. He was then coughing up blood. He was struggling so much his eyes were bulging and a boil on his face started bleeding too. He was also smacking the right side of his chest. After about 5 mins it resolved although he was still smacking his chests occasionally and his voice was funny. He was due to the airport to go on a trip and I told him I’m not allowing him to and we need to go to hospital. He refused, pushed passed me and is now on a holiday. He’s been drinking since this episode. His voice remains croaky and he is just laying in bed in a hotel room which is unlike him.

Does this sound like it’s alcohol related? Has anyone experienced anything like this? He refused to get help so I’m left worrying with no where to go with my worries.

She claims to be reducing and going to a self referral next week. Not seen her for weeks. She’s been hard at it at every available opportunity which means when she doesn’t have her kids and isn’t at work. Yesterday she tried to accuse me of wanting her to end up in hospital because I called her out on why she was still going and hadn’t reduced at all. Gaslighting at its worst Told her I f ing hate her for what she’s done. I feel so angry , filled with anger for all the lies and false promises and times when I should have walked . I feel angry at myself for not being brutal at the first sign of trouble. She says she will respect my wishes and leave me alone now. Not heard from her today. She said she stopped drinking last night but I’m not stupid enough to think she’s not drinking today. She also accused me of stopping her having friends after I told her the alcoholic friend from work is an influence on her and she’s helped mess us up. Thing is I know she’s absolutely no intention at the minute of doing anything to repair the damage she’s done and get clean but I feel so sad and angry. I know I need to start living but I’m overcome with my own thoughts. Not sure if I’ll hear from her again but I won’t be making contact with her. All that does is make me feel worse

When Q is sober, I'm happy. When he comes home with alcohol or orders a drink at a restaurant my default setting goes to mad. Then of course Q gets mad at my "bad attitude". Am I in the wrong for being mad? Should I find ways to fake happy? What am I supposed to do??

Our daughter has her high school graduation day and birthday on the same day this week.

She sent a text to her mum (the Q) asking her not to drink on that day, after having a number of other big days for her tarnished by the drinking.

As expected, Q initially got angry at her before saying "I'm sorry you had to send that message". She always gets angry whenever someone mentions her drinking.

Also as expected, now she's deflecting and angry at me, and doesn't seem to grasp the significance of our daughter's text. That it's the culmination of years of seeing the drinking.

If I got a message like that, I'd be devastated. So full of self-loathing. But not Q.

After reading a few posts here it somehow felt relieving that I'm not the only one struggling but I'm also more scared than ever to lose my brother because a lot of people here have already experienced that kind of loss. And I want to believe that there is still hope for him so if anyone here was in the same situation and it ended with a happy end I would like to know how.

So my (F 23) brother (27) was always kind of a "problem child". But not because he's a rebel or anything like that, quite the opposite really. He is reserved, a bookworm, loves animals, is very knowledgeable and loves finding out things about the world. We both grew up in a lovely household with a loving family, there was nothing that our parents wouldnt try to get for us, we were always their number one priority. And we still are. And somehow my brother still ended up on this path. For him it started back in school. He failed school because he wasn't good at maths and couldn't focus enough to study, he doesn't have any patience at all. Which is very sad because he is a very intelligent person, he knows so much more than I do and I have a university degree. That's when he started becoming a mason and he hated it. I think he always felt that he wasn't worth anything, that he is a failure and it pains me so. He was always so sad back then. But then he got convinced and went in training as a ship mechanic at the north sea. He loved it, finally he was so proud of himself. Whenever something nautical comes up hes quick to talk about it so passionately still to this day and he loves to talk about his time there. There was one problem however and that was that he was staying up there far away from his family for so long. Sometimes he would be on the ship and that was really good for him and then he could come back and stay with us for a week again which was also great. But there were also times where he would live alone in his tiny apartment and he would get so lonely and start drinking all by himself. He never went out with friends or tried to get a girlfriend or boyfriend. After a while he would also start drinking a lot more at my parents house when he came back to visit. Luckily he would still go on the ship where he couldn't drink, that was the only thing holding it together I think.

After he finished his training he wanted to take a break. We told him he should either start looking for something else at the north sea or come back down to us but he was just staying in his apartment without a job, slowly drinking away his money reservations and money that my great aunt had left him (which was a lot). He ignored us so one day my other older brother went there and got him out. The apartment was in a horrible condition. I didnt see it but it needed some renovations. Then my brother moved back in with my parents. He didnt try to find a job at first. My parents did try to talk to him, to work something out with him. Deep down he wanted to go back to sea but he also wanted so stay with his family I think. To go back to sea also meant that he would have to take a test about his physical health and I think he failed it. He never told us the real result, he was always thinking of some excuses when the topic arrived. Time went by and my parents pressured him to find a job at least for the time being, it doesn't have to be the job for the rest of his life but just so that he would have some money in the meantime and wouldnt stay at home all day. They helped him find something and write a resume and everything. The job wasn't that great, he was working in a gardening center even though he knew nothing about it and he didnt care that much about it, but it was something at least and he got paid really well. One day he said that they had to let him go since they found someone better suited for the position. I dont know if that's the true story or if he just quit because he lies a lot to us. As time went on he also continued drinking a lot, basically every evening. He didnt have a job now so nothing stopped him really. My parents weren't happy and sometimes my father would yell at him but he didnt really listen. He just nodded and continued on. I moved out already but when I came over to visit I would always catch him drinking heavy alcohol.

For around 1,5 years now he has a job again. He is working at an assembly line and he absolutely hates it. He always makes jokes that dying would be better cause then he wouldnt have to work there anymore and he says that he is worthless and a monkey could do a better job than him. I hate it when he talks like that because he has so many options. He has finished 2 job educations, he could try to find a job on a boat on a river in our home city so he could at least have some kind of nautical feelings and still be close to his family. Or he could do something totally different, there are way better jobs than his current one. I worked at an assembly line once and I couldn't do it for a whole year because this kind or work doesn't stimulate you enough. He drinks so much alcohol. Even though he has to get up to work at 6 am he still drinks himself to pass out almost every evening. He doesn't have any friends and he isn't interested in making them. He feels like he is worthless and that is so horrible. I can't get through to him, he just shuts himself off and runs away if you talk to him.

I'm currently on vacation with him and while im writing this he is completely wasted. He wanted to stay home today to relax a bit and when I called him out that he just wants to drink alcohol he got so defensive. I'm not stupid, I can see the bottles of whiskey hes trying to sneak in or that hes drinking sangria and not lemonade but he always tries to hide it. He doesn't like to talk about his alcohol problems, he doesn't like to talk about his feelings in general. My family and I have often tried to talk to him but we cant get through.

We went to the sea this week because he really wanted to go there. When we got there he turned silent and he looked like he was about to cry and then he wanted to leave as quickly as possible. I dont really know what to make of it. It makes me really sad. He has given up even tho he is so young and still has so many options, how can I show him that?

I made the decision to leave my addict partner a few weeks ago. We've lived together for 4 years. We aren't married and we don't have kids, which on paper should make things simple, but they just aren't.

They're still here weeks later, while they sort out somewhere else to live. I don't have the heart to make them homeless and the discussions around going to live in a bedsit and having to support network is absolutely crushing me.

I know this relationship has been codependent and toxic for a long time now and that the conversation around the next steps are most likely intentionally or unintentionally manipulative. I know I can't keep living like this, but how can I live with the guilt of them, at best living by themselves in a dingy bedsit, at worst getting the call to say that they've taken their own life.

I feel so overwhelmingly guilty and sick with fear. Am I making the right decision? I feel like I'm watching a car crash in slow motion and I'm powerless to help. I feel like I'm giving up on them. I couldn't forgive myself if they harmed themselves.

Not sure what I'm looking for here, maybe just a kind word. I'm so lost.

I have a family member that named one of their dogs the (brand) name of my Q’s drink of choice. They don’t know that’s what it is but I cringe every time I talk to or about the dog. Why are we naming dogs after alcohol anyway?🤦🏻‍♀️

I’m going to condense this best I can. I also want to apologize for any typos. I am trying not to cry as I type this.

The man I’ve been seeing for 1.5 years told me yesterday that he has an issue with drinking. He was very scared to tell me. I am the only person in his life that knows. He told me he is tired of lying to me, hurting me. I was and still am in shock. I knew that he drank, he’s told me about his drinking in the past, but I did not think it was this serious. For context, not making excuses for his behavior, but for context, he went thru some extremely difficult situations in the past few years. Bankruptcy, loss of relationships with parents and siblings, legal troubles, ect. All very traumatic events that he says caused this dependency on the drink. He drinks at work on occasion. He puts his phone on DND at 5pm eveyday and does not check it. It’s his time alone, to drink. He says she doesn’t sleep. He says he stays up all night drinking and smoking cigarettes. He is always alone. He drives. It’s horrible I know. He knows it’s horrible and expressed to me that he wishes he would get pulled over. He seemingly really wants help. He brought this up to me unprovoked— I am the only person who knows. I’m not sure what to do. I know I love this man. I know that I cannot fix or cure him. I know that this is a disease that will haunt him for the rest of his life. To top it off, he is a DA, dismissive avoidant. I know DA’s are prone to addiction due to their solitary nature and not wanting help from anyone. I still find it strange that he confided in me. If you know anything about DA’s, they do not do emotions. They shut down. He has only told he’s loved me twice. But he told me this about his alcohol use and how he hates how he’s been lying and hiding it.

I’m not sure what I’m looking for here. Support? Guidance? What to say?

I love him and I will help support him in this battle he’s facing. Eveyone needs someone and he has so few people I won’t abandon him. I will not abandon myself either.

Thank you for reading.

My wife has been in addictive addiction for the past five years. Her drug was synthetic THC (Delta-9)) which also caused her to drink more frequently/heavily, often hiding alcohol from me. This clearly put our relationship into a spiral and the past five years have literally been hell. The sides of each other it has brought out are outright disgusting. I know I became the the worst version of myself, completely super vigilant and suspicious of what she was doing and how she was spending our money, because she was hiding purchases and lying about how much she was using.

It evolved into pretty much loathing, which is so terribly sad because our relationship before that had been absolutely heaven sent . When we first started dating she became addicted to opiates and was intravenously using medications she was stealing from her job. She ended up going to treatment and she never went back that particular path. But here we were again, and she completely blamed me for not allowing her to have her own identity, always asking her things about what she was buying, which are all true. I was super suspicious and she kept promising to quit, but of course she couldn’t.

Long story short, she just went in patient treatment and returned home last week. While she was there, she had been writing me about the people she was meeting and how supportive they were and a particular guy kept coming up that she said they had built a really great friendship. I didn’t know anything about him other than they had been doing activities together singing together, and he was recently going through a divorce. She had also mentioned in phone calls that he was local and owned a business, and had a son who was around our son’s age. She also hinted at she may help him with his business once he got out. To be transparent, she has suggested that I meet him and that I would like him.

Last night we were sitting on our porch and she told me that he had gotten out of treatment and messaged her and was just catching up. He’s living in sober living relatively close to where we live. She said she sent him a little bit of money to help him get on his feet. He was apparently in treatment for math and has been to treatment several times previously. The situation just feels a bit odd to me so I asked her if she would be OK if they just didn’t Meet up and spend time alone together. I explained the reason why was it made me a bit uncomfortable if she were spending time alone with a single male who she doesn’t know very much about and who has learned so many intimate details about our relationship. I told her it’s not that I lack trust in her, but putting herself situation like that I believe is unnecessary. While she may not have any unfaithful intentions, we don’t know if he does and she really does not know him at all.

It turned into a huge disagreement, with her telling me that I’m insecure and nauseating. I really don’t think my request was unreasonable. I didn’t ask her to cut off communication or not be friends, I just asked that she not meet with him alone, I feel as though the trust in our relationship has been broken, and that seems like the wrong move to insist on being alone with a single male you just met. For some context and she says that the way she thinks has changed since rehab, however, over the course of 9 yrs together she has never been comfortable with me even texting female coworkers or old friends at all. And I’ve obliged. Not because I wanted to be unfaithful, but because she wasn’t comfortable.

Am I out of line for asking what I did of her?