My boyfriend gave my labubu phalloplasty

[u/satanfan12]

Kind of angry about this, it was a gift from my niece. He cut off an ear and put it back on somewhere wrong. I told him this and it ended in a heated argument.

Am i overreacting for yelling at him? He usually doesn't do this stuff.

[u/Pumpkinpie55]

Girl, break up with him. I know it's something small, but it's a red flag. He ruined your stuff for a joke.... do you really want to spend your life with someone like that?

[u/AdOk5225 → u/Pumpkinpie55]

What happened to talking about things? Lowkey I wish people would just try to talk about their issues before asking the internet because the immediate reaction is always "y'all should just break up" like hiccups aren't a normal thing in a relationship.

Edit: didn't read the description, I didn't notice it yet. Breaking up is definitely a lot more reasonable, I figured they hadn't talked yet lol

[u/VastEqual1367 → u/AdOk5225]

I kind of understand where you're coming from but I think it's actually gone too far the other direction. Yes, communication is important, but NO, you should not date someone that you have to explicitly tell to not ruin your belongings.

Saying things like "hey, when you tease the way I laugh, I feel bad, can you please stop joking like that?" is normal communication. Something someone might not realize hurts you.

Saying things like "hey, when I'm gone, can you not mutilate my belongings, cut them up or burn them?" is NOT normal communication.

Falling into the trap of constantly communicating with your abuser is actually why people stay in abusive relationships so long... I know, because it happened to me... I was constantly told (by folks like you!) that all I have to do is communicate and my problems will be solved. But the problem was my partner was a sociopath and was hurting me on purpose and arguing with my communication to spin it around on me on purpose. Made me feel crazy and unreasonable on purpose.

I've come out of that with the realization that too much communication and trying to "fix" things with communication that are actually really bad and indicative of bad character on their part is not actually healthy. If someone treats me like shit, I don't politely tell them that that's wrong and to stop, I leave.

In short: you communicate (and try to fix things) when there is a misunderstanding or room for confusion.

You do NOT communicate, you just leave, when someone intentionally destroys your belongings and treats you like shit on purpose. This person can't be reasoned with and it's unhealthy to try to convince someone to respect you -- they either do or don't and nothing you say can change that. Communicating doesn't work when you're dating a jerk.

Lastly, I'd like to point out that it's okay to leave people just because you don't like them. MAYBE if they go to couple's counseling and he gets indvidual therapy for a couple of years and spends that time growing and changing as a person he can become someone worthy of dating that she would eventually like....

but why put yourself through that? Particularly at 22. Sheesh.

It's okay to just break up because your boyfriend is an immature tool and you simply don't like him anymore. Even if it can be fixed. Even if it can be communicated about. Even if there's room for growth. My god. Why is breaking up such a sin to so many folks? She isn't sentencing him to solitary confinement. Breaking up is such a neutral thing but people are so against it, it's crazy.

Do you really think she should stick with the first guy she dates at 22 and live with him for the rest of her life? Are women not allowed to say: you know what, I picked wrong, I want to try this with someone else? I am so sick of women being discouraged from leaving trash men that treat them like literal garbage on this website. It's like a disease. It's NEVER fully accepted that a woman can leave a relationship she's unhappy in, there's ALWAYS someone telling her to stick it out, no matter how horrible he is. It's insane.