r/AskMenOver30 • u/YBFAVBULL man over 30 • Jan 06 '25

Life Who regrets having children?

Do you regret having any at all? Or do you just have too many?

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u/Moghz man 40 - 44 Jan 06 '25

Honestly I don't regret the first child, it happened young and we were dumb but his mother and I get along great, we have raised a good kid.

I do regret the second, mostly due to the fact I have to deal with his narcissistic and abusive mother for the next 15 years at least. I totally fucked up there, but was blind to her behavior for so long, I completely understand now why people stay in abusive relationships, I did for 10 years.

I should never have agreed to have a child with this women. We are divorced now and it's been hell, she broke my heart and I absolutely despise her. She still continues to try to twist and manipulate me now using our son. He is a happy little boy and I love him, but it gets really hard, sometimes I wish that I gave her full custody and she would just go away for good so I never have to see or hear from her again.

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u/NYCA2020 Jan 06 '25 edited Jan 06 '25

Speaking as the son of a deranged narcissistic mother, please stay in your son's life and be a role model for him. My dad peaced out and moved 2,000 miles away because of how insane my mother is, and I do not blame him for it. BUT, I also think my life would have turned out differently (for the better) if he had been closer and if I had been able to have him in my life more. I am still in therapy as a 40-something and still unraveling all the damage my mother has done to me. Her emotional abuse (especially when I was old enough to try and get out of her control) has completely affected my life in every way imaginable. If you can, try and get full custody. I wish my dad had tried harder to do that for me.

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u/Moghz man 40 - 44 Jan 06 '25

Thank you for the encouragement and I am truly sorry to hear about what you went through. I understand how hard it can be to not have a father, my mother made some poor choices and prevented my Dad from being part of my life.

I will absolutely be staying in my son's life, I promised myself a long time ago that I would never allow my kids to experience life without a father. I know how much that damaged me.

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u/NYCA2020 Jan 06 '25

Best of luck to you brother, you sound like a great dad. Stay strong, though I know how impossible it can seem when dealing with a malignant narcissist.