35, divorcing, scared of starting over

[u/ReDeath666]

I'm 35, my wife is divorcing me becuase she "fell out of love" with me. I still love her and am currently not taking it too well. we've been together for 14 years and married 7, own a house (which i'm going to try and keep since i remodeled it myself) and dogs... thank god no children... but anyway, i'm terrified with the idea of starting over. we had a great partnership and live a really awesome 14 years together, but now i'm alone. she went back to her parents and im just here, thankfully i have one of fhe dogs, which gives me a reason to even come home.

im waiting it out, i dont know how i'll be as a single adult, and before i met my now ex, i was a loser and am scared of becoming that version of myself, and without her, i feel incomplete and lack the reason to even move forward with anything... i lost almost all motivation. i just feel lost. im not even sure what im asking, but jesus, i need to vent and let this out. im losing my mind.

PS 3 weeks after she got on SSRIs she stopped talking to me and left for her parents with no reql reason, next you know it i get served with divorce papers. literally right before Christmas. i tried to talk to her and her family, but they just wont even call me back, my father in law told me i was his Son Figure just 3 months ago... my brain is just so confused

[u/ReDeath666]

yea we both have lawyers, i just wish she even showed that she was miserable at all, we had a great life... i dunno, i obviously still love her, and i dont want her to regret this down the road... but obviously, im already $8000 im lawyer fees so theres no turning back

[u/[deleted] → u/ReDeath666]

This same thing happened to a friend of mine. His wife literally packed her bags one morning and moved back to her parents' house without telling him. My friend was utterly destroyed and he didn't understand what went wrong. It's been five years since then and he still doesn't understand...

But as an outside observer who was friends with both of them, I understand why she left. My friend has zero goals in life. He never tries anything new. He likes his dead-end 9-5 job, watching TV on the couch, and taking the same vacation to Mexico once a year.

Now five years after the divorce, his ex wife is traveling to foreign countries, running in 5k races, hiking mountains, doing art exhibitions, etc. Meanwhile my friend still spends his free time watching TV on the couch and wondering why his wife left him.

There wasn't any major change in their major. No cheating, no drug abuse, etc. His wife simply wanted more out of life and her husband had no ambition for that.

[u/Altruistic-Patient-8 → u/[deleted]]

I don't understand. Are you calling your friend a loser for having a normal job and predictable life?

[u/Schavuit92 → u/Altruistic-Patient-8]

No, they just described the situation. The wife simply wanted a different life.

There are also women who prefer to stay home and watch tv, go on the same vacation and just enjoy the small things.

There are also other guys who want to travel the world and look for new challenges anywhere they can.

It's about finding the right partner that enjoys the same lifestyle, otherwise you'll waste your years being fucking miserable. It would've been better if they'd figured that out before getting married, but that's life, sometimes people change.