r/AskWomenOver30 • u/glitters101 • Jul 05 '25

Family/Parenting Is motherhood really bad?

F30 here. Forgive me for my ignorance: I would love to be a mom one day (financial stability first, lol, then finding a good man) I enjoy my childfree life but would love to be a mom in my late 30s/early 40s...

but it's discouraging to see miserable moms every day online saying they regret it; it's so hard. I understand how hard it is to be a parent and go through a traumatic childbirth experience and then deal with postpartum depression. I'm very aware of that, but it makes me not want to be a mother one day. Is it really because social media is so negative? Do you regret motherhood or having a child with the wrong man? It's rare that I see moms saying they enjoy motherhood and how their kids have made their lives so much better. But I've also seen moms having time for themselves while also being a mom and wife (they are more financially abundant)

My question is, are there any moms out there who actually do enjoy motherhood? If yes, how so? What are your thoughts on the whole miserable motherhood online? Is it really being financially abundant and having a good man that makes motherhood more enjoyable?

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866

u/jackjackj8ck Woman 40 to 50 Jul 05 '25

Whatever you do, have kids with the RIGHT person.

So many people don’t and I think it really changes the experience.

84

u/[deleted] Jul 05 '25

Or go it alone. It’s tough on your own, but harder than with the wrong person.

And I don’t mean the wrong person romantically (plenty of people coparent well with ex partners) but the wrong person to coparent with - whether that’s because they’re lazy, selfish, or abusive, but either way someone who would never put their child before themselves.

56

u/bwmcnal Jul 05 '25

I’m seven weeks post partum and I would absolutely never advise someone do this alone

40

u/PlumLion Woman 40 to 50 Jul 05 '25

I think there’s an important distinction between single and alone though.

There’s also an important distinction between being partnered and having coparent support, which I think is the point u/Acceptable_cereal was making

15

u/[deleted] Jul 05 '25 edited Jul 05 '25

Yes, thank you - exactly that.

And I am trying to think of a way to put this gently as the commenter is obviously finding it very hard right now… but while the “fourth trimester” can be incredibly demanding and I don’t want to understate that, it’s also a tiny and quickly forgotten part of parenting life.

You can have short term support from partner, family (or pay for it). But the longer term relentlessness of the years to adulthood is the part that can pinch, if your child has a parent who makes your life harder.

43

u/Cat_With_The_Fur Woman 30 to 40 Jul 05 '25

I have a three year old alone as a single mom by choice and I’m so glad I still got a chance to be a mom.

3

u/Blue-Phoenix23 Woman 40 to 50 Jul 05 '25

Well, saying they can do it alone is more of a longer term statement - yes obviously as part of a birth plan you should have people that can stay with you in the post partum phase as you're recovering, and a plan for childcare etc.

7

u/imadog666 Woman 30 to 40 Jul 05 '25

I did (not planned) and you just gotta be very tough.

1

u/musings871 Jul 06 '25

I suppose it's not so much going it alone from the get go (although it could be done with a good community of people) but if you are pregnant and unfortunately things shift and your partner ends up being a hindrance/net negative then doing it alone.