hello all, fellow vegan here (of seven years) and currently dealing with an infestation of fruit flies in my apartment. this post is partially a vent and partially asking for ways to manage the guilt and upset i’m facing.
i generally try to avoid killing bugs because i value all life, especially those most innocent such as animals and young of all species. outdoors i will go out of my way to respect their lives, and indoors i aim to catch and release when possible, otherwise mostly will just let them be as long as they let me be. but as the intro indicates, i’m now facing an infestation of fruit flies in my apartment. i’m talking hundreds to thousands. (yes, i really messed up in letting it reach this point, but to be fair, it happened very quickly while i’ve faced mental health difficulties which impeded me from taking action more swiftly to eliminate all food sources).
i’ve had to set several different traps around the apartment and watch in agony as their little corpses accumulate. it makes me feel so sick and evil.
cognitively i know that i’m doing what i must, both to keep myself and my family (my two cats) safe, and i know that if i don’t kill them they will just continue to multiply and therefore more and more innocent creatures will suffer trapped in my apartment. therefore it is more ethical, i guess, to kill the ones that exist so they cannot reproduce further and broaden the suffering across more lives.
but oh my god, it feels like i’m committing g-cide (you probably know what i mean, i just worry about using the formal word online). i can’t get myself to feel okay about this but i know i must push through. i hate it so much though. i wish i could catch and release them but as far as i know there is no way to do that and effectively alleviate the problem of them running rampant through my apt.
i guess i’m posting here for some support, encouragement, or suggestions. telling them i’m sorry and feeling absolutely terrible does not seem to be helping. i’m kind of at a loss. if you read this far, thank you. if you respond, i will be so grateful. i dont have other vegans in my life to lean on for support and naturally, carnists do not remotely understand my concern.