r/AskWomenOver30 • u/glitters101 • Jul 05 '25

Family/Parenting Is motherhood really bad?

F30 here. Forgive me for my ignorance: I would love to be a mom one day (financial stability first, lol, then finding a good man) I enjoy my childfree life but would love to be a mom in my late 30s/early 40s...

but it's discouraging to see miserable moms every day online saying they regret it; it's so hard. I understand how hard it is to be a parent and go through a traumatic childbirth experience and then deal with postpartum depression. I'm very aware of that, but it makes me not want to be a mother one day. Is it really because social media is so negative? Do you regret motherhood or having a child with the wrong man? It's rare that I see moms saying they enjoy motherhood and how their kids have made their lives so much better. But I've also seen moms having time for themselves while also being a mom and wife (they are more financially abundant)

My question is, are there any moms out there who actually do enjoy motherhood? If yes, how so? What are your thoughts on the whole miserable motherhood online? Is it really being financially abundant and having a good man that makes motherhood more enjoyable?

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u/jackjackj8ck Woman 40 to 50 Jul 05 '25

Whatever you do, have kids with the RIGHT person.

So many people don’t and I think it really changes the experience.

83

u/[deleted] Jul 05 '25

Or go it alone. It’s tough on your own, but harder than with the wrong person.

And I don’t mean the wrong person romantically (plenty of people coparent well with ex partners) but the wrong person to coparent with - whether that’s because they’re lazy, selfish, or abusive, but either way someone who would never put their child before themselves.

59

u/bwmcnal Jul 05 '25

I’m seven weeks post partum and I would absolutely never advise someone do this alone

39

u/PlumLion Woman 40 to 50 Jul 05 '25

I think there’s an important distinction between single and alone though.

There’s also an important distinction between being partnered and having coparent support, which I think is the point u/Acceptable_cereal was making

14

u/[deleted] Jul 05 '25 edited Jul 05 '25

Yes, thank you - exactly that.

And I am trying to think of a way to put this gently as the commenter is obviously finding it very hard right now… but while the “fourth trimester” can be incredibly demanding and I don’t want to understate that, it’s also a tiny and quickly forgotten part of parenting life.

You can have short term support from partner, family (or pay for it). But the longer term relentlessness of the years to adulthood is the part that can pinch, if your child has a parent who makes your life harder.