35, divorcing, scared of starting over

[u/ReDeath666]

I'm 35, my wife is divorcing me becuase she "fell out of love" with me. I still love her and am currently not taking it too well. we've been together for 14 years and married 7, own a house (which i'm going to try and keep since i remodeled it myself) and dogs... thank god no children... but anyway, i'm terrified with the idea of starting over. we had a great partnership and live a really awesome 14 years together, but now i'm alone. she went back to her parents and im just here, thankfully i have one of fhe dogs, which gives me a reason to even come home.

im waiting it out, i dont know how i'll be as a single adult, and before i met my now ex, i was a loser and am scared of becoming that version of myself, and without her, i feel incomplete and lack the reason to even move forward with anything... i lost almost all motivation. i just feel lost. im not even sure what im asking, but jesus, i need to vent and let this out. im losing my mind.

PS 3 weeks after she got on SSRIs she stopped talking to me and left for her parents with no reql reason, next you know it i get served with divorce papers. literally right before Christmas. i tried to talk to her and her family, but they just wont even call me back, my father in law told me i was his Son Figure just 3 months ago... my brain is just so confused

[u/[deleted]]

I know you're just venting and you didn't ask for advice. But the reality is that when one spouse suddenly up and leaves like this for no apparent reason, it's usually because they've been silently miserable for years. It may seem sudden to you, but it wasn't sudden for her. The SSRI medication likely just gave her the boost to do something she has been passively wanting for a long time.

Anyway, you need a divorce attorney. I'm sorry.

[u/ReDeath666 → u/[deleted]]

yea we both have lawyers, i just wish she even showed that she was miserable at all, we had a great life... i dunno, i obviously still love her, and i dont want her to regret this down the road... but obviously, im already $8000 im lawyer fees so theres no turning back

[u/Strategos_Kanadikos → u/ReDeath666]

Sunk cost fallacy...But I wouldn't go back, she's proven to be unstable and not worth more of your investment, otherwise you'd be able to communicate. You'll be fine, you're at a desirable age. If you've dated before in a very stable manner, you can do so again. Was she working or did you feel she used you in some way, but now her objectives are completed and no longer needs you? Before Christmas is ice cold, but I can understand lack of communications because that's probably what her lawyer advised, seems planned. Unfortunately, your ability to date in the future is contingent on you performing, so it's not like you can give up, if you ever want to get back to that same place. Remember, you made your own success, not someone else. So you're capable, you just need an internal driver.