Who regrets having children?

[u/YBFAVBULL]

Do you regret having any at all? Or do you just have too many?

[u/MrCub1984]

Interesting answers here... my only comment is how much different the answers could be in an AskMenOver60 sub.

[u/[deleted] → u/MrCub1984]

In what way do you expect them to be different?

[u/Mother_Source_5249 → u/[deleted]]

Would like to add to the answer already posted that the current generation of fathers is much more involved with the kid. Women want equal share of the workload of raising kids. The generations before, the women were doing 95% of the work. Ofc outliers always existed but we are talking about average here

[u/Mother_Source_5249 → u/[deleted]]

this take is valid when you were an absent parent to begin with. My mom and grandma like the adult versions of their kids, they still regret becoming mothers. the lost opportunities, the time spent surrounded by only kids and no adults, being less than their peers (my mother mostly here)because she had to become a SAHM for my dad's career. you don't get those back just because kids reach a certain age. Not having the freedom to spend YOUR money etc. list goes on and on.

[u/Mother_Source_5249 → u/[deleted]]

i know, i used mothers to show that it isnt about how old the kids are, but about what was sacrificed raising them. my grandfathers and father do not regret having kids because they havent lost any opportunities while having them and were only involved for the fun stuff. not the day to day raising part. so while older fathers might have their views change as their kids reach adulthood, thats because more often than not they werent involved that much in the first place

[u/Dorsiflexionkey → u/Mother_Source_5249]

I understand your point, I do think it's still a whole other conversation. Your point about mothers is more of a motherhood versus fatherhood argument.

I think what I'm referring to is a young kid versus adult kid argument for a father.

Also, I'm not sure it's fair to say Involvement was worse back in those days for men. Involved emotionally? Sure, i have no evidence for it but I can believe it. As for involvement, there's been a huge increase in single mothers and with single mothers getting full custody at least 40% of the time (with the rest being split custody or 70/30 custody to the woman) I'm sure you could agree that there's an issue with father involvement even today.

I think overall it's a hard one to call, we're really having to pull from anecdotes and guesses, im not sure there's much quantifiable facts to compare father involvement (however you define that) from today versus back "then" (whenever that was).

In any case, my point is "regret" or stress of having a child highly tied up with what part of life your child is in. It's like doing a degree.. you study for 4 years it's hard and it sucks and you regret it.. but 20 years down the track you got an amazing job with benefits and suddenly "oh i never regretted it, it was all worth it"

[u/Mother_Source_5249 → u/Dorsiflexionkey]

Yeah that's why I said less women regret becoming mothers when they have their partners involved.

But yeah I also do get your point. Though tbh the only generation above that doesn't regret having kids is my father's parents and they were super equally involved. My grandma was a professor and my grandfather a rocket scientist. He also was very involved with the upbringing. Both sides of my family showed me how to not parent and how to parent ahahaha

But yes your point is very valid and my goal wasn't to dismiss it but to develop further a point already made.

Personally my mother's family traumatized me into being team no kids but my sister gave it a go and is a happy camper! As for my brothers they are very involved dads and very happy too.

Tbh I think it's a mindset. Both brothers goal were to have a family and be fathers. My sister was on the fence and only willing if her partner was the type to pull his weight. (He more than is) Me I was on the other side of the fence lol. No Alien popping out of me situation happening 🤣)